Top 10 of 2010

I thought I would share the top things that I have learned this year, moments I have had, and other things of interest (at least to me) as we take off from this year (that we never thought would happen, right?) so here goes.... classic list form, of course. :)

1. Realizing that what breaks my heart must break the very core of who God is and I have been sent to do something about it... in obedience to Him.

2. Obedience to God must be at the center of all that I do, without it I am completely lost, sunk, up the stream without a paddle, etc. I must also be obedient in the small things because this is where God uses me for the big things....aka my friend, Tony, in Reno and the friendship we have been able to have because of teaching, where we see students thrive and the desire that we both have for students to be able to dream again (as well as us).

3. God desires to use me exactly where He places me. I tend to question those places, He tends to challenge me in those places.

4. My students last year (I loved and adored!) and over this school year, I have seen and been a part of the following things in their life: Valerie's quince, Jocelyne's baby shower, them joining me for feeding the homeless again this year, seeing God completely change David's life, and getting to have some of their brothers and sisters in my class this school year (and their ex-boyfriends and girlfriends which becomes quite hilarious). Oh yeah, and the "in" with a family that I love dearly and now have the 3rd sibiling... holy cow, God has given me so much favor.

5. Sometimes I just need to stop and embrace the moment that I am in, rather than rushing ahead for all of the things that I can barely forsee happening.

6. Loneliness absolutely sucks in a million, trillion different ways... Yet God has used my greatest moments of loneliness to restore relationships and truly heal me of a broken heart. He has also been restoring my trust of the church with the faithfulness of those whom I have known before as well as so many people that He has placed in my path since then.

7. Reading through the first few books of the Old Testament and seeing how much God LOVES the details of my life and how much He desires me to glorify Him in everyone of them.

8. I have gotten to a place where there are so many things, as Jake would say, "that I am sick and tired of" and I learning where my passions truly are. Thanking God as well for placing people in my life who have seen my passions and encouraged me and called me out in the midst of it all.

9. Some things that I thought would happen just haven't and you know what? That's okay because as you can see above that I have been used, moved and changed in 2010 and I expect even more in the new year.

10. I wish I could show you pictures of the faces that I have seen changed this year, they are countless and numerous all at the same time. They would include my students, people in Africa, my family, my friends and most importantly, me. I have been changed by the things this year just as much as I have changed the people around me. Change truly is a full circle thing... and I know that I have another dose coming in 2011.

I'm excited for all that it holds and I'm keeping my expectations as well as letting go of some. May you be moved, changed, and turned around in the coming year as I know I will be. What a faithful God we serve. May you be called to action as I have been...

-Melis

Faith and Deeds (and other life challenges)

You're probably so sick of reading the same things over and over again... I apologize for that in some ways, but in most ways I am not apologetic because I believe these things to be true and they are things that I am learning. I am also not sympathetic to your cause either, mostly because you yourself have chosen to come here and read this... no one's forcing you to do so. :)

Anywho, family time at Christmas always brings about interesting topics (to me at least) and I just like to rant and rave about some of it and some of it, I think nothing about. I will not bore you with the details of the comments made by some of my family members, they were never meant to be offensive or controversial (or at least to my knowledge, they weren't). However, there is something about knowing something and hearing something different and realizing that you are just at a different place. My parents were so lucky that I rode with them tonight because they got to hear me talk about half the way home. :) I am so tired of people complaining about things that do not change and they themselves not doing anything about it. REALLY!?!?! As if things were peachy keen before we got here? They weren't unfortunately and that is actually okay because we know a God who is in complete control and will handle all of it! He doesn't need us, He wants us... (just a sidenote) So the topic was about a presidential issue and how shocked they were to hear it and I just think to myself (and say aloud to my parents later), "What if we actually worried about people who need to be worried about?" What if you took a moment and changed the world of someone you are around, rather than worrying about how the president should spend his day? Now... on the other hand, yes the president will one day stand before God and have to answer for the things that he was given responsibility for. Honestly though, you (or myself) will not have to stand before God and answer questions about what the president should or should not have done. I will have to answer for the 1,000 or so students that have walked into my classroom over the past 4 years. You will have to answer for those you work with, that are in your family, and others around you (including your church!). Not that you will have to answer for them but more what you did with what you were given. What are you doing with the life that you have been given?? I mean, really what are you doing? Rather than saying how disgusted you are by the litter in your area, take a group of people and clean it up. Does it break your heart that people in your neighborhood are hungry? Feed them! It is time for us to stop complaining and start backing up what we think should be done with what is done. What will complaining ever do for anyone? Absolutely nothing. (This will be a very unfortunate reality for a lot of us, right?)

So what does faith and deeds have to do with this? You have faith? Pray for more... and then ask God to convict you of things you should do with your faith! Do not ask God to make you busy, rather more aware of the people and things around you that needs to be changed. He knows we do not need another event.. however things that we are passionate about do not become events, instead they become places for our lives to be completely and radically changed by Him! We don't need more people to claim they have faith or more people to just do things... we actually need people to have faith and because of that faith, change the world around them!

I was given one of the greatest compliments a month or so ago when I was given a letter from a previous student, Ramon, who said, "Thank you for being the change you wish to see in the world." This is not bragging, more asking... are you actually being the change you wish to see in the world... or are you so concerned what others are and are not doing that you have forgotten what change you wanted to see? May this be a challenge to you and a challenge to myself... as well as conviction that I must live my life with actions and words.

"Spread the love of God through your life but only use words when necessary." -Mother Teresa

-Melis

Notes That Make A Difference

I am so challenged right now actually... I am attempting to write a letter back to every student who gave me a teacher appreciation letter last week. Why you ask? Because these letters MAKE students (literally make or break)... I have seen change of face in some students over the past week because of a note... let me share this with you.

Last year, I found that one of the greatest things that I have ever done as a teacher is write a personal letter to one of my kids. I'm not sure what made me begin doing this but I begin seeing huge change in students, especially those who needed self-confidence and a boost every once in a while when they were having a tough time. So I started these yellow cards that just said, "Thank you... You made my day." They had a sunshine on them. When a student did something nice for me or someone else and it made a difference, I just wrote them a quick note to say thank you. Students started displaying these as if they had been given a golden medal of honor and as I would walk through class... they all stared to see if it was going to be given to them or not. The ones who received them felt as if they had been "the chosen" and the ones who didn't followed it up with something nice so that they could get a card next time. It had an incredible effect.

So I have been really bad at doing that this year and, in fact, did not write any during the first 9 weeks of school. I decided that I better get back in the game, and boy, am I glad I did! Last week, I gave a few notes out to students who had done exceptional things in class and had gone out of their way to do something nice and helpful for me in class (it was a rough week last week). One was given to a student who asks every single day in between every single class and everytime he sees me, "How are you doing?" "Are you feeling okay?" You get the point. And then I gave a few to students who stayed after school after Student Council to help out and just be nice... oh how I appreciate kids with time who are bored! Right?

So I give the notes to the kids who stay after school with me. Not a huge deal. I give it to one of them boys who had helped me in class. Then, I give it to D (who had helped me in class) and he helped me again after he received the note. After school, we had a parent conference and when I walked into the conference, there were 2 pieces of paper on the table in front of his mom... one about a reading group and the other? My note to D from class. I was the last core teacher to talk to his mom. I had D share about what I had told him before the note... what a leader he was, what a positive leader he could be, and how he is not meant to be a follower. With tears in her eyes, his mom looked at me and said, "I can't believe you said that [in the note], I have always thought D was a follower and I am so glad that someone saw something else." I was blown away. Who knew a note could make that much of a difference? Unfortunately, the ending to that story is not so good... he got in quite a bit of trouble (as a leader) the day after that and I have not seen him since.

The last note went to S, one of the most polite, sweetest 8th grade boys I have ever met. That's pretty much what the note said. He was the only student in my 5th period class to receive a note that day and it really made him feel like a million bucks. He just looked at me like he had won the lottery as he flattened out the note on his desk. S then said, "I don't know where I'm going to put it!" To which I replied, "Your binder?" And then he reminded me that he doesn't have a binder with a plastic cover on the front and he didn't want it to be ruined. He told me thank you over and over and over and even reminded me the next day how thankful he was to get a note from me.

I realized, even more, the importance of this on Friday when I received a folder of letters from my students and Student Council kids thanking me for doing something to make a change. Not bragging, just sharing... these are some of the things that my students told me (some of these just made me laugh because kids tell the truth!):

• "You can be nice but if people get on your bad side, they're going to wish they hadn't."
• "You are the light of my day. Thank you, a million times."
• "I enjoy being in your class because you always make us laugh and have a good time."
• "I also appreciate how you were real with me and the class." (I am straight-forward and I'm not even lying...)
• "H is for the happiness you bring."
• "When I'm in 3rd period, I'm just looking at the clock, waiting until the bell rings to go to your class."
• "You always do nice things for us. Other teachers do the same thing every day and it gets old."
• "You have inspired me to care for others with all your activities (like the purple ribbons)."
• "I respect you because you're strict and won't deal with me and my friend's crap." (That seriously made me laugh out loud!)
• (This was the one that made me laugh the most-- this girl doesn't lie.) "I think you are so funny." (Okay, that wasn't what I was talking about.) "It's also funny that you put up with us, because I think you shouldn't... What I'm trying to say is you're a very good teacher.... oh and sorry the whole class stresses you out. :/ P.S. I'm going to try harder in class. :D And I love your sarcasm." (If you're not laughing, then you take yourself too seriously!)

There are lots and these are just a few... to prove to you that these letters to me made a difference and the ones I've written have too! So the challenge... write a letter to someone who deserves it, someone who needs it, someone you keep thinking you should write to and haven't and let the words in the note be words of life to change and make a difference!

May you walk in the knowledge that what you do makes a difference and may you do more than walk in it, may you make a difference because you can!

-Melissa

The Great Struggle

I think C.S. Lewis would have liked this title or he would have changed it to something extremely and wonderfully brilliant…. Like “Life.” I mean, isn’t that part of it? The Great Struggle that I am currently feeling and seeing and touching and hearing, and not necessarily loving, isn’t this part of life? Isn’t it all around us? I would definitely argue so and I would also say that most of us don’t like it. Let’s be honest, if you do say you like it, I’m not sure I believe you’re an honest person and if that’s shallow of me, then so be it. I like to think that I am a person who has it together, who seems great on the outside no matter what is going on inside of me and I am currently finding it harder and harder to pretend. There is too much inside of me to pretend like everything is “fine.” When asked today how I was, I was completely honest in saying, “I’m okay.” I am okay… I’m not great… everything’s not fine and I know at the same time that it could be worse. Please understand something with me here. I am not where I thought I would be and I am constantly fighting this battle as to whether that is good or bad. I have found it to be both…. And actually, mostly good. If I would have picked out where I wanted life to take me, I think I would have been ended up quite heartbroken. This is primarily because I would have never moved, never gotten out of my comfort zone, and I would have never seen life for what it really is…. It would have taken me a longer time to get to where I currently am and so I’m saying… this is good.

In all of this, I have been the emotionally out of control girl… yep, hard to believe, coming from the girl who doesn’t really cry and mostly smiles. It has been hard for me to admit that I struggle. I am proud and see myself as someone who overall knows the direction I’m going and I am just feeling stuck recently. I haven’t slept and I am continuing to believe that it is because God is speaking to me. I just haven’t really wanted to listen. I guess I have some people to thank in this process… like whoever it was a few weeks ago that told me that people wake up in the middle of the night because God is speaking, my college roommate who I was talking to yesterday that plain out asked, “How’s your time with God?”, and the precious girl I mentor (who recently should mentor me I think) who said, “I could see in your face that you are struggling.” I need people to be honest with me and to be real with me and understand me and still believe in me. Sometimes I just forget my purpose (as I have talked about in other blogs) and I lose my direction and I don’t listen or pay attention to my Guide (Jesus). I wake up and pray that I can go back to sleep, not hear what He wants to tell me and because this was clearly pointed out to me within the past 24 hours, when I woke up at 1:00 last night, I said (in probably not such a polite way) to God, “What are you teaching me?” The only word that was clear was obedience… the only word that is clear is obedience. I’m really good at telling others what to do, not always so good at following the direction myself when it’s something I didn’t come up with or something that I want to do. I woke up with the word “Obedience” still all around me and then decided that I hated everything I had to wear today, I boiled over my the last of my chai tea, and I was stressed out all of a sudden. Welcome to the Great Struggle.

As I’m sulking and complaining to myself today, I come across this situation (for lack of a better word). J (one of my unhappy children) comes into 1^st period and because he is more stubborn than I am, I have to at least aggravate him a little. So I look at him with the biggest smile I can muster up and say, “Good morning sunshine.” He laughs his not so nice laugh and I laugh at myself for getting such a kick out of something so ridiculous. He carries on, acts like a crazy person in class and eventually gets in trouble and has to change seats. He doesn’t complain (out loud at least) and then we go about the day as normal. Later in the day, after I have been just completely ticked off by a couple of kids, I’m standing in the hall and I see J. He looks at me with this huge, guilty grin and says, “Good morning sunshine!” What an irritation really and a laugh at the same time. He looked like he had just won the lottery (or just satisfied himself by torturing one of his other teachers) and I think to myself… I really set myself up for that one! In the midst of my great struggle, my frustration, my irritation, my annoyance, my whatever you want to call it… God chooses the strangest people in my life to point out exactly what I don’t want to see in myself. I’m fighting with this as I write, as I am still unhappy about it and happy at the same time. So what do we do with this Great Struggle? What do I do with it? Where do I go from here?

Another thing that happened to me today was an e-mail… a God send e-mail that made me cry in the middle of my prep. (Not like it’s taken much lately to make me cry but still.) In this e-mail, this teacher friend of mine says, “Teach your kids to dream. Not little dreams, big dreams. I mean, if you are going to dream, make it the biggest one you can, right?” Now I realize this was more about the kids but it hit me right in the face. Part of my struggle has come from a lack of dreaming, a lack of believing, a lack of seeing things as God sees them and as I was thinking about this and some other things that were said in the e-mail on my drive home from school… it was as if God said, “Why did you let those things go? Why did you decide I wouldn’t give you what I gave you to dream of in the first place? Why wouldn’t you be good enough to receive a gift like a dream?” Maybe those are things you should think about too… maybe you are in the Great Struggle too… the Great Struggle that we call “life.” (Unfortunately for you is if you think you’re out of it and you’re still breathing?… Well, good luck on that one.)

May you learn to dream in this struggle, as you admit that you struggle and hear the voice of God speaking obedience and learning to love and give and make a difference. I’m there… it hurts and it comforts all at the same time. I see and feel your pain and am praying that God teaches you who He is all over again… even in the sweet life and time He has given us.

-Melissa

Re-graduating college?

Have you ever had those moments where you feel like you are reliving a decision or a BIG moment in life? I feel like (in my kinesthetic mode) that this weekend I relived graduating college. I visited Salt Lake to see one of my best friends, Katie, who teaches 8th and 9th grade English there now. While I was there, I had an opportunity to revisit a few different things in my mind because I did have a 7 hour drive there and back and plenty of time to think otherwise.

1. We went to see a play entitled "The Drowsy Chaperone" which was good, but had an extremely lousy ending.... and I was quite disappointed with the ending. The play is about this guy who lives alone listening to records of musicals and he tells the story of 'The Drowsy Chaperone' as it is played before his eyes. I won't tell you all the details of the actual play but in the process of giving details and allowing us to see the play take place in his small New York apartment, he has monologues describing what his life is like. He mentions a wedding but obviously (as later given) has gotten a dirty divorce and is heartbroken because of it and here I am sitting in between 7-8 college best friends (who went to a different university than I did) and I am just thinking-- is that what reality is actually like? Does everyone end up lonely? As I was watching another movie this weekend, they gave the following statistic: "80% of women who are not married are lonely." Well, there you have it... if life is like a movie (which mine often is) does it just end up lonely? Does it end with an unhappy ending?

I had this reality shake-up when I graduated college about 3 years ago (it feels like longer!). The reality that you are going out into the world alone, facing it alone... or at least that's what the world would say. In my realizations (and in graduating college) I am not alone, it just feels that way sometimes. It's this overwhelming emotion when I'm sitting at Panera watching and listening and feeling that everyone is sitting with someone or talking to someone or going somewhere with someone. I am finally to the stage in my life that my friends who have been on this journey with me are no longer physically alone. It's hard. And it doesn't always feel good and I am often an emotional basketcase because of it. So that's the first thought in re-graduating college... I was attempting to avoid a list AND it is just impossible. My mind processes things that way, in detail and in lists. You can thank my high auditory learning style and my genetic OCD for the rest of it.

2. What do you believe? In Salt Lake, I had the opportunity (yes, I'll call it that) to visit Temple Square. Have you been there? Have you been approached by the sisters and the elders? Not only that, but I am with a Mormon on this walk as I'm being approached. We went into a couple of the guest centers and it was completely awkward because I absolutely know what I believe. (Now, you probably didn't think this after reading my first saga on this blog, but I do!) I saw pictures of the stories of creation (including the most awkward portrait of Adam and Eve I have ever seen) that looked similar to pictures that I saw when I was younger, and even pictures of the prophets of the Old Testament (even though I also have to believe that God must laugh at the ridiculous ways we make Jesus look in these portraits and it must freak the OT prophets out that there are now statues and replicas of what we think that looked like-- that, of course, is just my opinion on the matter). Then we get to the part where there are pictures and stories of the Book of Mormon. Oh, and quotations of verses as well. This simply freaked me out. I'm not gonna lie. It was this weird feeling in my gut and a clear voice in my Spirit that said, "What a lie they are choosing to believe." Even from an unChristian perspective and as History major, the stories of the Mormons being in America is just untrue and the fact that they look Causcasian makes it even harder for me to believe if they were supposed to be living in Utah. Is that weird to anyone else? Anywho, I am, of course, asking a million questions to Katie (because I love to question her when she thinks I won't) and because it just doesn't make sense. In the midst of this conversation, there are 2 "sisters" (Mormon girls who are on their mission and serving in Temple Square) that are talking to some visitors. One of the sisters turns to the visitor and says, "Isn't it great that we can find another testament that God loves us this much?" When did the Bible not become enough? When did humans become so greedy that we would take the very Breath of God and tell him, "Sorry, there's more you missed?" I just quite frankly don't get it and at that very moment, everything in me said, "Pray and then pray some more." As we're walking out of the visitor's center and Temple Square, we are approached by two more sisters and then Katie and I continue talking and had some interesting conversation about salvation, Jesus, and we both became quite passionate. At that moment though, I didn't doubt what I believed at all. It was as if God was alive and well in me (as He always is) and holding me in the very palm of His hand reminding me that I am not alone and He is the only way to Heaven, it will never matter about all of the activity I do. Never ever. {Apologies for that not even making sense... sometimes words come out and they are just totally me. I am currently having a conversation with you at a dinner table and you are completely unaware- until now. :) }

3. Re-evaluating life from a different perspective as I did when I graduated college--Me being auditory.... it is within the last 6 months that I have learned this about myself. It has made me feel better about things that I have been so unsure of before, and it has helped me understand other people so much better! And again in all of my honesty, I am glad to be auditory! Who knew that would happen?? (And it explains to everyone around me why I am "one of those people" who reads out loud and says what I'm typing while I'm typing it.)

4. "Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones..." Psalm 97:10a.... may you pray for those who do evil and may you be found faithful!!! I knew so much Scripture when I was in college and it really was a defense against evil... just a thought for you as I think through it myself. Have a great week and boast/bask in what the Lord has done in your life as you are faithful to him as well!

May I be found faithful....
Melis

To blog or not to blog...

Let me take you for a little rant... because it's been a while...

I have been so busy that I don't know what to do when I have a few minutes to sit so I do exactly that, sit... and do nothing... sometimes I watch planes out my windows, sometimes I just stare at the wall and think about how not straight my pictures are, I hum a little tune or even talk to myself. It's ridiculous I know. So here's a little update on how things are:

1. TMI Alert... over the last week I have found out Too Much Information about too many of my students, most of it absolutely heartbreaking and I believe that most of it is caused by parents... wow... if they only knew. If you're parent, please ask your child what they are doing outside of school, they are dying (literally) because they think you don't care.

2. MAD Project... apparently it will be about abbreviations here and we'll go from there. MAD is where I'm headed and for more than one reason, I am changing it to mean "Make A Difference" if you get my drift. So we start with my 180 students and we will send our MAD ribbons to Salt Lake Friday and I'm hoping somewhere else in a week or two... if you want in, let me know. I want to start seeing students reach their potential and I think they will begin to do that the more they know that they are breathing and alive everyday to make a difference!

3. Teenagers... if you are reading this and you pray, pray for my students. It is hard and it is hitting that time of year when it is overwhelming to be a teacher. Besides all the stuff that is passed down from districts and admin, there are a lot of things taking place outside of school that is becoming and already has become major issues for these kids. If you have not watched the youtube video "Lost Generation" do it... here's the link....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

4. Where have I been? Where am I going? I have been living the life in Las Vegas... right? Ummm... okay.... so I've been in Las Vegas since August (which is TOO long for me in this ridiculous city) and I'm going to Salt Lake this weekend... my heart is thrilled, and I get to teach 9th graders (pumped about that too) about community service, Africa, you know all the things that get me so fired up constantly. AND I'm going back to Georgia in about a month... it's about dang time... I really miss my family.

5. Birthdays-- mine is in 18 days... yeah I turn 26 this year and I seem the same and different all at the same time. Good luck getting older to all of you (myself included).

6. Last thing... if God has shown me anything over the past month, the past week, the past 24 hours-- it is that I am exactly where He wants me to be. EXACTLY. It has been confirmed in people around me and it has all come because of my obedience and believe me, that obedience would NOT have come without the grace and faithfulness of God. He is so good and I couldn't be more grateful at this moment for the moments and hours and days I've had with him lately.

May you walk in grace and peace and your faithfulness to Him as He is faithful to continue to give us direction, let us love people, and even be loved ourselves.

Great is thy faithfulness, Melissa

P.S. Sorry that you missed my Gospel church version of this song last night in my apartment... I'll open it up for visitors soon! :)

Learning things I never thought I would in the places that I did...

So interesting in reading through the Old Testament what I have learned. No, it was not expected. Yes, I like history. Did it happen that I learned something? Oh completely on purpose. In reading Genesis, it was the constant beckon of how faithful God is to His people and while this continues on in Exodus and Leviticus (I only have a couple of more chapters to read!), it is very clear as God begins to create, be still, heal, restore, redeem, mend the broken, and through all of that make Himself known through His people and His activity in the world. Good stuff.

In reading Exodus, I realized that there was a lot of it that I have read before and quite a bit that I have never paid attention to. Yet, the one thing that was consistent throughout the entire book, it was.... that God is into details. God is not a big God who never looks down and sees His people struggling, hurting, or heartbroken. He is the God who sees all, or "El Roi." I think that clearly shows how faithful God is, as well as how much He loves every single, small piece of who we are. He loves that I have brown hair and brown eyes, and the crazy thoughts that He often places in my head. He also desires that the smallest details, in the smallest places, where I often do not glorify Him.... that He be glorified even in those details, even in the places I don't see. It is proof that God is in to detail as He gives instruction on building the temple, even up to the point of saying how stitches the curtains should be and what color and so on. He demonstrates this in talking about sacrifices... which side should the blood be spilled on? which animal should be used for sacrifice? Who should make the sacrifice?

And then onto Leviticus... the one book that is probably made fun of more than any other book in the Bible has so much Truth to offer. Yes, God continues to be specific and YES, God continues to pursue the details of His children and their lives. When you begin to read the book though, He talks about the "aroma" that is pleasing to Him. In reading this and describing what I'm learning to someone whom I would consider a mentor, she pointed out that not only am I to have an aroma that is pleasing to the Lord, but an aroma that would attract those around me to Him. I hadn't even thought that far yet! Yet, He so desires that for me!

And in all of this, He has been teaching me so much about obedience. He has shown me time and time again that His faithfulness produces obedience in my life and because of that when I am obedient, He continues to be faithful and it continues a safe, wonderful spiral. I am obedient, He is faithful, He demands more obedience and continues to show Himself faithful. How good and how God of Him to show those things to me. May you bask in His faithfulness today and may that demand obedience in areas of your life that you never even realized He wanted obedience from! He is into the details of who you are and who He is creating you to be... now choose to walk in Him! Learning to love more and more... Him, You, Me...

-Melissa

Plane Thoughts... from my plane ride TO Africa

These may not make a whole lot of sense. I was in the middle of thinking about going to Africa. I was reading the book Radical by David Platt, and I was listening to "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay. I was deciding what Africa would be like and how I would respond as well as responding to those around me on the plane ride there. Maybe this will give you some insight as to what I was praying for Africa or it could confuse the heck out of you. Either way, I'm going to give it a shot.

• While reading Radical, these are some of the thoughts I had... It really makes me think about money and how easily I save and spend for what I want. While I am dedicated to giving away as much as possible, I often only give once I've met my needs, or rather my wants, for the month. It feels unintentional and unreal to just have money pulled out of my account without me ever taking a second glance at it. I am to live out of the overflow of His existence and life in me and because of that, genuinely ask God to use me to do things that others will never see or notice, that they will never be apart of and that they will not understand the importance of in relation to God's call from the Cross. How I desire to be like Him! I want more of Him!
• In listening to "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay, I think a lot about what God really is breaking apart in my life. Is it anything? Am I allowing Him to change me or mold me into what He desires for me, which is better than I have thought or planned or imagined? How dare I stare the world in the face daily and do nothing to change it! That must be sin, that must be the nail that pierced Jesus to the cross. "And I pray, to love you, take my world apart, I am on my knees." May I be desperate and see God's own as He sees them...loveable, needing to be loved, and loving themselves. "Steal my heart and take the pain, take the selfish, take the weak."
• (Last summer, I spent a lot of time at Lake Tanganyika with a little girl who really stole my heart named Mapalo.) Thinking of Mapalo-- God's children break my heart and they tear my world apart. How deep your love must for her!

Maybe this will give you some perspective. I don't know. Continuing to pray that God breaks my heart for the things that break His and that I can see through His eyes!

-Melissa

My African Prayer

"Tolemi totela." This song resounded time and time again in our meetings, prayer services, conferences and just walking around the compound while in Africa. Translated into English, the song means, "We want to thank you Lord." What a prayer. Very simple. Straight to the point. And they meant it. To stand in the middle of missionaries, pastors, and others who have been persecuted for their faith, discouraged, and continue to be faithful, these were the words they were crying out to God. At some point, I just stopped to listen and of course, in the still and calm of the moment, God began to ask me what I was thanking Him for.... what was I believing to be faithful for? Why was I singing the words of this song? And I began to think more than anything, how thankful I was to be in Africa, to see people with His eyes (as I had been praying), to hear with his ears, and to touch with his touch. I thanked Him for the kids that we had worked with that he had given me great influence with, including Innocent, this precious little 9ish year old boy who had just latched onto me for some reason. I thanked Him for the girls at the AIDS orphanage who told me that I should stay in Africa because they just liked me and I believe they sincerely meant it. I thanked Him for the girls who had lost parents and sibiling to HIV and AIDS and how they learned the song, "Amazing Grace," singing over and over again, "I once was lost but now am found." Those sweet words have just stayed in my ear along with so many other things. I thanked Him that he is using the chaplain at the local hospital to pray for those who otherwise have never heard of Him and I thanked Him that in the midst of loss and poverty that He is still sovereign and good.



How faithful and loving is the God we serve. May you thank Him today for what really matters and give grace to others who do not quite understand Him. May He give you grace for the small things and strength where it is needed.



-Melissa, or "MaLeesah" as said by the Africans

On Purpose...

Today was also a great day... I know what you're thinking... "Yeah, it must have been for you to blog 2 days in a row!" Last day of kids... stress case about cleaning... completed grades... several initials on my checkoff list... got some sweet notes... and ended the school day by coming home to work on some stuff for Africa and church this weekend. However, one of my sweet moments today came when I met a parent of a student I have had for part of the semester this year. I have talked to his mom on the phone but not his dad. So he's a talkative kid, overall good at conversation and knows how to treat people... and overall, excellent for me in the class. He had a few things happen and needless to say, he had to take a step back for a while... which is totally okay. After meeting his mom, I met his dad, very upright, extremely polite and very respectable. He reached his hand out to shake mine and as I introduced myself, he looked at me with a smile, and said, "My son speaks very highly of you." ::chills:: How incredible, to be respected and spoken of highly... now that reminds me to live on purpose. I MUST live on purpose. I must remember that I have the chance to influence and change people and he didn't just happen to be one of them, he was one of them that I was meant to influence. May he, as you, walk in potential to see who you really are and then be excited about living in passion and on purpose...
-Melis

Amazing...!

My 4th Period has been absolutely amazing this year and for more than a couple of reasons. I have had a lot of incredible kids, but as a class, they were Wow... They are/were motivated, challenging, caring, selfless, loving and considerate of others. If we had a Give Back Saturday, the majority of the students I had come were from that class. If I was ever in a bad mood or upset or didn't feel good, they were my most encouraging and caring. They really considered all others before themselves, and again, it wasn't just one or two students, it was the entire group! So about today... of course, we had an emotional last day because that is required in middle school. I was so afraid that I was going to cry because I have gotten close to so many of kids in general, but especially in that class. So they are making fun of me about how I'm going to cry and I kinda thought that if they started crying, I wouldn't... and I got lucky. So I give the "You can make a difference speech" as I do on a weekly basis in most of my classes... I don't know why they let me teach Geography and not character education but whatever, I do both. In the midst of me giving my final speech to this class, some of the girls start crying and I'm thinking "Oh no." I gave them each 3 purple ribbons and told them that they needed to wear one to be reminded that they are to make a difference in the world. I told them they needed to give the other 2 to someone that made a difference in their life or someone that they had the chance to impact over the next couple of weeks. I finished my speech and read them something I had written to them as a class and then each of them had something personal that I wrote. I read them all out loud and that is when a lot of them really lost it. Kids I would never think would even consider crying, all of a sudden are teary eyed and just looking at me like, "Would you stop?" I make it through that part and then we're just talking afterwards right before the bell rings... still some wet eyes, but some sweet, sweet moments. I was so excited to be able to pour so much Truth into these precious kids in just a few minutes today, of course after spending a year with them... it was amazing to love and breathe life and be real with them. I got to say to them what I had wanted to say after all that. However, the best part of it all was the end... After the tears and the bell, a lot of them left and then some of the most amazing, grateful, sweet faces walked up to me and began to hand me their purple ribbons and told me that I had been a person who had made a huge difference in their lives. Love my kids... absolutely love them... to make a difference... to watch them make a difference... may they pour that into the next generation and I will continue to pour it into those I see because now I have at least 7 purple ribbons to hand out to people who have made a difference in my life and people who I want to impact and make an impact... sweet relief... God, you have been so good to me and a fabulous way to start June! Love those around you and truly "Be the change you wish to see in the world!"
-Melis

Processing...

It's been a while I feel like that I've sat down and actually processed what I was feeling and thinking so the following are some of the things that I've thought about, written and prayed about, discussed, and now I'll post it here...
-The Urgency of the Gospel- how dare I act as if it is not important at all or doesn't matter or go about saying it in a nonchalant way as if it carries no weight because it does... huge weight to my family, my students, roommates, friends, connections... pretty much everyone. It matters... end of discussion and I need to act like and talk like it matters because again, it does.
-Love- it's required, it's not something that is optional for me at this point and yes I want to scream and pull my hair out and act like a psycho on a daily basis, and let's be honest, I have a lot of these moments... yet when it all comes down to it, love must be core. I wear a ring that says, "Keep on loving" for the reason that it is not natural for me to do it, I must put forth effort in order to be able to do so.
-Importance of People- bottom line, because of the Urgency of the Gospel and Love, people are at the core and knowing they are valued is a much bigger deal than we think. So yesterday, after I freaked out on one of my boys because he was being ridiculous and everyone knew it, today I knew that it is part of life that I get angry but it is too easy to just be mad all the time. I must do something different, or otherwise I look like everyone else to everyone else and I just can't have that. That's a sweet word I like to call "settling" and it's just not something that I know that much about.
-Other- There are so many other things that I am processing so of course, I'll just make a list...
1. how do I get through to those who believe something totally different
2. how do I know the right time to share with those people
3. I want to hear the voice of God speak clearly and with weight in my life again and it be something that I acknowledge, not ignore.
4. Sharing with those who mean the most to me
5. Continuing to connect with people who will push me to be better and love Jesus more and step outside of me when needed (as in every second) so that He is seen and not me.
6. Prayer, prayer, prayer... need it more and more and more.
7. Last but not least, as always, may I continue to the be the change that I wish to see in the world. Who know that Gandhi's words would speak volumes later... but then again, Jesus's has carried longer.... should have known.

Happy weekend to you and may you continue to change, grow, be bold, take heart, and realize that you have been placed in the life of someone and you may never know the impact that you have on them.
Love, Melis

What makes me Me?

I've had so many conversations about who I am within the last week... they were unintentional conversations and they weren't even necessarily a person telling me who I am or who I should be and they weren't really about me but I process things in writing so here we go...

I am a lover and a fighter... I am both... I am not caught in between either. I will love until my heart hurts and breaks and sometimes even when it is broken over and over. I will fight for the things that I love, I will fight for someone to be treated fairly, to be loved and to feel like a million bucks. I love people... I am an introvert at my core but would not survive if I wasn't around people as much as I am. They make me, me. They sometimes point out my flaws and faults and heartaches and pains but I become a better person because of it. (even if I get really mad at them in the meantime) They encourage me and tell me what I'm doing right... they point out that I never have to say a word about my passions because it shows in my actions because that is honestly what matters. At the core of me, I don't always feel like I need to be recognized or thanked but I want to see change because of something that has been done or said and if I can see or be a part of that change, I feel that I have accomplished something. I do not thrive from networking with tons of people... I like just being with people close who I feel know me and like me for me. They don't always make me feel like I need to be more but I can just be. I love teaching... I love changing people and I love changing. I like fitting in where I am and where I am called which is why living in Vegas I will call the freeway the freeway and when I am home in Georgia, I will call it the interstate. I am flexible. I understand that everything can't be under my control and I can't fix everything. I don't like reality a lot of times but I know that I have to accept it so I do and I move on. I am jumbled, I don't think clearly. I would have to read this out loud a million times before I could put it in order. I love cards and notes and pictures. I love sunsets and flip flops and clearance racks. Shopping and being around people but not having to talk is therapy. I love playing with kids and seeing them smile. I love making people smile or laugh no matter what I have to do to get there. I want to make people happy and sometimes that can be a hindrance because I want to be approved of and loved... and sometimes people don't approve and love me in the same way, but that's a part of life. I've learned that life is not always what I want it to be or expect it to be but it is what it is and that's okay. I love summer and having a tan and being happy. I love the smell of rain and the refreshing it brings but I hate the headaches that comes with it because all the dust from the ground rises up into my ever-loving nose. I love my middle school kids and I choose to believe the best about them on most days unless they make me crazy mad. I demand respect which is sometimes intimidating but I have a great relationship with my kids. They know way too much about my personal life and some of them will play important roles in my future which is very exciting for me. I would prefer to live close to school so I could see my kids in their normal everyday stuff... at Wal-Mart and McDonald's and riding their bikes with their brothers and sisters. I love Jesus and I am so thankful for the cross and what that has meant for me and what He did for me. I am so thankful that Jesus loves me very often despite me and who I am. I love him because he loves me and he chooses me and He desires my very, very best, even though I don't understand it sometimes. (or a lot) I love the family that He has given me and the people who are around me that mean so much. I am His more than anything else. He ultimately makes me and has given me flaws because if I was perfect, I wouldn't need Him and quite frankly, I would prefer to need Him and want Him to be a part of my life... I wouldn't be Me without Him.

What is wrong with people?

Today I witnessed a what I would like to call a catastrophe of the human mind and heart. I realize that statement is dramatic but really that is the point. I sat at a DC meeting with some other teachers and really, it's just ridiculous.... I know I've said this before but 'why are people teachers or educators or people that are around kids or just people in general?' If you don't like people and you think kids are dumb and will never learn anything, then why go to your job everyday? Save the rest of us and all 180 kids and just quit and find another job that pays more that will also pay to hear you gripe about all the things wrong with kids today. There are a few of us who still care and want to do a good job and, I know this will be shocking, we like kids! Who knew there were such teachers in the world? Oh, but they do exist, not the man I was sitting next to but they do exist in places where people still have hope even thought they haven't met AYP and their scores haven't even improved on the CRT's. AND there is still hope in students who don't speak English, we have no idea why their parents left their country, they're in gangs and are hard headed. There is hope and I believe it because I have seen it when something connects and all of a sudden makes sense in class, or more importantly when we are having a conversation about whatever it is for the day and they realize that wow, someone actually cares! I bet that the students that work with that man would do MUCH better if they felt like he cared and they felt like he wanted something better for them.
... I say this because... we've got another thing coming to us if the only thing we are going to believe about the next generation is that they're worthless, we are very wrong. I have so many kids who genuinely care about others, who really want the best for their lives and other people, and who have a heart to give back the little that has been given to them. It has been shown statistically that a characteristic/quality of people who live in poverty will give up everything so that someone else can have something small. I saw it in Africa and I see it in my kids here who I know will go without for the next few days so that someone else can have. They understand empathy. They have put themselves in other peoples' shoes so that they know what it's like to be on the other side. I know that if my kids do nothing else for this world, that they will have spent themselves on people, things that matter and things that make a difference. And there is nothing wrong with that... now the people who believe other things about them.... they are what's wrong with the world but we will not let them bring the hopeful few of us down. We must believe that at the core of every person there is some good.
-Melis

"There is a terrible hunger for love. We all experience that in our lives - the pain, the loneliness. We must have the courage to recognize it. The poor you may have right in your own family. Find them. Love them." -Mother Teresa

Jake... you're an idiot.

Dear Jake (from the Bachelor),
I just want to write you a letter to tell you that I am extremely upset with your choice of Vienna and want to know that if I ever see you... I'm going to stare at you for just a minute (because you are so nice to look at) and then I'm going to tell you off. I am going to say thank you to begin with though because I think you should be thanked and here's why... You had the perfect girl, Tenley, and you chose someone below you... sad for you. However, in this choosing, what you said without saying it is that she's too perfect for you which is the same thing Jillian told you and you were upset about it... don't complain about things if you are going to turn around and make the same decision. So back to the thank you... thank you for letting every good, decent, beautiful and caring and kind girl in America know that nice, good boys only pick the blondes with no common sense who only care about looks. Yes, I'm sure Vienna is nice sometimes but I mean honestly Tenley was golden for you and I think you couldn't stand that she was that amazing. I hope that in a couple of years when Tenley is with a man who treats her right that you are by yourself in a store reading about her and how happy she is and you become pretty upset because you are ALONE. I think you deserve someone like Tenley really but if you're going to be pathetic, then you deserve Vienna. I mean really... good luck with that one... you just dissappointed 98% of America... and your family if they were being honest. So happy trails to you and if I see you... I'm still going to say thank you and hope that one day that the guy I fall in love with is better than me but still thinks I'm too good for him.
Sincerely, Melissa
P.S. I still think you're an idiot.

Refresh

I have made a decision. I need to figure out what to choose though. Let's start at the beginning. I have made a decision. I have made a decision that I am going to apply for the Pepsi Refresh Project. You are saying, what are you doing with this project? And I am telling you, "I will decide in the next 48 hours." Monday is March 1st... that means that Pepsi Refresh accepts the first 1000 ideas... I mean honestly, I don't know how fast it fills up but I want to be prepared. So they give out grants of up to $250,000... holy cow, that's a lot.... now could I think up a project to work with that much money? Of course... do I want to? Not sure about that. That much money scares me a little bit.... but because that is quite large, there are smaller sums as well... so I have ideas... I just need to decide which idea is the most important.... then when I decide, I need to be able to talk everyone else into this idea so that it gets a lot a lot a lot of votes so that I can actually receive the grant. So these are my ideas... (Pepsi says they can be simple so some of them are.)
1. Graffiti cleanup
2. Buying an empty warehouse and letting graffiti artists paint in it as a museum of sorts... (I want to do this but I'm not sure I am responsible enough to be in charge of such a large project)
3. Extreme home makeover for some of my kids at school and the people in our community
4. A huge carnival to raise money for causes like Darfur, or Haiti, or Chile, or something very important... and then beginning a non-profit called "Speak Up" that challenges middle school and high school students to 'speak up' for what is right and a call to awareness of issues around the world.
5. Building a youth recreation center that is free of charge that students would volunteer at... to be used as a mentoring place for elementary school students
6. or anything else that comes to my mind within the next 24 hours...
Tomorrow I will try and make a decision... then Monday... I will apply... yes, I know this is all of a sudden, but it is one more effort to be change so that the people around me want to see change as well... I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep tonight but I will probably dream about it.
Let me know your thoughts! -Melis

How did we get here?

Tonight I'm at church at a coffee house with lots of music and photos and paintings... I mean it was really awesome but while I was there I ran into someone who will remain nameless who now has a girlfriend who will also remain nameless and I just don't get it. How do people end up together? I know people say, "Oh, opposites attract." Really? If I'm being realistic, I want someone who complements me, not someone the complete opposite of me... what if I like boxing and he only likes football? What if I hate (strongly hate) Panera and that's his favorite resturant? I mean I realize that relationships is give and take but I don't think that meant, "Completely give up who you are and become someone else in order to please another person." I mean that nameless boy is not doing this (To be honest, I just had to correct myself because I just put that he is doing this so maybe I'm subconsciously think he is?) but I do think he has partly become someone else in order to be with her. This nameless boy is quite the musician and he enjoys that in the other person as well, which she does but tonight as he was singing, she left the room? I mean what? Supportive? Caring? Listening? Not to say that she's not those things because she does seem like a nice, passionate, pretty, got it together girl... but how did they get here? How do we end up with the people we end up with? Will I end up the same way? Will I be with a guy who just doesn't make sense for me? Will people look at us and say, "They're cute and sweet, but they just don't make sense."? It would be like Jake marrying Vienna instead of Tenley, it just shouldn't happen.... and now that I'm finished with that, I think I'll go cry and scream saying, "Maybe this is why I'm still single!"
With as much sincerity as I can round up at the moment, Melis

An Overview

Just thought I would give you a quick update of my dramatic life over the last couple of days. We have been testing... yuck and I am so glad that we have a couple of days of it off because it is a long time to not talk or move or breathe loud or anything... it's odd and annoying, never thought I would say that but after a while I just can't really take it. So my students have been wild because they are not seeing all their normal teachers and that somehow causes like a weird disfunction or something. They have been kinda freaking out and it makes me freak out. I had a student yesterday tell me how racist everyone at my school is and this only lead up to a racist comment that he made himself. One student basically cussed out a teacher in so few words and we keep getting students from behavior school that are just ridiculous. Drama, drama, drama. In the midst of the chaos, a few things have been calm like me when no one else is in the room and I have been able to dance and talk to myself and sing and act like a crazy lunatic while no one else knows (well until you read this that is). That is probably the only thing that is keeping me sane. Then yesterday, one of my girls told me I should be a counselor and I was like well I already am. I just didn't realize that when I became a teacher it entailed so many other jobs... these are the ones I have taken over within the last month (or has been suggested)... counselor, mom, aunt, best friend, sister, mom again, school nurse, and today even grandma (the other kids told this suggester she was disrespectful). And overall, I'm thankful that at this point of a whole 3 years in teaching, or almost, that my kids will look at a new student and say, "You don't treat Ms. G like that." They've got my back... sometimes I feel miraculously but they do and I am so thankful. So P telling me I should be a counselor is a good thing I think in the midst of chaos and psycho behaviors, I must be doing something right even if this post makes absolutely no sense. If you talk to me on a regular basis, it probably does. And if you don't, maybe you should talk to me more so you would understand my multiple mood/personality in moments ordeal, and if after reading this, you would submit papers that I should be placed somewhere else, I would also completely understand (even though I would be angry for a few minutes). So that's that and as DJ Franny says, "It is what it is." What can we do? Praying for a fairy tale soon so I have something halfway normal in my life (right? because fairy tales are normal?).... love you all. Thanks for sticking out my crazy life with me.
-Melis

These are a few of my favorite things!!

Most of my past week has been wonderful for a few significant reasons...

-Wednesday night, me and 3 other teachers from my school took 15 students to the Holocaust conference at NWCTA. It was awesome. It was so fun being around the students outside of school as well as listening to the survivor speak. The survivor that we got to listen to was 85 and had been placed in 7 different camps. His family had been killed in gas chambers in various other camps and he had quite the story. He came to the U.S. at then end of the 1940's. One of the most amazing things he said was similar to as follows. 'The most horrifying part of the Holocaust was that people, who shouldn't have been able to decide, decided who should stay and who should go. They decided to kill some and save some. What if one of the people that was killed was supposed to make a significant change in the world? It is never for us to decide.' Amazing...

-This weekend at church we had various people from different parts of the world... including my favorite... Africa. Coen Scholtz whom I worked with the previous 2 summers in Zambia and South Africa shared some of his heart yesterday morning and tonight in a meeting for the upcoming trip. It is always emotional and fantastic at the same time to hear his stories and his heart. He is absolutely incredible and I could not ask for a better person to serve with in another place. He understands the Kingdom and the reason for God's Kingdom in a way that I am not sure that I will ever understand.

-Also, this weekend a man named Brian, who works for a non-profit out of Hope, shared and he said one of the most significant things I've heard over the past year. (Many of us who work secular jobs get grief sometimes because it is not "ministry." If you believe this, you are very, very wrong my friend and I'm not sorry that I had to be the one to tell you.) He said that God's Kingdom Activity is everywhere. He said that it is even where people are just motivated to do good... even when they are not believers... they are still part of God at work in His Kingdom. That means my kids who just care about people genuinely, whether they know it or not, are all part of God's activity. How thrilled I am that I see God's activity where I sometimes think he is missing.... He is not... He is sovereign, in control, on the throne, and walking wherever He pleases... in my classroom, around my school, and up the street with my kids.



God is at work among us and how dare we miss it even when we think it is not possible for him to be there! Have a great week and open your eyes to Him!

-Melis

Valen....Singles Awareness Day... tine's Day

Valentine's Day greets me with very funny dreams of love and then I wake up to reality. The fact that I have only spent one Valentine's Day with 'someone.' One day during my entire life. I avoided high school Valentine's Days and only had one college one and since then, I have been Valentine's Dateless/dayless... if that's even possible. So today I woke up feeling sorry for myself and picked up the girls and we went to church. I mean at least I have someone to spend it with. right? So we went to church (me still feeling sorry for myself of course) and I sit down. They are singing some of my favorite songs and I am enjoying myself.... then I'm watching this couple in front of me that make me want to... how do I say this? Throw up? Vomit? Yell in the middle of service "Get a room?" All of those things seemed like good options to me and the girls as well. So in comes a good looking man and where does he sit? Oh a few seats down from me... how do I feel then? Pleased of course and you will be pleased to know that I DID pay attention for the rest of the service.... and I was also pleased that he participated and didn't seem like an awkward twenty-something like almost every other boy in that church. So anyways... God laughed at me and I know he had this very good looking single man sit next to me so he could laugh. Thanks for reminding me God...that you are faithful! (and) You do like to make me laugh too!
Laughing still... Melis

Things my eyes have seen and my ears have heard...

This has been an extremely long week for several different reasons which I will not name here but it has been long!!!! There are some very funny moments I have experienced this week so I thought I would share a few of those...

1. Bachelor Monday nights... 8 girls over and it's like we're watching Monday Night Football... so fun and the comments that are given are hilarious but I have to say that my favorite comment comes from my sis, on a weekly basis, back in Georgia... saying, "I can't believe you guys got me addicted to this crap!"
2. I am having a hearing problem in class this week apparently because I cannot understand what these kids are saying... we were talking about exports in South American countries... D raises his hand and answers and I say, "Tobacco yes," and the whole class laughs and says, "No, he asked to go to the bathroom." My bad!
3. Wednesday, I am selling tickets for the basketball game and they are playing music for the boys halftime. They begin to play "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift and every kid in the gym sings the entire thing, including this boy on the other team who looks like he's probably beat up a few kids... oh my gosh, I was dying.
4. When going over our warm-up Friday morning about the West Indies, there was a question about U.S. dependencies there. There are two of them: Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands... so of course S (being the commentator that he is) raises his hand and says, "Are there only virgins that live in the Virgin Islands?" Reasons I want to smack kids sometimes? That would be one of them... wow.

Good, amazing moments of the week...
1. G finally returned on Friday after a week of trouble and I was glad to see his precious face.
2. J did his work in 3rd period, can't believe it and I didn't even have to beg him to do so!
3. Sunshine/Queen Bee actually did her work in 3rd period too! I think this class is experiencing a makeover!
4. R had his LVA audition on Saturday which he was very nervous about but I'm sure he did wonderful and is also asking questions to Keisha about church and things of that nature!
5. Zak came to visit... I miss my adopted son... still calls me mom... and I just love him to death!
6. Spent time with friends on Friday night and we went to see "When in Rome"... so cute!
7. Got to hang out with Michaela Friday and Saturday night... it's been so long! and I saw little Lizzie... Shannon and Kevin's baby girl... she's adorable!
8. Talked to the one and only Micah... it's funny how hearts change but people really are genuinely the same. It is always refreshing to talk to him!
9. MattieO brought $80.00 this week for Pennies for Patients... what a hero... that whole class loves him, that's for sure!

I think that is all so it has been a better week than I imagined... now onto catching up for being gone a week and grading and such things! Should be fun, right? Happy Sunday!
-Melis

Legacy.

I sat in a room today of grief and mourning, of sorrow and tears, yet I have not felt in a long time that I actually know someone who leaves behind a great legacy of love, happiness, smiles, and good laughs. It is always awkward for people to talk to you after someone in your family has passed, it's like they're at a loss of words, I completely understand because I have been in that same place. You walk through the line apologize and tell them how great he or she was but you're sometimes not sure if you meant what you said or you said what you meant. However, I believe that last night as I was standing in the line next to Cole and Trista and Courtney at the receiving friends for Poppa that what they said they meant, what they meant they said. "He was a good man." "He was always a jokester." "He loved you grandkids more than anything." "You know he loved you, he talked about you all the time." "You were so blessed to have such a great grandad." "We're really going to miss him." "He is really going to be missed." "He was such a sweet man." "He always asked how my family was." Poppa was a man who genuinely cared about people and he showed it, now whether he was always that way? I don't know but I know that he has showed more love and affection than almost any other granddad on earth and I'm not just saying that because he's mine. I'm saying that because it's true. We knew, I know, that he absolutely loved me... that he was very proud of me... that he missed me while I was in Vegas... that he was so glad that school was going good for me... that he was glad I liked church in Vegas... that he was glad I had good friends in Vegas... he was proud that I graduated high school and college and he was proud that I had a job I loved. Most people don't get the blessing of having a grandfather like Poppa but I did and I am so thankful that he taught me the things that he did and that he loved me the way he did. He left a pure hearted, loving legacy on everyone around him and Gammy even said today that he would be so excited to know how many flowers he had gotten because he didn't think anyone would care. I think what he did, he will never know the consequences of or the effects or the ending but I'm glad I got to see a glimpse of it and I got to see a part of it. He lived his life on purpose. Dale, who did part of the funeral today, talked about how Poppa used to ask him to pray for his brothers and sister, especially if something had happened. I never even knew that... he always told Dale that God had a purpose and I am proud that I had Poppa as a significant part of my life. I may have been a huge change in his life when I was born, but I know that he has a great, great impact on mine and will continue to do so as I choose to live in a way that people will want more of and I will love in a way that people will see is different. I know you're in Heaven Poppa, and I know you're talking with Billy and walking with Connie and her kids... believe me, we are so proud to have you and so thankful that you played such a big part in our lives. You will never, ever be forgotten and you will be greatly missed. I love you, I really, really do.
-Melissa "Missy" or "Sassy"

Why I Want To Be Like Him...

Let me preface this by saying, I do want to be like Jesus more than anything but there are also other people in my life who have made a huge difference in my life and one of those people is my Poppa. I got a call this morning from my Mom saying that Poppa passed away. It just doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem like it could really happen. I just saw him a few weeks ago and he was a little bit sick but he was happy and never took anyone's spotlight. So because I always make list, here it is as to why I want to be like Poppa.
1. He never EVER stopped smiling.
2. He always gave a hand to those who needed it.
3. Every little girl at church adored him because they knew he was the one who always had good gum with him.
4. He never complained and had more patience than any person I know.
5. He was a hard worker and always was there to help.
6. He loved my family like no one else and never showed or said otherwise.
7. He loved card games and puzzles and people.
8. He sometimes would call just to call and everyone knew him as Poppa.

He will be greatly missed and he is greatly loved more than he could even know or understand. Make sure you tell those you love that you actually do... you never know unfortunately.
Love, Melis

What Really Matters...

Today I went to visit a church with Vanessa and Rae. The church service was good, the music was awesome and the pastor is honestly just a guy that is passionate and driven and just great. It was nice. After that, we had lunch and we were talking about a college group that's coming out in March and what they were going to do be going and then Haiti was brought up. Talk about heart breaking, I don't know that it was necessarily the conversation or really just my heart. I have thought about it since DJ Franny mentioned it the other day on the radio, since my mom was talking about the missionary that my home church in Georgia supports who lives in Haiti, since God has more than given me a heart for humanitarian aid and just people in general really. I have thought about what I could do, what my kids could do and what we as people should do.... because I decided today as I have several times before that I want my life to matter. I want to do things because of Jesus and people be changed by it. I want to remember that His glory is what matters and that ultimate glory comes because of His children. We have been chosen to do what matters, to think about what matters, to be about what matters, to serve and live and love those around us, including those in other countries. I sometimes think that what I do makes no difference but that is honestly only because I choose to not make a difference. So today I am choosing to make a difference, I will choose to do what really matters, to talk and advocate for things that really matter... like AIDS, hunger, clean water, tsunamis, earthquakes, poverty, people and right now, an earthquake in Haiti that has killed almost 100,000 people.

Encouragement for the day: Do what really matters. "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." -Maya Angelou

What if...

I have asked myself a lot of "What if" questions today and even over this past year so I thought I would list those below.... just think...

What if.... I faced my fears and told him that I liked him? Would it have changed anything? What if I was brave? What if I learned how to fly after walking and running? What if I didn't learn, what if I just tried? What if I left? What would people do without me? How would it be different? What if I just was honest? What if I became a pessimist and not so much of an optimist? What if I stopped being a realist? What if I trusted my heart more? What if I trusted God more? How would my life be different? What if I embraced my insecurities and made them securities? What if I was okay with just being me? What if I wasn't ever lonely? What if I fed the homeless, even though he looked extremely dirty and smelled like alcohol? What if I gave him money? What if he spent it on drugs? What if I trusted him enough to use it for something that he actually needed? What if I trusted? What if I was married and had kids already? What if I wasn't married and did foster care without a husband? What is wrong with either scenario? What happened to me? What if I lived at school? What if I got a Master's degree? What if I moved back to Georgia? What if I didn't like the school as much? What if I didn't like my kids as much? What if I helped a kid and changed their life? What if I stopped worrying and stressing over the small things and I started over and I decided it is okay to be me, it's okay to think, it's okay to worry sometimes and other times it's okay to face my fears, fight my insecurities, and trust the God who loves me? What if you did the same? How would you change?
-Melis

Everything's Changing

"We emphasize that we believe in change because we were born of it, we have lived by it, we prospered and grew great by it. So the status quo has never been our god, and we ask no one else to bow down before it." -Carl T. Rowan

Each new year brings about change. Over time, things change, we change, and we attempt to go on, to move on to bring about more change because we, like the quote above hate to stay in one place. We complain that we do not like change, when in reality, if everything always stayed the same, we would be so upset. I loved the quote I found above today because we are all products of change as well as agents of change. We came from change and we have the power to change. We do not have to live by the status quo in order to succeed and in fact, if we live by the status quo, we will not be successful. If I had wanted everything to stay the same in teaching, I would not have been given the job. I must move forward, I must go ahead and everything in ME should halt and bow down to the fact that change is part of life. Sticking to the status quo would make me even more unhappy than I sometimes am. I have to change, I have to move, I have to get up and brush off the pity party and go. I have to move forward, I have to change. May you remember today that you have the opportunity to be the agent, the person, the initiator of change, make it positive! -Melis

"Christians are supposed not merely to endure change, nor even to profit by it, but to cause it." -Harry Emerson Fosdick

I Have a Dream!

Written by Martin Luther King Jr.
Adapted by Melissa Gillespie (for a "Teachable Moment" that has inspired me more than it probably will them)

…I cannot walk alone.
And as I walk, I must make the pledge that I shall always march ahead.
I cannot turn back…

…I keep in mind that I have been through trials and tribulations… I have endured much loss and defeat. I lived in a town that said I would never leave and a society that said I would never graduate high school. I came from a society that said I wouldn’t attempt to go to college and that I would never pass up my peers. I came from a grandfather that only went to school through 8th grade and who let me fill out his checks in middle school because he couldn’t see or read it. I came from a family who only saw that girls get pregnant, then married. I came from a family with underpaid jobs but were the hardest workers, and the one red light town that I grew up in said I wouldn’t make it… but I go back knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

I will not sit in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though I face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and care for those who are without rather than worrying about war and money and spending… that our country would take more pride in the people that we invest in and what they need, rather than what we get out of it.

I have a dream that one day in the place that I came from that people will stand together, rather than a part and will work toward a cause, not toward hatred.

I have a dream that one day even those that are seen as the greatest hate crime offenders and those who cannot stand in the same room as someone different will work together for a greater good and will achieve what Mother Teresa considered the most important work… love.

I have a dream that my family will one day adopt children from other countries and places and different backgrounds where they will grow to learn, love, and appreciate other cultures, languages, foods, and most importantly, that they would learn to value people and the families and traditions that they know well from their past.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day students will learn to get along and it will not matter what city they came from, what color their skin is, what color their t-shirt is, how expensive their clothes were and what kind of music that they listen to, that they will stand together and work toward a greater cause… that they will not be held back by what the world believes about them, that they will initiate change, that they will not accuse and excuse the hatred the world, that they will not be silent, that they will have a voice, one louder than has ever been heard, and they will not settle, that they will reach their goals and work toward higher ones, that they will not lower themselves to the expectations of other people, that they will remember the greater cause and work toward that, that they will be remembered as a generation who made a difference, not the empathetic, no good things that so many people have forced them to believe they are.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day grace will be extended to all people that they may know a love deeper and greater than they have ever felt or experienced, that they will know freedom because they have tasted and seen it and felt it flowing through their veins like blood and they will take into consideration those that are longing for the same love and they will extend that love and grace to them.

This is my hope and faith. With this faith we, together, will be able to beat the odds and come together to understand one another.

This will be the day when all men are free, that no one has to work out of debt or despair and that no child has to thirst or hunger, and that no woman has to worry about being degraded by a man or group of people who do not value her because she is “just a woman.”

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing the words of the old spiritual, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

Good Morning 2010! My, How You've Changed!

Every year since 2000, New Year's has been a source of anxiety for me.... what will it be like? How will the world change? How will I change? What will be said of me? How will I respond? Etc. However, when in the year 2000 came, I began my 2nd semester of my 9th grade year, had my first crush on a senior (who is still an absolute amazing guy), went to my first homecoming dance, flew on a plane for the first time, got my driver's license and became a Believer in Christ. How was I to know that one year could hold so much? I am expecting only more this year because my life has changed so much over the past decade (holy cow... 10 years ago I was in my first year in high school), I graduated high school and college, moved away to go to college, moved away from college, got into my career as a teacher, traveled to Europe and Africa (and even to the Middle East unexpectedly), went to 3 Proms, lived in a city that no one could have ever imagined I would live in, and now I spend most of my life pouring it back into 13 and 14 year olds just like I was 10 years ago and I love it.

I can only believe that 2010 will be amazing. I mean really, it started out by Delta giving me a 1st class seat because I've flown so much recently. My resolutions for the new year seem to be carried over from recent years... some being met, some not so much... However here goes...
1. Speak out for those who have no voice in my classroom, to my friends, to people who want to help.
2. Share my beliefs and my God with someone who has no beliefs and no hope.
3. Be hope and light and encouragement to at least 20 people, even with a simple smile, a simple handshake or a meal.
4. Be a good listener... realize that the world doesn't have to stop and listen to everything I say... but sometimes someone else needs me to listen.
5. Laugh... and laugh and laugh and laugh until I cry.
6. Be available and usable where I am found, where I live, where I am.
7. Complain less... and be positive more.
8. Love the unlovable and the unwanted and the hurt.
9. Travel somewhere else, somewhere uncomfortable, but somewhere that God wants me.
10. Be the change I wish to see in the world. I'm not giving up on this one and I thought that Gandhi had no idea what he was saying when he said this but maybe he did.

Happy 2010 to you and may you work hard to make a difference in the coming year!
-Melis