Invisible...

Sometimes on the way to school, I get these brilliant  stupid ideas to share my whole life story with my Leadership kids. Today, it was inspired by this song: "Invisible" by Hunter Hayes. If you've never heard it or watched the music video, take a minute. 

Next week, we are promoting a Week of Respect across our school district (at least that I know of). The problem I keep having is that kids don't respect themselves enough to respect other people. Our insecurities are loud when we tell other people what we think of them. My kids say some MEAN things to each other, to me, to themselves, to their families and friends. I don't like it. I don't like myself when I'm like that so I started out with a really brave stupid move and asked the students to write down what they thought I (me, Melissa) was like in high school. What was their perception of me? I got so many answers... tempered, smart, pretty, outgoing, quiet, shy, wanted good grades, hard worker, didn't care what others thought, cared what others thought, had a really good support system, etc. 

Can I just say this? Letting my kids who I see everyday into this little piece of my life is so exciting terrifying for me. The more vulnerable we are, the more susceptible we are to being hurt, broken, and torn up by the people we have shared the most with. I couldn't even look at the things they wrote as they were placing them in the front because I thought I was going to cry. Reminder: kids are mean.. to everyone in case you didn't know. So, while I love my job and I love and adore my kids, this girl gets her feelings hurt ALL THE TIME. Because sometimes I'm somewhere else to them and I'm not real or human and they are hurtful. Sometimes, they don't mean to be AND sometimes they do. They have their own stuff in their own worlds and forget that their world isn't the only one. This happens a lot. 

Anyways-- I continued and told them that I didn't believe any of the good things about myself. I kept a smile on my face a lot but it was not always the way I felt. Even now, I struggle to be as honest with you as my regular reader, than I did with my kids. I was hurt, I was angry, I had my own emotions. I wanted to be beautiful. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be popular and I never felt like I lived up to any of that hype. I realize that even those I went to high school with would disagree with me on some of these things but, remember, many of the things we let others believe about us are not always true. Without going into any vicious details with you, I will just say this. My kids were surprised. Why were they surprised? Do I live a lie? No, but sometimes we put the past behind us and move on. Some of us run far from the details that wounded and some of us run to them and hold them hostage. I played the song, "Invisible" for them. They wouldn't look at me. They stared at the lyrics because maybe for the first time for many of them, they really understood me. They really saw into a piece of my heart and my mind and my past and my present. And then I asked them to think for themselves, what is the perception that other people have of you? Is it true? 

The room was silent. Besides a few sniffles and the noise of 19 pencils frantically writing everything  every single one of them ever thought that someone thought of them, it was quiet. No one looked around, no one made eye contact because most of us wished we were invisible. I'm standing in front of them with my hair pulled back feeling I'm halfway dressed, wondering who in the world placed me in front of this group of kids who have experienced way too much and way too little and are so hurt? The seconds seemed like minutes and the minutes to the end of the period literally could not have gone fast enough. When they finally stopped writing, I asked if anyone was brave enough to share what people thought of them. After some complete and utter silence, one of the girls said she would and she shared her heart and she cried. Because no one in that room would have realized that she had been hurt or felt alone or didn't like things sometimes and she was tired of people expecting her to be so strong. Her tears caused one of the sweetest girls in the whole entire world and history of time to wipe her eyes as well because she feels the same. I felt the tears in the edge of mine too because I hurt for her. I know what being "strong" feels like and most of the time, it screams "powerless" more than strong. It screams hurting failure more than strong and I do not want her to feel this way. I do not want either of them to feel that way because it feels invisible. A few more kids shared and I could not have been more proud of them for being honest, for sharing, for being real, for being vulnerable, for trusting 19 other people. These small things... these tiny, little details are a big deal for my kids. They're a big deal for me. And so after we honestly talked about what others think about us, I asked them to mark those things out because those things don't have to be true unless we want them to be so we can take the ugly voices in our head and shut them down and tell ourselves the Truth. For goodness' sake, we need the Truth desperately. 

We need our invisible moments to be visible to someone who cares and loves us and accepts us, flaws, past, and all. And we need to be reminded that we aren't the only ones with invisible moments because in the process, we hurt so many people around us because they are never seen. They are never, ever seen and that's all they're asking is for a person to pay attention for a small moment. 

Let us be intentional. Let us be careful with the words we say and the passions we live out and let us pursue people to make them feel like a million dollars. Let us treasure and value and find worthy- the invisible and the visible. The loved and unloved. The broken and the healed. The wounded and the put together. We were all each of those people once. Who was it that made us feel visible again? 

Choosing visibility- Melis

P.S. The sweetest thing in teaching is knowing you are making a difference, knowing you were heard and they get it. Three different messages to me tonight from my kids just saying thank you for sharing, I'm here for you, I was encouraged, my life is hard right now, and you make me laugh. "Love you." Because those are some of the most powerful words a person can speak and we've already talked about that this week. I love you too sweet girls, and get you and your broken hearts much more than you know. Thank you for reading this friends. 

Sometimes... ya girl needs a piece of toast.

It is 5:18 pm currently in Las Vegas. In great news. I have been awake for 12 hours and 33 minutes. That is a long time and I'm not going to bed right now. Can we talk about my day for a few minutes? Can we talk about the craze that is Wednesday?

4:45 am-- Wake up, eat breakfast, shower, get ready.

6:10 am-- (WHO AM I ANYMORE.) Leave home and drive to Starbucks.

6:25 am-- Arrive at Starbucks. NO ONE IS THERE. YES TO LOVE AND YES TO LIFE ON THIS BLESSED OCCASION. Stand in what line for less than 2 seconds that I noticed and ordered my Venti Iced Chai with 8 pumps of chai because, hey, ya girl don't play. If this is a chai, it will be a chai and I will not accept chai flavored milk.

6:30 am- Talk to the barista about how this is the longest week of everyone's lives. EVER. Say have a great day to the older gentleman who sits outside every morning drinking his coffee and has an accent. I've never noticed he wears a baseball cap that says he's a veteran, but he is forever saying, "Have a great day, sweetheart, honey, etc." I like him. Leave Starbucks for school. Download a song to play on repeat, the entire way to school.

7:00 am-- Arrive at school. Wonder how in the world people get there that early every day. I cry a little bit on the inside. It's too early and I've already been awake for at least 2 hours and it feels like 10.

7:02 am-- Begin running around the school like a maniac because today is a fundraiser kickoff, and it's a Mentorship schedule day, and we have a UNLV presentation, and the fundraiser parent letter isn't printed or copied or counted or distributed. Did I potentially lose 4 class rosters for sign out? Yes, yes, I did, including mine so at least I wasn't biased. Open the Memo I created and yell at the computer because the blue logo should be blue but it's black and yellow. You know what it is. I freak out in the silence of my room, and no one has a clue. Whew.

7:10 am-- Go to the office. Where is the parent letter? Is the computer on? Was it already printed? No one knows. No and for the final word, no.

7:50 am-- Give up all hope for those parent letters to be given to teachers before 1st period because really, who needs them? Oh, wait, every kid in the school.

8:00 am-- Leadership begins. Pledge. Moment of silence. Video announcement group is going. Posters are being painted. Leadership one-on-ones for quarter reflections. Strong willed girl. Tears. She goes to the bathroom. 2nd one-on-one.... tears. Two different girls. Copies of parent letter delivered at 8:35 am. I am now literally crying inside myself because you never plan to talk to a student about their leadership goals and them cry but then I am an optimist (lies.) and never think that students will cry. And they do. They always do. Something about that chair next to my desk, when no one sees their face. Insert real tears flowing down faces of innocent sweethearts. Insert broken heart from the one sitting behind the desk. Aye-- their lives are so incredibly hard. I need to pray for them more. Girl who goes to the bathroom doesn't come back. I freak out. Oh wait, it's 8:40am now. The last 8 minutes were a blur. Girl is in the office. Okay, good.

8:48 am-- I think I've been at school for 2 days, instead of 2 hours. Mentorship kids come in. Distribute fundraising cards. I'll sell my card for $30 and I'll sell my card for $40 and I'm saying the cards are $20, what do we not understand about this really? Sell the cards for $20. Take them to the cafeteria for the fastest college presentation I've ever known of EVER. Congrats to that presenter. I go to help a class with a sub distribute fundraiser cards. That was weird and funny and those kids were mostly mine.

9:32 am-- Finally a freedom beyond belief. Prep time. Nope, admin meeting time. What are we doing. That lasted my whole freedom period so there's that.

10:16 am-- So begins 3rd period and US History and kids who are ALREADY taking words out of my mouth. "Put your backpacks on the floor and your cell phones away." Who are they. You can't do that in week 4. You have to wait until at least week 5. Too soon my friends. Too soon.

11:16 am-- Lunch. I have a whole 25 minutes, which is a beloved miracle. The sub asked if he can have some of my hummus to eat with his pizza. Sure? Can I really say no to that and then eat it in front of you since I have the whole container? "How old are you?" 29. "Oh, I thought so. I'm almost 29." Do I bellow laughter now or later. I don't know. "You seem very professional." Yes, this is my job. (You know I said that directly to him out loud.) I don't know what that means so that was interesting.

11:52 am-- Both bells have rang and I have 5 kids and I really have one absent student. The music is so loud in the cafeteria that no one hears the bell. Everyone else in the building is trying to drown out their craze too. You know what. Do what needs to be done. Finally, all of my kids arrive. They are screaming. They are seniors. They won't sit down, they act like they're at the mall and I'm wondering how in the world I became so relaxed. How did I lose OCD psychopathic tendencies? So that bought them a little bit of time while I figured out my life. When we begin, I tell them that everyone needs to take a deep breath in and I forgot to tell them to release that so you know those drama queens are sitting there like, "I always do what the teacher says." No words. Ummm, hello, release your breath please. Now can I just hear some good news. They share. They were actually really good-- good news sharers. I was impressed. So goes the rest of the day. It was a little chaotic and a little hectic and I'm a whole lot of tired and been awake too long.

3:10 pm-- Leave school. Go to the district office to drop off paperwork and call the tshirt company to see if our tshirts are ready. They're not but great news, we won the tshirt contest so we get 50 free shirts. Yes please. I'll have those to you yesterday. Make a decision. What to eat for dinner. I need some comfort food. Okay, Raising Cane's that just opened up next to my house. I will sit in your ridiculously long line to wait for some chicken fingers, fries and sweet tea.

Oh yeah and some toast because sometimes... ya girl needs a piece of toast.

I'm sure today has been hectic for you too. You are not alone. Eat some toast. -Melis

Daymakers and Depression. Why they need to compromise or why depression needs to be conquered.

So here's the thing. I've admitted I really struggle with depression, so we're over that Great Wall of the Entire World and not just China thing. 

Stop with the under your breath talk about it. Stop with your booing and hissing and dirty looks and all. Let's move on.

I've decided that a match made in Heaven is obviously Jesus over depression but I've also decided that He gives us a lot of things to be thankful for too. I'm all about gratitude. I'm all about telling people how thankful we are for them. I'm all for making people's days. And you know what else I'm all about? Having my day made when it sucks. And sometimes it does. Sometimes we have bad life hours, bad life days, bad life weeks, and bad life months and years. I agree with whoever said that laughter was the best medicine. It is one of the very best and loving Jesus is right there too. Those are the best but in the process of loving Jesus in the middle of an on-again, off-again relationship with depression, I've had some down right day makers. Daymaker giving away their whole life things. That's the good stuff. That's the stuff I want to cover up my life disasters. I want those things to think about and dream about and live about and BE about.

Here's what else I know... I want a daymaker desperately sometimes. And so do other people. So I'm challenging myself this week to make people's days. I don't know what I'll do every day but I do know what made this start. Here's a few things that have made my days over the last week or so...

1. Friday night, I sent an e-mail to a co-worker thanking him for all his help last week preparing for the assembly. When you say thank you, you don't expect anything in return. There's no reason for you're welcome really but sometimes people say it and sometimes they really mean it and you're really grateful that they're really grateful and it starts this awesome day making game. So I get this funny e-mail back this morning saying thank you for the thank you and to let him know if I need any help for anything. That wasn't required AT ALL. No gift was necessary. Appreciated? Yes. So normally when people send e-mails, it's this underlying notion that no one has to actually verbally say anything... but sometimes people do. And I appreciate that too. A face to face conversation. So he comes to my room during my prep and says something like, "I didn't know what to write in that e-mail... I really wanted to write 'I'm speechless' but didn't want that to be taken the wrong way." Excuse me, you're talking to the girl who culturally offends people in other countries while they're in line for their dinner... there are very few things that I'm so easily offended by. He said people rarely say thank you. NO KIDDING. So when people do, no one knows what to say because they're so taken back by what you did say. #truthteller He was, quite frankly, shocked for someone saying thank you for just doing what he needed to do. Between me and whoever reads this, sometimes people just need a day maker. I got to make his day and he made mine by talking face to face with me about it all. Let's make days of people who make ours too... did you follow that?

2. My heart. My kids. They are CRAZY. Today, I jokingly asked my 4th period who was paying them at lunch to act like they don't know what was going on. One kid said he was paying everyone well. I told him it was apparently working and he had good employees. I heard from one of my boys-- little brothers-- today too... DAY MADE. I love knowing what's going on (because I'm nosey and ask a million questions) and I love they check in every once in a while. True family. Maker of days. and days. and days.

3. Teri. You could say my home away from home. Or my mom away from mom. My mom is sure thankful for her. Last Tuesday, she was sitting at Starbucks and invited me over for an hour or so. I love her heart that follows Jesus and is obedient to Him. I love her determination and the way she sticks up for people. She has been known more than once to convince me to meet up with her even when I am having a bad life-life. When I arrive, inevitably, a Starbucks chai (my favorite in case you didn't know) is there already for me to drink out of. She even has the straw in place! One day (a couple of weeks ago), I came home to a book I had wanted outside my door with a ribbon on it that said, "Happy Birthday Quarter!" It's the little things she does... and checking on me when she thinks there's something wrong. She is an all the time day maker. I want to be an all the time day maker! 

4. My boss is awesome. I would work for him any day of the week in any school in any place. As I was walking out last week taking a deep breath, I had stopped to ask him something totally unrelated to anything he was discussing. So interesting that I can't even remember what it is... oh yeah-- water for the assembly since it was outside and a million degrees the following day. He made sure to look me straight in the face and give this word hoarder of a girl (aka me) some words of affirmation that I needed. I don't know how he knew I needed them but I did. He said he was glad I was there, working for him. I'm SO thankful, overwhelmingly thankful that people see when days need to be made and they just make them.

5. Jamberry is going well. I'm constantly encouraged by my team and thankful for the ladies that invest in the business but also invest in others. I'm also super excited that I have a consultant that's now on my team, a sweet, Godly young woman who is with me on this! Hoping for a few more too :) But until then, I have a highly successful, very fun party going on at the moment. Makes my morning, day, night, not just because of money but because making other peoples' days make mine! I don't know how much more I can emphasize that!

Those five things... defeat my depression. They have a love/hate relationship. Depression doesn't like daymakers but daymakers can't stand depression. But I think they need to compromise or the daymakers need to take over. It is the grace of God and the love and compassion of my Savior who places people in my life that speak Truth and aren't afraid to speak up. People who aren't afraid to make days for other people and not just themselves.

Take this challenge with me! Let's make someone's day... in the small things. Buying them an ice cream or telling them you love that color on them. Speak up for them. Speak up to them and say something that will... make.their.day. World changers are day makers. I want to see a changed world, even if it's just small and around me so I want to make days. You in? I'm assuming you just answered yes out loud to the computer screen. Okay, maybe that was just me. Regardless. I'm daymaking.

-Melis

My eagerly awaited Life Decisions (x2)... They're probably not what you think.

About a week ago, I posted on Facebook that I had made two big life decisions that I was pretty excited about. {Pause-rant. I do not apologize at all for this one because I'm annoyed enough to say some pretty intensely rude things here.}

One of the life decisions was not that I'm getting married at the moment. I will get to the life decisions in a minute. One day? Yes. Is there someone at the moment? No.... and really, is it any of your business? Possibly not, depending on who you are. I guess we all get to decide what we share and what we don't share. And while we're on this topic, let me say something and I absolutely mean this. Please consider before you say anything or ask when I'm getting married or why I'm not married. I realize that not everyone means to be offensive but most of the time, it is not taken the way you mean it, so please stop asking. Telling me that I'm such a great girl and you can't believe I'm not married does NOT encourage me. When I know when I'm getting married, you will know. When I know who I'm marrying, you will know. So please (as I told one of my kids today), open up your purse/wallet and get a chill pill and take it. For Heaven's sake, I have to chill out about it and, quite frankly, I'm ready for you to do the same. I'm insecure enough on my own without a million questions being asked about something I'm already super insecure about. I know I'm not the only single girl that feels this pain so PLEASE RECONSIDER BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING. 

Now, with that being said, the great news is that I have successfully made two big decisions in the last couple of weeks that I'm pretty excited about. Back to the positive attention and news. 

1. I am quitting stress. If whatever you're saying or doing is unnecessary and causing me extra thinking over nothing, do not think twice about me bowing out of the conversation or excusing myself. I am choosing not to listen to this. I know that sounds insane. How do you quit something that you're addicted to? Well, it will be a process, but I have to move in that direction. No reason really for anyone to be stressed all the time and I'm so over it. So I'm quitting. There, I said it, more publicly than before. I'm quitting my addiction to stress.

2. I have decided to be an independent consultant with a small company named Jamberry. It's a nail wrap company that allows me to get extra income, while throwing parties for people who love pretty, fancy nails. I'm just starting and am looking to throw parties for family and friends, who don't just want to support me, but also want to try the nail wraps. I was super excited when I first tried them back in June and have gotten lots of compliments on them. After hosting a party on Facebook in August, I decided that I, too, wanted to sell the nail wraps (and the lacquers and the application fun stuff) in order to help pay off student loans in a faster way, as well as pay for travel and getting to do some extra stuff that I sometimes don't do. My lead has been very supportive and loves Jesus and Africa so I feel like we will continue to get along well and she has been EXTREMELY helpful in so many little things.

I'm thrilled to be doing things I love with less stress and more encouragement and support for myself. If I have learned anything in the last year, it's that I have to take care of myself and both of these things are not selfish but they do help me stay healthy (in general-stress causes my physical body ridiculous amounts of sickness) and they help me accomplish goals I have set, while also getting to be who I am and getting to do what I love.

For those of you who are always supportive and encouraging, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I absolutely love and adore many of you and am grateful for the time I get to spend with you and the way you care for me and about me. I know so many people who put others ahead of themselves and I'm just thankful that sometimes that person is me who gets to be thought of. If you have a specific question about anything here, please just message me on Facebook or contact me. I look forward to sharing more about this in the coming months!

Love, Melis

By the way, this is my web site if you want to look at the nail wraps :)
Melissa's Jamberry Nails Site