Sometimes on the way to school, I get these brilliant stupid ideas to share my whole life story with my Leadership kids. Today, it was inspired by this song: "Invisible" by Hunter Hayes. If you've never heard it or watched the music video, take a minute.
Next week, we are promoting a Week of Respect across our school district (at least that I know of). The problem I keep having is that kids don't respect themselves enough to respect other people. Our insecurities are loud when we tell other people what we think of them. My kids say some MEAN things to each other, to me, to themselves, to their families and friends. I don't like it. I don't like myself when I'm like that so I started out with a really brave stupid move and asked the students to write down what they thought I (me, Melissa) was like in high school. What was their perception of me? I got so many answers... tempered, smart, pretty, outgoing, quiet, shy, wanted good grades, hard worker, didn't care what others thought, cared what others thought, had a really good support system, etc.
Can I just say this? Letting my kids who I see everyday into this little piece of my life is so exciting terrifying for me. The more vulnerable we are, the more susceptible we are to being hurt, broken, and torn up by the people we have shared the most with. I couldn't even look at the things they wrote as they were placing them in the front because I thought I was going to cry. Reminder: kids are mean.. to everyone in case you didn't know. So, while I love my job and I love and adore my kids, this girl gets her feelings hurt ALL THE TIME. Because sometimes I'm somewhere else to them and I'm not real or human and they are hurtful. Sometimes, they don't mean to be AND sometimes they do. They have their own stuff in their own worlds and forget that their world isn't the only one. This happens a lot.
Anyways-- I continued and told them that I didn't believe any of the good things about myself. I kept a smile on my face a lot but it was not always the way I felt. Even now, I struggle to be as honest with you as my regular reader, than I did with my kids. I was hurt, I was angry, I had my own emotions. I wanted to be beautiful. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be popular and I never felt like I lived up to any of that hype. I realize that even those I went to high school with would disagree with me on some of these things but, remember, many of the things we let others believe about us are not always true. Without going into any vicious details with you, I will just say this. My kids were surprised. Why were they surprised? Do I live a lie? No, but sometimes we put the past behind us and move on. Some of us run far from the details that wounded and some of us run to them and hold them hostage. I played the song, "Invisible" for them. They wouldn't look at me. They stared at the lyrics because maybe for the first time for many of them, they really understood me. They really saw into a piece of my heart and my mind and my past and my present. And then I asked them to think for themselves, what is the perception that other people have of you? Is it true?
The room was silent. Besides a few sniffles and the noise of 19 pencils frantically writing everything every single one of them ever thought that someone thought of them, it was quiet. No one looked around, no one made eye contact because most of us wished we were invisible. I'm standing in front of them with my hair pulled back feeling I'm halfway dressed, wondering who in the world placed me in front of this group of kids who have experienced way too much and way too little and are so hurt? The seconds seemed like minutes and the minutes to the end of the period literally could not have gone fast enough. When they finally stopped writing, I asked if anyone was brave enough to share what people thought of them. After some complete and utter silence, one of the girls said she would and she shared her heart and she cried. Because no one in that room would have realized that she had been hurt or felt alone or didn't like things sometimes and she was tired of people expecting her to be so strong. Her tears caused one of the sweetest girls in the whole entire world and history of time to wipe her eyes as well because she feels the same. I felt the tears in the edge of mine too because I hurt for her. I know what being "strong" feels like and most of the time, it screams "powerless" more than strong. It screams hurting failure more than strong and I do not want her to feel this way. I do not want either of them to feel that way because it feels invisible. A few more kids shared and I could not have been more proud of them for being honest, for sharing, for being real, for being vulnerable, for trusting 19 other people. These small things... these tiny, little details are a big deal for my kids. They're a big deal for me. And so after we honestly talked about what others think about us, I asked them to mark those things out because those things don't have to be true unless we want them to be so we can take the ugly voices in our head and shut them down and tell ourselves the Truth. For goodness' sake, we need the Truth desperately.
We need our invisible moments to be visible to someone who cares and loves us and accepts us, flaws, past, and all. And we need to be reminded that we aren't the only ones with invisible moments because in the process, we hurt so many people around us because they are never seen. They are never, ever seen and that's all they're asking is for a person to pay attention for a small moment.
Let us be intentional. Let us be careful with the words we say and the passions we live out and let us pursue people to make them feel like a million dollars. Let us treasure and value and find worthy- the invisible and the visible. The loved and unloved. The broken and the healed. The wounded and the put together. We were all each of those people once. Who was it that made us feel visible again?
Choosing visibility- Melis
P.S. The sweetest thing in teaching is knowing you are making a difference, knowing you were heard and they get it. Three different messages to me tonight from my kids just saying thank you for sharing, I'm here for you, I was encouraged, my life is hard right now, and you make me laugh. "Love you." Because those are some of the most powerful words a person can speak and we've already talked about that this week. I love you too sweet girls, and get you and your broken hearts much more than you know. Thank you for reading this friends.
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