A 10 Year Prayer...

A couple of months ago, I was asked the following questions: 

"Hey Melissa, I've got a friend who is really having a hard time being single. She sent me this tonight. do you have anything I could say to help?"

"I have a hypothetical situation. So you know how people are always telling us that we just have to wait and God is going to bless us with the greatest men? Or that we just have to trust that it will happen eventually, but what if it doesn't? What if Gods plan for me doesn't involve another person. What if I am going to be waiting the rest of my life for something that He never had planned? I'm terrified of that. I'm scared that I, a person who needs the companionship of others, is meant to be alone. I only can trust, but what am I trusting in? That it will lead me to happiness? Because I cannot fathom a world where I am happy with loneliness. Trusting God has a plan is so much easier said than done, but right now, I'm terrified that what my expectations for His plan are and what His plan truly is are COMPLETELY different things."

A few weeks ago, I sat down to write my future man a letter. I have a box full of letters. I've probably never talked about that here because it's a concept that is sometimes made fun of. And I don't like being made fun of honestly.

I've woken up a few times just praying for him (especially this week). Wondering a lot of things about the future.

This was my response to the original question: 

"Unfortunately, for me the situation is not hypothetical. When I was in college, everyone acted like everyone gets married right out of college and meets the person to marry in college. Neither was true for me or any of my close friends either. Being out of college, I've had incoming and outgoing seasons where friends would all get married and then no one would get married and then a lot of people would get married again and then would stop. It is HARD. So I don't want to lie or advise you in a way that is not truthful. Yes, it is a reality that she could never get married. Lonely forever? I think that's only by choice really. 

I would encourage your friend to do a couple of things...

1. Begin to read the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John). I'm reading them now and there are so many places where they are forced to trust and believe. It's a reminder that we CAN trust and what happens when we don't. 

2. Begin praying for a belief in trusting God. If I have prayed one prayer a million times, it has been that of the man in the NT who says, "Overcome my unbelief" because I am truly a terrible believer. 

This statement from her: "Trusting God has a plan is so much easier said than done, but right now, I'm terrified that what my expectations for His plan are and what His plan truly is are COMPLETELY different things."

All true. Way easier said than done. It takes time. His plans are completely different than our plans. I began to see Psalm 37:4 so differently, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." It doesn't say ask for what you want and then believe God will give it to you. Spend time with him, seek Him out in your own time and time with Godly friends, walk closely with Him while you have so much time. THEN He will give you the desires of your heart. I will tell you that those desires will change and they will look different in 10 years than they do right now, married or not. NONE of my life plans look or seem like what I thought-- and it's disappointing and heart-warming at the same time. Had I married the guy I thought God wanted me to or stayed where I thought He wanted me to or worked at the place I thought He wanted me to and not actually completed the task that He gave me, my life would also look different but I have to choose obedience over want, trusting that He does know what is best. I have prayed for a Godly man for 10 years and I am still waiting (which will provide no encouragement for your friend) but that is reality sometimes but the beauty is that God knows us better than we know ourselves and we can trust that He will provide in His time and not because we have the right formula. I will be praying for her and you as she trusts you with a lot of things in her heart. Praying for wisdom..."

I found the original blue index card with my original list for my future man. Every quality I was praying for in the man I married. You know what? They haven't really changed. If they have changed, they have actually changed back to my original list. The desires God gave me, He has kept. 

This card is now 10 years old. That makes me nervous and feel old and anticipate a lot of things. 

However, it was a peaceful sweet reminder that God is faithful. A prayer I began praying a little over 10 years ago has yet to be answered in my eyes but has been fully named and answered in His. 

God sees me and loves me and knows the desire of every piece of my heart: every person, plan, career, book writing topic. Every single thing I've prayed about... He knows. That's a relief. 

That's all I want to say right now because I'm a little overwhelmed but very thankful. 

He knows me well. -Melis

Tell me you don't want to go home... {on immigrants}

I moved to Las Vegas eight years ago this week.

It would be a lie to say it has been easy. It has been fun and it is been enjoyable and it has been hard. The transition was not easy and finding a place to fit in was a DEFINITELY not easy. Sometimes I feel like I even still don't know my place but I do know it, I'm just sometimes in denial.

At the school I teach at, the students are all new to the country. They have mostly lived in the U.S. for less than 4 years. Some stories are different and there are a few exceptions but that is pretty much the rule. Many of them have multiple family members and friends in the countries they have come from. They have stories there, haunting pasts, sick family members that can't leave or are too old, and places that they dearly loved.

It is easy for me to say as a person who grew up in America that once I'm in America, I should love everything about it. I should speak English automatically and know how to read road signs and follow laws. I should attend school regularly and make straight A's because that's everyone's expectations. THAT IS NOT REALISTIC MY FRIENDS.

My students and their families came to the United States for better opportunities. They are not perfect and they do not speak English correctly and they do not always follow the law because sometimes they just don't know. They don't know the attendance rules and they MISS HOME. Many of their parents sent them to live with someone to attend school and a university because they can take what they learned and have a better life than their parents.

Sometimes I miss home and I just grew up in a different part of the country. Home home is SO incredibly different than Las Vegas. I love city life but sometimes I just want to go to a small Mexican restaurant without driving to the other side of the world and I want to eat Chick-Fil-A on my way home from work and I want sweet tea to be served at every restaurant. I want someone to speak to me with a southern accent and not tell me that the way I say the words "white" and "why" and "what" is funny. It's not weird that I speak slower or dress differently. Those things are familiar to me. Those are home to me.

My students miss home. They miss the familiarity of everyone who speaks the same language and eats the same food and school is the same way. And they miss so much more than that. 

Yet, we complain that they don't stand for the pledge to the American flag. They don't truly know what freedom is in America yet... they are still figuring it out. Should we teach this? Yes, absolutely! 100%. They don't understand the military and the respect for the military because the military and the people in government abused the system and took away their freedoms in their own countries and they had nothing but they had everything. When they came to the US, they came with a suitcase of their small amount of belongings and they moved into the house of a distant relative to live for a few years. Some of my kids came to America and they didn't know they were staying. They thought it was a vacation, a sports trip and they stayed. They miss home. 

And when you tell me that a person should go back to their home, sometimes the home is not there. The feelings and memories and people are there but it is not the same. And they are scared of that too. 

So as you're vacationing this summer at the beach and you miss your bed, think of my kids, think of their beds in their nice houses in their countries that they miss because it smells and sounds and looks familiar. Please don't roll your eyes at the family who's speaking Spanish or Arabic or Farsi or Thai or Chinese or Aramaic or anything else for that matter because those are my kids families. Those people are someone's family and someone who missed home just like you. Someone who has worked really hard to take their family on a vacation and to a nice dinner. You know what? Pay for their meal. Surprise them. Send them a plate of dessert and they may not know what to do but let's show them that Americans can be kind and nice and not judgmental. Ask them questions about their accent and country and tell them how much you want to travel (only if you really do- don't lie, of course). Ask them if they still have family there and what job they have here. Ask them what's different.

Actually look at them and pay attention to the way they're just like you. Because sometimes we all just want to go to our own beds and our own time clocks and our own lives but we were meant for relationships, to serve and encourage one another. I DARE you to take one opportunity this summer to reach out to someone who makes you uncomfortable and do something nice. That begins to make it feel more like home. :)

-Melis