10 days of thoughts without social media-Part 1

Day 1: 

Go figure that the first day I choose to go without social media, I have a virus. A short one. But I let my boss and the school know I'm not coming. I check in with my mom. Watch a few movies and sleep A LOT. Chandler, the best, brought me soup from Panera. Let's just say she was the only person I saw all day because I didn't know what anyone was doing because I couldn't check Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Oh and I couldn't pin anything. 

Score: Social media: 0 Melissa: 1 

Day 2: 

I return to work to find out my coworkers considered whether I was being held hostage in my apartment or if I was really sick. I NEVER call in sick. The coincidences of my no social media rule and my sickness caused some really funny reactions at school. However, I cannot at this point doubt for a second that the people I work with truly and honestly care about me. I am so glad for this. You have no idea. I also had 2 finals to write and Refuge to be at so I didn't have a whole lot of extra time. Also, I actually talked to people because I didn't just miraculously think I knew what was going on in their lives. 

Realization: to belong is one of the beautiful things on the planet.

Score: Social media: 0 Melissa: 2

Day 3: 

Today has been wild. Yesterday, my last class was like taming a small circus. Today, my 5th period was a zoo, yours truly the zoo keeper. I flipped out. My 6th period was silent when they walked in because they had already been warned in a matter of 1-2 minutes. I told them at the beginning of the year, "This girl don't play." I think they might believe me now. I left school with 1 final still to complete but in a much better mood and lots of grading to do. I have already apologized to my students for neglecting them this year because I have been so busy. I have much higher expectations for the upcoming semester. I came home and fixed my lunch for tomorrow....!!! Can we just pause to discuss how crazy this is? I'm more likely to forget my lunch than pack it early! Monumental moment. Unfortunately, while looking for something on the Internet for school on my phone, I opened Instagram but immediately closed it as if the social media guards are watching and waiting to slap my phone out of my hands. I like this freedom. And I got to sit and plan and talk with Vanessa and RaeLynn without worrying about how many people liked my Instagram pictures. That, my sweet addicted frriends, is some kind of wonderful.

Score: social media: .25 Melissa: 2.75

Day 4:

To say that today has been a piece of cake has been a lie. It has been a glorious Friday but a long one-- long as in 12 hours at school. (Insert tears) It wasn't terrible, but it is hard facing a long school day at the end of the week. With that being said, I had no time for social media. And I had a wonderful dinner with Chandler-- I just adore her. She is like my little sister and we usually have serious part 1 and outrageously ridiculous part 2. 

Score: social media: .25 Melissa: 3.75

Day 5: 

Pretty sure today would trip me up but thanks to a 6 hour class, a clean apartment, a movie, some reading, homework and a 3 hour nap-- it didn't. Take that social media!! I give myself 5 extra points for today. 

Score: social media: .25 Melissa 9.75

10 Days of Silent Social Media

I am addicted to social media. 

There. I said it. I don't like the addiction but it does exist. And it's about time we own up to the things we need help with. 

Social media has created in me this disdain for my, often, very ordinary life. My Nothing significant or special becomes weighed against everyone's extraordinary. But enough has gotten to be enough. When I wake up and the first thing I do is check social media, there is a problem for me. And if that game starts early enough, it takes down my whole morning and possibly day depending on the updates. 

I have found that 1 of 2 things will quickly ruin me in this area. 

1. I literally have the ability to make up a romantic comedy about my life within minutes of meeting a single guy. This is embarrassing but I know I'm not the only one that lives there. The worst part is that I usually know this person from some sort of social media: a tagged picture, a comment on an Instagram or a mention in a tweet. Now is that insane or what? I kind of feel like I know the person already when really I'm completely clueless!! And that's not even the point. Social media has made me obsessive over relationships and that is just straight up unhealthy. It allows Satan to lie to me about my worth, what I deserve and don't deserve, how messed up I am or how much I need "this man" who is not a horrible human being but just doesn't love Jesus. Do I need to explain myself any further??

2. The other thing I've found that has become a major issue is the ongoing comparison game I've begun playing with people who don't know they're in the game. I have become a jealous mean girl in my mind and believe me, my mind is a very wide open pit already, so jealousy, envy and the green of deceit oozes real deep when I get caught up in social media. It makes me want a romantic comedy movie relationship, a friendship that's my everlasting best friend in the whole entire world, a job where I do nothing but take pictures of myself in 4 million places in one week, a landscape that only has inspiring quotes,.... and I could go on and on. It is a terrible place to find yourself in because when I begin thinking normally like a sane human being, I realize how detrimental the comparison game is to my identity. I wish I were someone else sometimes and that is just not what I was created for. 

I was created to love God as myself, understanding that this is my full purpose. Everything else will come brewing out of that sweet relationship.... And when it doesn't, God usually puts His hand over my ongoing blabbering mouth and says, "Wait. Like I told you before," or "No. Like I told you before." He usually doesn't wait to answer me but I wait until I hear what I want to hear and the bottom line is he's been speaking to me about this social media thing for a while. It's time to go all in.

So... With that being said, for the next 10 days (starting tomorrow), I will be silent on social media. Including my Twitter account where I will wonder what everyone is doing every 5 seconds. Including my Facebook, where things constantly change and I never get to what I'm supposed to be looking at or doing. Including my Instagram, where I know what everyone's eating and what the sunset looks like every day. And lastly, I will give up Pinterest, secret boards and dreamy, unrealistic hair and save those moments for later. I will check my email and will use text and calling (I'm not sure if you know what this is!! Ha) so I am still able to be contacted. I will not obsess over texting either because that's a whole soapbox in itself that I will save for a holiday or a Friday. Seems appropriate. 

Join me maybe? -Melissa 

Life is weird and other thought provoking ideas.

Today, I was straightening my hair and looking at myself in the mirror for obvious reasons. So I don't burn my hair out, so I don't straighten my ear, etc. and then I started realizing how many thoughts I was thinking at that moment. I had to laugh because they were mostly ridiculous and unrealistic but they did exist for those few moments. And then I began thinking (as I was last week and every day since) that life is just really strange. I am really strange. I don't like my strangeness sometimes and other times I'm very proud of the weird thoughts inside my head. I also realized that I do not see myself the way others see me. And sometimes I forget how much other people do know about me despite what I wish they didn't but that's kind of something I can't do anything about at this point. I've jumped into many pits at my own expense with several onlookers and I can't really take those moments back. Then I thought maybe I just need to be more honest about my own stupidity. So here are 14 things you may or may not know about me. Mostly things before college even. Some short. Some not. And if you didn't think life was weird before, here's some evidence for that topic. 

1. Until 8th grade, my hair was all the way down to my waist. No, I'm not kidding. No, I didn't have a problem going to the bathroom. (I used to be so offended when people asked me STUPID questions like that- for heaven's sake, I was potentially the most naive person on the planet.) 

2. I only remember a few things about elementary school: the time one of the girls found hair in her spaghetti and we all rebelled, wearing heels to school and being sorely embarrassed, and the time I almost passed out on the playground because I made a B. There are a few other memories but I will not bore you with those today. Oh, one time we had a blizzard and Brittney was spending the night so she spent half the week. That was fun. 

3. I hated middle school. I hated PE. I hated locker rooms. I hated a lot of things about middle school. I had a lot of friends but there's something about those years that I do not remember fondly. Oh wait, it was the basketball in my face in 6th grade. So PE was a little intense. 

4. I was a cheerleader. No, I wasn't cute and funny most of the time. I laughed a lot when I should have been cheering and no, I cannot do a cartwheel. 

5. On Sundays, my sister and I would watch a movie in the afternoon and I would usually fall asleep on the rug under the coffee table. 

6. One time during summer, my cousin and I met this guy on the beach and my family thought we went missing and couldn't find us. He just rented jet skis. We came back to them yelling our names. We were kind of idiots then.

7. In high school, I was a bit boy crazy. Nothing serious. Just some boyfriends and homecoming/Prom dates. I was crazy/a little obsessed. 

8. The last dance of my 8th grade dance (as I remember) was the song that says, "I'm leaving on a jet plane" which is so weird because we all went to the same high school after that and I'm not sure anyone went anywhere on a plane at all. 

9. I figured out Jesus in high school. It changed a lot for me and gave me a great youth group, FCA group, and fun summer camps. 

10. I sang in middle school and high school choir but never made Allstate. I could always repeat tones but I was not very good at reading music and I was as nervous as heck.

11. One time I had to be in a pageant. That was weird and I did not belong there. I'm pretty sure knowing myself now, I smirked at the judges so as not to move on and because I was mortified.

12. I used to not like having freckles or moles. Now I realize most people actually like them. I still don't think I completely understand that. 

13. I loved school and my amounts of reading are still inspired by my 2nd grade teacher who was like the teacher on Matilda. 

14. Lastly, I didn't realize how much laughing made a difference but those 13 years brought about lots of laughter and smiles for me and several of my closest friends. 

It seems that at some points, I have resented how weird I feel like life has been but then I think in some way or another, life is strange for everyone just in different ways and I'm thankful for the weirdness that has kind of come full circle for me. Hope you were able to join me in laughing and reminiscing a bit. I'll catch up on more memories later!

Still laughing at how weird life is- Melis 

Out with the old, in with the new!

Here's to a new year full of change and newness. I was trying to figure out the best way to compile the good and bad of the last 12 months and have narrowed them down to the following. A list would be the only appropriate way to share.  

1. Quitting my job: I never imagined I would leave Mack. I had pretty much assumed that I would teach there for the entirety of my teaching career in Vegas. But that didn't happen and I was extremely anxious about what felt like starting over. 

2. Changing schools: Who knew it would be the best decision for me!!?? (Well apparently there were a lot more people than I thought.) I love my kids and am grateful to be able to actually teach, have students who are interested and spending a lot of time actually caring about kids who reciprocate the feeling. One told me that he had never had a teacher who treated him like he was a human being before. I felt honored to be the one but embarrassed that he's a senior and has thought that of so few people in his life. 

3. Kids in DC: One of my life dreams is to take kids I know from school with me to Africa. Planning the DC trip with Katie and Sara helped me realize that it is possible to take groups of students to brand new places and have them be aware of places before they leave. It was also proof that students could walk for 10 miles without complaining. 

4. Sister's wedding: There's so much excitement when people you love have dreams come true-- that was Trista's wedding for me. It was beautiful. I sang at the wedding, which has become a rare occasion for me, and enjoyed being a bridesmaid with my crazy cousin and friend from high school. I love Trista and am grateful to be a part of her big day.

5. Said yes to Africa again for 2014: I stood on the beaches of Southern California and laughed and dreamed with girls for Africa. I'm thrilled to know that I'll be taking a few of those students across the world in July of this year to play with kids, sing and dance, and continue to say YES to what God is leading me to. 

6. Said yes to student ministry: After being out of student ministry in a church building for almost 4 years, I jumped back in to a small group of senior girls who were feisty, funny and loved Jesus. 

7. Been as tired as ever: Kristi finally looked at me a couple of months ago and did not hesitate to tell me I needed to stop doing something and I needed to figure out what that was. So I'm doing that. Currently. 

8. Completed the most exhausting internship on the planet: It is literally beyond me how people student teach and work a full time job. They should be paid double time. After surviving, like barely not drowning for a whole semester, I am thankful to say that 200 hours, on top of a full time job, a personal life and being super involved at church, is completed. 

9. Refresher Girls' Event: I am grateful to say that 150 girls and leaders were changed by the Gospel of love and restoration at the beginning of November. I served with some of the most incredible women on the planet and I was grateful to lead this event. 

10. The realization of the clear voice inside of me that's effective when it comes out: I was told by one of my students that for the first week of school, I turned red everytime I talked to them. Speaking in front of people scares me to no end but I've realized that once I open my mouth, it works. I can do it and do it well. At the Refresher women's event and at Refuge, I've been given multiple times to share tidbits of what God is changing and refining in me. The realization that I'm not alone in 90% of those emotions has been a propeller for me to say yes to this more. 

11. Completion of my Master's degree: finally!! After only a year and a half, I have completed my Master's Degree in Education specializing in Administrative Leadership. Basically, I can be an assistant principal or principal one day. If that's not scary, I don't know what is. 

12. I Belong: It was the last series Hope had for 2013 but it is at very least, an adequate description of the last year of my life. I am now in a small group of women who encourage me and share honestly and genuinely. I am a small part of an upcoming church plant of people who are in similar life stages and seasons and make me feel like I am missed even if they know I'm running late. I love both of these groups, as well as the multiple people I have reconnected to and those who spend their lives sharing with others, like me. 

2013 was a somewhat semi-lonely and hard year but it was also a fulfilling and overwhelming year and I'm looking forward to a fabulous 2014 with sweet changes and big dreams!! What are you dreaming of this year?? Love you all and grateful for your prayers, encouragement and thoughts to get me here! 

#bringiton2014 -Melis