The beauty of a family.

I was on a turbulent plane. Feeling a little bit nauseous. Any time I'm physically sick or just exhausted or hungry (of all I am now), the enemy feeds a bunch of ugly lies. So I was sitting there asking God to show me the good in all my mess. And holding back tears. (Because I was on a plane, and who wants to sit next to a crying baby OR a crying 30-something 😳😁.) 

I give myself a hard time a lot about the right and wrong words I've said to kids. Kids that I realize I have for a short amount of time. Kids who call me because they don't know what to do. Kids who call me because they need advice. Most of them aren't kids in the term of age but they're my kids. I told someone a few weeks ago that my school is like my home and those kids are mine. I don't just let anyone take care of the kids in my house and I mean it still. 

I beg God in certain time periods for mentors for so many of them because I feel so incredibly inadequate and out of place and unworthy. And for reasons, only known to Him, He keeps sending them to me. On Monday, I knew that even writing this would bring an awareness one of them would probably talk to me about something in which they need immediate advice or wisdom and I needed to be mindful of the words only God gives. Because it is Him. And boy, did I ever need that prayer this week. Because one became so many. 

I would never do this. I'm too selfish with my time and friends and family. I want those things and people for myself. 

God quickly reminded me of one of the sweetest families I've ever met from my first year at Global. Their son was in my class and they had invited a whole group of us to dinner with them. Because that's what family does. You eat together and share stories and clean up. I attended his graduation and sat in between his dad and brother. It was like I was part of their family. Still called his sister and I consider that a huge compliment and honor.

My mom asks about Chandler all the time. My sister talks about Chandler like they've spent significant time together over a period of time but that's not the case. I just tell Chandler stories a lot and those become like my family stories. 

The hardest part of living in Vegas is being without a "family." But I have so many adopted family members. (Besides the ones already mentioned.) Teri and Tommy who have taken me to dinner and had me over multiple times. Shannon and Todd who ask me to be part of their family for dinner and time out and shows and TIME. Kristi and Steve who are strong mentors and also willing to do things like pick me up at their airport at midnight with no complaints and only love. James and Maly and Tom and Crystal make me feel welcome as a servant at church. My boss makes my kids and I like family. And a lot of the time (even on bad days) my kids feel like mine. 

I got to spend a lot of time with my family last weekend in Georgia and I loved playing with my niece, chatting with my parents over dinner, seeing my sister and brother-in-law as a part of their worship team at church and talking to my cousin about all that is going on in her life at the moment.

All of that to say, there is so much beauty in family. And there are so many people looking for that same community and dinner table and people to pick them up from the airport.

While there are also a large amount of kids WAITING for that same dinner table, the same community and a person to travel with because maybe they've never been anywhere out of the city they're in. 

I ask and beg you to find someone who needs community and family and BE. 

Just simply BE.

I'm ready to keep doing that. -Melis

"You have won my heart more than any other..." {to my sweet single20-something girls}

Dear sweet single 20-something year old girl,

I sat with one of your friends today. And several of your other friends this past weekend. We talked about a lot of things.

Today, your most honest friend was the realest. Per the usual. We talked about this season and time of year and this season of life. And the difficulties and pain you feel. Oh the difficulties and pain that silence and isolate you to the very core. 

If I could take a moment of that hurt from you, I would willingly take it as my own, even if it means I suffer through the tears of all things and the physical agony of others and the mean things people say without realizing the MEANing of it all. They never meant for you to replay those terrible things through your head over and over and over.

Those words weren't meant to feed lies that make you think you're not good enough, over the top, too much, too skinny or fat, too right or wrong, too willing to share, too closed off. They meant none of those things... yet, those words echo through you like someone yelling your name in the Grand Canyon. And on behalf of the person who said it to you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the dreams you've had of it, the tears welling up in your eyes at this very moment, the sleepless nights you've had this week. I. AM. SO. SORRY. 

It is the season of love and if you're not in a relationship, you are wondering how you can tie up the person/group of people who invented this lovestruck mess of a day and tell them everything you're thinking so that someone will hear your hurting. (#Hashtag: When you find them, I will help. You're welcome in advance.)

I was 21 once. (10 years ago, but whatever.) And I knew how BADLY I wanted to be married. Now I'm 31 and I still haven't given up that fight. I want to be married. But I don't just want to be married. I want to be married to a man who knows my name and encourages me. Who loves Jesus more than me.

I want that for you too. 

So this can be the worst. The freaking worst season of your life. Or you can partially give up and have a bad attitude about it like me and just keep living :) (That is not all completely true-mostly dramatic.)

I'm not lying when I say this comes straight from a letter I
wrote to my future husband. :) 

I get butterflies when a guy (who loves Jesus might I add!) that I find attractive looks at me in just the right way but it also terrifies me because what if he knows everything? I still want you to have butterflies. But I want that right guy looking at you in the right way. And I want him to know what he wants. I don't want him to look at you and your three friends in the same way or say the same things that are a bunch of crap lies to you and your three friends. And I don't want him to say a bunch of stupid things that make you feel a certain way so he can get what he wants out of it. I want him to love Jesus more than you. I want him to encourage you and to KNOW you. To know the beauty of your broken heart and desire Jesus to place it all back together WITHOUT him (the hot Jesus-loving boy).

We can't fix broken hearts sweet one. But we KNOW the One who can. I listened to a song today called, "Be Still" by Bethel Music and my favorite lines are below...

"Be still my heart and know
You are God alone.
Stop thinking so much and just let go...

In my weakness, your strength is perfect.

You, alone, are God. There will be no other. 
You have won my heart. More than any other. 
So I will give it all. Cause you gave it all for me."

Spend this season begging God for a man who loves Him more than you and for His Kingdom more than a man. (Yeah, I totally stole that from my conversation with the realest today). He will come when God so chooses. There is no magic formula or correct prayer or one-stop-shop on this. There's just not. So don't ask for it. It won't be the same as your favorite couple and it won't be in the timing you think.

In this season (whether it lasts for 12 years #me OR 12 days), ask God to show you who YOU are and what He wants from you. Erase the hurt through the blood of Jesus and follow steadfastly in His footsteps. Kneel at His altar and strengthen your hands in praise. And do those things, even into a season of a relationship and a time of marriage.

But if that time doesn't come now or ever, you are in a position to love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and plead His blood over all. And His Kingdom is about that. It's about His things. His Son. His blood. His cross. It was never about marriage or us or love songs or holidays. It was Him. It was always, always Him. And marriage is a beautiful picture of the way He loves us. Hence, we are the bride of Christ. A beautiful, stunning, flawless, and complete Bride. 

And if you want to talk, and feel like your life is the only life on the entire planet falling apart, that's totally okay. And I get it. Now, call me... I've got your back. But I think you've got it too ;)

Love you, Melis