I was just standing in my bathroom thinking to myself (and actually not aloud which will surprise you if you know me at all) about Liz. Before you call me crazy because I think about characters (who happen to be real this time around) from the book I’m reading in my spare time, consider what I’m saying here. I was pondering (because that sounds like it has more depth than just thinking which could be a good change for me) a comment that Elizabeth Gilbert makes about David in her book. David is the guy that she falls unabashedly into the arms of right after she declares that she wants/needs a divorce from her husband. There is nothing about this story that I can truly identify with. I have not gone through a divorce. For Heaven’s sake, I have not even been married…. And that would lead me to saying that I also have not fallen crazy in love with someone in the process of getting divorced because neither a marriage nor a divorce has taken place in my life. In her writing and talk of David, she boldly makes this statement, “The fact is, I had become addicted to David… and now that his attention was wavering, I was suffering the easily foreseeable consequences. Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story.” (p. 20) Addicted to a guy? Is that possible? How shallow do you have to be to be addicted to a guy? Do you have to be shallow at all? Is it actually something that happens to everyone at some point? More importantly, because this blog is about me (and I am currently feeling a little shallow and possibly a little arrogant)… have I been addicted to a guy? (and because I am quite dramatic, it would be more like “HAVE I (me, myself, I) EVER, EVER, ever in my entire life possibly EVER been addicted to a guy?!!??)
What if I just ended the blog there? I laugh as I type that because I would actually tell a person who would make a choice similar that I may end up punching them. (On that note, I have to say that Michelle from last season of the ABC show “The Bachelor,” featuring Brad Womack as the bachelor, actually was hilarious for me because she commonly made statements like this.) I think the answer is I am addictive. I have more than likely been addicted to a guy in my life, more than likely more than one. I actually have quite an addictive personality. I will insert a list here of things that I am currently addicted to:
Love of people, things, Jesus
Pei Wei Honey Seared Chicken and Crab Wontons
Panera Caesar salads
Chai Tea (not homemade though, I cannot figure out this homemade crap)
Books (mostly memoirs)
Movies about social justice
The Bachelor/Bachelorette
Romantic comedies
Baked White Cheddar Cheetos
Dr. Pepper
Twitter
Staring at people and making up stories about their lives especially if I don’t know anything about them
Talking to myself
Frozen Yogurt: preferably cheesecake flavor with Reese’s topping
That’s just to name a few. If you were honest (because clearly that’s one of the things I do best), you would probably be able to list as many, if not more, things that you are addicted to. I don’t think an addiction is always something that you just can’t live without. We think of an addiction in relation to an alcoholic or a drug-addict. That’s not always the case. Our addictions are almost like secret love affairs that break the very heart of God when our addiction is not Him and Him alone. My addictions are mostly shallow. They will never change the world or my world and therefore, I should not spend a lot of time feeding these addictions, yet I do on a daily basis. Liz spent so much time with David that she had become infatuated and addicted, and ultimately (whether you believe it or not) fell in love with him. Now is it wrong to fall in love with someone? Oh, I think definitely not and I’m hoping that I get the opportunity to take that risk at some point in my life. Until then, I must focus my sole attention and heartbeat on Jesus alone. The words of “How He Loves Us” come to mind when it says, “He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree.” The God of the universe has sent His only Son to be a sacrifice to prove His love for us. He asked that we become addicted, consumed, and more than infatuated with Him. He desires our very being and life, more than we could ever offer or possibly give. He asks for it all, and to truly give up everything for something, I think that could be considered an addiction.
May you become completely addicted and fall completely head over heels in love with God, who loves you more than you could ever fathom or imagine and more than we could ever dream.
Letting go of my shallowness for His glory-Melis
P.S.—I think I’m becoming addicted to blogging lately too ;)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
"Eat. Pray. Love." Chaos & Empathy
I would like to be the first to admit that I am crazy obsessed with the movie, “Eat.Pray.Love.” The other day I was watching it (go figure), and a friend asked what I was doing. I told him and he made a comment that led me to believe he didn’t really care for it. He didn’t and that’s fine. I’m not so obsessed that I’m offended when people don’t like the same things I do. He asked me why I liked it and I told him that it’s because I can see so much of myself in her. Can you? Maybe I’m too empathetic. Actually, I am. I can watch almost any movie and read almost any book and find so much of myself in a few of the characters in it. I’ve realized over the last couple of years that not everyone does that and again, that’s fine. We do not all live in the same bubble where we see things the same… thank God, right? I can see myself as Liz (and maybe this is directly related to my obsession with “Pride & Prejudice” and the main character, Lizzie-just putting that out there). Aren’t we all on a search for something? Don’t we all want something more? We all want to understand the “art of doing nothing” because as Americans we are not good at this and we can be okay with recognizing that. Sorry, off subject… back to the point of this blog. I’m doing things a little backwards (clearly) so after watching the movie several times and staring at the sequel to the book in Target, I decided that I should read the book and make sure that the movie is correct (since Hollywood asks my opinions on these things-bahaha) so that I can read the sequel.
Needless to say, I bought the book today and started reading. The movie is not all right (shocking, I know) and that is always a little disappointing for me, almost like I thought they would be exactly the same. The book is detailed and specific and gives me visuals and yet, I can still appreciate that I can hear Julia Roberts in my head reading the book to me (if that weirds you out, don’t read the book… Elizabeth Gilbert talks to herself A LOT, just one of the many reasons why I am quickly becoming a fan). The movie is in a little bit of a different order because of the way the book is written (which is really interesting) and I like her preface to the book. She makes some bold statements about the discoveries in her life and I appreciate that she is that honest. Not many people are willing to be honest anymore because no one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings and I am of the belief that people are literally dying for us to be honest and use our voice to speak so yes, I like her honesty and the authenticity in which she writes the book. The book is divided into three sections, obviously based on the three places that she traveled to: Italy, India, and Indonesia. Mind you… I have only read through half of the Italy section and it has given me so much to think about that I needed to write to get it out because living by yourself doesn’t exactly allow for much reflection with others (if you get my drift).
In the movie and the book, she visits the “Augusteum” and tells the story of the Augusteum. It was built originally to house the remains of Augustus and his family from the Roman Empire but we know that didn’t last forever, so the remains were stolen… the city of Rome built up around it and it was used for a few different things after that (a Jewish hideaway, a public bathroom, a bullring, a concert hall, etc.). Elizabeth Gilbert makes this statement, “I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated.” (p. 75 just so that I’m not stealing what she wrote, I’m merely quoting her) What a statement! Hit me between the eyes somebody! I look at my life so often and my search for satisfaction and contentment and pleasure and find that life is just chaotic sometimes. I (as a Believer) find myself sometimes looking and asking God how in the world He could allow chaos to take place and I’m sure that He often looks at my life and says, “Hey Melissa! It’s the world in which you live that is chaotic! In Me, you find peace, satisfaction, contentment and fulfillment beyond belief!” The question is, what do I choose? As I’m overanalyzing, overthinking, and being dramatic (the usual), I realize that I must realize that the world is chaotic, it’s not always flattering and it doesn’t always feel good. However, I love the Maker of chaos, but the Maker of healing; the Author of contentment and peace, the Calmer of every storm and the Mender of every heartbreak. May your search end there. May you find a love like no other. May you love the God that created, blesses, takes away, and gives. He is willing, even in the chaos.
I’m willing to live there! Melis
“Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.” –Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat.Pray.Love.
Needless to say, I bought the book today and started reading. The movie is not all right (shocking, I know) and that is always a little disappointing for me, almost like I thought they would be exactly the same. The book is detailed and specific and gives me visuals and yet, I can still appreciate that I can hear Julia Roberts in my head reading the book to me (if that weirds you out, don’t read the book… Elizabeth Gilbert talks to herself A LOT, just one of the many reasons why I am quickly becoming a fan). The movie is in a little bit of a different order because of the way the book is written (which is really interesting) and I like her preface to the book. She makes some bold statements about the discoveries in her life and I appreciate that she is that honest. Not many people are willing to be honest anymore because no one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings and I am of the belief that people are literally dying for us to be honest and use our voice to speak so yes, I like her honesty and the authenticity in which she writes the book. The book is divided into three sections, obviously based on the three places that she traveled to: Italy, India, and Indonesia. Mind you… I have only read through half of the Italy section and it has given me so much to think about that I needed to write to get it out because living by yourself doesn’t exactly allow for much reflection with others (if you get my drift).
In the movie and the book, she visits the “Augusteum” and tells the story of the Augusteum. It was built originally to house the remains of Augustus and his family from the Roman Empire but we know that didn’t last forever, so the remains were stolen… the city of Rome built up around it and it was used for a few different things after that (a Jewish hideaway, a public bathroom, a bullring, a concert hall, etc.). Elizabeth Gilbert makes this statement, “I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated.” (p. 75 just so that I’m not stealing what she wrote, I’m merely quoting her) What a statement! Hit me between the eyes somebody! I look at my life so often and my search for satisfaction and contentment and pleasure and find that life is just chaotic sometimes. I (as a Believer) find myself sometimes looking and asking God how in the world He could allow chaos to take place and I’m sure that He often looks at my life and says, “Hey Melissa! It’s the world in which you live that is chaotic! In Me, you find peace, satisfaction, contentment and fulfillment beyond belief!” The question is, what do I choose? As I’m overanalyzing, overthinking, and being dramatic (the usual), I realize that I must realize that the world is chaotic, it’s not always flattering and it doesn’t always feel good. However, I love the Maker of chaos, but the Maker of healing; the Author of contentment and peace, the Calmer of every storm and the Mender of every heartbreak. May your search end there. May you find a love like no other. May you love the God that created, blesses, takes away, and gives. He is willing, even in the chaos.
I’m willing to live there! Melis
“Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.” –Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat.Pray.Love.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
What I Want
(I will preface this blog by apologizing because I am so brutally honest that I cannot help but inserting my own personal life here, I mean isn't that what a blog is for? And if you're a part of my life, you're taking a chance, just saying :) )
I was talking to my mom earlier today about this very subject. It has become a laughing matter for me that people think that I'm more intelligent, wiser, smarter, or even "brilliant"... that I should write a book, make a movie, or be an actress (okay, that was a little dramatic). I am not really any different than you. I grew up in a bedroom that I shared with my sister, my whole family shared a bathroom, and I played in my backyard in the dirt. My dad worked construction and my mom worked in some type of accounting for most of my life. We weren't rich. I didn't have more clothes or shoes or books than any other kid that I went to school with. I went to the same classes, I had the same teachers, there was nothing in my life that really "set me up" for what people now think is brilliant. I could sit with you at Panera right now and we could compare life stories and honestly, yours are probably more outrageous than mine... you were smarter than I was, you made better grades, had more friends and wore nicer clothes. Maybe that's where we became different though, a lot of those things never really mattered to me at all. I do have to be honest and say that I'm now overly sensitive to kids who are made fun of because I was in middle school, I just didn't know any different and I apparently was unaware of things that all of these other girls knew.
But maybe... just maybe... that's what set me apart. I was innocent, naive even (still am--thank God). I didn't know any different. I didn't WANT to know any different. I didn't want to feel stupid and I didn't want to experience all these things that girls experienced in middle school or high school. I liked being innocent. I also liked being in control. Therefore, I liked knowing what I wanted. It was in the moments that what I wanted was questioned that I felt stupid or unintelligent and being naive became a problem. I was given an incredible gift of empathy, which sometimes fleshes itself out as sarcasm and sometimes compassion (I know that doesn't even seem possible). I can see what you're going through and realize what it must feel like, I can put myself in your shoes. I know what I would want you to say to me and do for me and where I would want you to be, I can do those things, I can feel those things, I can hear those things. Maybe it's some sort of crazy (fabulous) gift that God decided to give me. So maybe I'm considered smart or wiser or something along those lines because I know what I want.
Here's a hint on living your life... stop settling. What do you want? What fills in your blanks? What makes you excited? Where are you passionate? Why are you not living there? My life is better knowing that I know what God wants for me... to glorify Him... He gave me passions to love kids, love Africa, and love people... by being honest, by being real, by being authentic. It doesn't mean I have to be completely vulnerable with every single person in my life but it does mean that I can be me. What do you want? You want to know what I want?
...to love God with wreckless abandon, to pursue Jesus passionately and to love Him with all of me, to be satisfied in what He gives me, to understand the situations that my students are in and meet them where they are, to open my arms and heart and life to the prodigal child, to stop being the prodigal child, to love my family and share with them what is going on in my life, to have friends who are always friends-- who I can pick up and call at anytime and they do the same, to feel like I matter, to make a difference, to change my world, to change someone else's world... or actually a lot of others worlds, to run an orphanage, to be a foster parent, to love the man that God gives me, to be pursued by the man God gives me, to be honest enough to say that I'm not okay, to see Kevin, Steven, Jocelyne, Maythe, Valerie, David, Keisha, and so many more of my kids graduate high school, to take a group of students to Africa, to work for IJM, to be comfortable in my own skin...
I could go on and on all day. At least you have an idea of where I'm coming from, now think... for you... what is it that you want? What do you see or feel that you know you don't want? And more importantly, it's not what we want or don't want... it's what we do about it. What is your next step? I say.. go for it, jump, and land in the place where you are in love with Jesus as He whispers His desires for you into who you are.
I'm living there... Melis
I was talking to my mom earlier today about this very subject. It has become a laughing matter for me that people think that I'm more intelligent, wiser, smarter, or even "brilliant"... that I should write a book, make a movie, or be an actress (okay, that was a little dramatic). I am not really any different than you. I grew up in a bedroom that I shared with my sister, my whole family shared a bathroom, and I played in my backyard in the dirt. My dad worked construction and my mom worked in some type of accounting for most of my life. We weren't rich. I didn't have more clothes or shoes or books than any other kid that I went to school with. I went to the same classes, I had the same teachers, there was nothing in my life that really "set me up" for what people now think is brilliant. I could sit with you at Panera right now and we could compare life stories and honestly, yours are probably more outrageous than mine... you were smarter than I was, you made better grades, had more friends and wore nicer clothes. Maybe that's where we became different though, a lot of those things never really mattered to me at all. I do have to be honest and say that I'm now overly sensitive to kids who are made fun of because I was in middle school, I just didn't know any different and I apparently was unaware of things that all of these other girls knew.
But maybe... just maybe... that's what set me apart. I was innocent, naive even (still am--thank God). I didn't know any different. I didn't WANT to know any different. I didn't want to feel stupid and I didn't want to experience all these things that girls experienced in middle school or high school. I liked being innocent. I also liked being in control. Therefore, I liked knowing what I wanted. It was in the moments that what I wanted was questioned that I felt stupid or unintelligent and being naive became a problem. I was given an incredible gift of empathy, which sometimes fleshes itself out as sarcasm and sometimes compassion (I know that doesn't even seem possible). I can see what you're going through and realize what it must feel like, I can put myself in your shoes. I know what I would want you to say to me and do for me and where I would want you to be, I can do those things, I can feel those things, I can hear those things. Maybe it's some sort of crazy (fabulous) gift that God decided to give me. So maybe I'm considered smart or wiser or something along those lines because I know what I want.
Here's a hint on living your life... stop settling. What do you want? What fills in your blanks? What makes you excited? Where are you passionate? Why are you not living there? My life is better knowing that I know what God wants for me... to glorify Him... He gave me passions to love kids, love Africa, and love people... by being honest, by being real, by being authentic. It doesn't mean I have to be completely vulnerable with every single person in my life but it does mean that I can be me. What do you want? You want to know what I want?
...to love God with wreckless abandon, to pursue Jesus passionately and to love Him with all of me, to be satisfied in what He gives me, to understand the situations that my students are in and meet them where they are, to open my arms and heart and life to the prodigal child, to stop being the prodigal child, to love my family and share with them what is going on in my life, to have friends who are always friends-- who I can pick up and call at anytime and they do the same, to feel like I matter, to make a difference, to change my world, to change someone else's world... or actually a lot of others worlds, to run an orphanage, to be a foster parent, to love the man that God gives me, to be pursued by the man God gives me, to be honest enough to say that I'm not okay, to see Kevin, Steven, Jocelyne, Maythe, Valerie, David, Keisha, and so many more of my kids graduate high school, to take a group of students to Africa, to work for IJM, to be comfortable in my own skin...
I could go on and on all day. At least you have an idea of where I'm coming from, now think... for you... what is it that you want? What do you see or feel that you know you don't want? And more importantly, it's not what we want or don't want... it's what we do about it. What is your next step? I say.. go for it, jump, and land in the place where you are in love with Jesus as He whispers His desires for you into who you are.
I'm living there... Melis
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