I'm reading "I Have A Dream" speeches from my kids. I've literally just started and only read one class and it is amazing the crazy things some of them have been through...
Their trials include divorce, death of grandparents, being placed in foster homes, competition between siblings, being judged because of what they wear, long-term sick family members and having family literally go missing in a home country in eastern Africa.
Their dreams include everything from gun laws, stopping gangs, helping homeless people, being the first one in their families to graduate College, to play for the NBA, for racism to end, classroom sizes to be smaller, and much, much more.
The point is they've been through stuff. The other point is they do dream. It's just whether as they get older do they dream anymore. Most of the time that answer is no. Dreams become small because reality and its complications become too big. We let our realities stifle our dreams and then our kids and the next generation follows that. How can we change that? The other thing I love about these speeches is the personality... So while this may be a bit crazy, slightly over dramatic, I wouldn't want you to miss it. The end of their speeches were to describe what a day would look like of all of their dreams came true. One students answer:
"Change happens to make our goals come true and people will be safe and educated. When everyone likes everyone and there will be less hardships. Everyone will smile and laugh together while rolling around in flowers co-existing with animals, like tigers and bears with no fear of being mangled."
I mean, at least the kid can laugh, and dream. I mean walking with wild animals has happened before right??
To dreaming!! -Melissa
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
A change of heart
Over the last month, I have constantly contemplated applying for a job in Washington, DC at the Department of Education. The urging of several friends and co-workers encouraged this application process and I felt it was a good transfer over. I'm still in education, my Masters degree would be put on hold, only making me one credit short, and I would get to move closer to my family. I mentioned it to my boss- she saw it as an opportunity. That was a relief.
The dread was completely starting over. The dread was packing my stuff and packing stuff and moving stuff to a place that would only be temporary. A one year position in a new place with a guarantee to send me back to Las Vegas at the end of it. That was a semi-relief but just meant packing and moving all over again. I've put off answering the essay questions that are part of the application because I just couldn't bring myself to sit down and finish it. I started them and started them well. I quickly began to doubt whether I was even qualified for the job. I just left the Word document opened on the screen, staring at it from time to time.
Friday when I left school, I felt so uneasy. I didn't get to talk to my boss about a letter of reference face to face and I just felt upside down about it. One of the reasons is because Friday during my 7th period I finally had another breakthrough moment with my students. It's that time of year when I pull out the I Have A Dream speeches to write after reading my very own to my students (I posted it a couple of years ago if you want to take a look). Mine is full of personal history and present hopes, of grace and love and peace. I want their dreams to mimic that in some way. I read my speech in my 5th and 6th period. My 6th period was stunned (I hope at least) and my 5th period clapped like the president of the USA just gave them some personal words. (I apparently have now gone from aunt to mom in that class? I don't know how that happened?) My 7th period class is not usually my biggest struggle, however they are sometimes my biggest wear- they are just tiring. They have lots of baggage and lots of heavy pasts. I was shocked they listened. As I read my speech, they were completely silent. They seemed to be listening to each word, maybe hoping they could bring it up later or mock me for it and I think they were surprised when at the end of it, Carlos's eyes, whose eyes are glued on me at this point, begins applauding like I've given the speech of a lifetime. The rest of the class joined him and when my eyes met his quickly at the end, I was more than shocked that he was the one paying the most attention. He set straight to writing away and I watched as the rest of the boys intently followed his example.. They shared their hopes and dreams, their fears, their pasts. It takes guts to do that. As I watched these kids drop their walls and bury themselves in dreams, I felt a still small voice speak clearly-- "I'm not done with you and these kids. They're hard but I'm not finished with you here. They're getting it. Give them grace. Give them a chance." Tears welled up in my eyes, as I really saw each one of them through His lens. It looks very different from mine. I close my eyes when I'm tired and weary of these kids. He looks past the burden and loves. I haven't done that very much this year and they are maybe the most desperate for it out of any group of students I've ever worked with.
Tonight as the pastor was finishing his sermon, he asked us to sit and just pray and let God speak to us. God again spoke clearly, "I'm not done with you in the classroom. They need to be loved." Needless to say, that job in DC quickly lost its appeal. There are other options that coincide with my work in the classroom and I'm praying as to the next direction.
Who needs to be loved where you are? Who needs to hear your history and hopes? I'm giving them a chance. Praying you would do the same. -Melis
The dread was completely starting over. The dread was packing my stuff and packing stuff and moving stuff to a place that would only be temporary. A one year position in a new place with a guarantee to send me back to Las Vegas at the end of it. That was a semi-relief but just meant packing and moving all over again. I've put off answering the essay questions that are part of the application because I just couldn't bring myself to sit down and finish it. I started them and started them well. I quickly began to doubt whether I was even qualified for the job. I just left the Word document opened on the screen, staring at it from time to time.
Friday when I left school, I felt so uneasy. I didn't get to talk to my boss about a letter of reference face to face and I just felt upside down about it. One of the reasons is because Friday during my 7th period I finally had another breakthrough moment with my students. It's that time of year when I pull out the I Have A Dream speeches to write after reading my very own to my students (I posted it a couple of years ago if you want to take a look). Mine is full of personal history and present hopes, of grace and love and peace. I want their dreams to mimic that in some way. I read my speech in my 5th and 6th period. My 6th period was stunned (I hope at least) and my 5th period clapped like the president of the USA just gave them some personal words. (I apparently have now gone from aunt to mom in that class? I don't know how that happened?) My 7th period class is not usually my biggest struggle, however they are sometimes my biggest wear- they are just tiring. They have lots of baggage and lots of heavy pasts. I was shocked they listened. As I read my speech, they were completely silent. They seemed to be listening to each word, maybe hoping they could bring it up later or mock me for it and I think they were surprised when at the end of it, Carlos's eyes, whose eyes are glued on me at this point, begins applauding like I've given the speech of a lifetime. The rest of the class joined him and when my eyes met his quickly at the end, I was more than shocked that he was the one paying the most attention. He set straight to writing away and I watched as the rest of the boys intently followed his example.. They shared their hopes and dreams, their fears, their pasts. It takes guts to do that. As I watched these kids drop their walls and bury themselves in dreams, I felt a still small voice speak clearly-- "I'm not done with you and these kids. They're hard but I'm not finished with you here. They're getting it. Give them grace. Give them a chance." Tears welled up in my eyes, as I really saw each one of them through His lens. It looks very different from mine. I close my eyes when I'm tired and weary of these kids. He looks past the burden and loves. I haven't done that very much this year and they are maybe the most desperate for it out of any group of students I've ever worked with.
Tonight as the pastor was finishing his sermon, he asked us to sit and just pray and let God speak to us. God again spoke clearly, "I'm not done with you in the classroom. They need to be loved." Needless to say, that job in DC quickly lost its appeal. There are other options that coincide with my work in the classroom and I'm praying as to the next direction.
Who needs to be loved where you are? Who needs to hear your history and hopes? I'm giving them a chance. Praying you would do the same. -Melis
Thursday, January 24, 2013
If it's You.
What a day. What a day. Says every person who works with another human being at some point. They cause us to have crazy days, don't they?
The best part about them though is that they make for great stories. So grateful that I got to talk sweet Taylor's ear off tonight at dinner for a bit with story after story of these human beings. Before we ate, we were talking about what I'm planning to do next year as far as school and jobs are concerned. I'm thinking of a few different options and still so undecided that its crazy. When our food got to the table, Taylor prayed. She prayed a prayer that many of us have heard a million times and probably even said ourselves, "If this is your will, then you will do it." So easy to say and not always easy to do for me. I'm stubborn, my friends have used the word "relentless" to describe me and I do not at all doubt they are telling the truth.
"If this is your will..."
"If its you..." What a difference it would make every day if I approached each moment with Taylor's words-- "if its your will Jesus..." I'll do it, I'm there, I'll say it... "If its you." And if its not Him, then there should be sounds and alarms going off every which way reminding us of the road we are about to blaze which is just not meant to be.
I want to approach tomorrow with "If its you" and if its not, then I want to change my perspective, attitude, approach and emotions until it is Him. That's it.
Join me! -Melis
The best part about them though is that they make for great stories. So grateful that I got to talk sweet Taylor's ear off tonight at dinner for a bit with story after story of these human beings. Before we ate, we were talking about what I'm planning to do next year as far as school and jobs are concerned. I'm thinking of a few different options and still so undecided that its crazy. When our food got to the table, Taylor prayed. She prayed a prayer that many of us have heard a million times and probably even said ourselves, "If this is your will, then you will do it." So easy to say and not always easy to do for me. I'm stubborn, my friends have used the word "relentless" to describe me and I do not at all doubt they are telling the truth.
"If this is your will..."
"If its you..." What a difference it would make every day if I approached each moment with Taylor's words-- "if its your will Jesus..." I'll do it, I'm there, I'll say it... "If its you." And if its not Him, then there should be sounds and alarms going off every which way reminding us of the road we are about to blaze which is just not meant to be.
I want to approach tomorrow with "If its you" and if its not, then I want to change my perspective, attitude, approach and emotions until it is Him. That's it.
Join me! -Melis
Monday, January 7, 2013
Chaos and Bliss
Lets talk about today.
Waking up to an alarm clock is awful. Especially when over two weeks vacation, I literally forgot how awful an alarm sounds.
After getting ready, I decided that I would go to Starbucks. Thank you for having 12 drinks over the last month, because today I got a free venti chai. Pure bliss.
Once I got to school, I hid myself in my room until I knew I had to come out. I walked into the blanket of cuss words, hormones and chaos. Oh chaos-- how I have not missed you.
I was ready for my accelerated class-- those who understand sarcasm, pretend I abuse them, and so on. Basically, they're smart enough to be dramatic on a different level. All was well. My other classes were fine. It was just the wah-wah of whining and apathy and staring at those who look like they're mentally asleep, physically awake. I don't miss that. I'm over that. So needless to say, the wicked witch is back- full-throttle. Congratulations to me.
After school, I breathed. I talked to my principal. She is a saint. She asked if I was okay where I proceeded to pour it all out. I told her why these kids stress me out, what makes me crazy. I'm sure that's not what she was really asking but she just genuinely cares about people and I know I can walk away and she has my best interest in my mind. Oh bliss. To be able to trust someone because they have your best interest in mind.
Sometimes I think my world is ruled my chaos when in all reality, it's the chaos that allows me to step back and breathe bliss. Sweet bliss. I don't want chaos all the time, I really don't, unless its overdramatic chaos that I caused (in that case, it good ;) ). I want to be able to trust Jesus in the chaos, knowing He knows me and as I step away in pride, He still has my best interest in mind. He is good and I can trust Him.
I want to-Melissa
Waking up to an alarm clock is awful. Especially when over two weeks vacation, I literally forgot how awful an alarm sounds.
After getting ready, I decided that I would go to Starbucks. Thank you for having 12 drinks over the last month, because today I got a free venti chai. Pure bliss.
Once I got to school, I hid myself in my room until I knew I had to come out. I walked into the blanket of cuss words, hormones and chaos. Oh chaos-- how I have not missed you.
I was ready for my accelerated class-- those who understand sarcasm, pretend I abuse them, and so on. Basically, they're smart enough to be dramatic on a different level. All was well. My other classes were fine. It was just the wah-wah of whining and apathy and staring at those who look like they're mentally asleep, physically awake. I don't miss that. I'm over that. So needless to say, the wicked witch is back- full-throttle. Congratulations to me.
After school, I breathed. I talked to my principal. She is a saint. She asked if I was okay where I proceeded to pour it all out. I told her why these kids stress me out, what makes me crazy. I'm sure that's not what she was really asking but she just genuinely cares about people and I know I can walk away and she has my best interest in my mind. Oh bliss. To be able to trust someone because they have your best interest in mind.
Sometimes I think my world is ruled my chaos when in all reality, it's the chaos that allows me to step back and breathe bliss. Sweet bliss. I don't want chaos all the time, I really don't, unless its overdramatic chaos that I caused (in that case, it good ;) ). I want to be able to trust Jesus in the chaos, knowing He knows me and as I step away in pride, He still has my best interest in mind. He is good and I can trust Him.
I want to-Melissa
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Can't.
When I was at home, my dad was telling a story of a teacher my sister had growing up. She has since retired but has started going to the same church as my parents. A couple of weeks ago, the pastor preached a sermon about why people only tell others about their problems and how to pray, rather than rejoicing later on. People are not as willing to share their joys as they are their aches, complaints, and grumbles. How true!! We are such moaners. We forget to even say thank you for grace because we are self-self-self!
I found myself that way tonight after figuring out that for the rest of this school year, my admin will be observing a lot. It's not bad they're doing that. I'm glad they are but it makes me a nervous wreck, on the verge of a panic attack, can I sit down and take my attendance person. That girl is just not too much fun. Really. Anyways-- back to my original story. After the pastor shared that story, the teacher came forward and told the story again of how she was healed by God of cancer. Completely healed. Everytime she went to the doctor, the places were smaller and there was literally no other explanation, except God. Science had done nothing. After she recounted the story quickly, she exclaimed, "I know I share this all the time, but I just can't get over it!"
Oh to walk with such gratitude. To look at my life with the same heart and mind. That story gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes because of the gratefulness of this woman. How quick I am to complain and grumble, yet I miss sharing the astounding Jesus moments that are truly worth sharing. Another New Years commitment-- complain less. I'm realistically not going to wipe it out of me but as I center on Jesus, I can easily find myself more grateful for grace and find less time to gripe. May I be found there. -M
"Christ dazzles me and stirs me with such feelings of amazement that I can never get over Him." -AW Tozer
I found myself that way tonight after figuring out that for the rest of this school year, my admin will be observing a lot. It's not bad they're doing that. I'm glad they are but it makes me a nervous wreck, on the verge of a panic attack, can I sit down and take my attendance person. That girl is just not too much fun. Really. Anyways-- back to my original story. After the pastor shared that story, the teacher came forward and told the story again of how she was healed by God of cancer. Completely healed. Everytime she went to the doctor, the places were smaller and there was literally no other explanation, except God. Science had done nothing. After she recounted the story quickly, she exclaimed, "I know I share this all the time, but I just can't get over it!"
Oh to walk with such gratitude. To look at my life with the same heart and mind. That story gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes because of the gratefulness of this woman. How quick I am to complain and grumble, yet I miss sharing the astounding Jesus moments that are truly worth sharing. Another New Years commitment-- complain less. I'm realistically not going to wipe it out of me but as I center on Jesus, I can easily find myself more grateful for grace and find less time to gripe. May I be found there. -M
"Christ dazzles me and stirs me with such feelings of amazement that I can never get over Him." -AW Tozer
Saturday, January 5, 2013
This year, I will...
I'm making some commitments, rather than resolutions. I'm planning on adding as I go but I'll start here. 5 things.
1. Paint my fingernails once a week.
2. Eat out 3 or less times a week.
3. Read two books a month.
4. Do not eat more than one hand full of peanut butter M&M's after lunch.
5. Watch no more than one episode of 30Rock on weekdays. (Weekends are not up for grabs.)
Seems ridiculous, but should be realistic .
I need some help too. Maybe I'll see a therapist as part of my commitments. Ha. (Okay, that was maybe a little too much.)
Post over- Melis
1. Paint my fingernails once a week.
2. Eat out 3 or less times a week.
3. Read two books a month.
4. Do not eat more than one hand full of peanut butter M&M's after lunch.
5. Watch no more than one episode of 30Rock on weekdays. (Weekends are not up for grabs.)
Seems ridiculous, but should be realistic .
I need some help too. Maybe I'll see a therapist as part of my commitments. Ha. (Okay, that was maybe a little too much.)
Post over- Melis
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Serenity Prayer
2012 was great. It ended on quite an exhausting note and while I am disappointed that we don't have flying cars and robot maids, I guess we will all survive. I mean after all, in 2012 alone, we survived one mans prediction the world was going to end and the end of the Mayan calendar, right? I'm starting to think that Justin Bieber might be right in partying like its 3012 because we are now one year closer. I learned a lot in 2012 about myself, what I want, what I don't want and why I tend to lean toward each side. I've learned even more to never pray for patience, because honestly it just makes everyone upset. ;) it's been an emotional roller coaster and I feel like I haven't had too many dreams hit the hay but resurge. There are lots of things I want to see happen in 2013. Some things I control and some I do not.
I was thinking about this on the way to Starbucks this morning to meet Abby for our short Atlanta road trip. New Years tends to make us focus on what things we need to change, what we need to do to progress, how we've digressed. New Years is a time of reflection and as I reflect on change, how it's affected me in 2012, and how it hadn't affected me, I think of the lines of a prayer commonly titled the "Serenity Prayer." The poem says,
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to accept the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Basically, this year I'm asking for discernment. If you sit with me for more than 10 minutes, you probably pick up on things I'm passionate about. Most of these things are because I realistically believe something in this thing, person, or idea can be changed. BUT sometimes, it can't be and instead of spending my time and energy there, I should spend it on building courage for things that can be changed. I have to choose which battles to fight. The ones that are out of my control are not worth fighting. Those battles look different for me and you. What are your battles, changes, and places you need courage? I am praying this year that God springs up new things , sets captives free and restores the broken. I'm also praying that in the midst of all of those things, He uses my life as a tool for His Kingdom and I need discernment on where that is and what that is. Wishing you a happy New Year, the discernment to know which things to change and the willingness to fight the hard battles. Love you and happiest of New Years to you.
Bring it on 2013!! -Melis
I was thinking about this on the way to Starbucks this morning to meet Abby for our short Atlanta road trip. New Years tends to make us focus on what things we need to change, what we need to do to progress, how we've digressed. New Years is a time of reflection and as I reflect on change, how it's affected me in 2012, and how it hadn't affected me, I think of the lines of a prayer commonly titled the "Serenity Prayer." The poem says,
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to accept the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Basically, this year I'm asking for discernment. If you sit with me for more than 10 minutes, you probably pick up on things I'm passionate about. Most of these things are because I realistically believe something in this thing, person, or idea can be changed. BUT sometimes, it can't be and instead of spending my time and energy there, I should spend it on building courage for things that can be changed. I have to choose which battles to fight. The ones that are out of my control are not worth fighting. Those battles look different for me and you. What are your battles, changes, and places you need courage? I am praying this year that God springs up new things , sets captives free and restores the broken. I'm also praying that in the midst of all of those things, He uses my life as a tool for His Kingdom and I need discernment on where that is and what that is. Wishing you a happy New Year, the discernment to know which things to change and the willingness to fight the hard battles. Love you and happiest of New Years to you.
Bring it on 2013!! -Melis
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