God's not allowed in schools?

I cannot comprehend the tragedy of today. I cannot comprehend evil at such a capacity and I cannot begin to imagine the overwhelming grief that more than 20 families are feeling tonight... The sleep they are losing... The questions they are asking... The things they don't understand. I really don't understand why God allows these things to happen but here is what I do know.

God is in schools. Just because sanctioned prayers left doesn't mean He did or has. Just because people don't say "under God" in the pledge doesn't mean He leaves the premises. It's a good thing we don't decide or control where He goes or when He does things or we would have messed up everything. So it's ironic/funny that Christians are the first ones to say how bad it's gotten because there's not public prayer in schools. I believe prayer is important and I believe we are a nation under God. I do not believe God is limited to our standards or our means of doing things.

He was at my school all day today wondering the halls, teaching geography, sharing life lessons, saying hello to students. He was teaching us history to 7th graders and making kids laugh. He was teaching girls PE and collecting letters for a little boy in Texas. He walked to the office and talked to lots of people and interacted with lots of little troublemakers. By God's grace, I live through Him and in Him and therefore the only way I did anything today was because of Him and therefore, how can you say He's not allowed in schools?! And really if that is the case, we should put our foot down against work places and restaurants and governments who do not recite public prayers and read Scripture at the beginning of their meetings. We should stop buying from retailers that do not put God bless you on their receipts. I don't think those things are bad but I think we've put God in a box where He abides by our rules and mandates. He doesn't nor will He ever. So please think the next time that you think God is not allowed somewhere, you yourself a Christian go there and realize otherwise.

Controversial I know, but isn't grace? -M

A Redemptive Epiphany.

It's amazing how God can use His Word, a dream, and a poster altogether for the same reason to rock my world, stir my heart up, and shake me to the core.

Last night, I was reading Isaiah 42 and 43. I started in Isaiah 42:18 and read through the end of the chapter.... thinking how did Israel miss this!? God is destroying things, turning peoples' lives upside down, making them slave like... they basically had no chance. It even says they did all this stuff and then there was "no one to say, "Send them back." It seemed that no one really gave a care to what was going on with Israel and this was mainly because Israel didn't really show a side that would have made you believe that it cared either! Chapter 42 ends stating: " So he poured out on them his burning anger, the violence of war. It enveloped them in flames, yet they did not understand; it consumed them, but they did not take it to heart." Now stop right there and let that encouragement sink in! (Yeah right!) If you stopped reading there, you would realize that God gave chances but we just don't take it seriously and we just enslave ourselves to ridiculous lifestyles (that we were not meant for).

HOWEVER, if you continue reading into Isaiah 43, you see there is a happy next step. Redemption is near! After Israel acts like a crazy house, God says, "Hold up for a second. You're mine. Have you forgotten that? Live like it!" (That is the MIV, Melissa International Version, not sold in stores.) After Israel walks away and doesn't take seriously anything God's saying to them, He goes back in forgiveness and says, You're mine. Let that sink in (with a deep breath and a huge sigh of relief!). God is in it for redemption. He doesn't walk away and leave us where we are. Thank you Jesus-- that's enough to celebrate.

Now on my epiphany... I read this last night before I went to sleep and it literally shattered my heart and mended it all within the same 20 minutes. Again, thank you Jesus. While sleeping, I had a dream. Every once in a while I'll have a dream that have students or students from the past usually out of nowhere at all. In this dream, I saw a previous student in a local place here in Las Vegas, except he was just messed up from drugs. I saw him and my friends and I took him with us (wherever we were going in the dream). I woke up thinking, "Where on earth did that come from? I haven't even seen this student in almost 2 years!" I didn't think much of it until I was in the middle of teaching 2nd period. I had stopped talking for a minute while students were writing information and I was just looking around my room. On my wall, I have a poster from three students I had 2 years ago. One of those students being the one in my dream. I looked at it without heart.... it's been there for almost 2 years and then while my students were writing and being studious, God began to speak Truth into me that almost welled up into my eyes as tears. I was a little overwhelmed but so grateful that God brought all of it full circle. He brought my mind back to my reading last night and connected it with the dream. When I had this student (and his friends) as 8th graders, they really struggled and I was constantly nagging, asking me a million questions, picking up the mom role, nagging some more, and checking in with other teachers on them. They weren't the brightest in the bunch but there was something in them that stuck out to me and made me see there was something better under the rough and tough. I saw there was something to redeem. There was something that needed to be redeemed and something in them that wanted to be redeemed but there had not really been anyone before that point that had called that much attention to it.  When I saw this student's name on the poster, my heart stirred and God spoke sweetly and patiently to me, "You feel like you missed it with that group of kids. You didn't. It will come back to them later on but now is your chance to redeem the group of kids you have now. This rough and tough group of little thug wannabe's and mouthy sweethearts. They also need to be redeemed. More than ever."

My heart broke to think of how mean I know I've been this year feeling like I had no other choice. How few accolades I've received from students. How rampant the apathy is with this group. How scared kids really are of me (and not just because I'm feisty). Don't get me wrong, I'm not softening up. God didn't let up on Israel... He told them like it was IN LOVE. That is the area I need to work on. I've got the not softening up part down... it needs to be paired with the "IN LOVE" attitude so that my kids know that I'm not doing it to be a jerk but because I see potential that has the potential to be redeemed. God has shown me a few students (one Monday and one today) who understand that and are beginning to see how important reaching their potential is... I'm praying for more than one.

Will you pray with me for a flood of redemption? For the flood gates to open for students to pour out their potential and it be seen as a good thing? I'm ready to encourage it and am grateful that God stirred my heart up and reminded me of my redemptive epiphany that changed my life. I'd literally be lost without it. Thank you Jesus for redemption! -Melis

Learning to Breathe

The other day on the radio, they were talking about a kids first bike, declaring that every kid remembers his or her first bike. I don't know that I remember it really except through pictures of me riding the bike with my new (poor) puppy at a million miles an hour through my yard. He was in the front basket. Ears flailing. That poor puppy faced more drama with me as his owner than anything he could have imagined. I do remember learning to ride a bike without training wheels. Nerve racking. I do remember riding my bike around and around my house next to my grandparents and the tree that scratched me right across the face when I forgot it was there. Later on in life... I hadn't ridden a bike in a while and decided to get back on. While I didn't have to completely start over, I did have to start from my last memory of it.

Sometimes I feel like breathing is like that. There have been times in my life over the last five years where I felt like my life was so far beyond a mess that there was no possible way that I could recover. That's where the problem really began. I can't recover on my own. Sin doesn't cure sin (in case you were wondering). My pride that I could recover ruined my chances of being put back together. When I finally had enough of all the lack of life in me, I turned around and begged Jesus to rescue me from a pit I dug myself. I needed Him to teach me how to live again. I needed Him to live in me again (not that He ever left).

Besides the fact that I was a hot mess beyond belief, I was just plain out mad at God for my loss of breath, as well as His injustice in NOT making miserable those who I felt had hurt me and caused me to lose life (Or at least that was my thought, not truth). They really had not but I felt they contributed to fanning the flame of my hot mess of a life. Even in my brain revisiting this the other day, I realized that I do not understand why God does the things He does or in the order He does it in or why He chooses who He does but He does. I have been reading Isaiah and in 42:3b, it says, "In faithfulness he will bring forth justice." It doesn't say 'Because of your severe hurt or broken heart does He bring justice." It's the effect of His faithfulness. So sometimes when I feel a loss of air, I need to step back and be reminded that He knows best (a lesson I seem to relearn a million times a week!!). His justice is truly my justice. It doesn't matter whether those who have hurt me ever feel remorse, the point is that I realize that my trust must be placed in Him. That's it.

If only it were that simple. Choosing to believe His faithfulness and justice for the best for my life! Be encouraged- you're not alone! -Melis

He loves.

Two summers ago, I stood in front of a group of around 50 teenage to young 20-something girls. I knew I was going to be in that position all 6 weeks I spent in South Africa but writing down what to say and actually saying it are nerve racking and completely different.

I was in a church in Kabwe, Zambia. I had just spent 6 weeks with a sweet missionary family homeschooling their preteen girls. I had planned what I was going to say in Zambia during that time but couldn't have planned for the emotions that came with it.

During college, I worked at a church in Tennessee with teen girls--- I love,love, loved that job and still adore those girls. They changed my life. After moving to Vegas, I worked with girls for about a year as a volunteer at Hope until I felt God said step out for a season. I did, trusting that He knew something I didn't. He did, of course. During those following three years until I was speaking to girls in Africa, He did a lot in me, including stirring my heart for the nations, the lost and people who just needed someone, including the homeless. I served the city in my school and with my kids and it did something different in me but I desperately missed the connection that I had with girls to pour into.

I had no idea he would have my heart stilled for a period of time so He could use me in Zambia. I stood before the girls and shared my heartbreaks, thoughts on relationships and pursuing purity and above all else, pursuing Jesus. At the end, I taught them the chorus to "How He Loves." They sounded beautiful and I couldn't help but step back and thank Jesus selfishly for reminding me of how much He loved me. I pray that God continues to use those words to sing a sweet Zambian girl to sleep to remind her of His deep and vast love for her.

He brought this to mind again tonight and as I sat back in my bed singing my thanks to Him for loving me. I felt an urgency to share this. I pray that you would know the same. I pray Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3:17-19, "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

He does love you. -Melis

28 Words.

I am a words person. I love words. I thrive from encouragement. I cringe from discouragement. I am my own worst critic. Over the last (now) 28 years of my life, there have been several words that have spoken Truth to me and others that have not. Listed below are 28... they're not really in any specific order... some serious, some not so, but they are words. May we consider how words change people for both good and bad. :) -newly 28 year old girl

1. Grace- Jesus's sweet grace and redemption to me. What a gift to be grateful for.
2. Faithfulness- The one word that describes Jesus to me... His faithfulness never changes.
3. Family- A close and crazy family who shaped my life growing up through trials and happy moments.
4. Teacher- One of the biggest choices I made in life and one I am most grateful for.
5. Paycheck- Who knew that a little extra money would mean extra bills? I regret that I wasn't told this sooner!
6. Africa- Part of my heart is on that continent in the eyes of some small, dirty faces and sweet friends.
7. Nations- God called my heart to them here in Las Vegas and across the world.
8. Kids- I dream about them, work with them, gripe about them, and ultimately love them.
9. Future- See next word ;)
10. Anxiety- A word that sometimes rules my heart and mind through fear... what is to happen?
11. Straightener- Thank you Jesus that my kids at school have never seen this frizz ball without it.
12. School- Student, Teacher, Student... I can't get away from it!
13. Friendship- Equivalent to Day Makers... so grateful for people who have loved the heck out of me.
14. Music- Singing in the shower, humming in Walmart loudly, defined me as a high schooler.. kept me away from things I may have been a part of otherwise.
15. Poverty- Social injustice at the root... my mind constantly thinks what do we do about it? How do I respond to it? How do people get out of it?
16. At-risk- A word used to define students in impoverished neighborhoods but we're probably all really this.
17. Mission- Daily, Weekly, Annually... not just a place a go, but a place I am.
18. Mentor- Men and women who have walked the path before me willing to pour their lives out to me so that I can give away my life to others.
19. Makeup- A little addicted recently...
20. Summer- This past one was the first time I've spent in the US time zones... a great reason to sleep, catch up on TV, take classes, read, and think that every kid in every public place you're in is saying, "Miss Gillespie."
21. Books- A student asked me last year how I became so smart. Read people, you'll become smarter.
22. Dandelion- Reminder that God is faithful and grants dreams that He placed to begin with.
23. Stars- Connections to something I don't often understand but another gift of His beautiful faithfulness.
24. Holocaust- A tragic event that changed the course of history that I am a little obsessed with... yearning question, How do people become so evil? More importantly, how do people stand by?
25. Genocide- Directly related to the Holocaust... I've learned of so much courage in fear of people who could have been killed at any moment. Again, how do people stand by?
26. Leadership- A crazy skill that I've for some reason been given and a class of 18 kids that sometimes makes me completely insane.
27. Me- My biggest enemy.
28. Believe- There is good somewhere in people. One of my goals is to help them find it and be that way. My belief in Jesus and His redemption is the only hope I have in this.

Wonderful

It is the season that most of us either go crazy (and broke) by stressing out about gifts for people in our lives that we want to show love to or we sit back and really enjoy the lights, the music, the busyness of everyone, the baking and so on. Some people really take this time of year to be reminded of how grateful they are for what they have and what they have had. Since I didn't go home to Georgia, I have a lot of time this weekend to work on homework for my Master's program and another online class (Desperately need this time to catch up and get ahead) while also spending some time with friends and my adopted family here in Vegas.

Yesterday, I spent the morning getting my Thanksgiving portion of the meal ready and cleaning up my apartment a bit. I went to a fabulous late lunch Thanksgiving with my adopted family here and then went to see Lincoln with a couple of friends. (Sidenote: See it, don't wait, it's good... I wish I could sit down face to face and talk to Lincoln especially after watching that. He was one of the greatest movers and shakers of all time.) They were going to hit the early Black Friday rush and asked me if I wanted to join. I did so we went to Target and Old Navy, spent the majority of our time standing in line but people were actually overall kind and no one was too pushy. We had a lot of funny conversation and those around us joined in a couple of times. I got home around 2am and went to sleep finally around 3am because I hit my wired point by the time we were done. I got a few things but it was the time spent with friends that was valuable.

Today, as I sit at home watching some Netflix and getting ready to do some homework, I thought of the hymn, "His Name is Wonderful." There are so many hymns that I remember from when I was in middle school and high school because that's what we sang at my home church. The lyrics are...

"His Name is Wonderful,
His Name is Wonderful,
His Name is Wonderful,
Jesus, my Lord.

He is the mighty King,
Master of everything,
His Name is Wonderful,
Jesus, my Lord.

He's the Great Shepherd,
The Rocky of all Ages,
Almighty God is He.

Bow down before Him,
Love and adore Him,
His Name is Wonderful,
Jesus, my Lord."

As I sit and think on this long weekend and the season we are in, I think I must remember what it (and every other season of my life) is about. He is wonderful. He knows our deepest needs and that need is not the sweater on sale at the mall.  May He protect you and demonstrate His faithfulness to you in this season as He continually does to me. I am grateful that He is wonderful. -Melissa

Stealing a million bucks.

This year I am struggling to connect to students. I stress about it, it makes me feel like I'm not doing my job. I feel like I have become the wicked witch/dictator of the west. It's not really an okay feeling. I think it's funny sometimes that the kids mention they are scared of me to me but for goodness' sakes, this group of kids need to be scared of something or someone!!

My third year teaching I had a phenomenal group of kids. I know I've mentioned them in several blogs- faces and names that I will never forget because they made me and allowed me to love my job. On my birthday that year, I received more love than I had felt in a long time, it wasn't just gifts- they were thoughtful. It wasn't just chocolate cake- it was Ms. Gillespie likes chocolate and we think she would like this. There were sweet cards and flowers and songs. It was maybe one of the best birthdays of my life thus far. I felt loved most of the time that year. When I talked and shared something personal, there wasn't an expression that said I was lying... There were moments of "she was me 10 years ago." She's not really that different. She's human. They made me feel like a million bucks most of the time.

I realized tonight in my personal weekly reflection that I struggle with kids the most when they don't make me feel good about myself, my teaching, or my personal choices. They steal my million bucks. They will rarely return it or give part of it back and I just get irritated, lose patience, and flip the heck out like nobody's ever seen. They don't pay because they've never been paid. Somewhere along the line, someone else stole their million bucks. They can't seem to find it or convict the person who did it so what better way to deal with that than stealing others' million bucks?

I find that I am sometimes the victim and many times the thief using my insecurities as an excuse to take what is not mine, I cannot make myself feel better so why should anyone else?

I am committing to working on this area. I am bound and determined to stop stealing others' million bucks and return those I have stolen, to get mine back and not let anyone else have it unless they need it... Then I'm willing to give it up.

What or who has stolen your million bucks? Are you willing to join me in the search for it? In the meantime, will you join me in paying those who need it more than we do?

As usual- I'm living there. Melissa

Standing Still

"Standing still isn't easy when the world's moving backwards." -Ben Rector

This song was written way before nominees for the presidential candidate were chosen. I'm not sure it really had anything to do with a specific topic except maybe a bit of frustration from the song writer. I think we can glean some Truth from it though.

Adam and Eve and the Fall placed sin on humanity for all time. Notice that humanity is not human, speaking of a certain person, or human groups, a specific group of people. It meant we all sinned... Born with sin in us. We may have the intention to do what's right but at the core of who we are as humans, we are not good. That's why the Bible states we "battle with our flesh." We talked about in my small group last night how sin shows up differently in each of us. My life wasn't a portrait of parties and alcohol addiction but it showed up in my worry and anxiety, in my struggle to keep my thought life clean, and in my daily battle of not trusting God. Sin is sin though. Our sins may reap different consequences based on our society and culture and government but at the end of the day, I am in desperate need of the same grace extended to a murderer.

I think the artist of this song was talking about the human condition. Aka sin. The world continues to sin, that hasn't changed. There is still a desire to do good in some, that hasn't changed. We all don't deserve grace but it has been given freely to us.

We can't stand still as Christians in a world of sin. "The world is moving backwards" so to say as it has been since the Fall. Man will not correct this behavior but Jesus will in grace and redemption. May we be reminded that our hope is in a man not of this world. Thank you Jesus that I don't have to trust either candidate for grace. It has been extended to me freely. I'm grateful. I must stop standing still.

Will you join me?? -Melissa

Dear Church.

Dear Church---

Lift up your eyes to Jesus. He is STILL as sovereign as He was 4 years ago and as He was yesterday and He's still in control and still know's what's going on. It's amazing how quick I am to look at the situation around me, at my school, in my apartment complex, on the road, everywhere and make rash decisions about the people in those places without knowing anything about them. Let us stop standing back with our arms crossed pledging allegiance to a specific political party and being angry at all the other Americans who do not agree. Let us act like the church. If we as the church acted like the church, we would eliminate poverty, have good relations with most other countries, change the face of education and healthcare and so many other things. So do not sit still my friends... now or ever for that matter is not the time to do so. We must move, we must pray for our families, our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers, our government leaders. We must do something. There must be something different in us that many people have not seen for the last month. We believe in Jesus and we must put our faith out, not just on paper and not just in our church buildings. We must move. Instead of complaining, are you doing something? Are you praying for someone? Are you being Jesus?
I urge you to go there... to be Light... to change something for the name of the Kingdom.

I'm not there... I'm praying too... I'm in it for Kingdom Change. -Melis

Politics and Lies

This applies to all social media. For the last (seems like forever) few months, all we've heard areall the things the other politicians have lied about. Words are twisted and construed. Sentences and phrases that had nothing to do with the topic are pulled out and placed in hate ads against the opposite party. Groups and interest groups pay to have advertisements in every arena of the public to remind you as to why you don't like the other party. 

Christians are on both sides. There are Christian Democrats and Christian Republicans. (and no I don't want to hear your opinion on this) Both sides have gotten awfully ugly. Shamefully so, even (or maybe especially) among Christians. It's not that I think you shouldn't voice your opinions or share your beliefs because that is not always the case. However,  I think it's a shame that we as Christians have bought into the lies of campaign ads. Instead of just choosing or not choosing a candidate or choosing or not choosing an issue, we jump into the hateful nonsense that blocks my Facebook feeds from stalking anyone sensible (in this case- it seems that 14 year olds have become more sensible). Thank God it hasn't completely ruined my Pinterest account or I just may put together a five page manual on why we should become a one party system so we don't have choices anymore (Before you gasp and unfriend me from all social media and call me a Communist, I am totally kidding about this you crazies). We have become horrific in our words and put stuff (pictures and words) on our social media that we would never say out loud and we would definitely not say to either candidate's face. (Stop mumbling under your breath about this.) I'm not saying that we can never say anything to support a candidate we believe in and are supportive of. You obviously have the freedom to exercise that right. What I am saying is to be careful with your words (myself included) because people who are not Believers are reading them and wondering how different we really are... which is a great place to ask ourselves, are we really different? Does my life look like a non-Believer or has Jesus made a change in me? You can talk about God all you want but it doesn't mean that your life truly reflects Jesus and unfortunately in this day and age of social media and our inconsideration and willingness to offend any and everyone, we have forgotten how badly our words do hurt others and maybe even turn others the wrong way. (I'm also not opposed to offending people every once in a while obviously.) I'm not saying who you should vote for because that's not where I'm at but I am saying consider others as you are writing the things you are in a public forum where others see it no matter who you support.  Done- Melis

Yes, I'm a teacher. What did you say?

Tonight, I had some grading of test corrections to do. Bored from being home alone, I decided to venture out to Pei Wei. I was eating my kids meal and no one was really giving me really weird looks or pity looks (the look that says oh you poor thing, you deal with my kids all day). Now I know why I love Panera. I don't get weird comments from the employees. One wmployee tonight asked me if I was a teacher. "No, I'm not. I'm actually a paper grading thief who clearly needs something better to do with my time." What do you think! That wasn't enough for him though. He then had to insist that I should be relaxing, not grading papers. Yeah, that would be nice but these papers aren't going to grade themselves. THEN, when I was leaving, he said, "See ya later teach. You really shouldn't be grading papers." You know what!? You're right. I shouldn't be and students shouldn't be doing work for me to grade and I shouldn't have to spend all my time at work doing a million other things like the majority of the profession I work in... But this, this is what I really wanted to say....

I do teach. I do grade papers at home, in public places and on my phone if necessary. I read books and take classes to be a better teacher. I pay for these classes, they're not even free and when I need to renew my license, I get to pay for that too. Did I mention my healthcare is cheap but 25% of my check pays taxes? I like kids and I'm willing to go the extra mile. If other people in this world would do their part, then I could actually spend time everyday teaching students and I wouldn't have to do paperwork because all my kids and their families would do the right thing. I wouldn't have to spend my prep grading, planning, and cleaning because people would want to help. Oh yeah, and I could teach more and be more effective if I wasn't being a therapist, counselor, nurse, mom, aunt, baby-sitter, cousin, big sister, policeman, cia detective, fire fighter (not literally) and fact checker. I also wouldn't have to be a dictator or a crazy lady who should be in acting school, instead of a classroom. I will try not to be a jungle gym monitor, a playground guard, a zoo keeper or a circus trainer if people knew when to zip it. I could actually teach and you, my friend, could contribute to society in a kind way. Oh yeah, and my kids are high on the attitude scale and they know not to mess with me so please sir be my guest and give me more time in the day or teach me how to use my time in a more effective way while meeting the needs of 150+ students. Let me know how that goes...

That's what I wanted to say. But I didn't. I'm feisty (poor guy just didn't know) and have no patience to tolerate people who tell me to make time. There would really be no point if I could. So that's what I think. At the end of the day, I would rather be in a classroom of high-maintenance needy kids than I would be the public who clearly knows how to do my job better than me. The end. -Melissa

Wal-Mart and the Poor

Today, as I left Walmart I felt overwhelmingly convicted. I mean honestly, for all the times I feel convicted at Walmart, they should assign a pastor and potentially build an altar in front of the store for immediate counseling for me. It makes me a wreck. In the middle of the store, I always lose my patience and want to slap a parent who allows their child to scream for an hour straight... take the poor thing home (I'm not oblivious to the fact that kids pitch fits in stores, that is not the issue, it's the constant screaming for long periods of time and the facial expression of the parent that lets me know something's not right about the whole situation). I want to run my cart over the lady who stands in the middle of every aisle I'm in without considering anyone else. After I have recovered my body language and can stand upright again after the shock I've experienced, I finally make it to the register to stare at endless magazines of Hollywood crap and overpriced gum to on a good day be greeted by a nice cashier who doesn't want to kill everyone in the store herself. I should probably congratulate these cashiers more often. I look straight into the face of a Walmart employee who looks like a manager that was very rude to me at another store a couple of years ago and pull back my pride to allow him to step in front of me to purchase his lunch that he probably only has ten minutes to eat and the Lord knows he probably needs a week's vacation after working in this place. I just don't know how they do it.

Nevertheless, every single time, I'm ready to press a button to end that blasted store and kicking myself as to why I even bothered to go in there, God places a remarkable person in my path. I usually see them a ways off as they wander through the parking lot talking to various people and walking away nodding silently. This particular man today had two small children with him. They are not dressed for the season and look exhausted. The man approaches me for some change and I give him some and ask if he would like a bottle of water... he takes a couple for he and his kids and thanks me and goes on his way. I did nothing significant and really did not provide any major relief for whatever he is experiencing but God spoke something deep into me in that moment.

The church is very good at talking about the poor but very uncomfortable with doing something about it. I often hear other Christians talk about how homeless people should not walk through parking lots or stand at traffic lights with signs... they should go get a job, they should find a decent place to live.... Now imagine that you have no permanent place to live and therefore cannot receive an ID that would allow you to even complete a job application. Yes, I know that many people who are homeless, especially in the city of Las Vegas, are addicts to many things... gambling, relationships, drugs, alcohol, etc. However, is it really our job/right/duty/call to sit back and make those calls? To be the ones who decide? I was so convicted with how little we are convicted to do something about the poor in the places we live. We are often willing to get in a car, bus, or plane to travel to another place to do "missions" but we are not even serving people who need something small around us. I challenge you (and myself) to move past your comfort zone and give of yourself to someone who asks. You don't have to buy them a steak dinner or give them a $20... just give them a few minutes, a cheap hamburger, a bottle of water, something that can change their perspective for a moment. Go to Walmart and see who needs the life of Jesus in you. I guarantee that someone does, we just have to be willing to step out of us and into who He is to see it. -Melis

What do we do with what we know?

"Talent is universal. Opportunity is not." -Nicholas Kristof, "Half the Sky"

I am a huge fan of Nicholas Kristof's work in the New York Times and in general. He goes where so many other writers do not, doesn't mind offending people (who normally need to be offended), and finds real issues, and as he would say, "Real heroes." He and his wife, Sheryl WuDunn, wrote a book together called Half the Sky. The book is about empowering women who have been oppressed in order to alleviate poverty in developing and developed countries. They don't focus on women's rights alone or who should be in charge, they just point out major changes that take place when women are empowered in society. Their book was recently made into a documentary that just aired on PBS. I didn't get to watch it on TV and only got to watch a few minutes of the first episode but watched the second episode in awe. It was worth procrastinating my graduate school homework over!

I actually don't know that I'll sleep tonight because there are a million things in my mind at the moment, either seen in the film or inspired by it. I can honestly walk away from the film knowing that I cannot continue going about my life the way I am. So with the introduction, I go back to my title-- "What do we do with what we know??" I posted the quote by Kristof at the top of the blog because it is worth thinking about.

In America/the West, we KNOW so much... those considered illiterate by Western standards would be considered highly intelligent in other societies. My principal says, "Education is the great equalizer." I think that's true. Education will change people, families, countries, societies, cultures and ultimately the world. Anyone can be talented like Kristof said but not everyone has the opportunity for education.

In my second trip to the continent of Africa, I was out on Lake Tanganyika (in northern Zambia) for 10 days. I had the opportunity to teach in the school, the alphabet for the little ones and English (I think--haha) with the older students. The chief of Nzovwe had several children, one of whom was in school in the older class. The 16ish-year-old girl was definitely clever and intelligent enough to be accepted into a university if she could get a formal education. However, there was not a FORMAL school there in the village. Her family was not willing to allow her to leave to get more of an education and the translator refused to tell the girl that I thought she could continue schooling. A clear sign of the lack of opportunity.

Yet, I teach around 160-180 students each day who have talent and opportunity and lack charisma and dedication to the subject. Does opportunity spoil us? What do we do with what we know??

I know what I do. Pray for those in another country to have the opportunity to be educated and loved. Nag the students who don't want to take the opportunity they are given and remind them that there are students just like them with the same talents with lots of charisma and dedication who do not have that opportunity. Tell me... what do you do with your opportunities? Just a thought :) -Melis

Ugly scars

About once a week, I have a semi-breakdown. It could be based on a variety of things. I hate the way my hair looks, a kid is mean, I get a dirty look from someone, I feel insecure, I am insecure, a movie feels like real life... you know? The usual :) About a month ago, after 4 scrapes of moles on my legs, I got a phone call from the doctor's office to inform me that at least two of those would have to be removed even more so and this time it would involve stitches. I reviewed in my last blog all the connotations that the word stitches includes in my mind: namely blood. I just don't do blood. Anyhow, after I recovered from all this madness, I realized that maybe my biggest fear wasn't that I had moles that could be cancerous in the future or even the stitches and my potential of passing out through my mental and visual sense of blood.

My biggest fear was that I would have multiple, visible scars on my legs.

Dramatically, I imagined the doctor would slice my leg wide open (at least 10 inches) and remove all the tissue, sew it back up, tell me I was fine but that I would have a huge white scar across my, once very tanned from the sun, legs. I was mortified at this thought. I know you're thinking, "How arrogant and conceited of you!" and rightfully so. It was very arrogant, very self-seeking, very conceited, very self-centered, very ME. At the end of the day, I am sinful and deceptive and just plain mean and this is one of the characteristics that allows SIN to show up in my life and to parade itself among the crowd.

I realized that the less than one inch scars that I actually now have are a visible sign of my inward ME-ness. They are a visible sign of a wretched past, deep regrets, painful memories and unswallowed pride. They are a visible sign of my inward ugly thoughts, a life fantasized but not real, a longing deep for something that someone else has, and a sign of my deepest insecurities-- including the way I look.

I struggled so much with a sense of self in middle school and high school. With a haircut and a small change of style, I received a good bit of attention at the end of 8th grade and moving into 9th grade. I allowed my physical beauty and looks to become a slave to boys who would compliment and stutter. I focused on how I could get their attention. I imagined the conversations I would carry on with them. They were not real. The attention that I got was not positive in the long run but only allowed me to become captive to being a people pleaser and worry. I worried about what others thought of me while attempting in some sort of way to please them with the way I looked, the facial expressions I presented, and the conversations I carried on with others. I bought into the lie that the only way I was beautiful was if someone told me so verbally. My sense of self was carried on the shoulders of boys who would smile at me and talk to my sister about wanting to date me. This was a very false sense of security but it continues to eat at the very core of who I am. It is another place that Satan lies to me the the most.

I don't have to find my security in others... my security alone is in Jesus. The moment I doubt that is the moment that Satan steps in to remind me of the un-beautiful parts of me. Believe me, there are many and there are deep scars that Jesus continues to recover and restore and heal but really that is the beautiful thing... a Jesus who doesn't give up on making me beautiful. One who bore nails on a cross and accepted nails in His hands creating scars that cannot be taken away. If it weren't for His scars, however, I wouldn't have the opportunity to be beautiful or redeemed. So may my scars be a deep, solid reminder of His, once again, sweet faithfulness to me. May your scars do the same. -Melissa

"God's nature is spurred by His goodness, not our worthiness." -Max Lucado

Why is everybody freaking out?

I have felt like this whole week has been full of freak out moments. Lots of them. From me, other teachers, students, me, other people, me... okay so they're mostly me.

What is it in us that causes us to panic, be anxious, be nervous, fear?? I was in the Galleria Mall yesterday looking at this so cute, cheap pair of earrings next to these two teenage girls when the floor literally began to shake. I thought there was something wrong with me, like maybe my food didn't settle well but when I looked straight into the face of the girl next to me, I knew I was not the only one that felt it. The jewelry also began to shake and rattle... we both looked around the rest of the store who seemed to not feel a thing... I don't know what it was, whether it was a small tremor of an earthquake or the Lochness Monster living below the mall, but either way, it freaked me out.

Last week, I had the second set of stitches on my leg after removing a second mole. I have had 4 removed in the last month and a half with 3 needed additional removal... aka stitches. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm not the kind of girl to feel the need to heal anyone medically if there is a possibility or prospect of blood. I just don't do blood. It has caused me to be lightheaded and even pass out since I was in elementary school. I don't know what it's like to not be bothered by it. {In the meantime, I'm so thankful for Vanessa, Teri, and my mom who have all made sure that I don't go to the doctor by myself, that I call someone when it's over and that I don't make any stupid decisions while I'm partially light headed :) What good people I have in my life!} Both times I have had stitches, I have almost passed out. I know the signs of what's about to happen so I take much better care of myself than I would have previously. I have looked at the nurse, told her I was lying down, asked her for water to drink and a wet washcloth for my forehead. Give it 5ish minutes following and then I am just fine. Ask me to leave, I'll drop right on the tile floor in the hallway where you escort all patients. I still have another set of stitches to go and already it makes me tense. But what is it that gets inside my head and causes me to freak out? My fear and lightheadness because of blood is more of a brain thing than my loss of blood... I mean yes, I probably do have low iron levels that can cause all of the above symptoms but not bad enough to make me almost pass out.

All of my issues of freaking out really center around one thing.... it hurts to even type it, I don't trust God with my life. I want to and I want to continue looking and purchasing cheap jewelry at the Forever21 counter but I didn't because fear completely ran through my body faster than cells reproduce. I want to trust God. It is an area I find myself constantly at war with. I love God, I believe Him, He has been faithful to me, I know He wants and has what's best for me... and yet, I believe the lies of the Enemy faster than I can remember the Truth of God. Why do I freak out??

Bottom line-- if I know God's Word, I am much more apt to lean on it, if I'm out of it, I'm out. There are lots of verses I need in me for the sake of being reminded of the faithfulness of God and the lack of fear I find in Him. For in Him, there is only trust to be had. He is so good to me. May you trust Him too- Melis

P.S. A few weekends ago, I was a part of Beth Moore's simulcast where she talked about fear. The link below gives you a link to a whole set of verses about fear specifically that you can download, memorize and put in various places. May you forge on in trust!!!

http://blog.lproof.org/2012/09/as-promised-the-great-forsake-and-take.html

He never failed me yet.

In high school choir, we sang this gospel song called, "He never failed me yet." I was getting into/being a newish Christian and was just learning the song because it was what our director picked out. I didn't think too much about the words or what I was actually saying. I was more concerned about pitch and staccato notes and such.

It's so strange the things we remember. I find myself singing this song all the time. The truth about this song is that it is truth. The words to the chorus of the song are as follows:

"I will sing of God's mercy, every day, every hour, He gives me power.
I will sing, and give thanks to thee for all the dangers, toils, and snares that He has brought me out.
He is my God and I'll serve Him. No matter what the test.
Trust and never doubt, Jesus will surely bring you out. He never failed me yet."

How real those lyrics are to me now. How real my God has been. How good He has been and how He has NEVER failed me. How often I fail Him! (and how thankful I am for grace!)

School started back two weeks ago and boy, has it been crazy, weird, busy, fun, annoying, all the usual adjectives that work with middle schoolers. I felt so rested coming in to the school year from a fantastic and semi-lazy summer that was definitely needed in my life. Already, in the first two weeks, there have been a few students who have latched on for whatever reason. I so adore some of them and some of the others already know what drives me crazy (not exactly the wisdom in me that reveals this). I always have this great fear of not connecting with my students, if I missed Jesus telling me to go somewhere else, if my stubbornness caused me to stay, if my unwillingness to change led me down a path that I was not to go. Especially yesterday... as I prayer walked with a group of people around the neighborhood of my school to see the true conditions my students live and breathe in.

The devil is a liar and he will lie for as long as we let Him. While I'm praying wondering why in the world God chose me for another year at Mack, the devil whispers all of my inadequacies, how many students I've missed, my deepest insecurities, my darkest secrets... every single thing he can use as ammunition against me. God's softest whisper is louder than the devil's lies... "You're here for them..." and He would bring a face to my mind and another and another and remind me of what I already know about their life situations and their need for help and ultimately, their need to be loved by a Savior and the place Jesus has given me to love them for a short period in their life. Satan seems powerful to us, but he has been overcome by Jesus and yet, we walk in defeat, acting as if we have been failed.

He hasn't failed us. Just as He calls me to walk back into Mack tomorrow and live on the front lines of the devil's waging war, He has called you to walk knowing that His mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is never changing. He never fails us. May that be the song of your heart. -Melis

Our temptation to shrink real life.

[Side note: I'm not really sure what exactly I was thinking with that title but I'm not sure how else to explain it.]

Have you ever had a day? Just a bad day and you think that you must be the only person in the world that has ever just had a bad day? We know this is not realistic and yet we sometimes need to sink into that for just a few minutes to get a grip on the reality of our lives and how we feel. I learned a very important lesson this summer at the Holocaust conference. They gave us guidelines to teach the Holocaust and one of them is not to minimize or compare the story of the Holocaust and it's reality by simulating it. I'm not sure if that makes sense... let me describe it to you... during the Holocaust 11 million people died, we can't really wrap our brains around that. (I tried to, it's useless.) This is just the number that we know of, that doesn't include those who were sick or wounded, it doesn't include the conditions in which they died or their hope or desire to survive. It's just a number. However, often (I'm so guilty of this) in order to make it relevant, we describe it by comparison. Really, what can you compare that to? I can take the symptoms of the Holocaust and compare it to, say, a genocide in Rwanda or Cambodia or Armenia but they are still not equivalent. They're all dramatic situations in which a group(s) of people was targeted but we cannot minimize the mass fatality of the Holocaust by talking about Rwanda. Just can't be done.

We do this to people all the time. Instead of walking with someone through a hardship, we are quick to say, "I know what you mean.... I've felt the same way...I dealt with the same situation...etc." Get my drift? However, we don't know what they mean, we haven't felt the same way, and we haven't dealt with the same situation. (Often, we say things so they'll stop talking to us about this-- do we really care about people? More a question to me than you.) On the surface, they do look the same, they do seem to feel the same or deal with situations the same way but varying circumstances define so much of how people look and deal with situations that we cannot possibly rank in comparison. Sometimes, we need to let people feel for a few minutes. Let them get the unrealistic ideas out and then let them process through realism. (This is not AT ALL a blog of excuses for people who constantly throw pity parties--different time, different place.) As they process the realism, jump in. How did you deal with a 'similar' situation? Note: the word similar does not imply the same... they're not. Rather than overlook their emotions for a few minutes, give them time to grasp what's really going on.

When we compare, we shrink real life for people. I mean, honestly, you're not going to walk up to a three year old boy learning to walk and when he falls over, yell in his face like a drill sergeant, "BE A MAN!" You're not (and if you do, those are completely different issues that I will, more than likely, not touch on in this blog EVER). Stop shrinking real life and real circumstances for people. Stop making your life worse than theirs... stop one-upping people's horrible moments and just let them be for a bit. I know that this is an area that I can really work on and grow in and I hope that you are able to do the same. Let's help others see their reality through the lens of moments, rather than compared situations. Will you pray for me in this? I will for you too. -Melis

Voice

So! I have been in DC for the past 3 days for the Belfer Conference at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. I could write a blog per hour on all the things I thought about and dreamed about and learned about but I will (for now at least :) ) share this one thing with you.

There were around 100 teachers from across the US at the museum for the conference. I met so many wonderful people and sat in lots of class time with around 20 of them. We sat in the same seats at tables all three days so I got to talk to the 2 guys at my table, Josh and Fred. Josh was a younger guy that has been teaching high school in Missouri for about 3 years. He was just smart... he had read lots of books, seen lots of movies, and done all kinds of research about the Holocaust. Honestly though, Fred forty-upped us all. (He went well past the one-upping stage, well past!)

When I think about describing to you the way Fred looks, imagine the character Arthur Abbott (played by Eli Wallach) in the movie "The Holiday." Fred is about ten years younger than Arthur's character but has lots of quirks, he always laughs or smiles and enjoys asking thought-provoking questions. Now back to the subject. On the second day, we discovered that Fred is actually the son of a Holocaust survivor. His mother survived Auschwitz and although she is not alive now, Fred lives to tell the story of the Holocaust because of his mother's story. Today, we heard a woman named Nesse Godin (you can read or listen to her story here: Nesse's Story). Nesse was from Lithuania and was made fully aware of what the Germans were doing when she was 13 years old. She lived in a ghetto before she lived in a camp and was liberated after a "death march" in 1945. After Nesse shared her story with all of us, she spent some time in each class for lunch. I had gone out for a bit and when I came back, she was there speaking to the other teachers. Fred looked a bit teary-eyed as he walked back to our table but he didn't say much. It was as if he was thinking about what she had said but that there was also something deeper. We completed a survey and then went to hear Dr. David Crane (who was the chief prosecutor that indicted Charles Taylor, a past president of Liberia, in Sierra Leone in 2005-he's pretty famous FYI). That was the last part of our conference. We were released after that but were stopped in the lobby to receive certificates of completion. Fred was standing behind me talking about Nesse and he made this statement, "She was the voice of my mother." I could tell that it was heavy on him. His mother passed away a few years ago and now Fred works at a local Holocaust museum in the state of New York. I thought those words were a beautiful compliment to Nesse. Not that Fred's mother was more or less important than Nesse, but they represented something deeper than just surviving something.

When I got home, I was thinking about Fred's comment and then it occurred to me. How often do I leave a conversation with people or talking with people that God has placed in front of me where they could truly say, "She was the voice of my Father," "She was the voice of the Father." How many times could someone broken and damaged emotionally and physically leave a Christian and truly believe that they had just heard the "voice of the Father?" After hearing so much about genocide and violence and what hate does to destroy people, God reminded me to be a voice. Proverbs 31:8 reads,

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute."

It is our great responsibility and privilege to be Nesse's, to be Fred's, and ultimately to be Jesus... to continue telling the story of those who have gone before us, to change the world through action, and to be the voice of the Father speaking Truth and encouragement into others.

Whose voice are speaking my friend? Something for us to think about... Melis

Insignificant

It's been a great last week for me with the end of school, saying goodbye to some teary-eyed upcoming freshmen and completing the first unit and week of my Master's program. It's been chaotic too... that's a lot going on! I had some really up and down emotional moments (I know that's part of life, but it's just not always fun) that continued on in to the weekend. Here are some thoughts that will maybe give you some insight....

1. I am a teacher. I am not a teacher who gets paid more, holds an administrative position, gets paid for working extra hours... I work my tail off to get anything extra and my work ethic has for some reason made others think I have a different job. I checked out with everyone else and am treated the same way by my bosses, sometimes really well, sometimes I feel like yuck. I am doing what I was called to.
2. I fully realize that I am single while the rest of the world (literally) is getting engaged, married, and having kids, I am not. I sometimes feel so far away from it that I don't know what to do with myself. I am fully convinced that when the time is right, God will send me a man that will pursue me like He does. I refuse to settle for anything less. (I know some of you think I need to just "go out there and grab someone before they're all taken" but you have honestly lost your mind. I am NOT THAT GIRL.)
3. This morning at Hope, Pastor Vance talked about different kinds of people. There are Pauls who have crazy conversion stories, was the highest of the highs, had all the right people in the right places. There are Timothy's who are often found in the "ands." They are just normal everyday people and then there are the even more normal people, otherwise known as the "saints." They are walking with Jesus day by day but maybe do not have the same platform as the others, BUT they do have a platform. It just looks different.

All of that to say that sometimes being an everyday person on the verge of normal and feeling a bit alone leaves me feeling insignificant. Satan lies and tells me I deserve the position I have because I am so crazy messed up. He lies about so many conversations, friendships, daily routines, and other things that I just throw myself at mercy's feet and beg God to intercede. I really need God to make me significant. Even then, it is He in me that makes anything that I say or do significant. It is not Melissa. It is Him. I know that so many of you reading this are just ordinary, plain people like myself. Don't let Satan lie to you too and tell you it makes you insignificant. You were created with a purpose that is different than everyone else's and you were meant to carry out that purpose. It may not always feel or look great but it is yours.

You are in Him significant... You have purpose, now go and fight for it! I'm joining you! -Melis

They win.

Today was the last full day I had of students in the Class of 2016, my official 5th year of kids and literally 180 of their sweet faces. To honor that, we held a small (very unprofessional and casual) ceremony to commemorate the event. I gave out some specific, very special certificates and then each student received a certificate in a report cover that says, "Class of 2016... (insert their name here) on behalf of Ms. Gillespie and Jerome D. Mack Middle School. Keep this certificate as a reminder to work hard until you graduate high school in 2016!" (I think I worded a little bit differently, and by now I've read so many that I can't remember.) In my 1st period, it was very quick. There were lots of laughs (almost to the point of annoying) because they were quite nervous and anxious. My 2nd period had a few thank you speeches from the loving class clowns. My 3rd period? The loud clappers... Please accept my apology dear neighbors in other hallways because they were so thrilled (and LOUD). My 4th period seemed completely shocked that they would receive such a thing... gave no speeches, put on a front to act as if they didn't even care and barely would get their picture taken. You would have thought I had asked them to join the third world war. They actually ruined the experience for me for a bit. I knew my 5th and 6th would make it better and that they did.

My 5th period is at least 19 boys (count them-- 19 13-14 year olds who love war, music, sarcasm, comments, fighting) and 6 sweet little quiet (sometimes ditzy) girls. To say that my 5th period is interesting is maybe the understatement of the year but they are a lot of fun and I really just love them. A few of them gave some speeches, mostly funny but I almost cried when sweet Bernardo got up and just said, "Thank you Ms. Gillespie. You are one of the best teachers I've ever had." (You win Bernardo! You win for your sincerity alone!) Another student, Angel, who I had just decided had shut me off, looked at me with a very surprised look and said, "I really like the writing on the page." I'm not sure that some of these kids have ever had a piece of paper with their name on it with a positive anything. I know that seems so simple but you should know this kid's story. My heart breaks for him and I desperately hope that someone comes along who absolutely loves him so much. He just stared at it. Then there's Maxwell, a very grateful kid, who just expressed gratitude in his speech and said a very simple and heartfelt thank you. I think the most shocked for the entire class was Juan. I think he thought I didn't make him one because even when I read his first and last name, he said aloud, "I have one?" (My sarcastic comment, "Does anyone have the same first and last name as you? Umm, no precious face.") Yes, you do. I do have the same expectations and the same goals for you despite your circumstances. They were thrilled to take their certificates outside to get their picture made and I was grateful to have so many precious boys, no matter how tough they act on the outside. I am so, so incredibly grateful for them. At the end of class, Angel came forward and in his best drawings/writing/tagging, gave me a note that said, "Thank you Ms. Gillespie." (How can you not love a kid who just needs someone to love them? I mean, really?)

My 6th period, of course, has to one-up them all, as always. Every student in the class received a specific "I love this about you" kind of award and a Class of 2016 certificate. They were terrified that I had forgotten them. If you recorded only their voices, you would have thought I pulled out a gold bar when I grabbed their stack of certificates in plastic covers. I read off each name and certificate and was so surprised at how many students gave their own little speeches. Tyler, for maybe the first time in his life, sincerely thanked the students in the class for just letting him have fun and for allowing him to laugh and he specifically thanked students who had made him laugh the most. Dominique told them that she wanted the best for everyone and that she was going to graduate high school, so should they! (You go girl :) ) Pu'Uwai was so sweet for telling the class how they had let her just be herself. She has gained so much confidence this year. I am so proud of her. Mika shared a very passionate thank you for making her laugh and for ending almost everyday as a really good one. Lazaro was honest about how he hadn't done so well first semester but he had really gotten a lot better the second one and was proud to be a part of that class. Many of them commented on how the class was like a family... they laughed together, got in trouble together, and will end their 8th grade year together in just a few short days. I just adore everyone of them. I can't even help myself.

They win. At the end of the 2011 school year, I felt so discouraged, so uncomfortable in my own skin, so not where I felt I should be so God sent me to the other side of the planet to South Africa to remind me that I am exactly where He wants me to be. He reminded me that there are so many kids who have loving and wonderful parents and there are so many who don't. I left Africa in the summer of 2011 with a renewed hope and peace that He wanted me in Las Vegas at Mack Middle School with the kids He would give me. He wants me there... with the broken, the ones who have never had their name handwritten on a piece of paper, the ones who need someone to laugh with, the ones who need someone to believe in them for the first time ever, the ones who need to be taught how to be thankful, the ones who need a nag in their lives, they need an extra person... a person who will invest in them.

They have won my heart. At the end of most years, I wonder how I will ever love a class the way I have that particular one and for this year's kids, it is definitely true. I'm just not sure. They have restored my belief, just like Anne Frank, that there is good in everyone. Some just need more encouragement than others. Sometimes I need more encouragement than others. I hope that someone in your life just wins you over and I don't know who it is or where they are but I hope they restore the hope that there is good in everyone and they encourage you to keep loving people. We all need it. We all need someone to let us win. This class has done it for me.

Thank you for letting me share.... I'm going to go clean myself up now from sweet, joyful tears... Melis

Texas Dreaming

Today, I was thinking of blogging. Today, I was thinking about what a great weekend I had and how much fun I had with the people I was with and how thankful I am that they walk with Jesus. Today, I was thinking of how incredibly blessed I am to have a job and a job that I love. Today, I am so thankful for a group of students who compliment everything I wear, even when I haven't washed my hair. Today, I was made crazy by a student who was making noises as if to blow up the room and by the other one who so anxiously realized that he didn't have his absent note from Friday. Today, I talked to my sister about a potential job she has and how excited she is. Today, I got out of my car, closed my garage door, walked up to my apartment and passed my neighbor.

The other day, on the way to small group, I was running late and literally walked into a conversation with my neighbor where we got to talk about Jesus and what He is doing in my neighbor's son's life. Love it, it was worth being late over. All of that to say, today I was walking up my sidewalk past my neighbor who was talking to another neighbor and I was thinking of how crazy it is that I have been in Las Vegas almost exactly 5 years. As I'm having this realization, I look down next to the stairs and there are two dandelions. I realize that most people think these are weeds and I refuse to agree. Every time I see them, just like when I see the Orion's Belt in the sky, I am reminded of God's sweet faithfulness.

Five years ago, I drove across the country to a new city, new roommate, new job, new people, new church, new everything... I was scared to say the least. I knew that I was being obedient to what God wanted but I was still scared. Of course, driving 30 hours from my small hometown to Las Vegas was a long, long ride. I had been to Las Vegas before but the view is quite different on a plane than in a car on I-40. I mean let's talk about how there is NOTHING in Arkansas, Arizona, New Mexico, Oklahoma, most of Texas, western Tennessee... very few things to see. Our alphabet game didn't work so well on this trip because there was literally nothing. I'm not sure if I was on another planet by myself or what but when we got around to Amarillo, Texas (which I've never been to besides this road trip), I just could not help but gasp at how big the fields are... it's not like a field is new to me. I grew up within seconds of cotton and corn fields but these fields were different. These fields were full of dandelions, not little ones like the ones next to my sidewalk... they were as big as my fist or bigger. I think I even commented aloud at one point about how much I would like to take off running through the field. It was in riding through those fields on my long trek to Las Vegas that God made a sweet promise to me in my desperate heart. He would be faithful. I tear up as I write this, I cried a bit then. He would be faithful. Even though dandelions come and go and we make wishes with those small flowers (or weeds depending on your opinion), He promised to remain the same. He promised to give me a generation that would dream. He promised to give me the next generation. He promised to allow me to continue dreaming and blowing dandelions in the wind begging him to do something different.

I want to tell you one thing... (what a shame that you read this whole blog to read this one statement, right? :) )... He is faithful, He does not change, and He has not forgotten you. I believe that with my still desperate heart that needs Him more and more everyday. Every single day. May you believe in the dream maker and dream giver and the "one who calls you is faithful. He will do it."

Love you and praying for you as you read this- Melis

I don't know why I try to title things, I'm not good at it.

Funny story... today, M (one of my autistic kids) came into class with his sunglasses on. That's normal. He picked up his folder and I handed him a piece of paper that he had turned in that he didn't have to. He takes it back and says, "Did you love it?" Did I love that you completed your paper? Yes. Did I love that you just used your manners? Yes. Did I love that you just asked me that sincerely? Yes. I really think M goes home and laughs at the things he says to teachers sometimes and the responses that he gets. He is so hilarious. After we had that nice conversation, he got mad that he had to do his work and kicked the desk and slammed his hand on the table and declared, "I don't want to do this!" Gotta love Mondays. I mean seriously? The song lyrics, "It's just another manic Monday," freely flowed through my head for the whole first hour of school. Oh yeah and did I mention that two boys walked right into my classroom and they're not in my class? And that I called one of my boys, the wrong name twice? I know he was SO happy with me about that! Welcome back my beloved!

Along those lines though, I have thought a lot today in my very, very cheerful mood where nothing was going to bring me down. There are so many kids who are depending on me. There are so many adults that I work with that are depending on me. I desire change and want to see that take place in so many of the people I work with and the students that give me a job really. I mean I can beg some of them to stop coming, but then who would I work with? There are so many people that you work with and do life with everyday that are depending on you too! Why do I believe this you ask? This is why... this afternoon, I went and had quick meeting with my boss. We were talking about next year's schedule, my prep sell, my early bird class that I share, and lots of other very school related things. I made a comment that right before spring break I was feeling so burned out. He said that burning out is exactly what they don't want to happen which is why they're trying to make some changes for next year. There are always people resistant to those changes and on most days, he stays away from those topics which I appreciate. In the midst of this discussion, he made the comment, "We've gotta figure out a way for you to get back to Africa."

Let's rewind...When I first decided to sell my prep (aka September), that was one of the reasons that he used to convince me. The extra money I made would get me to Africa for the 5th year in a row. That comment may not make any difference to you but it does to me. My boss has never been to Africa. He has been out of the country and he really understands a lot more about poverty and the need for change than most people, including me most of the time and he has more life experience than other people as well. We've had a lot of conversations on long trips in a group about traveling and he knows that Africa is something I'm passionate about. He's not passionate about Africa... I think he gets that Mack has a kind of ambassador when we go to other places. I'm an ambassador to Africa on behalf of my school and kids, my boss, my church, my family, my friends, my prayer and sponsoring supporters. I get to see change take place across the globe. My dream is to take students, students from Mack to join me on the field to serve those who have less and love more. To those who live plain, ordinary lives... just like us in a different way and on the other side of the planet. My boss is depending on me to do something different, to be a change agent, to be a role model to my students. Not going to Africa this summer is a big deal for me and I know that I'm not supposed to go this summer for an "only God knows" reason. He will show me in His time.

In the meanwhile, we are to be His ambassadors in the lonely, needy places.... with those who are loved and who need to be loved. For those who want us to love their work and hearts and for those who kick the desks in rage. For those who cry out a need to believe and those who are so shy that they would never think of such. I am to be a change agent. I am to speak out for change for those who have no hope and for those who are depending on me. Who's watching me and waiting for the change I get to make in their lives?

Oh Jesus--- thank you for sweet influence and the lives you allow me to physically and emotionally change. Forgive me for the times I kick the desk in rage and thank you for your compassion when I ask you if you love my work. You are so good to me. -Melissa

Unable to Concentrate.

I'm sitting in Starbucks on Spring Break and am having the hardest time concentrating. I have been like this all week unless I'm talking or reading a book. Trying to do work on vacation is just not right I guess. I'm supposed to be unwrapping standards for some extra stuff in the district. To top off the lack of interest I have in it at the moment, there are screaming children next to me that will not be still and a couple of women next to me who are struggling to focus on their conversation and looking at me like, "You must just be looking at your Facebook or Pinterest." Obviously, I'm not doing either. When I have too much time on my hands, I think WAY too much. I'm thinking about the following...

1. Awkward moments of my last school year, including students and people I work with.

2. Future.... what the heck do I want to get my Master's in??? I need to suck it up and do it but I don't want to go back to school for an "Education" Master's. I am NOT that girl.

3. Maybe one day, I want to start my own charter school, similar to Ron Clark's or in the same format but in Vegas or something. The ones I've seen that work are in inner city communities (similar to the one I work in) or "at-risk" schools and involve LOTS of structure which kids in those areas need desperately. I think about seeing Sammy from last year a couple of weeks ago and think how much he would benefit from a system like that. My kids so desperately need to be loved and I would love to open up a school where that would happen with good teachers. Then those students could go back and really change their communities. I read The Pact by the "Three Doctors" and they lived in inner city Newark and made a pact in high school that changed everything for them, despite their circumstances and what they grew up in.

4. I'm not going to Africa or Panama (I had talked about this in a previous blog. The family I wanted to work with will be back in the states during that time.) during this summer.... trying to figure out how to get out of the country for a bit is a little crazy I know. I will be traveling some but I will miss getting a stamp on my passport! That sounds completely weird to most people but you're talking to the girl who has taken some really LONG flights over the past few years on her summer vacations. I think God has something crazy (and completely unexpected) for me and I'm anxious to find out what it is.

5. Last, but not least, a thought for you that I've been thinking on. It's in a book I'm reading called Purity, a Godly woman's adornment by Lydia Brownback. In the devotion today, she said, "Our desire for God will always be determined by our perception of God, and what determines our perception of him is the state of our heart... If we find God and his Word confusing or frustrating, it's because something in our heart is resistant to him and his truth. He puts his finger on something in our life-- a particular sin or bad habit or worldly pattern of living-- and we don't like the intrusion." I find my whole self in an uproar when God does this and then I get frustrated with being convicted or God invading when I had asked him to in the beginning.

Even in the chaos, may you find God's intrusions loving and gentle. May He, in his touch, overwhelm you with courage and grace to deal with all His intrusions and may your mind find itself in more order than mine! Happy Grace-filled weekend! -Melis

This Beautiful Life

I'm reading through Jonah with my small group and Proverbs in my attempt to read the Bible in a year (it has turned into a year and a half and I'm not even through the Old Testament yet!). In the process, I came across Warren Wiersbe's commentaries. This is the thing... my dad collects his books come to think of it and I've never thought about reading it myself. Kristi, my small group leader, pulled one out for the minor prophets and we've been using it for Jonah so I ordered one for Proverbs (changing up my routine for quiet time because of some comments from Flor) and sat and read it yesterday... holy moly, I'm in love. I just read the introduction yesterday and the first chapter this morning, along with reading Proverbs 1 again. Wiersbe makes several references to other places in the Bible that coincide with the Proverbs because for goodness sakes, sometimes the book looks like my blog-- scattered and whatever he/they thought of next! and I love it... (Sorry for the overuse of the word love today but like is not exactly a strong enough verb!)

Side note: Prudence is always a word that I have seen in a negative light... like a "prudent girl" would be modest, never speaks up for herself or anyone else and is a sort of a negative Nancy. Wiersbe makes reference to prudence meaning "to see the reason behind things." In that case, I would love to be prudent!

Another reference which I can't stop thinking about is connected to Titus 2:10... the last part of the verse says, "... so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive." Wiersbe translates this to meaning, "Make the Bible beautiful by living a Godly life."

Reflecting on this... what if I really considered every move I make, every word I say, my facial expressions, body language, thoughts and processes toward people completely beautiful by loving Jesus in every expression? Then the not-so-sweet question comes.... how many times have I messed that up? The crazy thing about God in his sovereignty is that he loves me still and wants to make this mess of a life into a beautiful story of grace, forgiveness, justice, mercy, compassion, and peace. He makes my life beautiful without me even asking... without me even praying or looking to Him sometimes... He takes the moments that I'm annoyed to get to help a sweet man who can't pick up his water in a grocery store to say thank you. He takes the smile of a fuzzy haired thirteen year old to love on me a bit... He takes the compliments and the reality of a fourteen year old beautiful girl to make me a feel just a little more beautiful. We take life and make a mess of it. God takes us and makes a beautiful life of it.

May you make the Bible beautiful by living a Godly life. -Melis

Go Moments

"And then Melissa was swallowed by 180 8th graders... and life."

I'm somewhat relieved that God didn't have that written in the Bible. Today I do feel like it should be. I was driving to drop some stuff off and I was so overwhelmed with this feeling of a need to go. It has been driving me crazy. For example, net week is Spring Break and I am really hoping for a day to go to California to just drive, to clear my head, to think for a few hours, to breathe. You would think I have a lot of time to do that and don't get me wrong, I do. There's something about not being at home or sitting in the comfort of my Panera booth that makes me think a little more.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been so bummed that I'm not going to Africa this summer. It's really not so I can tell people that I'm going or get everyone hyped about it. I just feel a little piece of me has died without going. I think that's what drove me to go to school away from Georgia home and drove me right out to Vegas after college and to travel to the UK, Chicago, NYC, and live in Florida for the summers when I was in college. I don't consider myself at all the adventurous type... more of the "I can talk myself (or you can talk me) into doing ridiculous things that I almost have an anxiety attack in the process an then I'll be fine." I doubt you call that adventure. I doubt anyone calls that anything except insanity. All that to say... over the last couple of weeks, I have had this aching to go see a missionary family in Central America I know, to serve with them, to love on them, to see a different side of missionary life than what I have seen before.... to really convince myself to learn Spanish. It has consumed my spare time and thoughts even this weekend with so many other things to think about! Conversations with other people (particularly about their missions experiences) have made me think about it even more... I did also look up plane ticket prices (did I mention that?). It's much more affordable and realistic for me this summer.... Africa just isn't. I'm still going to work with Vanessa on Ignite Africa school and hopefully more stuff (I'm excited about this!)... and I'm looking forward to (for the first time since I've lived here) spending a lot of time in Vegas... it will give me some time for some day trips!

I'm in the process of some "Go Moments" which are "God moments" and I'm excited about where they'll take me. Pray for obedience and a clear mind for me to hear from Him.

May you go where He wants, love those He places in your path and be waiting for every moment where you could be Jesus and be the most like Him... when you give. (and if you have extra time, listen to this past week's sermon from Hope (hopechurchonline.com... it should be posted soon)... if you haven't thought about the concept of giving your life away... let Pastor Vance explain.

Blessings in your comings and goings this week! -Melis

Dear 16 Year Old Me...

I recently watched a video about melanoma that was created by people who wish they could have told themselves something about the symptoms and effects of melanoma and skin cancer so that they would done things differently when they were teenagers. This morning, I could not get this off my mind....

Dear 16 Year Old Me,

You should know that high school love does not last for most people and broken hearts are a real thing. I wish you would have known that when God called you to ministry, that it wouldn't always be in a building that is called a church, but it would be an inner city middle school in Las Vegas (like you ever thought you would live in a place called "Sin City"). You will have the opportunity to influence and change the lives of about 1,000 students and their families in the first five years of your teaching experience and you will actually be good at it and enjoy it. Your confidence will be found in Jesus more than anything else and you will relearn the lesson of finding your security, dignity, and strength in Jesus time and time again. Your first year of college will be hard and a little lonely, but stick it out... you will end up loving the experience and the people that you are around. You will travel to Africa multiple times and kids will love you there and not just because they know you were on homecoming court or you were semi-popular. Popularity doesn't matter forever, love for people will though. Stop worrying about what others think of you. They don't always really care or matter honestly. You will repeatedly get the opportunity to fall more in love with Jesus because of others in your life and especially because of the people you surround yourself with while you're in college. They will speak life into you and help your hurting heart and deep scars heal without ever even knowing it. After you move to Las Vegas, there will still be more heartache and more pain and more scars but you will still choose to trust the God that makes all things new again and you will get to renew your heart, especially your mind, in some times when you are completely alone. You will lose relationships there but you will regain the friendships that God desires for you. Your salvation will be the very breath of who you are and you must solely lean on Jesus several more times than you would ever think. You will find that your deep dark secrets and guilt are held in the hands of the God of the universe and He will change you completely and forgive you and open wounds so that they are healed. You won't marry your high school sweetheart (or sweethearts :) ) but you will continue to have relationships that make you who you are. You are good enough, no matter what you have continued thinking during your teenage years. There will be some time periods where you become depressed and life becomes dark but God will restore your yearnings for Him and you will not be able to get enough. You're going to make it. I promise. You will. Trust God and believe Him and surround yourself with people who really do love you and care. They will encourage you to trust Him more and more. You will have to wait for some things longer than others but they will come when He desires them to. Again, you will make it. You will.

Love, 27 Year Old Me

The Question of Ministry

This morning at Hope, we had a church planter that will plant a church in Salt Lake City in March of this year. He made a comment in his message and testimony, "We are called to be Christians everywhere." So true. Aren't we? I had no control before I mouthing "Mmhmm" aloud. I have been so challenged in this alone this week and last month. Every place we are is supposed to be ministry. I don't have to work for a church, a Bible group, or anything else to be Jesus. Jesus didn't start this grand scheme of craziness and chaos in order to share His life with people. He just lived. Bottom line. Everywhere He was, He shared the love of the Father. He didn't wait to go to the synagogue or a great meeting of Believers to perform a miracle. He did it in the simplest of ways in the most (what we would consider) meaningless places... street corners, water fountain, hillside... you get the point. In fact, the story I remember the most about Jesus actually being in a "church building," He turned over the table and got mad at the people for being too religious. Is that we have become? In our perfect, little worlds of comfortable seats and messages that convict us for a few hours... would Jesus turn over our tables? Would He rock our boats? Would be willing to walk on water in the deepest of waters to trust Him?

My prayer for you, and me, is that we would be Jesus in the simplest, insignificant ways... everyday, everywhere... we would be lovers of His very being and we would prove it to the world around us, not just because of what we say, but what we do as well....

Going to do that today... Melis

Good You. Grateful Me.

Jesus is beyond so good to me so I just wanted to share a few stories from the past month where He demonstrated His love to me.

1. The week before Halloween, we had a Spirit Week at school. Of course, that means I get to dress up.... so I decided to be a ballerina. I watched a tutorial online to make my tutu and was ecstatic about this cute thing. (Not that I'm overdramatic or anything.) I made the tutu and the night before I was supposed to wear it, I decided it looked funny long. After I cut the length, I realized that it looked funny short, then I realized it looked like it needed more. This was at 9:00 pm. Of course, all craft stores close at 9 and I just hoped that Wal-Mart's fabric section was still open. Called them, they were. Walked into Wal-Mart at 9:30 and had to wait a few minutes, got to tell the lady cutting fabric I would pray for her entire family. That was cool. As I was walking out, there was a homeless man outside (there are never homeless people outside this specific Wal-Mart). He asked for some money, I just took him back inside and bought him some McDonald's. He had the brightest blue eyes and I was overwhelmed with the thought of feeding Jesus... his eyes seriously shown. He was so grateful and it was a night changer for me. I think that God opened up the eyes of the sweet Wal-Mart employee sitting eating in the McDonalds as well. How good He is to us... all because of my tutu trouble.

2. A few weeks before that, I was out with some students feeding the homeless. We walked down toward the freeway where many of them stay and sleep. My students had never seen that before. Diana, one of my sweet girls, looked at me and said, "That's a life changer." You're right Diana... it is, gives me chills as I write this.

3. I was at school this past week and have really been convicted that I need to pray for my school more than I do and pray specifically for students who have reached out to me. I think I lost it last year and I really lost my connection with a lot of my kids. I feel like I have a much better connection with my students this year and am grateful because it is all Jesus. As soon as I was convicted about this, the next day was horrendously awful. However, the next day was incredible and the day after that, even more so, and after that, (it seemed unlikely) even better. Yesterday, Jesse, a student I had 2 years ago, came by and was telling me about God continuing to change his life. (So proud of these kids who have really surrendered their lives to serving Jesus!) It was so motivating for me and he has committed to pray for my students, along with David a student I had the same year in the same class who gave his life to Jesus fully last year. How good Jesus is that they would share that with me.

I love the people that Jesus places in my life and the goodness that He gives me daily. He doesn't have to do it and He chooses to. He is good and I'm so grateful.

He is a love like no other... Melis