It's been a while I feel like that I've sat down and actually processed what I was feeling and thinking so the following are some of the things that I've thought about, written and prayed about, discussed, and now I'll post it here...
-The Urgency of the Gospel- how dare I act as if it is not important at all or doesn't matter or go about saying it in a nonchalant way as if it carries no weight because it does... huge weight to my family, my students, roommates, friends, connections... pretty much everyone. It matters... end of discussion and I need to act like and talk like it matters because again, it does.
-Love- it's required, it's not something that is optional for me at this point and yes I want to scream and pull my hair out and act like a psycho on a daily basis, and let's be honest, I have a lot of these moments... yet when it all comes down to it, love must be core. I wear a ring that says, "Keep on loving" for the reason that it is not natural for me to do it, I must put forth effort in order to be able to do so.
-Importance of People- bottom line, because of the Urgency of the Gospel and Love, people are at the core and knowing they are valued is a much bigger deal than we think. So yesterday, after I freaked out on one of my boys because he was being ridiculous and everyone knew it, today I knew that it is part of life that I get angry but it is too easy to just be mad all the time. I must do something different, or otherwise I look like everyone else to everyone else and I just can't have that. That's a sweet word I like to call "settling" and it's just not something that I know that much about.
-Other- There are so many other things that I am processing so of course, I'll just make a list...
1. how do I get through to those who believe something totally different
2. how do I know the right time to share with those people
3. I want to hear the voice of God speak clearly and with weight in my life again and it be something that I acknowledge, not ignore.
4. Sharing with those who mean the most to me
5. Continuing to connect with people who will push me to be better and love Jesus more and step outside of me when needed (as in every second) so that He is seen and not me.
6. Prayer, prayer, prayer... need it more and more and more.
7. Last but not least, as always, may I continue to the be the change that I wish to see in the world. Who know that Gandhi's words would speak volumes later... but then again, Jesus's has carried longer.... should have known.
Happy weekend to you and may you continue to change, grow, be bold, take heart, and realize that you have been placed in the life of someone and you may never know the impact that you have on them.
Love, Melis
Friday, April 9, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
What makes me Me?
I've had so many conversations about who I am within the last week... they were unintentional conversations and they weren't even necessarily a person telling me who I am or who I should be and they weren't really about me but I process things in writing so here we go...
I am a lover and a fighter... I am both... I am not caught in between either. I will love until my heart hurts and breaks and sometimes even when it is broken over and over. I will fight for the things that I love, I will fight for someone to be treated fairly, to be loved and to feel like a million bucks. I love people... I am an introvert at my core but would not survive if I wasn't around people as much as I am. They make me, me. They sometimes point out my flaws and faults and heartaches and pains but I become a better person because of it. (even if I get really mad at them in the meantime) They encourage me and tell me what I'm doing right... they point out that I never have to say a word about my passions because it shows in my actions because that is honestly what matters. At the core of me, I don't always feel like I need to be recognized or thanked but I want to see change because of something that has been done or said and if I can see or be a part of that change, I feel that I have accomplished something. I do not thrive from networking with tons of people... I like just being with people close who I feel know me and like me for me. They don't always make me feel like I need to be more but I can just be. I love teaching... I love changing people and I love changing. I like fitting in where I am and where I am called which is why living in Vegas I will call the freeway the freeway and when I am home in Georgia, I will call it the interstate. I am flexible. I understand that everything can't be under my control and I can't fix everything. I don't like reality a lot of times but I know that I have to accept it so I do and I move on. I am jumbled, I don't think clearly. I would have to read this out loud a million times before I could put it in order. I love cards and notes and pictures. I love sunsets and flip flops and clearance racks. Shopping and being around people but not having to talk is therapy. I love playing with kids and seeing them smile. I love making people smile or laugh no matter what I have to do to get there. I want to make people happy and sometimes that can be a hindrance because I want to be approved of and loved... and sometimes people don't approve and love me in the same way, but that's a part of life. I've learned that life is not always what I want it to be or expect it to be but it is what it is and that's okay. I love summer and having a tan and being happy. I love the smell of rain and the refreshing it brings but I hate the headaches that comes with it because all the dust from the ground rises up into my ever-loving nose. I love my middle school kids and I choose to believe the best about them on most days unless they make me crazy mad. I demand respect which is sometimes intimidating but I have a great relationship with my kids. They know way too much about my personal life and some of them will play important roles in my future which is very exciting for me. I would prefer to live close to school so I could see my kids in their normal everyday stuff... at Wal-Mart and McDonald's and riding their bikes with their brothers and sisters. I love Jesus and I am so thankful for the cross and what that has meant for me and what He did for me. I am so thankful that Jesus loves me very often despite me and who I am. I love him because he loves me and he chooses me and He desires my very, very best, even though I don't understand it sometimes. (or a lot) I love the family that He has given me and the people who are around me that mean so much. I am His more than anything else. He ultimately makes me and has given me flaws because if I was perfect, I wouldn't need Him and quite frankly, I would prefer to need Him and want Him to be a part of my life... I wouldn't be Me without Him.
I am a lover and a fighter... I am both... I am not caught in between either. I will love until my heart hurts and breaks and sometimes even when it is broken over and over. I will fight for the things that I love, I will fight for someone to be treated fairly, to be loved and to feel like a million bucks. I love people... I am an introvert at my core but would not survive if I wasn't around people as much as I am. They make me, me. They sometimes point out my flaws and faults and heartaches and pains but I become a better person because of it. (even if I get really mad at them in the meantime) They encourage me and tell me what I'm doing right... they point out that I never have to say a word about my passions because it shows in my actions because that is honestly what matters. At the core of me, I don't always feel like I need to be recognized or thanked but I want to see change because of something that has been done or said and if I can see or be a part of that change, I feel that I have accomplished something. I do not thrive from networking with tons of people... I like just being with people close who I feel know me and like me for me. They don't always make me feel like I need to be more but I can just be. I love teaching... I love changing people and I love changing. I like fitting in where I am and where I am called which is why living in Vegas I will call the freeway the freeway and when I am home in Georgia, I will call it the interstate. I am flexible. I understand that everything can't be under my control and I can't fix everything. I don't like reality a lot of times but I know that I have to accept it so I do and I move on. I am jumbled, I don't think clearly. I would have to read this out loud a million times before I could put it in order. I love cards and notes and pictures. I love sunsets and flip flops and clearance racks. Shopping and being around people but not having to talk is therapy. I love playing with kids and seeing them smile. I love making people smile or laugh no matter what I have to do to get there. I want to make people happy and sometimes that can be a hindrance because I want to be approved of and loved... and sometimes people don't approve and love me in the same way, but that's a part of life. I've learned that life is not always what I want it to be or expect it to be but it is what it is and that's okay. I love summer and having a tan and being happy. I love the smell of rain and the refreshing it brings but I hate the headaches that comes with it because all the dust from the ground rises up into my ever-loving nose. I love my middle school kids and I choose to believe the best about them on most days unless they make me crazy mad. I demand respect which is sometimes intimidating but I have a great relationship with my kids. They know way too much about my personal life and some of them will play important roles in my future which is very exciting for me. I would prefer to live close to school so I could see my kids in their normal everyday stuff... at Wal-Mart and McDonald's and riding their bikes with their brothers and sisters. I love Jesus and I am so thankful for the cross and what that has meant for me and what He did for me. I am so thankful that Jesus loves me very often despite me and who I am. I love him because he loves me and he chooses me and He desires my very, very best, even though I don't understand it sometimes. (or a lot) I love the family that He has given me and the people who are around me that mean so much. I am His more than anything else. He ultimately makes me and has given me flaws because if I was perfect, I wouldn't need Him and quite frankly, I would prefer to need Him and want Him to be a part of my life... I wouldn't be Me without Him.
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