It's Not Your Fault

My kids have a way of making me rethink everything. All 160 of them. During this week, we have rotated classes and I have met and seen even more kids and they make me rethink it too so now I have rethought everything at least twice and I am going to have to do this all at least one more time. Sounds confusing huh?

It is, until I am quickly reminded that all my kids are the same. They do like school somedays, they don't others. They don't get along with their parents or they completely run over their parents. They're blamed for things they didn't do and given consequences for things they have never even considered doing. This is at school and their houses. This is the time of the year as we like to say when the "crap hits the fan."

True kids come out and they show their true colors and they shine like the sun. Some of them are so stressed out by this time that they can't concentrate and they can't focus on having relationships at school because they are so worried about home. This is where it all goes down.

I have this kid who is one of the best students I have. He is a great kid with a great personality, does well in school, plays b-ball and has a lot going for him. He is clearly on his way to going to college. He has supportive parents who attend his games, practices, and everything else that he is a part of. When I told his parents today how I am constantly impressed by him, his mom replied that "He has no choice." Clearly, he has parents who care.

I watched another one of my students, a male as well, whom I love to death and he knows it. He eats up all the attention and it all came to me today when I realized that he needs the attention because he is receiving some negative attention at home. I sat in front of his parent at the game while he played for a little bit and did really well. He's quick, focused and he has a positive attitude on the court. Plus, he totally cracks me up because he's so jittery. He's like a kid in the candy store when he gets the ball in his hands and he runs down the court and he is constantly encouraging and directing other players on the court and they respect him and he treats them with respect too. During the game, his parent made several remarks to the coach which I was embarrassed by and I'm sure that my student, the son, felt the same way. By the end of the game, my hyperactive, precious student had a defeated look, he was a different person. Clearly, influenced by the way his parent acted at the game.

Two different scenarios of the ways that my student walk in everyday, some so defeated by what's going on at home and some so encouraged and I feel I am often left to pick up the pieces. A parent who's in the hospital, who's terminally sick, who is never at home, who works 3 jobs, who focuses on the other 2 kids, and the list could go on and on and the burden is completely overwhelming.

I read a book within the last couple of months called A Long Way Gone about a child soldier in Sierra Leone. He was picked up by the country's army and made a soldier around the age of 12. A few years later, he was rescued by UNICEF and sent to the capital to go through therapy and so forth. He said that over and over again, the child soldiers in the rescue camp would get into fights. They would stab one another and they would fight. They would do the same thing to the UNICEF workers. Ishmael Beah, the author, wrote that everytime a UNICEF worker would get hurt, the worker would go away a few days, get better and then come back and say to the child soldier, "It's not your fault." Beah commented that it would make them so angry that the workers would always say that but that in the end, they realized when they said that because they cared. No other reason. He and all of the other soldiers were thankful in the end.

I wish that I more often thought of this with my kids. Their homes are not their fault, they didn't choose their families and they didn't choose me. I just have to make the best of it and treat them with care. After all, it's not their fault.

# 1

So here we go... first one and there's so much going on in my heart.

1. I am so overwhelmed by school. I don't think I've taken on too much but I didn't realize that teaching involved carrying the burdens of 160 other people at the same time. Sometimes I actually like this, but not today. Bad girl fight, finding out about some kids on drugs, just a little too much for my system. I need a vacation, as in 2 weeks in the middle of nowhere to read and do nothing, not a 3 day weekend. Who seriously started calling that a vacation anyway?

2. Next, I am so thankful that God is restoring my relationships with so many people that I dearly miss and very much love. It has been longer and more hurtful than I thought it would be but it is so good for all of us to be healing. I am so incredibly thankful and excited to have these people back in my life!

3. Lastly so we can make this a quick one (my kids laughed at me today because I got distracted by talking about distractions, oh the irony...) I am so ready for summer. Praying and thinking about Africa... which just makes my heart beat faster or going somewhere else. I cannot wait and will definitely keep you posted.

Pray for my kids.... I have some huge concerns for a few of them at this point but at the same time am very proud of so many of my other ones! Halfway through the week!