You sit at the table... With me.

A few weeks ago, I was at dinner with Hannah and Cheyenne. Hannah and I were talking about Bethany Dillon's music and the song came up that says, "You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor. You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore. You could just be silent and leave us here to die but still you sent your son for us. You are on our side." We talked about a lot of other things and we laughed a lot (of course!) but I couldn't shake the words of the song for the life of me. No, it's not because she says the word "whore." I want you to know that my mind is not as sweet as it appears. I've said very unpleasant things in my head to lots to people. Cue my next point on this. A couple of Sundays after that, I went to get lunch in between a hair cut and a meeting at church before Refuge. I was at a BBQ place. I was alone but I didn't really think too much of it because I do it all the time and quite frankly so do a lot of people in case you haven't noticed. 

I was reading a book and eating and minding my own business glancing up every once in a while to look at the kids at another table. A couple sat down at the table across from me at one point and I just felt weird. I tried the friendly smile. I tried the "I'm reading a good book" face. I tried the "Was your food good too?" face to no avail. I just got a weird expression and whispers. Whispers make my life so awkward. Ugh. Regardless, I'm wanting to cry because the book I'm reading is so freaking good. 

This is it. Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers by Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove. It is phenomenal. So I'm thinking of the Bethany Dillon song, reading this book while I'm obviously getting weird looks. Oh and I'm eating lunch. So basically my life was ripping to shreds in one way or another. At one point, the authors state: "If people really knew what idiots we are, in all our brokenness and vulnerability, they would know that they could give this thing a shot too. Christianity is for sick people." I wanted to jump up and shout, "Amen!" in Michelle style but I refrained and sat quietly with tears in my eyes. An overwhelming gratefulness filled my heart for the millionth time this summer. Grateful for God's great rescue of my life from a pit I jumped in. Grateful that God uses my not so sweet mouth and the thoughtless words that come out of it for His glory.  

While sitting alone in a restaurant full of people, God rewrote the song I had talked with Hannah about. While the couple across from me was whispering, He was too-- something way more significant. It was like He paused time and said, "Melissa, I sit across the table from the thief, the wounded, the broken, the whores, and you." Deep sigh. A huge realization that I am no better than any of them-- and that my sin is not seen differently. I am in great need of a great Savior. He brought up a few times where I had been broken hearted, a few too many times that I was emotionally over committed or so crazy over the idea of marriage. He brought up times where I had stolen the joy of others because I didn't feel that way. I am them. We are the people He has chosen to love. 

The idiots. The thoughtless ones who never shut up. The ones who hurt others on purpose. The ones who steal life from other people. The ones who love less because they want revenge. The ones who are inclined to think too much on things God has said "wait for it." 

He sat at the table with me that day. He spent time with me. He reminded me of His deep compassions, sweet mercies, and His pursuit to run after me when I get up from the table angry and frustrated. He gently restores my weary soul and puts a new song in my mouth. My resounding lesson has been to trust Him more and I do. I trust His pursuit and Truth. I trust His love and care. I trust His grace is enough. I trust His unwavering and relentless faithfulness to me- a mess without Him. 

There is hope- He's waiting at the table for you too. What are you running from?? 

May He bind your wandering heart to Him as He is mine. -Melis 

So now I'll brag.

We have night school at our school. Like someone walks in around 2:45 and I walk out. That stresses me out because it means I have to use my time well ALL day long. I can't waste a second. Ill adjust. Also the teacher wanted me to move things, which really irritated me, but you know what. What the heck ever to that. I'll rearrange and rethink, even if I have already complained that it was ridiculous. Enough of the rampage and let me get to the bragging point(s).

1. Kids were happy to be at school. Like when they picked an emotion about school, excitement was the most common. They were not just saying that because of the social part- they are really excited to be at school.

2. Kids actually want to learn how to pronounce my last name- you have no idea what a feat that is! One of my boys tried about 25 times this morning.

3. My biggest class is 17. Those of you who are not in the classroom could care less about this. My smallest class last night was easily twice that size.

4. My class of 17 is 15 boys and 2 girls. All seniors. However, if I would have recorded the laughing only, you would have thought I am actually teaching 6th grade girls. They laughed so much. I loved it. 

5. My last class period was such a great way to end the day. I told all the seniors about how nervous I would get when my senior year when I had to speak in front of people after I had them all do the same. They were so great and willingly participated. I told them about how anxious I felt and how much I would shake when I had to share a book report. Later on, I asked if they were hot, like was the classroom hot. One of the boys asked, "are you nervous?" It let me know he actually listened to my stories! It's the little things people. 

6. In other news, I had friends to sit with and my computer at least let me log in. 

I'm really excited for the year and the way God is going to use it for His glory! I'm also going to ask you to pray big- my kids have some huge obstacles that could prevent them from graduating. I want more for them. I feel like I can make a difference that lasts and I'm so grateful!

Hope you enjoyed a great Monday!! 

Melis

You're disgusting.

I couldn't decide on a title for this blog... Some I thought of/considered... 

1. For the serious: "I am not the object of your affection."

2. For the ruthless: "hey- stop acting like a jerk."

3. For the honest: "I'm at the table next to you- please stop staring."

4. For the plain out sassy: "you're a disgusting pig and if I walk near you, I'll slap you upside the head so hard you'll wish you didn't have eyes." (This one is more the real me-ha.) 

Three scenarios comes to mind:

1. A couple of years ago, I am walking down the hall in the midst of a passing period when this 13 year old BOY looks me up and down. I grabbed his arm and quickly reminded him that if he ever looked at me like that again, I would rip him to shreds. I wasn't kidding. He wasn't laughing. 

2. A few weeks ago, I was at a pool with friends when a lifeguard walks by and this man stares like he's never seen a female before and tells us that "There is nothing wrong with that." You're right- it's completely insignificant that you are one of the creepiest men I've ever encountered. 

3. Tonight, I'm at dinner with a friend and there are two guys (with their moms/female family members!!) who keep looking at me while

I'm attempting to normally eat my dinner. I tried ignoring them but they were blatantly staring. I felt SO uncomfortable. They were talking about my friend and I loud enough that we could hear everything they were saying. It was so awkward. I gave them the death stare multiple times. They were relentless. They thought I was flattered. I was not and will never ever be. I was flat out disgusted.

And now for the rant- females are not objects. We are not dogs in a window and we are not toys to be played with. We are humans. We have emotions. We want attention and we want to be attractive but we are not in a zoo cage and we are not in a circus ring. 

I have been so "ugh-ed" by guys who treat girls like this and I hope that whether you are male or female, you see my point. We both want to be respected. By treating one another like objects or things and not creations of God, we risk our security, our relationships, and our human decency and moral value. In good news, I am grateful for the past three weeks of sitting in a Bible study full of people (males and females) and NEVER feeling objectified. I did not sit in staff meetings or go to lunch with a group I work with who thought I was an object today. I often go shopping and never feel like an object, but in the moments I do, it raises lots of questions for the person who is being the creep mostly. Some cautions... 

Gentlemen- thank you to those of you who are men. Would you kindly remind the others to remove their title of men to boys so that we females and women can see how respectful you are?

Ladies- Can you check yourself in the mirror BEFORE leaving your house? Can you stop buying into the lie that you need to be strong and confident, and therefore you should always speak in ways that are very loud and rude? You make the rest of us seem like objects because you've chosen that life style. We don't want it. We want to be treated with respect and we want to be loved- creeper stares do not make us feel loved. So stop making it weird for us. Get your act together for the sake of yourself and us. 

 Just some things on my mind and some things I just needed to be honest about! Thanks for joining my sassy Wednesday rant. Hopefully you rethink the way you look at people and how our perceptions affect them and the way we see them! 

I sure am! Melis 

When my crazy meets my quiet time...

I have debated on whether to share this but I just feel that I have to for the sake of funny things. 

I read Psalm 55 last week multiple times because God used so much of it to speak clearly to me. Sunday morning, I was getting ready and sat down to read my Bible. I turned the page to Psalm 56. While this was supposed to be a very serious time, I was not very serious. I read the first part of verse 1 and could not stop laughing. Like the time my sister, best friend and I attempted to sing a song at church and started laughing. We tried singing the song around 3 times to a dead end. We were kind of mortified but could not really think because laughter had taken over. In front of my parents, family, and fellow church members. 

Like I could not stop laughing, so I tried to read the rest of the chapter, and it did not work. Now keep in mind, this was/is taken totally out of context but I think sometimes God enjoys laughing with how ridiculous we are. You're dying to know what I read I'm sure... So here goes... "Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me." Just read it one more time and then join me for some heartfelt laughter at the verse out of context, out of my own context, and, yeah, let's not go there with this. 

Maybe it was nervous laughter at the fact that I haven't been on a date in I don't know how long and I've just began to write down things I want to say to the man I marry again after several months of bitter silence. Regardless of the fact that David is actually talking about being pursued to be killed in the verse, I read it so differently with such a different pair of eyes that God used it to remind me how much He's in control. He made me laugh and He's got this! I hope you can at least laugh for a minute without thinking of how crazy I am. Happy week before school starts for me! -Melissa 

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you." Psalm 56:3

Who is this man??

I woke up thinking about this question "Who is this man??" early this morning. 

Getting ready for what should have been a really busy day,I went to my new school to set up my room. Except they're cleaning the carpets. So yes I did pack everything in my car and got there and then I couldn't do anything except look at my room, go back to my car, and drive home. I was supposed to have an appointment at 11:30 with this guy for a curriculum I'm teaching this year. Oh. Nope to that too. He got called into work. So I drank my Starbucks chai that I had planned on indulging in during all of those things and stayed home finishing a couple of projects that have needed to be finished, working on my portfolio for my Online/Blended Learning certification, and figuring out how to terminate my current Internet to get cheaper Internet. I met Neena at Starbucks and by that time Vanessa was already at the hospital getting ready to have her baby, so the afternoon was a little chaotic too. 

Through all of that, I kept thinking of the Bible study I went to last night. It's a church plant that will be launched in a year called WALK. I met Heiden and Neena a few weeks ago when we all led small groups at camp. Neena and I led together and she was a Godsend for me so when she asked me to come to the Bible study that Heiden, her husband, was leading, I was not hesitant about my want to attend. Now I say my want to attend because I did want to go. However, I woke up Tuesday with a feeling that I should not go. I had the strangest dreams and felt so awful about it that I really didn't want to go anywhere. I felt like people knew what I saw in my dream and it was so uncomfortable for me. I decided that I would go to Bible study finally when a friend and I were going together. I confirmed with Neena and then I got a message from my friend that she wasn't able to go after all.

I get it God. For whatever reason I knew He wanted me there so I went, a nervous wreck and an anxious case about it. I was immediately greeted and welcomed and felt like I could take a deep breath. I was in a place where I felt like it was okay for my heart to be a mess and still want Jesus. I did want Him. I just felt that I did not and could not deserve Him. So of course, Jesus would have Heiden speak right into that when Heiden told the vision of WALK Church and the story of the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4. 

It's the story of the woman at the well that Jesus talks to and basically spells out exactly what her life is all about. She had 5 husbands previously and was currently in a relationship with a man who was not her husband. When Jesus calls her out on this, she basically says, "Who the heck is this man and how does he know this about me???!" I'm sure she was on edge, anxious to hear about what He would say next about her. She tried to pull the religious card and Jesus wasn't having any of that WHATSOEVER. Typical. He doesn't like our rules and procedures of Christianity. He shut that down in a loving, gracious way and the woman goes on to tell her whole town about who Jesus is because she finally gets it. She finally understands who He is. 

He was her redeemer, forgiver, cleanser, and healer. He knew everything about her and YET He loved her deeply. He pursued her despite her. He was compassionate but honest. That's who He was. That's the man she was asking about. Who knew that the very man she would be skeptical of would turn out to be the Messiah who she was patiently waiting on? 

I thought about this so much today. My very messed up dreams are not a surprise to Him. He knows me and He knows me so well. He knows my thoughts before I think them and my words before I say them. He is that man to me. A sweet rescuer from a deep pit of a thought life and a continual guard for my restless heart. The one who has walked with me to constantly restore my soul and soak my heart in His love to call me back to Himself. He chased me. He does not let me run away or bury myself without a redemption bell to ring. He chases me and removes the skepticism when I'm not sure what I believe with the merciful reminder of His faithfulness. 

On the way home from the hospital tonight, I was listening to Shane & Shane's latest album and the song "You Loved My Heart to Death." I so love the harmony in the song and am just waiting for an invitation to sing it with someone (okay- that's also me being super anxious) but really... The song says: "I chose my pride instead of the Glory of Your Name, oh the wrath of God that I deserve with every breath, fell upon Him and He loved my heart to death." 

He gives us life, as undeserving as we once were. He gives us the same living water He offered the Samaritan woman. That is the Man. WALK stands for "What A Loving King" and I could not think of anything more true about the God I love and serve. May you trust Him in this way and know the man that pursues you as I am doing. I'm not there yet. You're not alone in this. -Melis