Why is everybody freaking out?

I have felt like this whole week has been full of freak out moments. Lots of them. From me, other teachers, students, me, other people, me... okay so they're mostly me.

What is it in us that causes us to panic, be anxious, be nervous, fear?? I was in the Galleria Mall yesterday looking at this so cute, cheap pair of earrings next to these two teenage girls when the floor literally began to shake. I thought there was something wrong with me, like maybe my food didn't settle well but when I looked straight into the face of the girl next to me, I knew I was not the only one that felt it. The jewelry also began to shake and rattle... we both looked around the rest of the store who seemed to not feel a thing... I don't know what it was, whether it was a small tremor of an earthquake or the Lochness Monster living below the mall, but either way, it freaked me out.

Last week, I had the second set of stitches on my leg after removing a second mole. I have had 4 removed in the last month and a half with 3 needed additional removal... aka stitches. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm not the kind of girl to feel the need to heal anyone medically if there is a possibility or prospect of blood. I just don't do blood. It has caused me to be lightheaded and even pass out since I was in elementary school. I don't know what it's like to not be bothered by it. {In the meantime, I'm so thankful for Vanessa, Teri, and my mom who have all made sure that I don't go to the doctor by myself, that I call someone when it's over and that I don't make any stupid decisions while I'm partially light headed :) What good people I have in my life!} Both times I have had stitches, I have almost passed out. I know the signs of what's about to happen so I take much better care of myself than I would have previously. I have looked at the nurse, told her I was lying down, asked her for water to drink and a wet washcloth for my forehead. Give it 5ish minutes following and then I am just fine. Ask me to leave, I'll drop right on the tile floor in the hallway where you escort all patients. I still have another set of stitches to go and already it makes me tense. But what is it that gets inside my head and causes me to freak out? My fear and lightheadness because of blood is more of a brain thing than my loss of blood... I mean yes, I probably do have low iron levels that can cause all of the above symptoms but not bad enough to make me almost pass out.

All of my issues of freaking out really center around one thing.... it hurts to even type it, I don't trust God with my life. I want to and I want to continue looking and purchasing cheap jewelry at the Forever21 counter but I didn't because fear completely ran through my body faster than cells reproduce. I want to trust God. It is an area I find myself constantly at war with. I love God, I believe Him, He has been faithful to me, I know He wants and has what's best for me... and yet, I believe the lies of the Enemy faster than I can remember the Truth of God. Why do I freak out??

Bottom line-- if I know God's Word, I am much more apt to lean on it, if I'm out of it, I'm out. There are lots of verses I need in me for the sake of being reminded of the faithfulness of God and the lack of fear I find in Him. For in Him, there is only trust to be had. He is so good to me. May you trust Him too- Melis

P.S. A few weekends ago, I was a part of Beth Moore's simulcast where she talked about fear. The link below gives you a link to a whole set of verses about fear specifically that you can download, memorize and put in various places. May you forge on in trust!!!

http://blog.lproof.org/2012/09/as-promised-the-great-forsake-and-take.html

He never failed me yet.

In high school choir, we sang this gospel song called, "He never failed me yet." I was getting into/being a newish Christian and was just learning the song because it was what our director picked out. I didn't think too much about the words or what I was actually saying. I was more concerned about pitch and staccato notes and such.

It's so strange the things we remember. I find myself singing this song all the time. The truth about this song is that it is truth. The words to the chorus of the song are as follows:

"I will sing of God's mercy, every day, every hour, He gives me power.
I will sing, and give thanks to thee for all the dangers, toils, and snares that He has brought me out.
He is my God and I'll serve Him. No matter what the test.
Trust and never doubt, Jesus will surely bring you out. He never failed me yet."

How real those lyrics are to me now. How real my God has been. How good He has been and how He has NEVER failed me. How often I fail Him! (and how thankful I am for grace!)

School started back two weeks ago and boy, has it been crazy, weird, busy, fun, annoying, all the usual adjectives that work with middle schoolers. I felt so rested coming in to the school year from a fantastic and semi-lazy summer that was definitely needed in my life. Already, in the first two weeks, there have been a few students who have latched on for whatever reason. I so adore some of them and some of the others already know what drives me crazy (not exactly the wisdom in me that reveals this). I always have this great fear of not connecting with my students, if I missed Jesus telling me to go somewhere else, if my stubbornness caused me to stay, if my unwillingness to change led me down a path that I was not to go. Especially yesterday... as I prayer walked with a group of people around the neighborhood of my school to see the true conditions my students live and breathe in.

The devil is a liar and he will lie for as long as we let Him. While I'm praying wondering why in the world God chose me for another year at Mack, the devil whispers all of my inadequacies, how many students I've missed, my deepest insecurities, my darkest secrets... every single thing he can use as ammunition against me. God's softest whisper is louder than the devil's lies... "You're here for them..." and He would bring a face to my mind and another and another and remind me of what I already know about their life situations and their need for help and ultimately, their need to be loved by a Savior and the place Jesus has given me to love them for a short period in their life. Satan seems powerful to us, but he has been overcome by Jesus and yet, we walk in defeat, acting as if we have been failed.

He hasn't failed us. Just as He calls me to walk back into Mack tomorrow and live on the front lines of the devil's waging war, He has called you to walk knowing that His mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is never changing. He never fails us. May that be the song of your heart. -Melis