I don't know why I try to title things, I'm not good at it.

Funny story... today, M (one of my autistic kids) came into class with his sunglasses on. That's normal. He picked up his folder and I handed him a piece of paper that he had turned in that he didn't have to. He takes it back and says, "Did you love it?" Did I love that you completed your paper? Yes. Did I love that you just used your manners? Yes. Did I love that you just asked me that sincerely? Yes. I really think M goes home and laughs at the things he says to teachers sometimes and the responses that he gets. He is so hilarious. After we had that nice conversation, he got mad that he had to do his work and kicked the desk and slammed his hand on the table and declared, "I don't want to do this!" Gotta love Mondays. I mean seriously? The song lyrics, "It's just another manic Monday," freely flowed through my head for the whole first hour of school. Oh yeah and did I mention that two boys walked right into my classroom and they're not in my class? And that I called one of my boys, the wrong name twice? I know he was SO happy with me about that! Welcome back my beloved!

Along those lines though, I have thought a lot today in my very, very cheerful mood where nothing was going to bring me down. There are so many kids who are depending on me. There are so many adults that I work with that are depending on me. I desire change and want to see that take place in so many of the people I work with and the students that give me a job really. I mean I can beg some of them to stop coming, but then who would I work with? There are so many people that you work with and do life with everyday that are depending on you too! Why do I believe this you ask? This is why... this afternoon, I went and had quick meeting with my boss. We were talking about next year's schedule, my prep sell, my early bird class that I share, and lots of other very school related things. I made a comment that right before spring break I was feeling so burned out. He said that burning out is exactly what they don't want to happen which is why they're trying to make some changes for next year. There are always people resistant to those changes and on most days, he stays away from those topics which I appreciate. In the midst of this discussion, he made the comment, "We've gotta figure out a way for you to get back to Africa."

Let's rewind...When I first decided to sell my prep (aka September), that was one of the reasons that he used to convince me. The extra money I made would get me to Africa for the 5th year in a row. That comment may not make any difference to you but it does to me. My boss has never been to Africa. He has been out of the country and he really understands a lot more about poverty and the need for change than most people, including me most of the time and he has more life experience than other people as well. We've had a lot of conversations on long trips in a group about traveling and he knows that Africa is something I'm passionate about. He's not passionate about Africa... I think he gets that Mack has a kind of ambassador when we go to other places. I'm an ambassador to Africa on behalf of my school and kids, my boss, my church, my family, my friends, my prayer and sponsoring supporters. I get to see change take place across the globe. My dream is to take students, students from Mack to join me on the field to serve those who have less and love more. To those who live plain, ordinary lives... just like us in a different way and on the other side of the planet. My boss is depending on me to do something different, to be a change agent, to be a role model to my students. Not going to Africa this summer is a big deal for me and I know that I'm not supposed to go this summer for an "only God knows" reason. He will show me in His time.

In the meanwhile, we are to be His ambassadors in the lonely, needy places.... with those who are loved and who need to be loved. For those who want us to love their work and hearts and for those who kick the desks in rage. For those who cry out a need to believe and those who are so shy that they would never think of such. I am to be a change agent. I am to speak out for change for those who have no hope and for those who are depending on me. Who's watching me and waiting for the change I get to make in their lives?

Oh Jesus--- thank you for sweet influence and the lives you allow me to physically and emotionally change. Forgive me for the times I kick the desk in rage and thank you for your compassion when I ask you if you love my work. You are so good to me. -Melissa

Unable to Concentrate.

I'm sitting in Starbucks on Spring Break and am having the hardest time concentrating. I have been like this all week unless I'm talking or reading a book. Trying to do work on vacation is just not right I guess. I'm supposed to be unwrapping standards for some extra stuff in the district. To top off the lack of interest I have in it at the moment, there are screaming children next to me that will not be still and a couple of women next to me who are struggling to focus on their conversation and looking at me like, "You must just be looking at your Facebook or Pinterest." Obviously, I'm not doing either. When I have too much time on my hands, I think WAY too much. I'm thinking about the following...

1. Awkward moments of my last school year, including students and people I work with.

2. Future.... what the heck do I want to get my Master's in??? I need to suck it up and do it but I don't want to go back to school for an "Education" Master's. I am NOT that girl.

3. Maybe one day, I want to start my own charter school, similar to Ron Clark's or in the same format but in Vegas or something. The ones I've seen that work are in inner city communities (similar to the one I work in) or "at-risk" schools and involve LOTS of structure which kids in those areas need desperately. I think about seeing Sammy from last year a couple of weeks ago and think how much he would benefit from a system like that. My kids so desperately need to be loved and I would love to open up a school where that would happen with good teachers. Then those students could go back and really change their communities. I read The Pact by the "Three Doctors" and they lived in inner city Newark and made a pact in high school that changed everything for them, despite their circumstances and what they grew up in.

4. I'm not going to Africa or Panama (I had talked about this in a previous blog. The family I wanted to work with will be back in the states during that time.) during this summer.... trying to figure out how to get out of the country for a bit is a little crazy I know. I will be traveling some but I will miss getting a stamp on my passport! That sounds completely weird to most people but you're talking to the girl who has taken some really LONG flights over the past few years on her summer vacations. I think God has something crazy (and completely unexpected) for me and I'm anxious to find out what it is.

5. Last, but not least, a thought for you that I've been thinking on. It's in a book I'm reading called Purity, a Godly woman's adornment by Lydia Brownback. In the devotion today, she said, "Our desire for God will always be determined by our perception of God, and what determines our perception of him is the state of our heart... If we find God and his Word confusing or frustrating, it's because something in our heart is resistant to him and his truth. He puts his finger on something in our life-- a particular sin or bad habit or worldly pattern of living-- and we don't like the intrusion." I find my whole self in an uproar when God does this and then I get frustrated with being convicted or God invading when I had asked him to in the beginning.

Even in the chaos, may you find God's intrusions loving and gentle. May He, in his touch, overwhelm you with courage and grace to deal with all His intrusions and may your mind find itself in more order than mine! Happy Grace-filled weekend! -Melis

This Beautiful Life

I'm reading through Jonah with my small group and Proverbs in my attempt to read the Bible in a year (it has turned into a year and a half and I'm not even through the Old Testament yet!). In the process, I came across Warren Wiersbe's commentaries. This is the thing... my dad collects his books come to think of it and I've never thought about reading it myself. Kristi, my small group leader, pulled one out for the minor prophets and we've been using it for Jonah so I ordered one for Proverbs (changing up my routine for quiet time because of some comments from Flor) and sat and read it yesterday... holy moly, I'm in love. I just read the introduction yesterday and the first chapter this morning, along with reading Proverbs 1 again. Wiersbe makes several references to other places in the Bible that coincide with the Proverbs because for goodness sakes, sometimes the book looks like my blog-- scattered and whatever he/they thought of next! and I love it... (Sorry for the overuse of the word love today but like is not exactly a strong enough verb!)

Side note: Prudence is always a word that I have seen in a negative light... like a "prudent girl" would be modest, never speaks up for herself or anyone else and is a sort of a negative Nancy. Wiersbe makes reference to prudence meaning "to see the reason behind things." In that case, I would love to be prudent!

Another reference which I can't stop thinking about is connected to Titus 2:10... the last part of the verse says, "... so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive." Wiersbe translates this to meaning, "Make the Bible beautiful by living a Godly life."

Reflecting on this... what if I really considered every move I make, every word I say, my facial expressions, body language, thoughts and processes toward people completely beautiful by loving Jesus in every expression? Then the not-so-sweet question comes.... how many times have I messed that up? The crazy thing about God in his sovereignty is that he loves me still and wants to make this mess of a life into a beautiful story of grace, forgiveness, justice, mercy, compassion, and peace. He makes my life beautiful without me even asking... without me even praying or looking to Him sometimes... He takes the moments that I'm annoyed to get to help a sweet man who can't pick up his water in a grocery store to say thank you. He takes the smile of a fuzzy haired thirteen year old to love on me a bit... He takes the compliments and the reality of a fourteen year old beautiful girl to make me a feel just a little more beautiful. We take life and make a mess of it. God takes us and makes a beautiful life of it.

May you make the Bible beautiful by living a Godly life. -Melis