Unable to Concentrate.

I'm sitting in Starbucks on Spring Break and am having the hardest time concentrating. I have been like this all week unless I'm talking or reading a book. Trying to do work on vacation is just not right I guess. I'm supposed to be unwrapping standards for some extra stuff in the district. To top off the lack of interest I have in it at the moment, there are screaming children next to me that will not be still and a couple of women next to me who are struggling to focus on their conversation and looking at me like, "You must just be looking at your Facebook or Pinterest." Obviously, I'm not doing either. When I have too much time on my hands, I think WAY too much. I'm thinking about the following...

1. Awkward moments of my last school year, including students and people I work with.

2. Future.... what the heck do I want to get my Master's in??? I need to suck it up and do it but I don't want to go back to school for an "Education" Master's. I am NOT that girl.

3. Maybe one day, I want to start my own charter school, similar to Ron Clark's or in the same format but in Vegas or something. The ones I've seen that work are in inner city communities (similar to the one I work in) or "at-risk" schools and involve LOTS of structure which kids in those areas need desperately. I think about seeing Sammy from last year a couple of weeks ago and think how much he would benefit from a system like that. My kids so desperately need to be loved and I would love to open up a school where that would happen with good teachers. Then those students could go back and really change their communities. I read The Pact by the "Three Doctors" and they lived in inner city Newark and made a pact in high school that changed everything for them, despite their circumstances and what they grew up in.

4. I'm not going to Africa or Panama (I had talked about this in a previous blog. The family I wanted to work with will be back in the states during that time.) during this summer.... trying to figure out how to get out of the country for a bit is a little crazy I know. I will be traveling some but I will miss getting a stamp on my passport! That sounds completely weird to most people but you're talking to the girl who has taken some really LONG flights over the past few years on her summer vacations. I think God has something crazy (and completely unexpected) for me and I'm anxious to find out what it is.

5. Last, but not least, a thought for you that I've been thinking on. It's in a book I'm reading called Purity, a Godly woman's adornment by Lydia Brownback. In the devotion today, she said, "Our desire for God will always be determined by our perception of God, and what determines our perception of him is the state of our heart... If we find God and his Word confusing or frustrating, it's because something in our heart is resistant to him and his truth. He puts his finger on something in our life-- a particular sin or bad habit or worldly pattern of living-- and we don't like the intrusion." I find my whole self in an uproar when God does this and then I get frustrated with being convicted or God invading when I had asked him to in the beginning.

Even in the chaos, may you find God's intrusions loving and gentle. May He, in his touch, overwhelm you with courage and grace to deal with all His intrusions and may your mind find itself in more order than mine! Happy Grace-filled weekend! -Melis