Her life took a devastating turn within the last couple of weeks and she replayed all of it for me as we sat over dinner. Some of the first food she has eaten as a full meal since everything happened. I so sympathetized with her broken heart and her depression and her anxiety.
A couple of months ago, I think I ate less than 5 full meals in a week because I had major anxiety over an upcoming event. I'm pretty sure that my sickness back in December was the result of a 24 hour virus and intense stress of preparation for a trip and how much things were changing. As a matter of fact, the whole fall now feels like a big blur. I considered moving back to the South. I considered changing schools. I considered just quitting a lot of the stuff I was doing because I felt like I was becoming mad. Not mad in an angry way but mad in a crazy, certifiably insane way. And no one wants to feel that out of control.
But panic and anxiety and depression play out like that. They leave you without control. The very thing you wanted becomes the thing you no longer have. It is so strange and I'm not sure if you haven't dealt with any of it- that it completely makes sense.
So when she and I walked out of the restaurant and I gave her an "I'm here for you" hug and she held on, I knew I had to do exactly what God wanted me to. Say a prayer. Out loud. With her. Over her broken and aching and anxious heart. And remind her of the same Truths God has filled my heart with. Every time I've felt like I'm falling into a pit or falling apart.
That He is enough.
That He knows all of me. The anxious and non-anxious parts. The busy in my head and the busy out of my mouth.
The what feels crazy and what feels okay is all okay.
That He's got this.
That He radically changes things.
She was my student in 8th grade several years ago and when she messaged me the other day, I knew that something wasn't right but I know it can be. Because God changes things. In all the best ways.
When she walked in, she handed me a bag of a random assortment of items. One of those items were fake flowers so I would keep them on my desk and see them and remember how much I impacted her but I think God had a different notion. That when I see those flowers, I will stop and sympathize with my anxious ones. With my sweet heartbroken ones who need gut wrenching prayers. With my young ones who just smile and nod but seem really insecure. Because she was all those things once. And she was in my classroom each day. And it will be a reminder to pray for her too.
And a reminder for my anxious days as well. That He's in control and He's got this and I can trust Him. And I can go to sleep with a trusting heart knowing that.
So get some fake flowers and place them next to the place you see the most as a reminder that we all need to be loved so well. And that we are all loved so well by the King of Kings. And I can go to bed with an incredibly grateful heart over that too. -Melis
