It's been a great last week for me with the end of school, saying goodbye to some teary-eyed upcoming freshmen and completing the first unit and week of my Master's program. It's been chaotic too... that's a lot going on! I had some really up and down emotional moments (I know that's part of life, but it's just not always fun) that continued on in to the weekend. Here are some thoughts that will maybe give you some insight....
1. I am a teacher. I am not a teacher who gets paid more, holds an administrative position, gets paid for working extra hours... I work my tail off to get anything extra and my work ethic has for some reason made others think I have a different job. I checked out with everyone else and am treated the same way by my bosses, sometimes really well, sometimes I feel like yuck. I am doing what I was called to.
2. I fully realize that I am single while the rest of the world (literally) is getting engaged, married, and having kids, I am not. I sometimes feel so far away from it that I don't know what to do with myself. I am fully convinced that when the time is right, God will send me a man that will pursue me like He does. I refuse to settle for anything less. (I know some of you think I need to just "go out there and grab someone before they're all taken" but you have honestly lost your mind. I am NOT THAT GIRL.)
3. This morning at Hope, Pastor Vance talked about different kinds of people. There are Pauls who have crazy conversion stories, was the highest of the highs, had all the right people in the right places. There are Timothy's who are often found in the "ands." They are just normal everyday people and then there are the even more normal people, otherwise known as the "saints." They are walking with Jesus day by day but maybe do not have the same platform as the others, BUT they do have a platform. It just looks different.
All of that to say that sometimes being an everyday person on the verge of normal and feeling a bit alone leaves me feeling insignificant. Satan lies and tells me I deserve the position I have because I am so crazy messed up. He lies about so many conversations, friendships, daily routines, and other things that I just throw myself at mercy's feet and beg God to intercede. I really need God to make me significant. Even then, it is He in me that makes anything that I say or do significant. It is not Melissa. It is Him. I know that so many of you reading this are just ordinary, plain people like myself. Don't let Satan lie to you too and tell you it makes you insignificant. You were created with a purpose that is different than everyone else's and you were meant to carry out that purpose. It may not always feel or look great but it is yours.
You are in Him significant... You have purpose, now go and fight for it! I'm joining you! -Melis
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
They win.
Today was the last full day I had of students in the Class of 2016, my official 5th year of kids and literally 180 of their sweet faces. To honor that, we held a small (very unprofessional and casual) ceremony to commemorate the event. I gave out some specific, very special certificates and then each student received a certificate in a report cover that says, "Class of 2016... (insert their name here) on behalf of Ms. Gillespie and Jerome D. Mack Middle School. Keep this certificate as a reminder to work hard until you graduate high school in 2016!" (I think I worded a little bit differently, and by now I've read so many that I can't remember.) In my 1st period, it was very quick. There were lots of laughs (almost to the point of annoying) because they were quite nervous and anxious. My 2nd period had a few thank you speeches from the loving class clowns. My 3rd period? The loud clappers... Please accept my apology dear neighbors in other hallways because they were so thrilled (and LOUD). My 4th period seemed completely shocked that they would receive such a thing... gave no speeches, put on a front to act as if they didn't even care and barely would get their picture taken. You would have thought I had asked them to join the third world war. They actually ruined the experience for me for a bit. I knew my 5th and 6th would make it better and that they did.
My 5th period is at least 19 boys (count them-- 19 13-14 year olds who love war, music, sarcasm, comments, fighting) and 6 sweet little quiet (sometimes ditzy) girls. To say that my 5th period is interesting is maybe the understatement of the year but they are a lot of fun and I really just love them. A few of them gave some speeches, mostly funny but I almost cried when sweet Bernardo got up and just said, "Thank you Ms. Gillespie. You are one of the best teachers I've ever had." (You win Bernardo! You win for your sincerity alone!) Another student, Angel, who I had just decided had shut me off, looked at me with a very surprised look and said, "I really like the writing on the page." I'm not sure that some of these kids have ever had a piece of paper with their name on it with a positive anything. I know that seems so simple but you should know this kid's story. My heart breaks for him and I desperately hope that someone comes along who absolutely loves him so much. He just stared at it. Then there's Maxwell, a very grateful kid, who just expressed gratitude in his speech and said a very simple and heartfelt thank you. I think the most shocked for the entire class was Juan. I think he thought I didn't make him one because even when I read his first and last name, he said aloud, "I have one?" (My sarcastic comment, "Does anyone have the same first and last name as you? Umm, no precious face.") Yes, you do. I do have the same expectations and the same goals for you despite your circumstances. They were thrilled to take their certificates outside to get their picture made and I was grateful to have so many precious boys, no matter how tough they act on the outside. I am so, so incredibly grateful for them. At the end of class, Angel came forward and in his best drawings/writing/tagging, gave me a note that said, "Thank you Ms. Gillespie." (How can you not love a kid who just needs someone to love them? I mean, really?)
My 6th period, of course, has to one-up them all, as always. Every student in the class received a specific "I love this about you" kind of award and a Class of 2016 certificate. They were terrified that I had forgotten them. If you recorded only their voices, you would have thought I pulled out a gold bar when I grabbed their stack of certificates in plastic covers. I read off each name and certificate and was so surprised at how many students gave their own little speeches. Tyler, for maybe the first time in his life, sincerely thanked the students in the class for just letting him have fun and for allowing him to laugh and he specifically thanked students who had made him laugh the most. Dominique told them that she wanted the best for everyone and that she was going to graduate high school, so should they! (You go girl :) ) Pu'Uwai was so sweet for telling the class how they had let her just be herself. She has gained so much confidence this year. I am so proud of her. Mika shared a very passionate thank you for making her laugh and for ending almost everyday as a really good one. Lazaro was honest about how he hadn't done so well first semester but he had really gotten a lot better the second one and was proud to be a part of that class. Many of them commented on how the class was like a family... they laughed together, got in trouble together, and will end their 8th grade year together in just a few short days. I just adore everyone of them. I can't even help myself.
They win. At the end of the 2011 school year, I felt so discouraged, so uncomfortable in my own skin, so not where I felt I should be so God sent me to the other side of the planet to South Africa to remind me that I am exactly where He wants me to be. He reminded me that there are so many kids who have loving and wonderful parents and there are so many who don't. I left Africa in the summer of 2011 with a renewed hope and peace that He wanted me in Las Vegas at Mack Middle School with the kids He would give me. He wants me there... with the broken, the ones who have never had their name handwritten on a piece of paper, the ones who need someone to laugh with, the ones who need someone to believe in them for the first time ever, the ones who need to be taught how to be thankful, the ones who need a nag in their lives, they need an extra person... a person who will invest in them.
They have won my heart. At the end of most years, I wonder how I will ever love a class the way I have that particular one and for this year's kids, it is definitely true. I'm just not sure. They have restored my belief, just like Anne Frank, that there is good in everyone. Some just need more encouragement than others. Sometimes I need more encouragement than others. I hope that someone in your life just wins you over and I don't know who it is or where they are but I hope they restore the hope that there is good in everyone and they encourage you to keep loving people. We all need it. We all need someone to let us win. This class has done it for me.
Thank you for letting me share.... I'm going to go clean myself up now from sweet, joyful tears... Melis
My 5th period is at least 19 boys (count them-- 19 13-14 year olds who love war, music, sarcasm, comments, fighting) and 6 sweet little quiet (sometimes ditzy) girls. To say that my 5th period is interesting is maybe the understatement of the year but they are a lot of fun and I really just love them. A few of them gave some speeches, mostly funny but I almost cried when sweet Bernardo got up and just said, "Thank you Ms. Gillespie. You are one of the best teachers I've ever had." (You win Bernardo! You win for your sincerity alone!) Another student, Angel, who I had just decided had shut me off, looked at me with a very surprised look and said, "I really like the writing on the page." I'm not sure that some of these kids have ever had a piece of paper with their name on it with a positive anything. I know that seems so simple but you should know this kid's story. My heart breaks for him and I desperately hope that someone comes along who absolutely loves him so much. He just stared at it. Then there's Maxwell, a very grateful kid, who just expressed gratitude in his speech and said a very simple and heartfelt thank you. I think the most shocked for the entire class was Juan. I think he thought I didn't make him one because even when I read his first and last name, he said aloud, "I have one?" (My sarcastic comment, "Does anyone have the same first and last name as you? Umm, no precious face.") Yes, you do. I do have the same expectations and the same goals for you despite your circumstances. They were thrilled to take their certificates outside to get their picture made and I was grateful to have so many precious boys, no matter how tough they act on the outside. I am so, so incredibly grateful for them. At the end of class, Angel came forward and in his best drawings/writing/tagging, gave me a note that said, "Thank you Ms. Gillespie." (How can you not love a kid who just needs someone to love them? I mean, really?)
My 6th period, of course, has to one-up them all, as always. Every student in the class received a specific "I love this about you" kind of award and a Class of 2016 certificate. They were terrified that I had forgotten them. If you recorded only their voices, you would have thought I pulled out a gold bar when I grabbed their stack of certificates in plastic covers. I read off each name and certificate and was so surprised at how many students gave their own little speeches. Tyler, for maybe the first time in his life, sincerely thanked the students in the class for just letting him have fun and for allowing him to laugh and he specifically thanked students who had made him laugh the most. Dominique told them that she wanted the best for everyone and that she was going to graduate high school, so should they! (You go girl :) ) Pu'Uwai was so sweet for telling the class how they had let her just be herself. She has gained so much confidence this year. I am so proud of her. Mika shared a very passionate thank you for making her laugh and for ending almost everyday as a really good one. Lazaro was honest about how he hadn't done so well first semester but he had really gotten a lot better the second one and was proud to be a part of that class. Many of them commented on how the class was like a family... they laughed together, got in trouble together, and will end their 8th grade year together in just a few short days. I just adore everyone of them. I can't even help myself.
They win. At the end of the 2011 school year, I felt so discouraged, so uncomfortable in my own skin, so not where I felt I should be so God sent me to the other side of the planet to South Africa to remind me that I am exactly where He wants me to be. He reminded me that there are so many kids who have loving and wonderful parents and there are so many who don't. I left Africa in the summer of 2011 with a renewed hope and peace that He wanted me in Las Vegas at Mack Middle School with the kids He would give me. He wants me there... with the broken, the ones who have never had their name handwritten on a piece of paper, the ones who need someone to laugh with, the ones who need someone to believe in them for the first time ever, the ones who need to be taught how to be thankful, the ones who need a nag in their lives, they need an extra person... a person who will invest in them.
They have won my heart. At the end of most years, I wonder how I will ever love a class the way I have that particular one and for this year's kids, it is definitely true. I'm just not sure. They have restored my belief, just like Anne Frank, that there is good in everyone. Some just need more encouragement than others. Sometimes I need more encouragement than others. I hope that someone in your life just wins you over and I don't know who it is or where they are but I hope they restore the hope that there is good in everyone and they encourage you to keep loving people. We all need it. We all need someone to let us win. This class has done it for me.
Thank you for letting me share.... I'm going to go clean myself up now from sweet, joyful tears... Melis
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