At least one. To be undone.

The little girl sat quietly outside Ba Lorrin's classroom. She said nothing, just looked at me if I looked at her and maybe smiled. I cannot stop wondering what her story is. I cannot stop asking questions about why she is not in a classroom and why she is not wearing a uniform. 

One day she was given a piece of paper and a pen. She sat and drew by herself for several hours. She watched people walk by. She would sometimes get a glance at me helping the grade 6 students who are struggling with long division. Boy, are they struggling but there was something so innocent. She continued to sit and work. One day, she had a bad outbreak of a rash on her arms. I noticed and mentioned it to the nurse who was unable to check until the next day. I sat with another little girl who was struggling during remedials one afternoon and helped her with numbers and adding, as well as the alphabet. Realizing the little girl I noticed before knew no English whatsoever, she came to sit. (She really wanted to write with the marker, as did every other child that walked by-- truth be told.) I wrote out the alphabet for her to copy the letters. Many other kids were still present and were gathered around. 

(Let me stop for a second and add that Zambian kids raise their voices rather quickly. I cannot truthfully figure out why, except to say they want to be heard more than anyone else. So they tend to "yell" at one another often, especially if someone messes up or does something incorrectly. They are very competitive and very hard on one another.)

This group of kids started yelling at little M that she was not doing something right and she was writing the letter the wrong way. I finally raised my voice as she was looking more and more insecure. I invited the kids who could be kind to stay and those who wanted to remain unkind- please go. Most left because they were confused by my loud voice also. She stayed and continued writing. The few kids who were there-- calmly and patiently spoke to her in Bemba and told her what to do and what to write. I had to look up to avoid the tears that were to come. A few letters were quite difficult, so I put her hand in mind and traced the letter and then allowed Little M to work independently. 

There are some things that just someone tell undo me. That was one. Just bottled me up like a big tear drop and let me go. Oh- my heart. To watch a sweet little beautiful girl belong for the first time since her arrival. 

 A teacher noticed her rash and asked her older cousin to walk her home to her aunt (considered a mother according to family traditions in Zambia) as she has recently begun staying with them. She didn't return for a few days. And I worried that she would be forgotten but she returned with more joy and passion than before. She wasn't afraid to let her eyes met mine and she wasn't afraid to grin and laugh and try new things. 

I sat with her this morning and practice numbers and addition. Be still, my heart. May I stop for those who need the extra mile and who just need ordinary people to give them a moment and a hand to trace the letters. 

How covered we are by the grace hand of Jesus who does the same for us. I am in awe. So undone. Willingly. 

-Melis

"I choose you because I love you."

We arrived in Lusaka, Zambia Friday afternoon. I was so exhausted because I did not sleep well on the longer flight and I felt so confused about the time of day it was and what the actual day was. I went to lie down in order to take a nap but had a hard time going to sleep. 

The truth is I miss a lot of things. And when you're that tired, you become a little more emotional than you would be in a normal state. The even bigger truth is that over the last year- I have questioned much. The only thing that has seemed to be the most consistent is the faithfulness of Jesus to me. That faithfulness whispers to me in the deepest pits when the tears are many and on the highest peaks when it seems that I'm closer than ever. Lying on the bed that afternoon, Jesus reminded me of something I have questioned seriously-- why did He choose me to do the things I do? Why did He choose me to come to Zambia for a length of time? Why did He choose me to walk with students who have felt abandoned? Why did He choose me to love them well and mess up a lot? Why did He choose me to be the one they called mom on hard days? I mean I could go on and on and on. 

He silenced my curious heart with the Truth- 

"I choose you because I love you. You don't earn it. You don't deserve it but I promise to be unwavering in my love for you and I promise to remain faithful to my choice." 

The tears have been about as consistent as my questions recently so I just laid there listening to Him repeat that phrase time and again. 

Maybe you need to know that His love is consistent for us- it does not change or flee on impulse. It doesn't abandon. It rights wrongs and makes sense of nothingness. It pleas with us to believe. It begs that we live differently. It consumes and I pray that knowing that His choosing me is a result of loving me will impact every area of my life. 

How well He knows me. Okay with the questions-- a gentle conquerer. A mighty caretaker. A choice maker. And a consistent one. 

-Melis

Zambian prayers...

So my bags are packed (well mostly) and I'm just sitting on my couch calmly watching HGTV. What is wrong with me? I'm not sure.

I'm excited to be in Zambia in a couple of days. So much so that I may cry when I see so many of the people I just adore and am overly thrilled to see. Feel like I've missed a few brothers over the last ten months so I am so excited to see them and hear them laugh. (Maybe I'll just cry now.)

I'm asking for prayers for a few things because God is giving me some really cool opportunities and I'm not at all being arrogant but I'm a little nervous and need some Jesus in the middle of every single one of them!

1. My health-- last year, I got sick three different times, which is the most by far I've ever gotten sick while being in Africa. I'm praying for NONE of that this year because it was not fun and ended up taking some time that I could have been spending with students and missionaries. It was a slowing time for me and God definitely used it but I'll have plenty to do to keep busy. Pray for my messy immune system. :)

2. I wil be working with teachers at Lake Tanganyika and in Kabwe. I LOVE teaching (obviously) so I really love working with teachers. Their hearts are gold for service and kids. Maybe the part I'm really excited about is that I will hopefully be setting up some appointments with teachers so that I am able to meet with them in smaller groups. That gives more time to ask questions and answer questions and be more specific to each teacher's need. What an honor to use my gifts and passions and serve Jesus with them!

3. The Love Africa Conference is the conference that pulls in missionaries from all over Africa and really over the world to bring them together to encourage them. It gives them time to share their stories with those from the West who support them and allows them to share for the sake of prayer. I have been graciously given the opportunity to speak and teach women who are on the field each afternoon for three days. My teacher spirit loves this and my encourager spirit finds joy in these sweet ladies.

Please also pray for the students and teachers at the Good News School at Lake Tanganyika. There are many missionaries who work at the Lake T base there as well. They will be traveling to Lusaka to pick us up when we arrive and do a shopping trip. Please pray for their long trip down and back up after Corrine (my partner in crime for the next couple of weeks) and I arrive.

Thank you SO MUCH for your prayers and words of encouragement and wisdom and giving. I feel like I get to go on behalf of 150 other people and that is truly GRACE alone. Love, Melis

OH! P.S. I'll be writing here-- but my team will be writing on this blog too :) Hope Love Africa Blog HERE

"...got me feeling emotion."

My mom cried when she and my dad left the airport yesterday. They dropped me off in Jacksonville and she cried and I teared up and then we laughed because she has been doing that every Christmas and summer since I've lived in Vegas. Count them- 8... 8 years. 

Sometimes we just feel emotional and I have to be honest and say that teaching at Global for the last 2 years and working with students at church again while dealing with the the ups and downs of my own pits and depression has made this a stunningly interesting time. Like I can laugh and cry in the same sentence. Like I'm writing part of this on the plane, sitting next to a flight attendant in tears. (And also, I'm listening to the soundtrack of the "Cinderella" movie and I just cannot. It is beautiful.) 

Here's a few reasons why...

1. Yesterday in the JAX airport, I was in front of a family of Spanish speakers and I felt like I was at home. I'm sure they thought I had no clue what they were saying- jokes on you because I did! And sometimes I can't believe I have the privilege of just seeing and hearing people. I am so fascinated by other languages (and still often frustrated at the same time) that I sometimes stare and I don't mean to but I just love listening. What a gift to be able to know something in a language other than English. Thank you to my hilarious kids for helping me with this. In ways that you don't even know. 

2. I leave for Zambia on Wednesday and it will be my 6th time to the country. I am so excited to be with my lake family and work with those sweet kids whose faces plague my memory well. They change my perspective on so many things--- all. The.

Things. And their Godsend teachers he hi willingly love and trust Jesus for thei jobs daily. Oh- to give my kids to Jesus over and over. What a lesson to be learned. 

3. Packing and traveling is something I do often but it is stressful and I say that because many of you still believe I live with no cares in the entire universe. I am one of the most low maintenance travelers you will ever meet and I know that but flying and luggage and passports and shots and medicines. #stressedprobs

4. Lastly, I've been feeling all sorts of emotions over my self recently. I've written about it some previously but not much. After being at the beach for a few and judging everyone else, I've decided that I can be okay with my body. It is not pale thin and it never will be and I will have connect the dot freckles that will be astonishing to others. I'm okay with my hips being wide and sometimes feeling fat and sometimes not. That's just reality. I've worn almost the same size for almost 12 years so I feel like I can be quiet about it sometimes. 

And we should be quiet about a lot of things but that's a different post for a different day. 

That's all I have for now. All the feels. All the emotions of summer. They're baaaaacccck. -Melis