"I choose you because I love you."

We arrived in Lusaka, Zambia Friday afternoon. I was so exhausted because I did not sleep well on the longer flight and I felt so confused about the time of day it was and what the actual day was. I went to lie down in order to take a nap but had a hard time going to sleep. 

The truth is I miss a lot of things. And when you're that tired, you become a little more emotional than you would be in a normal state. The even bigger truth is that over the last year- I have questioned much. The only thing that has seemed to be the most consistent is the faithfulness of Jesus to me. That faithfulness whispers to me in the deepest pits when the tears are many and on the highest peaks when it seems that I'm closer than ever. Lying on the bed that afternoon, Jesus reminded me of something I have questioned seriously-- why did He choose me to do the things I do? Why did He choose me to come to Zambia for a length of time? Why did He choose me to walk with students who have felt abandoned? Why did He choose me to love them well and mess up a lot? Why did He choose me to be the one they called mom on hard days? I mean I could go on and on and on. 

He silenced my curious heart with the Truth- 

"I choose you because I love you. You don't earn it. You don't deserve it but I promise to be unwavering in my love for you and I promise to remain faithful to my choice." 

The tears have been about as consistent as my questions recently so I just laid there listening to Him repeat that phrase time and again. 

Maybe you need to know that His love is consistent for us- it does not change or flee on impulse. It doesn't abandon. It rights wrongs and makes sense of nothingness. It pleas with us to believe. It begs that we live differently. It consumes and I pray that knowing that His choosing me is a result of loving me will impact every area of my life. 

How well He knows me. Okay with the questions-- a gentle conquerer. A mighty caretaker. A choice maker. And a consistent one. 

-Melis