Learning to Breathe

The other day on the radio, they were talking about a kids first bike, declaring that every kid remembers his or her first bike. I don't know that I remember it really except through pictures of me riding the bike with my new (poor) puppy at a million miles an hour through my yard. He was in the front basket. Ears flailing. That poor puppy faced more drama with me as his owner than anything he could have imagined. I do remember learning to ride a bike without training wheels. Nerve racking. I do remember riding my bike around and around my house next to my grandparents and the tree that scratched me right across the face when I forgot it was there. Later on in life... I hadn't ridden a bike in a while and decided to get back on. While I didn't have to completely start over, I did have to start from my last memory of it.

Sometimes I feel like breathing is like that. There have been times in my life over the last five years where I felt like my life was so far beyond a mess that there was no possible way that I could recover. That's where the problem really began. I can't recover on my own. Sin doesn't cure sin (in case you were wondering). My pride that I could recover ruined my chances of being put back together. When I finally had enough of all the lack of life in me, I turned around and begged Jesus to rescue me from a pit I dug myself. I needed Him to teach me how to live again. I needed Him to live in me again (not that He ever left).

Besides the fact that I was a hot mess beyond belief, I was just plain out mad at God for my loss of breath, as well as His injustice in NOT making miserable those who I felt had hurt me and caused me to lose life (Or at least that was my thought, not truth). They really had not but I felt they contributed to fanning the flame of my hot mess of a life. Even in my brain revisiting this the other day, I realized that I do not understand why God does the things He does or in the order He does it in or why He chooses who He does but He does. I have been reading Isaiah and in 42:3b, it says, "In faithfulness he will bring forth justice." It doesn't say 'Because of your severe hurt or broken heart does He bring justice." It's the effect of His faithfulness. So sometimes when I feel a loss of air, I need to step back and be reminded that He knows best (a lesson I seem to relearn a million times a week!!). His justice is truly my justice. It doesn't matter whether those who have hurt me ever feel remorse, the point is that I realize that my trust must be placed in Him. That's it.

If only it were that simple. Choosing to believe His faithfulness and justice for the best for my life! Be encouraged- you're not alone! -Melis