A 10 Year Prayer...

A couple of months ago, I was asked the following questions: 

"Hey Melissa, I've got a friend who is really having a hard time being single. She sent me this tonight. do you have anything I could say to help?"

"I have a hypothetical situation. So you know how people are always telling us that we just have to wait and God is going to bless us with the greatest men? Or that we just have to trust that it will happen eventually, but what if it doesn't? What if Gods plan for me doesn't involve another person. What if I am going to be waiting the rest of my life for something that He never had planned? I'm terrified of that. I'm scared that I, a person who needs the companionship of others, is meant to be alone. I only can trust, but what am I trusting in? That it will lead me to happiness? Because I cannot fathom a world where I am happy with loneliness. Trusting God has a plan is so much easier said than done, but right now, I'm terrified that what my expectations for His plan are and what His plan truly is are COMPLETELY different things."

A few weeks ago, I sat down to write my future man a letter. I have a box full of letters. I've probably never talked about that here because it's a concept that is sometimes made fun of. And I don't like being made fun of honestly.

I've woken up a few times just praying for him (especially this week). Wondering a lot of things about the future.

This was my response to the original question: 

"Unfortunately, for me the situation is not hypothetical. When I was in college, everyone acted like everyone gets married right out of college and meets the person to marry in college. Neither was true for me or any of my close friends either. Being out of college, I've had incoming and outgoing seasons where friends would all get married and then no one would get married and then a lot of people would get married again and then would stop. It is HARD. So I don't want to lie or advise you in a way that is not truthful. Yes, it is a reality that she could never get married. Lonely forever? I think that's only by choice really. 

I would encourage your friend to do a couple of things...

1. Begin to read the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John). I'm reading them now and there are so many places where they are forced to trust and believe. It's a reminder that we CAN trust and what happens when we don't. 

2. Begin praying for a belief in trusting God. If I have prayed one prayer a million times, it has been that of the man in the NT who says, "Overcome my unbelief" because I am truly a terrible believer. 

This statement from her: "Trusting God has a plan is so much easier said than done, but right now, I'm terrified that what my expectations for His plan are and what His plan truly is are COMPLETELY different things."

All true. Way easier said than done. It takes time. His plans are completely different than our plans. I began to see Psalm 37:4 so differently, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." It doesn't say ask for what you want and then believe God will give it to you. Spend time with him, seek Him out in your own time and time with Godly friends, walk closely with Him while you have so much time. THEN He will give you the desires of your heart. I will tell you that those desires will change and they will look different in 10 years than they do right now, married or not. NONE of my life plans look or seem like what I thought-- and it's disappointing and heart-warming at the same time. Had I married the guy I thought God wanted me to or stayed where I thought He wanted me to or worked at the place I thought He wanted me to and not actually completed the task that He gave me, my life would also look different but I have to choose obedience over want, trusting that He does know what is best. I have prayed for a Godly man for 10 years and I am still waiting (which will provide no encouragement for your friend) but that is reality sometimes but the beauty is that God knows us better than we know ourselves and we can trust that He will provide in His time and not because we have the right formula. I will be praying for her and you as she trusts you with a lot of things in her heart. Praying for wisdom..."

I found the original blue index card with my original list for my future man. Every quality I was praying for in the man I married. You know what? They haven't really changed. If they have changed, they have actually changed back to my original list. The desires God gave me, He has kept. 

This card is now 10 years old. That makes me nervous and feel old and anticipate a lot of things. 

However, it was a peaceful sweet reminder that God is faithful. A prayer I began praying a little over 10 years ago has yet to be answered in my eyes but has been fully named and answered in His. 

God sees me and loves me and knows the desire of every piece of my heart: every person, plan, career, book writing topic. Every single thing I've prayed about... He knows. That's a relief. 

That's all I want to say right now because I'm a little overwhelmed but very thankful. 

He knows me well. -Melis