Re-graduating college?

Have you ever had those moments where you feel like you are reliving a decision or a BIG moment in life? I feel like (in my kinesthetic mode) that this weekend I relived graduating college. I visited Salt Lake to see one of my best friends, Katie, who teaches 8th and 9th grade English there now. While I was there, I had an opportunity to revisit a few different things in my mind because I did have a 7 hour drive there and back and plenty of time to think otherwise.

1. We went to see a play entitled "The Drowsy Chaperone" which was good, but had an extremely lousy ending.... and I was quite disappointed with the ending. The play is about this guy who lives alone listening to records of musicals and he tells the story of 'The Drowsy Chaperone' as it is played before his eyes. I won't tell you all the details of the actual play but in the process of giving details and allowing us to see the play take place in his small New York apartment, he has monologues describing what his life is like. He mentions a wedding but obviously (as later given) has gotten a dirty divorce and is heartbroken because of it and here I am sitting in between 7-8 college best friends (who went to a different university than I did) and I am just thinking-- is that what reality is actually like? Does everyone end up lonely? As I was watching another movie this weekend, they gave the following statistic: "80% of women who are not married are lonely." Well, there you have it... if life is like a movie (which mine often is) does it just end up lonely? Does it end with an unhappy ending?

I had this reality shake-up when I graduated college about 3 years ago (it feels like longer!). The reality that you are going out into the world alone, facing it alone... or at least that's what the world would say. In my realizations (and in graduating college) I am not alone, it just feels that way sometimes. It's this overwhelming emotion when I'm sitting at Panera watching and listening and feeling that everyone is sitting with someone or talking to someone or going somewhere with someone. I am finally to the stage in my life that my friends who have been on this journey with me are no longer physically alone. It's hard. And it doesn't always feel good and I am often an emotional basketcase because of it. So that's the first thought in re-graduating college... I was attempting to avoid a list AND it is just impossible. My mind processes things that way, in detail and in lists. You can thank my high auditory learning style and my genetic OCD for the rest of it.

2. What do you believe? In Salt Lake, I had the opportunity (yes, I'll call it that) to visit Temple Square. Have you been there? Have you been approached by the sisters and the elders? Not only that, but I am with a Mormon on this walk as I'm being approached. We went into a couple of the guest centers and it was completely awkward because I absolutely know what I believe. (Now, you probably didn't think this after reading my first saga on this blog, but I do!) I saw pictures of the stories of creation (including the most awkward portrait of Adam and Eve I have ever seen) that looked similar to pictures that I saw when I was younger, and even pictures of the prophets of the Old Testament (even though I also have to believe that God must laugh at the ridiculous ways we make Jesus look in these portraits and it must freak the OT prophets out that there are now statues and replicas of what we think that looked like-- that, of course, is just my opinion on the matter). Then we get to the part where there are pictures and stories of the Book of Mormon. Oh, and quotations of verses as well. This simply freaked me out. I'm not gonna lie. It was this weird feeling in my gut and a clear voice in my Spirit that said, "What a lie they are choosing to believe." Even from an unChristian perspective and as History major, the stories of the Mormons being in America is just untrue and the fact that they look Causcasian makes it even harder for me to believe if they were supposed to be living in Utah. Is that weird to anyone else? Anywho, I am, of course, asking a million questions to Katie (because I love to question her when she thinks I won't) and because it just doesn't make sense. In the midst of this conversation, there are 2 "sisters" (Mormon girls who are on their mission and serving in Temple Square) that are talking to some visitors. One of the sisters turns to the visitor and says, "Isn't it great that we can find another testament that God loves us this much?" When did the Bible not become enough? When did humans become so greedy that we would take the very Breath of God and tell him, "Sorry, there's more you missed?" I just quite frankly don't get it and at that very moment, everything in me said, "Pray and then pray some more." As we're walking out of the visitor's center and Temple Square, we are approached by two more sisters and then Katie and I continue talking and had some interesting conversation about salvation, Jesus, and we both became quite passionate. At that moment though, I didn't doubt what I believed at all. It was as if God was alive and well in me (as He always is) and holding me in the very palm of His hand reminding me that I am not alone and He is the only way to Heaven, it will never matter about all of the activity I do. Never ever. {Apologies for that not even making sense... sometimes words come out and they are just totally me. I am currently having a conversation with you at a dinner table and you are completely unaware- until now. :) }

3. Re-evaluating life from a different perspective as I did when I graduated college--Me being auditory.... it is within the last 6 months that I have learned this about myself. It has made me feel better about things that I have been so unsure of before, and it has helped me understand other people so much better! And again in all of my honesty, I am glad to be auditory! Who knew that would happen?? (And it explains to everyone around me why I am "one of those people" who reads out loud and says what I'm typing while I'm typing it.)

4. "Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones..." Psalm 97:10a.... may you pray for those who do evil and may you be found faithful!!! I knew so much Scripture when I was in college and it really was a defense against evil... just a thought for you as I think through it myself. Have a great week and boast/bask in what the Lord has done in your life as you are faithful to him as well!

May I be found faithful....
Melis