Free

I was reading in my journal from the fall semester of my senior year of college last night and found some interesting things. At the end of November, I begged God to do so much in me. I was extremely challenged to hear a missionary from Haiti speak and it began a quick habit to write a lot of poetic like things. So for the next few posts, I will just share those. Know they are straight from my heart and things that when I read, I began to pray as if they were completely new insights to me. Enjoy! -Melis

11.28.06
My day started slow with a
million things to do.
I woke up with a hundred
things running through my mind.
What do I do first?
How do I decide?
The enemy continues to throw up
blocks to try and persuade me
to choose Him.
"Pick me," he cries out, but
I will not and can not.
The enemy- He has no
hold on me.
My Lord-He does not delay.
He gives constant freedom.
I lack no good thing in Him,
He satisfies me in every way.
I have no longing to fulfill the
hole in my heart with the
"To Do" list the enemy gives.
I refuse to let Him win,
I will not step away from the
Solid Rock the Lord has planted me on.
My Jesus screams victory and puts
a crown on my head that only
shines His name as I continue
to walk forward so that more
people are pointed to Christ, one
more daughter knows she is loved,
one more son takes His place as
warrior-because my God- all
things are undre His feet- and
He has set me apart for His
works, not to be a slave of sin.
I will walk in triumph,
I have been set free.

The Winds of COLD

Winter is possibly the worst season... I am not a fan of the cold. I would rather wear t-shirts, tank tops, flip flops and shorts than bundle up deciding how many layers I should wear dependent upon where I'm going. It's honestly just unneccessary. Also, with every cold season comes nice refreshing cold for my face and sinuses, with sneezing, uneasy breathing, and watery eyes. Yesterday, one of my kids commented that I must have been crying a lot because my eyes were so red and when I tried to tell her that I was sick, she was very convinced otherwise. And today, I got made fun of repeatedly because I sound like I'm holding my nose while talking but I'm not and I'm eating so slow because I'm concentrating so hard on chewing, swallowing, and breathing all at the same time! It's kinda crazy.

However, with the winds of cold, good things are destined to take place. My birthday is in a week(ish) and I turn 25. It's on Thanksgiving so not only do I get to celebrate, I get to eat a lot! I am going home next week for Thanksgiving break. My sister graduates college in a few weeks and I am so proud of her! (She also got into the grad program that she had hoped for...Yay!) I get to spend a couple of weeks at home for Christmas and get to spend time with my family for all of the upcoming holidays! (Hopefully I won't be sick by then.) In other news, 2 of the girls that have been going to church with me are probably going to get baptized this weekend which is really cool because I am connected with them through school and have had a great time getting to be a part of their family. I also have had more conversations about me being a Christian than at almost any other point in my life. One of my 4th period boys has become my walking advertisement about it which is actually quite hysterical. And I have great relationships with so many of my kids! I have received some of the sweetest letters for American Education Week and am so excited about the ones I'll get on Friday. (I'll try to post some quotes here for your entertainment.) And last but definitely not least, God is using things in my life to make me more dependent on Him, even when I don't like it and He's giving me more opportunities to reflect Him than I remember from before. I am so thankful to serve a God who loves me beyond compare and allows me to serve Him despite my ever so many flaws!

However, the night is not so young at this point and this girl needs some sleep so I'm out! Have a great week before Thanksgiving and go ahead and give thanks for someONE this week!

Love, Melis

Things I Don't Understand...

I don't understand a lot of things lately. So this is basically a rant of things that I feel like complaining about because I don't understand them...
1. Why people get their driver's license at K-Mart... and still they can drive regular cars on the road and drive however they feel like it at the moment.
2. Why boys don't say what they mean.
3. Why I have to repeat the things that get on my nerves repeatedly at school so that they get it.
4. Why I have to pull my hair out and do some type of dance to remind my kids that I care about them sometimes.
5. Why people don't understand the word "NO." It's the same in all languages so seriously, what is the problem?
6. Why I miss very obvious things and then ask stupid questions.
7. Why my boys at school treat me better than some other guys I know (definitely not all of them but for sure some of them).
8. Why people don't listen the first time
9. Why I don't remember everything... it would make a lot of things easier and I would stay out of trouble more.
10. Why I make people feel like they're not good enough.
11. What I can completely change about myself in a 3 step process to become less intimidating.
12. Why everybody else in the city of Las Vegas wants the same coat that I do.
13. Why winter is necessary.
14. Why life doesn't go like planned... oh well... might as well face that reality.

That's my rant on that. Thanks for tuning in.
-Melis

Voice.

"Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-outers. Speak out for justice! Stand up for the poor and destitute!" -Proverbs 31:8-9

Today I used my voice. Not as if I don't everyday because I do but today I used the voice that I was meant to use. The voice I have been called to use, the voice that escalates change, and promotes healing, the voice that downs all downs and encourages the good. My voice makes a difference and if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be a teacher. I mean honestly, the paperwork, the changes, the grading, the stuff, the after school programs, the hard classes, some annoying kids every once in a while... those things are not the things that make my job worth it but there are few things that are extremely significant that allow me to realize that what I do makes a difference because it does. The day I begin to deny that I have the chance to change someone else is the day that I need to quit and go live in a hole where no one is bothered by how miserable or sullen I am. I am change. My voice represents a God who is way bigger than me, who cares about the poor and the widow and the orphan and the outsider and the student who sits alone at lunch and the student who can't speak in class because their voice is changing and the person in Sudan who is fighting for life, but has no voice. My God speaks to that and He speaks to us begging us to have mercy on those who haven't experienced mercy before and justice on those who don't always deserve a second chance. He is a God who loves without any comparison and He gave me a voice and I choose today to continue to speak for those who have none, those who are lost and without hope and need a voice.

I have a few students who will one day be this voice. Today when they wrote notes to someone who had a made a difference in their life, they didn't write my name, no they wrote Jesus and Lord, and when they were asked why, the answer was "because He gave His life for us." How good it was and refreshing it was today to read through cards where God is glorified, where His name is being exalted and they are being His Voice. One day, they will write a similar note or page that will be read where their response is that they want to be used and they want their voice to be heard and it will be. They will be the voices of change, they will promote love and healing and join together to bind up those things that promote hate. You will hear their voice... you must only listen... and we can hear your voice... you must only speak.
-Melis

To be there.

I was just looking through a bazillion pictures of Africa this past summer. There are so many faces, places, and things that my hurting heart has already forgotten. There were so many memories, so many things I said I wouldn't forget, but as always I need a refresher course. Pictures definitely remind me of things forgotten as did the ones I just look at. I have carried on over the past 90 days since my heart and body left the ground and continent of Africa and I have gone to new places, I have seen new things and I have continued to experience life. Africa changed me, don't get me wrong but I look and wish that I had changed more. Maybe I did more than I think, maybe I did without realizing it. My number one reply to general question is "busy." Yes, I have a lot to do but I also have a lot of moments to just sit and watch movies or check my e-mail or read a book or write a blog or text a million people (not actually but anyways). My life in Africa was so simple, not complex, so straightforward, so much easier sadly enough. I didn't make decisions, someone else did it for me. I didn't worry about new clothes or what everyone else was wearing because I was in a place where people wore the same thing two days in a row and didn't always wash it then. I was in a place where I didn't eat out because that wasn't an option, especially because there were no restaurants or only 1-2 and they were expensive for people that lived there. If I didn't focus on luxury and I wasn't so vain, my life would be a lot less busy. I would be a lot more happy and I could focus on the people around me that love me and that I love. Unfortunately, the best of both worlds just does not always work out. Maybe one day. or maybe one day, I'll choose the other world, where people are only poor because we say they are and I will learn what it's like to be real and genuine and I will be there and not even think about being somewhere else.

To the Ladies...

Things I've pondered and thought about today and tonight because of a conversation with another girl... things we must remember.... things we must keep in mind... and things that I've learned from fighting and being so happy with girls over the past few weeks. (This is more of a reminder for myself.)

1. Know who you are and be who you are. Stop trying to be yourself.
2. Take what someone says at face value, even if they are not being nice and you know it.
3. Think about other people, even if you are the celebratory member of your own pity party.
4. Let it out. Scream at the top of your lungs into your pillow, your car, or the neighbor's yard... just somewhere. Get it out or it will build up.
5. Watch other's expressions. Read them and think about how you should react because of them.
6. When you don't like something, punch that person in the face (just kidding but be honest with them).
7. Vent, vent, vent... even if it's too your mom and all she hears is negativity from you. She still loves you! (Thanks Mom!)
8. Don't settle. Don't settle. Wait... wait... wait... even when you are so annoyed that you can't stand it and you want to pull your hair out.
9. Let people know that you care about them and that you are thankful for them.
10. Don't put up with people's crap. Now if you're the one being crappy, it's one thing, but otherwise... you don't have to carry everyone's burden. Yes, care, but don't feel like the world will fall apart without you. Unfortunately, it will keep spinning and mostly everyone around you will be okay... but again, don't always put up with people, especially if you know they're being ridiculous.

Just be you... no one else and because you care about people enough, they will care about you too... and it will all work out. No matter how long it takes. The end.
-Melis

Gross

The fall is a time of "gross" for me. New beginnings for a lot of people but just not me. I'm not sure what it is. It becomes dissappointing and discouraging and I just become ticked off at the world. Life is just not what I expected. I didn't think that it would turn out this way. Yes, there are so many things that have turned out better than I could have ever wanted but there are other things that I could pull my hair out about. It mostly has to do with people who meant something that have lost all credibility to me. People that I once respected and cared for and knew it was the opposite as well, no longer. I guess that is very sad to say but it is for reality for me right now. I understand reconciliation and forgiveness but what do you do when that other person doesn't want the same things? What do you do when that other side doesn't care? They claim to be hurt but really, it just doesn't seem like it's the same. They can hurt all day long and I feel like it will never equal out. Am I selfish? Probably. Am I having a pity party? Of course. Because sometimes, I get tired of being optimistic and being nice about everything. I get tired of feeling like I have been hit by a truck and then backed over by the same one. Is that fair? I get tired of life being unfair and unjust and quite frankly, when it doesn't work out the way I want it to. I get upset.... which is why I'm upset right now. I want life to go my way... I want to get everything the way I want it, when I want it, and I want it to all work out in the end... and when it doesn't I feel gross. Probably because I have been so selfish and stupid, but also because sometimes I look at everyone else and I see that they get what they want and I wonder why I can't get the same. So that's my pessimistic, rude, really mean rant for today. I'm done now. My grossness will be cured in a few minutes and my pity party's balloons will be popped and the cake will be eaten. Thanks for joining in.
-Melis