Gross

The fall is a time of "gross" for me. New beginnings for a lot of people but just not me. I'm not sure what it is. It becomes dissappointing and discouraging and I just become ticked off at the world. Life is just not what I expected. I didn't think that it would turn out this way. Yes, there are so many things that have turned out better than I could have ever wanted but there are other things that I could pull my hair out about. It mostly has to do with people who meant something that have lost all credibility to me. People that I once respected and cared for and knew it was the opposite as well, no longer. I guess that is very sad to say but it is for reality for me right now. I understand reconciliation and forgiveness but what do you do when that other person doesn't want the same things? What do you do when that other side doesn't care? They claim to be hurt but really, it just doesn't seem like it's the same. They can hurt all day long and I feel like it will never equal out. Am I selfish? Probably. Am I having a pity party? Of course. Because sometimes, I get tired of being optimistic and being nice about everything. I get tired of feeling like I have been hit by a truck and then backed over by the same one. Is that fair? I get tired of life being unfair and unjust and quite frankly, when it doesn't work out the way I want it to. I get upset.... which is why I'm upset right now. I want life to go my way... I want to get everything the way I want it, when I want it, and I want it to all work out in the end... and when it doesn't I feel gross. Probably because I have been so selfish and stupid, but also because sometimes I look at everyone else and I see that they get what they want and I wonder why I can't get the same. So that's my pessimistic, rude, really mean rant for today. I'm done now. My grossness will be cured in a few minutes and my pity party's balloons will be popped and the cake will be eaten. Thanks for joining in.
-Melis