A fierce 2015 and a shattering 2016. Why you need a word of the year.

Last year, I read somewhere that instead of choosing resolutions for the year, that you should pick a word of the year. My thoughts?

"This will be easy!"
"A word of the year?? Piece of cake!"
"What a brilliant and simple idea!"
"This person (whoever he or she is or was) is the smartest person on the planet!"

I'm just wondering if they picked a word like "sweet" or "gentle" or "gracious" or "merciful" or "brave" and I wonder how easy it was for them.

Being fierce was so easy I even forgot how to not be fierce was HARD. (Think Kid President's video where he says he took the road less traveled and it was hard, kind of hard.) Yadda, yah, yah, yah... say what you want you non-fierce people. All of you saying, "Oh, Melissa, but you were always fierce... this was just a natural word for you."

This is where I run out of the room and I'm like, "Peace out suckas!" (I know that's not polite. That's all I want to say in this parentheses.)

The rest of you saying, "Loser... you never talked and were always shy. We were wondering when you were going to bring this up and be honest." (To you I still make my same statement but this time in italics: This is where I run out of the room and I'm like, "Peace out suckas!" (I know that's not polite. That's all I want to say in this parentheses.).

Here's what I learned: Fierce=Fearless/Brave/Courageous.

Here's what I know. It is rare... like less than 1% of the time that I am actually any of those things. BUT on a few rare occasions, like the 36 or so hours out of the entire year I was, I celebrated. Because a lot of time fear ATE ME UP like a lion eating an antelope fresh out of the field.
Because a lot of the time, people are LOUD in our heads and they don't encourage fierce.
Because a lot of the time, our own hearts are WRONG and they eat fear willingly.

But now at the beginning of 2016, I can celebrate a few moments where I was fierce and I can also transparently admit that I wasn't fierce on more than one occasion.

Here's 3:
1. Actually talking about living in Africa one day in a real way with a real dream and a real reality. Could be very far away, could be very close but the few times I talked about it openly were fierce moments for me.

2. At a church I spoke at last summer, I talked about the picture of the Egyptian Christians who were about to be killed on the beach. I will not even show you that picture because it will forever tear me up but you can look it up yourself if you missed that. But one time, I used that as an example and I cried, like I knew those men but I don't and I didn't but that picture is very real and terrifying to me and for me to bring it up in front of people was fierce.

3. I messaged my college pastor to ask if I was crazy for supporting the idea that Syrian refugees should safely come here and was I crazy that I was embarrassed of Christians who just laughed in the face of that idea? For me to admit openly that I agreed or disagreed was fierce. Whether you agree or disagree with me doesn't take away my being fierce. You can work out your fierce ways on your own. Those are not mine. 

Three ways I was fearful: 
1. Didn't want to talk about anything political on social media because I disagree with 70% of people who talk about political things in my circles of the world and am embarrassed that they don't know how the government works. There, I said it. 

2. Didn't stand up when I felt like I needed to in a lot of face-to-face conversations about major social issues that are directly linked to my beliefs in Christ.

3. Barely left my house after all the Paris attacks. Because those were ordinary people in ordinary places who were just living ordinary lives. Fear lovers- you put me to my wit's end and I have MANY things to say to you this year. Just wait. 

I can say that overall, it was a fierce year and I am not walking into 2016 with too many regrets. Some wishes that didn't come true in 2015? Of course, but that's okay. I'll live.

So, when I was asking God to show me what He wants for 2016, I kept thinking about the word belief, but that just seemed simple and necessary. I do need a stronger belief but that has been a theme of my entire walk with Christ.

He kept bringing up the word SHATTER because here's what you fear lovers and non-fierce wanters in the world taught me... Your expectations do not guard my life or direct my path or seek my best interest. They are simply expectations. And much more simply, they are YOUR expectations. They are not God's. They are not the Lord God's. While a few of you may have more influence over my life, your decisions and opinions and wants and needs are not my own and I am not held accountable for most of those things but I am accountable for the things I say, do, think and feel. I would never expect you to take over any of those messy things.

So here's my plan for this year...

• Shatter your expectations
• Shatter guilt in my life because of stupidity or your expectations
• Shatter my own expectations
• Shatter grudges and unforgiveness and shame
• Shatter the way I use my gifts and figure out how to use them for Him in the most glorifying way possible

That sounds crazy and impossible and downright stupid but it is where I am at the moment. 

Have you thought about picking an impossible life to live this year? Seriously... pick a word and then if you're like me, make into a hashtag and you can make it partially serious, partially embarrassing, and partially amazing. Make it an ongoing theme and let it literally destroy and put you back together. (Doesn't this sound like LOADS of fun?? :) )

And to the rest of you non-fear lovers and fierce wanters-- who have observed and encouraged and cheered me through a #fierce2015 ... THANK YOU from the sincerest, most devoted and kindest inner part of me. Your love and leadership motivate me! I am thankful for you. 

Walking into 2016 is a bit of a different story because I feel like God is shattering things to make me even more fierce. I'm really thankful. Let's see what happens!

Love, Melis