Sympathy can help. Empathy triumphs. {on adoption and giving}

When I taught middle school, I had a student who asked if I would adopt them. It wasn't a joke. They even talked to the counselor about it and the counselor came and talked to me about it.

I was shocked, just turned 25, so new to anything and not even knowing what I was doing with my life. I was also honored. To be called Mom is one of the greatest privileges that women have. I knew how important my mom was to me and I knew how important of a role I could play. I denied the opportunity but it was not without thinking about it multiple times. 

I think we respond to most of life out of pity and sympathy. We do things because we want a return or we feel bad and there's nothing wrong with helping people but there is something wrong when we see staggering statistics and show no empathy or sympathy. 

Sympathy says, "I'm so sorry." Sometimes sympathy feels like it should say something else. And it does and it can land like a pile of bricks on someone. Sympathy sometimes gives because it feels like it has to out of an obligation, not out of a 'want-to.'

Empathy says, "I'm so sorry and I get it, I may not completely understand but I can kind of understand what is difficult about all of this." Empathy says few words and listens. Empathy can sometimes wait too long to do the right thing because it's unsure of what to do or not secure in what to do.

This battle of sympathy verses empathy has plagued my teaching career. I can see students as projects (sympathy), which is sometimes necessary but I can also see it as an opportunity to meet a need that I want to meet (empathy). That battle was partially encouraged by my student who asked me to adopt them.

Here's the thing... I have all the tools necessary to raise a child in a home but sometimes my battle with fear pushes me to be sympathetic. These are the requirements for someone in Nevada who wants to adopt:

"Who can apply to adopt?

• People of any race

• People of any religion or no religious preference

• People who work outside the home

• People who rent or people who own their own homes

• People with high or low incomes

• People with or without other children

• People over age 21; however, all applicants must be at least ten years older than the person being adopted

• Married or single people; however, if married, the spouse must also be a party to the adoption."

(To see this question and other frequently asked questions about adoption in Nevada, click HERE.)

This list actually seems somewhat humorous because ANYONE can adopt. On the Nevada web site, there are a few pictures of kids WAITING to be adopted. Not as projects, but as children ready to be loved. What if God was asking this generation of lovers of Jesus to open up our homes and take a waiting and ready kid? What if we were obedient? What if Child Haven and adoption web sites were empty because the church became the church- empathetically? What if we loved people exactly where they were? These are the questions that come to my mind because I meet the list provided.


I ask you over the coming weeks to pray with me about kids in our local system who could be up for adoption, as well as those waiting to be adopted. I'm not saying in any way this will be easy, I am saying it could be worth it if we would listen to God's voice speak to us.

Join me! -Melis

If you're in the Las Vegas area, I HIGHLY encourage you to attend the "Wait No More" on Saturday, February 20. For more information, click HERE.