Grace to be Blameless (despite weird things guys say at car washes, gold hair, and orange cones)

So here's the thing.

I'm a mess (in case you haven't realized this prior).

Saturday morning, I looked in the mirror to almost have a panic attack because I could have gray hair. To all of you older than 30ish, no thank you to any of your comments or contents or tragic pasts. I had a moment. If you've never turned 30, I just want you to know-- it's coming to you and it will not leave you unscathed. I have been given a few extra sunspots, wrinkles next to my eyes and a GOLD HAIR. I don't know if I'm Rapunzel in the movie "Tangled" or if this is real life (although, I have always thought/known I was a Disney princess so this just more than slightly affirms it). So come on over, brush my hair and sing to me/I'll sing to you- which ever you prefer. Any who, I have decided that my so-called "gray hair" is actually gold. Call me blessed if you must. Clearly, panic left and righteous confidence took over in the most annoying way.

So there's that. THEN there's this problem I have in the weirdest places where weird men say weird things to me and it makes me feel WEIRD. Here's the thing.... I can take a compliment, I can say thank you, the whole ten miles, whatever to all of that... BUT when you pull up to the car wash and the guy looks at you like you're sitting there in your bathing suit? Houston, we have multiple problems. This is going down. The man/guy/weird person who asked me what kind of car wash I would like smiled the most creepy/weird smile. (If we go back to my life as a Disney princess and I'm Rapunzel in the movie "Tangled," think the guys in the pub when they're singing the song about having a dream... except this wasn't a dream. This was real.) I almost felt like he was doing it on purpose. Since I wear none of my emotions (nor have I or ever will drop my jaw at the sight of something slightly strange) ALL of my emotions on my face, I have no idea how I continued to speak because I felt so weird. Moving along (literally thank you Lord and in this story), I buckled up to go into the car wash because it obviously felt unsafe and then it was over... blah. blah. blah. So I am directed to the vacuum area and am greeted at my driver's door who OPENS my door and says, "How are you doing today sweetheart?" And I was so like, what is my life, that I said thank you. That's right. I just said thank you because I was already being attacked by the glass guy who needs to fix a piece of my windshield every second and being pointed toward his assistant while also dodging oncoming traffic in the most dangerous gas station/car wash/parking lot on planet earth. (And I'm not exaggerating whatsoever in the least bit.) Then when I had to talk to the insurance person, they're all yelling in my ear because no one knows how to be polite when you're at your job and supposedly doing your job and everyone is taking a break. I'm sorry, but you handed me the phone. YOU. Yeah, you. In the midst, I'm trying to be compassionate and literally thinking of how not nice I'm being and you're making this hard for me. So that was yesterday. (aka Sunday)

In other news, today, I was driving to the west side of town (in no type of gang sense or association) and got stopped in traffic because NO ONE IN THIS EVER LOVING CITY KNOWS HOW TO MERGE (capital: my emphasis specifically). And then I was less than a mile from the restaurant, when I got stopped again because officially in Las Vegas, it can only be a street, if it has spent more time as a construction zone rather than a functioning road for cars to drive on. (Also, if you're looking for a job, I'm hiring a personal chauffeur because this construction everywhere in this entire city is stressing me out and I can't take it (today).) (I apologize in advance because I still may have road rage even if I'm not driving so take a chance and apply today! :) ) 

After all of this, I took a breath (here and there) and said, "Thank you Jesus that I can literally be this out of control and for the reason of your love ONLY do you chase me down and hold me back from acting like a crazed lunatic, posting incredibly overreacting Facebook posts, and yelling at the crew dropping off the cones on Durango. Because your grace doesn't cover only me and my mess, it covers theirs too... and the young guy who broke his arm complaining how bad it hurt... and the girl who had to call the insurance who was so not enjoying her job... and the man doing his job to make a wage to pay for his children to have everything they could possibly ever need. That's grace."

Jesus's reply to me may have sounded like this..."That is grace my love. That's deep grace that overcomes and overcame and will forever overcome. You're messy and fearful and rigid and uptight sometimes. You're also incredibly compassionate and generous to others. You are not all things because I am all things. In and through me is the ONLY way you can ever be any of those things. You've been asking to be made blameless? You want your words to match your walk as I reminded you last night? Then, hold your tongue and your written words. It's okay to be honest but it's not okay to let those things control you. I am enough. My enough makes you blameless. My enough is grace only. I love you completely and make you blameless in my sight time and time again."

What a relief. I have been so convicted over my words and beat myself up over my imperfections and drama and selfish heart and mind. HE MAKES ME BLAMELESS. He is the only one with the ability to let me start over. I face consequences and apologies and real life here but He knows real life well. Because He's in me and with me and gets me. Blameless I can be. In Christ alone... despite my mess and real life, I can choose Him. Thank you Jesus. (And thank you for the strange situations I find myself in---because they let me see you as you are.)

-Hot Mess Day #43,561.76 (but no hot mess counts accurately so yeah)--
Melis