Stop with the show already.

A few months ago, I began this journey of being INCREDIBLY honest. Those of you who know me well are wondering why I think this began then. I know, I have always had a gift (some would call it a challenge) for telling the Truth and an extremely guilty conscience. When you have a guilty conscience, you just tell the truth. Period. Any time I've lied, I've completely known it. Do not think for a moment that my mind is ever in denial.

My family is known for exaggerating the truth. What was a small scratch on someone's knee all of a sudden becomes an amputated leg and arm when there was nothing wrong with their arm to begin with. At the point I realized how much I was literally straight up lying, I started telling these ridiculous stories, followed by, "Just kidding, that part didn't happen." I got some of the strangest looks and then I started doing it so much, I started getting laughter. After some time when I began to actually THINK (now there's an idea) before I would speak, it helped and I found myself (mostly) without this stupid, idiotic problem called being a liar.

All that to say, I'm making it a point to be honest. To be real with myself. It was interesting tonight in talking to my small group girls (who I love and adore) who are 8th, 9th, and 10th graders, that it is simple for us all to acknowledge our sin but it is difficult to forgive ourselves and accept grace because we believe we are so undeserving. As if Jesus's death on the cross wasn't actually enough.  Why do we believe this? Because we think our value and worth is dependent on what we do and not on the cross.

I would say that for the last few months, it has been a real challenge for me to stand in front of people and carry on "normal" conversations with people while talking about being depressed. I have been deeply ashamed and regret speaking up. Some people have made some terribly insensitive comments and suggestions but many (and most) others have been very supportive. Many identify with the struggle and are able to be honest because of what God is teaching me in walking in honesty and truth. It's amazing that hurt people hurt people but really, free people free people.

In the process, God opened my eyes and ears to hurting people around me everywhere. They began sharing and I shared even more. Students in my classes began telling their stories. I could say I've been there. Kids at church started doing the same and I was able to say, I've been there. There's just something about becoming honest that makes people want to be around you. I'm not saying I've got it all together and Jesus knows how much I can be no fun to be around. However, let's be real so that broken people realize they're not the only ones and we get down from our pride chairs and pay attention for a few minutes.

So stop with the show already. There's no need to pretend that we are something that we're not. Remember, free people free people... and I'm free indeed. I'm willing to be who I am without fear. 

Praying for more bravery and courage for myself and YOU! Melis