So much more than $3,000 and a card.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at camp with High schoolers from Hope in Las Vegas. The camp was CIY Move. It was incredible to say the least, I wrote a bit about my learned experiences there two blogs ago and the impact summer camp has had on my life in general. Although I've attended and worked at multiple summer camps, I think this one takes the cake overall. And it wasn't because there was a huge band or the most amazing speaker ever, or we raised a million dollars. It was because God's Spirit was at work... In students, leaders, youth pastors, speakers, worship leaders, etc. 

The whole week is a push for being a #kingdomworker. What is a kingdom worker you might ask?? Basically anyone who uses his or her talents, passions, job, place of influence to impact the world for God's Kingdom and, ultimately, eternal value. At the end of the week, everyone receives a #kingdomworker card. This card has a challenge for the next year. It's every persons choice whether to accept it or not. I chose to open my envelope. I was expecting to get one that said drink water for a year but no, it didn't. It said "Raise $3,000..." Stop right there, hold up, what? Yes that was only the beginning, slight panic attack. I hate fundraising. I don't like asking people for money. It's uncomfortable. So the card reads basically to raise $3,000 for a missionary our church supports. Contact and pray for them monthly. Wow. Yes a significant challenge. 

Once I had decided, I was committed to this, I got caught up on who. God placed a missionary on my heart who I worked with when I was in Africa in the summer of 2009. Still praying to confirm that and planning on getting information from this missionary soon about specific needs. I'll be raising money for the next year. I will also be raising money for a trip to Africa myself and a team next summer. Details for that are also in the works but I will keep you updated. Please pray about how you would join me: will you buy something I create? Give monthly? Pray for the missionary? Host a fundraiser for you and a group of friends?

I'm begging you to join me on this year-long adventure. In some way that is meaningful to you. The Kingdom of God is beyond our word of "big." He knows what you're going to do and how you will be impacted. Listen to His Voice and pray for me to be sensitive too! Praying now! 

-Melis

When words are enough OR too much...

Because I am incredibly auditory, I struggle with words. Because I am an introvert, I struggle with sharing those words that are inside my brain. I am often defensive, feisty, and short with words when they do come out hurried and hurtful. When I stop and think (this side is encouraged), I deeply regret the words I say, am pleased with others, and think about why each side was the way it was.

There was more than once today that I used my words to empower people. There was also more than once today that I used my words to hurt people. Overall, my interactions today have been positive but a few times, I noticed I went straight to defending something that was not worth being offended over or just silenced the other person because I'm over it.

Why.... why... why... is the question I constantly ask myself. Repeatedly, I find myself going back and apologizing for something stupid I've said that I think hurt someone. Most of the time, they thought nothing of it except I was crazy that I went back. I think it's better to err on that side, than the other.

Because one of my top love languages is words of affirmation, I really struggle with feeding negative words into my brain. I remember and dwell on those things, and why someone would say those things to me. Tonight on my way home from a very full day, I prayed, asking God to restore balance in this area. Unfortunately, it seems that most people are normally VERY defensive OR very run over. Then Jesus began to speak over me in my car, reminding me of the way He deals with things. He did not let Adam and Eve rule and reign the world when they chose to sin. He put His foot down. My God is not a God to be run over by our fast talking brains and snappy attitudes. He just doesn't do it, straight up. He also reminded me that in the New Testament, He never let the Pharisees get away with their mocking of His commands. He put them in their place. He did offend them, but only in a way in which they needed to be offended. He told them Truth. He did not spout off an academic's scholars belief on something, nor did He Google it to figure out what they needed to know. He told them what God's best was for them. They had the choice to walk away or pursue that Truth. We have the same choice.

When I'm approached, I want to be ready to speak, but I also want to be slow to speak. Quick words hurt. They do not heal and restore. I've read more than once the statement, "Hurt people hurt people." People who are defensive often hurt people, it's not conscious, it is their defense. That doesn't make it right, but it is what happens. When I know God's Truth and I walk in the Truth, I will find that I am quick to think but slower to speak, quicker to listen, but slower to jump down someone's throat. 

This is an area I know I need to work on. Let us be slow to speak but ready. Let us listen before we jump to conclusions and assume. Let us tell the Truth. Other people's words do not have power over us but we must know HIS WORD. Let us be careful and apply the Truth we know to our own lives as we beg others to join us in this. Praying for you, will you pray for me in this area? -Melis

P.S. If you are a person who I have hurt with my words before, I would like to sincerely apologize. Praying that my words are Truth and empowering to you in the future. Jesus is correcting me in this area! I am grateful for the grace with which you've been patient too. Thank you for your recognition to extend that to me.

Life-changing summer celebrations

Join me on a journey, would you?

I went to summer camp with my youth group for the first time in high school. The first year, I surrendered my life completely to Jesus, I was 15. After my senior year, I felt that God had something incredible for me- ministry of some kind, I thought potentially in the church and now I realize that He had called me to Himself while working in a public school. I'm so grateful.

In college, I got to walk with young ladies every year at Camp Cherokee in Tennessee. I got to go back and work at SuperWow, the camp God used to change my life, as a missions/service coordinator and my last summer of college, I got to enjoy Camp Cherokee, SuperWow and got to visit Colorado for a Student Life camp with students from Hope while I was working in Las Vegas. Oh yeah, I went to the UK then too! What a life for a college student! Talk about an incredible summer! At that point, God began speaking to me about living in Las Vegas. It was unclear but became more clear through my senior year of college.

After moving to Las Vegas, I spent that summer volunteering with students at Hope and joined them at camp in California (my first of many adventures there!) and did the same the following summer. In the summer of 2008, I took my first mission trip to Zambia and that part of my life was on repeat for the following 3 summers, varying in length and time and what I did there. That was before most of my friends decided to get married and that took some time out of the following summers to celebrate with them in the great work that God was doing!

Jesus greatly uses me in the school year and it is often draining so by the time I get to summer, I am ready to take deep breaths. I tend to hear Him in my summer silences, without the voices of 200 or so students asking me a million questions and telling me what I should be doing.

I am grateful to have gone back to summer camp with Hope's student ministry, Refuge, this past week. I was a little skeptical (I admitted this to them) about the group of girls I had but ended up loving their sweet, devastated hearts so much. I really had the best of both worlds because the senior girls Arianna and I have walked with for the last year were also there and so I heard a lot of the big things Jesus did in them and then I clearly got to join in God's great rescue of my girls. He met them exactly as they were, exactly where they were. He loved them. Through song, messages, small groups, friendships, walking up and down the hills, playing on the beach, and watching short films. He deeply loved them. Neena and I got to be His hands and feet and put our arms around them, pray for them, and squeeze their hands amidst tears.

Selfishly, Jesus reminded me of the deep, deep pit I had dug for myself and was drowning in the past year. He rescued me and as the bell rang to represent life change Tuesday night, I was full of tears with gratefulness that He chose to extend His hand. He gave me a life to live again, without fear of where it was going next. He spoke to me about waiting, grace, and continuing to walk in freedom. I can't say that camp changes everyone or that summer changes everyone but it has a tendency to do that for me. I'm praying for my next steps, how to follow Him in every environment I'm in and how to love every person I meet. AND I just finished my last class of my Master's degree. I am waiting for a fall internship and will have it complete in December. I am grateful, grateful, grateful for what God is doing. What is He doing to change your life? I hope it's big and beyond your comprehension.

Praying that for both of us- Melis

A stunning display.

I am procrastinating. Yes. I just want to make that clear.

I have spent the last month traveling, beat of my heart, it stresses me out and I love it. I have met some of the most incredible people, got to love and be loved and I have not lacked in how much I eat. AT ALL. I love teaching for this reason. Summer. Although, I am dreaming up plans for next year, I am able to do that on bus, plane, train, or automobile. I love the modern world. Thank you turn of the century a hundred years ago-- you were good to us.

I have felt lonely, desolate, reckless, insecure, and so confused, yet at the same time, I have not felt more loved, more pursued, and more stunned than I have felt in a while. I am so grateful to have spent time with so much family, to be a part of my sister's drop-dead gorgeous wedding (yes, I am clearly biased), to sing again, and to feel like I don't have to say much. I have watched incredible sunsets at the beach in Florida and California, on the river in Oregon, and over the capitol of the United States. I have talked to some of the most intelligent and incredible people. Pause. Story time.

::Every time I board a plane, I prepare myself for one of two things-- sitting next to someone who pretends they hate me and I'm invisible (this morning) or sitting next to someone who tells me the beautiful story of their life (Atlanta to Vegas last weekend). While I overall prefer the latter, I have often wondered if my invisible shirt that says, "Tell me your whole life story" magically appears as I walk onto the plane. I had a wonderful conversation a week ago with a professor from Bob Jones University on being a Christian, why we should stick to standards and morals, being single and married, his family, what it's like to want to stay where you love but other people are begging you to move, how do you find more. I walked away from the plane ride so grateful for his encouragement, wisdom, and perspective. It fed this needy heart of mine.::

Press play. Yesterday, after the wedding of one of my best friends, Katie, she and her new groom had left and me and the girls traveled to see Multnomah Falls outside Portland. While this is an incredibly beautiful place that I can hardly describe, the view of the river on the way back was out of this world. The freeway runs beside the Colombia River and the sun was setting literally just perfectly as we were driving. We found a view point to stop at and so we did. Staring out over the water made me a little breathless, in that, I felt overwhelmingly loved.

It seems at the times we feel the most inadequate, God sends us a messenger with encouragement. When we feel the most discouraged, God sends the sweet words of a friend in the most unexpected way. When we feel ugly, God says that we are beautiful through a person who we are so grateful for and may not even know that much about. There may not be words, there are just some people who make you feel beautiful. When we feel there is nothing in us, He stares deep into us through sunsets, waterfalls, rain clouds, and rainbows and delicately whispers, "You are utterly mine. No one else's. And if I should so choose to give you someone to love, you must always choose me first."

His selfishness (so to say) is deserved and our tragedies and pity parties turn a very silent spirit into a stunning display for those around us to see He is at work in our lives. He deserves every bit of the glory. And whether we like it or not, He will take it-- it was His to begin with and He will keep it.

His love for us is a stunning display and it can be seen all over if we only keep our eyes open. It is felt in a sincere touch of a friend and is heard in the sweet words of a song. My life is made up of so many of these moments that I could not count if I tried. I can just stand back and admire from a semi-distance the loving work Jesus has done in my life to rescue me from a deep pit. I can sit and tell the story of why God called me to move to Las Vegas and why I can't leave until He says go again. I can pray for people who do not love Him to be empty so that they search and find someone so precious and worth loving. He is it. And He is worth it. I am stunned completely.
-Melis

A New Season, A New Job

Six years ago, I interviewed at Mack Middle School on a very hot, sunny day in Las Vegas. I actually got lost on the way to my interview, felt way overdressed, and brought my expansive teacher education notebook that Lee University PROMISED every person that interviewed me would want to look at. I think I was secretly mocked about this binder, as I should have been. What I learned in my basic 2 years of educational education was not ever going to be enough to actually help me survive my first year of teaching. In hindsight, I seemed a mess, although Mary, a US History teacher I worked with, always reminded me that if I wasn't crying every day on the way home, that I was golden. Thanks Mary :) There were some tears but not that many. I was too overwhelmed by gaining street cred, learning what a tagger was, and trying to spot gang signs to really do that much else. If those kids learned anything that year, it is considered a miracle and it was nice of Joe, my principal, to let me come back the following year. Steven was one of my students/projects that year and so was Kevin. Later on, I had both student's siblings and really enjoyed working with their families over that period of time. I'm sure that you've heard me talk about both or either of those boys before. Their stories literally changed my perception of teaching and made me realize why God had actually called me to Mack.

Over the last several months, many changes have occurred for me both personally and professionally. It has been overwhelmingly overwhelming and I have been pushed and pulled in so many directions. I have not wanted to wake up in the morning to go to school. I have not wanted to pursue my addiction of being a workaholic. I have dreaded talking to some of my kids in the hall. It just hasn't been true Ms. Gillespie fashion and I've really struggled with the insecurities that all of these situations has brought on. I've been heartbroken, devastated, and just plain out nervous the majority of the time. I was laughing in the hall a month ago at something another teacher said and one student informed he'd never heard me laugh before (I don't know that I believe him actually, even still). I was acting crazy at the 8th grade dance a few weeks ago and one student told me he'd never seen me be that fun or happy before. That's who I've been for the last 9 months and especially, the last 2. Not me at all. It's sad that's their perception of who I am because it's not and I don't want another class to ever think that of me. I have felt more than once over the last few months that I should begin to pack my things but I just said no to those urges and left my room a hot mess. And when, it was literally the last second, Jesus, who knows me best, gave me a new job.

A couple of weeks ago, I was given an incredible opportunity to begin teaching at a small high school in Las Vegas for next school year. It was a God-send opportunity and I said yes. I am over the top excited to start over and scared to death at the same time. I will be working for a previous administrator in a school for newcomers to the country. I will be teaching US History and Government and will be on a major learning curve for the next school year! (I only taught both of these in my student teaching, umm 6 years ago for no longer than 8 weeks!) I'm excited about working for a principal who lets me dream again and try new things without me walking away feeling like a crazy person. I'm excited about small classroom sizes and getting to know new kids, working with a new staff, and trying something different. I will get to do a few of the same things (my favorites) that I've done previously but will get to start over in many other areas.

At the beginning of May, I asked God to give me a new job. I was desperately serious. I had a few people who told me that God wanted me to look, a couple of people who gave me weird looks, and thankfully, some who believed that God would open the door He wanted to and He did that. I trust Him. More than ever, I trust Him. I am sad to leave my first teaching home and a place that will always hold big pieces of my heart but really excited for what God has for me. I am praying for new beginnings for so many sweet friends of mine and that God will continue to use me in a powerful way, just as He has at Mack for six sweet years. Thank you for those of you who have prayed and loved on me during this time, as well as those who God has used to provide an encouraging word... they have meant the world to me and I could not be more grateful. I still believe the classroom is one of the biggest mission fields on the planet and I'm ready for a new place to love.

Filled with gratitude that He always overcomes my unbelief- Melis

Why Beyonce had it wrong-- it's Moms, not girls.

Beyonce sings a song that says, "Who runs the world? Girls." It says it over and over with a few expletives along the way. What did she know then? She didn't have a little girl. I wonder if any of that changed once she became mom to a little girl they are hiding from the spotlight (thank God she has some sense). I wonder if she realized that as a mom she makes decisions that directly impact her child.

I have been graced with a wonderful biological Mom who has made a significant impact on my life. When people tell me I look and act like her, I take that as a HUGE compliment. She is a wonderful woman who is selfless, genuine, gives people second chances, is patient and just loves people. She taught me (as well as my Daddy) the value of hard work ethic, sticking to commitments, and using your actions to back up your words. She realized the life she lives impacts my life, my sister's life, my Daddy's life, and all of those around us.

Because God has moved me away to college and across the United States, I have been blessed beyond belief to come under some women who I would also consider spiritual Moms and mentors who have taught me how to love Jesus more and have given me tough advice when I needed it and have been honest. Usually I talk to Mom first, but they follow her advice as if they've also spoken to each other in this weird way to say the same things. They know what's best for their kids.

It's moms like Carol Fulbright, who let me and Diana live with her family for a year, who taught me quiet times are better with Reese's and Diet Cokes, and it's important to look for Jesus in really tough times and see what He's doing. She followed my Mom in showing me a healthy marriage where it's fun to laugh and spent time together. Carol taught me the value of pouring into younger generations and seek areas God has called me to, being sensitive that they are often seasons. Edith Peters showed me how to raise Godly girls and Jamie Ogle showed me a servant's invested heart into her kids and the next generation. It was Lisa Clapp, our office Mom who always giggled with us and cried with us when we needed it, but also taught me the importance of loving where you work and loving people there. She was ever patient with us but always checking on us and making sure we were taken care of.

When I moved to Vegas, God shifted my moms a few times but ended up giving me Teri Dodd, one of the most honest women I've ever met in my life but one who willingly tells Godly truth and will take my side when I need it. She's always looking out for my best. She gave me Kristi, a mentor, who understands the field of education and where I'm going and has allowed me to share my passion with her. She dreams up new ideas for me and doesn't demand I go there, but asks kindly where I will join God's invitation.

I'm grateful that it's not girls who run the world, I'm glad it's Moms. Girls are obsessive and crazy (like me) and not well enough to do so but Mom's have special powers that allow them to do extraordinary things. I am sometimes called Mom at school by kids who see me like I see some of these women. I realize I'm not their real Mom and always make sure to point that out but I'm grateful that they feel like they have someone they can trust.

I can only hope that one day if I have kids or adopt kids or whatever, that I can be like these Godly, fantastic women. I hope that I can love despite hurt and forgive easily and function with patience. Love them all and hope they have had a fantastic Mother's Day! -Melis

God-Anxious

I feel super God-anxious. Like what's next, why not now, what am I waiting for, is the waiting over yet? It's like my kids will be tomorrow when we travel 5 hours by bus to California-- "Are we there yet? Where are we going first? When do we eat? I have to use the bathroom!"

After all that's gone down over the last few weeks and the changes that have come quickly and gone, after doors have opened and closed and opened and closed again, I am left to wonder, what in the world am I doing? Maybe I'm not even making the right decisions? I'm hiring anyone who will make good decisions for me! (Sort of kidding... but not)

I'm unsettled and I'm not sure if it's multiple reasons or just one. I'm not sure if it's my personal life, my job, people I'm around, I just am not sure. I do know one thing though-- that I trust God. A few weekends back, I had the sweet honor of MCing the Refresher Conference in Las Vegas. As I was praying for the weekend and especially the Friday of, I kept being reminded of this quote:

"Rarely, but probably once in each of our lives, He will back us into a corner where He will hurt us with His piercing questions. Then we will realize that we do love Him far more deeply than our words can ever say." (Oswald Chambers)

I told the ladies there that I felt like a lot of them were in that place. I know they were. Sometimes Satan uses the corners to tell us how worthless and despicable we are and Jesus uses the corners to remind us how much we love and trust Him. I had no idea that as I spoke those very words, I, myself, would be backed into a corner in the following week. That week has seemed to turn into an onslaught of weeks instead. It has been rough. I have gone to school several days (more than ever) not wanting to be there, not wanting to care and not wanting to please anyone. That is not like me AT ALL. I have a crazy genetic work ethic, an overwhelming perfectionistic nature and the ability to lie, I'm a great faker :) (Unfortunately, everything I've said here is true.) Even yesterday, I was having a conversation about God calling me to say yes in my life and that sometimes the yes closes and leads to another yes and so on. That yes turned into a closed door today and I had to stand back with tears in my eyes, and say, "God, I do trust you, more than anything, I trust you."

Even in the car while driving back and forth tonight, He just reminded me of how much He loves me and how much He wants a relationship with me. He is using these yes and no moments to beg me to talk to Him and spend time with Him. I am overwhelmed with not knowing but I must trust Him. I do trust Him. Please pray with me over the next few weeks for peace where there is anxious but more than that, my anxious would be used to make peace with those around me and those in my path. I have been able to share about what Jesus is doing in my life numerous, surprising times and I have been grateful for the response. Thank you for your prayers- I truly, honestly covet them as Jesus continues to see my corners as places of hope and peace. Love, Melis