I have spent the last month traveling, beat of my heart, it stresses me out and I love it. I have met some of the most incredible people, got to love and be loved and I have not lacked in how much I eat. AT ALL. I love teaching for this reason. Summer. Although, I am dreaming up plans for next year, I am able to do that on bus, plane, train, or automobile. I love the modern world. Thank you turn of the century a hundred years ago-- you were good to us.
I have felt lonely, desolate, reckless, insecure, and so confused, yet at the same time, I have not felt more loved, more pursued, and more stunned than I have felt in a while. I am so grateful to have spent time with so much family, to be a part of my sister's drop-dead gorgeous wedding (yes, I am clearly biased), to sing again, and to feel like I don't have to say much. I have watched incredible sunsets at the beach in Florida and California, on the river in Oregon, and over the capitol of the United States. I have talked to some of the most intelligent and incredible people. Pause. Story time.
::Every time I board a plane, I prepare myself for one of two things-- sitting next to someone who pretends they hate me and I'm invisible (this morning) or sitting next to someone who tells me the beautiful story of their life (Atlanta to Vegas last weekend). While I overall prefer the latter, I have often wondered if my invisible shirt that says, "Tell me your whole life story" magically appears as I walk onto the plane. I had a wonderful conversation a week ago with a professor from Bob Jones University on being a Christian, why we should stick to standards and morals, being single and married, his family, what it's like to want to stay where you love but other people are begging you to move, how do you find more. I walked away from the plane ride so grateful for his encouragement, wisdom, and perspective. It fed this needy heart of mine.::
Press play. Yesterday, after the wedding of one of my best friends, Katie, she and her new groom had left and me and the girls traveled to see Multnomah Falls outside Portland. While this is an incredibly beautiful place that I can hardly describe, the view of the river on the way back was out of this world. The freeway runs beside the Colombia River and the sun was setting literally just perfectly as we were driving. We found a view point to stop at and so we did. Staring out over the water made me a little breathless, in that, I felt overwhelmingly loved.
It seems at the times we feel the most inadequate, God sends us a messenger with encouragement. When we feel the most discouraged, God sends the sweet words of a friend in the most unexpected way. When we feel ugly, God says that we are beautiful through a person who we are so grateful for and may not even know that much about. There may not be words, there are just some people who make you feel beautiful. When we feel there is nothing in us, He stares deep into us through sunsets, waterfalls, rain clouds, and rainbows and delicately whispers, "You are utterly mine. No one else's. And if I should so choose to give you someone to love, you must always choose me first."
His selfishness (so to say) is deserved and our tragedies and pity parties turn a very silent spirit into a stunning display for those around us to see He is at work in our lives. He deserves every bit of the glory. And whether we like it or not, He will take it-- it was His to begin with and He will keep it.His love for us is a stunning display and it can be seen all over if we only keep our eyes open. It is felt in a sincere touch of a friend and is heard in the sweet words of a song. My life is made up of so many of these moments that I could not count if I tried. I can just stand back and admire from a semi-distance the loving work Jesus has done in my life to rescue me from a deep pit. I can sit and tell the story of why God called me to move to Las Vegas and why I can't leave until He says go again. I can pray for people who do not love Him to be empty so that they search and find someone so precious and worth loving. He is it. And He is worth it. I am stunned completely.
-Melis
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