Re-graduating college?

Have you ever had those moments where you feel like you are reliving a decision or a BIG moment in life? I feel like (in my kinesthetic mode) that this weekend I relived graduating college. I visited Salt Lake to see one of my best friends, Katie, who teaches 8th and 9th grade English there now. While I was there, I had an opportunity to revisit a few different things in my mind because I did have a 7 hour drive there and back and plenty of time to think otherwise.

1. We went to see a play entitled "The Drowsy Chaperone" which was good, but had an extremely lousy ending.... and I was quite disappointed with the ending. The play is about this guy who lives alone listening to records of musicals and he tells the story of 'The Drowsy Chaperone' as it is played before his eyes. I won't tell you all the details of the actual play but in the process of giving details and allowing us to see the play take place in his small New York apartment, he has monologues describing what his life is like. He mentions a wedding but obviously (as later given) has gotten a dirty divorce and is heartbroken because of it and here I am sitting in between 7-8 college best friends (who went to a different university than I did) and I am just thinking-- is that what reality is actually like? Does everyone end up lonely? As I was watching another movie this weekend, they gave the following statistic: "80% of women who are not married are lonely." Well, there you have it... if life is like a movie (which mine often is) does it just end up lonely? Does it end with an unhappy ending?

I had this reality shake-up when I graduated college about 3 years ago (it feels like longer!). The reality that you are going out into the world alone, facing it alone... or at least that's what the world would say. In my realizations (and in graduating college) I am not alone, it just feels that way sometimes. It's this overwhelming emotion when I'm sitting at Panera watching and listening and feeling that everyone is sitting with someone or talking to someone or going somewhere with someone. I am finally to the stage in my life that my friends who have been on this journey with me are no longer physically alone. It's hard. And it doesn't always feel good and I am often an emotional basketcase because of it. So that's the first thought in re-graduating college... I was attempting to avoid a list AND it is just impossible. My mind processes things that way, in detail and in lists. You can thank my high auditory learning style and my genetic OCD for the rest of it.

2. What do you believe? In Salt Lake, I had the opportunity (yes, I'll call it that) to visit Temple Square. Have you been there? Have you been approached by the sisters and the elders? Not only that, but I am with a Mormon on this walk as I'm being approached. We went into a couple of the guest centers and it was completely awkward because I absolutely know what I believe. (Now, you probably didn't think this after reading my first saga on this blog, but I do!) I saw pictures of the stories of creation (including the most awkward portrait of Adam and Eve I have ever seen) that looked similar to pictures that I saw when I was younger, and even pictures of the prophets of the Old Testament (even though I also have to believe that God must laugh at the ridiculous ways we make Jesus look in these portraits and it must freak the OT prophets out that there are now statues and replicas of what we think that looked like-- that, of course, is just my opinion on the matter). Then we get to the part where there are pictures and stories of the Book of Mormon. Oh, and quotations of verses as well. This simply freaked me out. I'm not gonna lie. It was this weird feeling in my gut and a clear voice in my Spirit that said, "What a lie they are choosing to believe." Even from an unChristian perspective and as History major, the stories of the Mormons being in America is just untrue and the fact that they look Causcasian makes it even harder for me to believe if they were supposed to be living in Utah. Is that weird to anyone else? Anywho, I am, of course, asking a million questions to Katie (because I love to question her when she thinks I won't) and because it just doesn't make sense. In the midst of this conversation, there are 2 "sisters" (Mormon girls who are on their mission and serving in Temple Square) that are talking to some visitors. One of the sisters turns to the visitor and says, "Isn't it great that we can find another testament that God loves us this much?" When did the Bible not become enough? When did humans become so greedy that we would take the very Breath of God and tell him, "Sorry, there's more you missed?" I just quite frankly don't get it and at that very moment, everything in me said, "Pray and then pray some more." As we're walking out of the visitor's center and Temple Square, we are approached by two more sisters and then Katie and I continue talking and had some interesting conversation about salvation, Jesus, and we both became quite passionate. At that moment though, I didn't doubt what I believed at all. It was as if God was alive and well in me (as He always is) and holding me in the very palm of His hand reminding me that I am not alone and He is the only way to Heaven, it will never matter about all of the activity I do. Never ever. {Apologies for that not even making sense... sometimes words come out and they are just totally me. I am currently having a conversation with you at a dinner table and you are completely unaware- until now. :) }

3. Re-evaluating life from a different perspective as I did when I graduated college--Me being auditory.... it is within the last 6 months that I have learned this about myself. It has made me feel better about things that I have been so unsure of before, and it has helped me understand other people so much better! And again in all of my honesty, I am glad to be auditory! Who knew that would happen?? (And it explains to everyone around me why I am "one of those people" who reads out loud and says what I'm typing while I'm typing it.)

4. "Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones..." Psalm 97:10a.... may you pray for those who do evil and may you be found faithful!!! I knew so much Scripture when I was in college and it really was a defense against evil... just a thought for you as I think through it myself. Have a great week and boast/bask in what the Lord has done in your life as you are faithful to him as well!

May I be found faithful....
Melis

To blog or not to blog...

Let me take you for a little rant... because it's been a while...

I have been so busy that I don't know what to do when I have a few minutes to sit so I do exactly that, sit... and do nothing... sometimes I watch planes out my windows, sometimes I just stare at the wall and think about how not straight my pictures are, I hum a little tune or even talk to myself. It's ridiculous I know. So here's a little update on how things are:

1. TMI Alert... over the last week I have found out Too Much Information about too many of my students, most of it absolutely heartbreaking and I believe that most of it is caused by parents... wow... if they only knew. If you're parent, please ask your child what they are doing outside of school, they are dying (literally) because they think you don't care.

2. MAD Project... apparently it will be about abbreviations here and we'll go from there. MAD is where I'm headed and for more than one reason, I am changing it to mean "Make A Difference" if you get my drift. So we start with my 180 students and we will send our MAD ribbons to Salt Lake Friday and I'm hoping somewhere else in a week or two... if you want in, let me know. I want to start seeing students reach their potential and I think they will begin to do that the more they know that they are breathing and alive everyday to make a difference!

3. Teenagers... if you are reading this and you pray, pray for my students. It is hard and it is hitting that time of year when it is overwhelming to be a teacher. Besides all the stuff that is passed down from districts and admin, there are a lot of things taking place outside of school that is becoming and already has become major issues for these kids. If you have not watched the youtube video "Lost Generation" do it... here's the link....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

4. Where have I been? Where am I going? I have been living the life in Las Vegas... right? Ummm... okay.... so I've been in Las Vegas since August (which is TOO long for me in this ridiculous city) and I'm going to Salt Lake this weekend... my heart is thrilled, and I get to teach 9th graders (pumped about that too) about community service, Africa, you know all the things that get me so fired up constantly. AND I'm going back to Georgia in about a month... it's about dang time... I really miss my family.

5. Birthdays-- mine is in 18 days... yeah I turn 26 this year and I seem the same and different all at the same time. Good luck getting older to all of you (myself included).

6. Last thing... if God has shown me anything over the past month, the past week, the past 24 hours-- it is that I am exactly where He wants me to be. EXACTLY. It has been confirmed in people around me and it has all come because of my obedience and believe me, that obedience would NOT have come without the grace and faithfulness of God. He is so good and I couldn't be more grateful at this moment for the moments and hours and days I've had with him lately.

May you walk in grace and peace and your faithfulness to Him as He is faithful to continue to give us direction, let us love people, and even be loved ourselves.

Great is thy faithfulness, Melissa

P.S. Sorry that you missed my Gospel church version of this song last night in my apartment... I'll open it up for visitors soon! :)

Learning things I never thought I would in the places that I did...

So interesting in reading through the Old Testament what I have learned. No, it was not expected. Yes, I like history. Did it happen that I learned something? Oh completely on purpose. In reading Genesis, it was the constant beckon of how faithful God is to His people and while this continues on in Exodus and Leviticus (I only have a couple of more chapters to read!), it is very clear as God begins to create, be still, heal, restore, redeem, mend the broken, and through all of that make Himself known through His people and His activity in the world. Good stuff.

In reading Exodus, I realized that there was a lot of it that I have read before and quite a bit that I have never paid attention to. Yet, the one thing that was consistent throughout the entire book, it was.... that God is into details. God is not a big God who never looks down and sees His people struggling, hurting, or heartbroken. He is the God who sees all, or "El Roi." I think that clearly shows how faithful God is, as well as how much He loves every single, small piece of who we are. He loves that I have brown hair and brown eyes, and the crazy thoughts that He often places in my head. He also desires that the smallest details, in the smallest places, where I often do not glorify Him.... that He be glorified even in those details, even in the places I don't see. It is proof that God is in to detail as He gives instruction on building the temple, even up to the point of saying how stitches the curtains should be and what color and so on. He demonstrates this in talking about sacrifices... which side should the blood be spilled on? which animal should be used for sacrifice? Who should make the sacrifice?

And then onto Leviticus... the one book that is probably made fun of more than any other book in the Bible has so much Truth to offer. Yes, God continues to be specific and YES, God continues to pursue the details of His children and their lives. When you begin to read the book though, He talks about the "aroma" that is pleasing to Him. In reading this and describing what I'm learning to someone whom I would consider a mentor, she pointed out that not only am I to have an aroma that is pleasing to the Lord, but an aroma that would attract those around me to Him. I hadn't even thought that far yet! Yet, He so desires that for me!

And in all of this, He has been teaching me so much about obedience. He has shown me time and time again that His faithfulness produces obedience in my life and because of that when I am obedient, He continues to be faithful and it continues a safe, wonderful spiral. I am obedient, He is faithful, He demands more obedience and continues to show Himself faithful. How good and how God of Him to show those things to me. May you bask in His faithfulness today and may that demand obedience in areas of your life that you never even realized He wanted obedience from! He is into the details of who you are and who He is creating you to be... now choose to walk in Him! Learning to love more and more... Him, You, Me...

-Melissa

Plane Thoughts... from my plane ride TO Africa

These may not make a whole lot of sense. I was in the middle of thinking about going to Africa. I was reading the book Radical by David Platt, and I was listening to "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay. I was deciding what Africa would be like and how I would respond as well as responding to those around me on the plane ride there. Maybe this will give you some insight as to what I was praying for Africa or it could confuse the heck out of you. Either way, I'm going to give it a shot.

• While reading Radical, these are some of the thoughts I had... It really makes me think about money and how easily I save and spend for what I want. While I am dedicated to giving away as much as possible, I often only give once I've met my needs, or rather my wants, for the month. It feels unintentional and unreal to just have money pulled out of my account without me ever taking a second glance at it. I am to live out of the overflow of His existence and life in me and because of that, genuinely ask God to use me to do things that others will never see or notice, that they will never be apart of and that they will not understand the importance of in relation to God's call from the Cross. How I desire to be like Him! I want more of Him!
• In listening to "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay, I think a lot about what God really is breaking apart in my life. Is it anything? Am I allowing Him to change me or mold me into what He desires for me, which is better than I have thought or planned or imagined? How dare I stare the world in the face daily and do nothing to change it! That must be sin, that must be the nail that pierced Jesus to the cross. "And I pray, to love you, take my world apart, I am on my knees." May I be desperate and see God's own as He sees them...loveable, needing to be loved, and loving themselves. "Steal my heart and take the pain, take the selfish, take the weak."
• (Last summer, I spent a lot of time at Lake Tanganyika with a little girl who really stole my heart named Mapalo.) Thinking of Mapalo-- God's children break my heart and they tear my world apart. How deep your love must for her!

Maybe this will give you some perspective. I don't know. Continuing to pray that God breaks my heart for the things that break His and that I can see through His eyes!

-Melissa

My African Prayer

"Tolemi totela." This song resounded time and time again in our meetings, prayer services, conferences and just walking around the compound while in Africa. Translated into English, the song means, "We want to thank you Lord." What a prayer. Very simple. Straight to the point. And they meant it. To stand in the middle of missionaries, pastors, and others who have been persecuted for their faith, discouraged, and continue to be faithful, these were the words they were crying out to God. At some point, I just stopped to listen and of course, in the still and calm of the moment, God began to ask me what I was thanking Him for.... what was I believing to be faithful for? Why was I singing the words of this song? And I began to think more than anything, how thankful I was to be in Africa, to see people with His eyes (as I had been praying), to hear with his ears, and to touch with his touch. I thanked Him for the kids that we had worked with that he had given me great influence with, including Innocent, this precious little 9ish year old boy who had just latched onto me for some reason. I thanked Him for the girls at the AIDS orphanage who told me that I should stay in Africa because they just liked me and I believe they sincerely meant it. I thanked Him for the girls who had lost parents and sibiling to HIV and AIDS and how they learned the song, "Amazing Grace," singing over and over again, "I once was lost but now am found." Those sweet words have just stayed in my ear along with so many other things. I thanked Him that he is using the chaplain at the local hospital to pray for those who otherwise have never heard of Him and I thanked Him that in the midst of loss and poverty that He is still sovereign and good.



How faithful and loving is the God we serve. May you thank Him today for what really matters and give grace to others who do not quite understand Him. May He give you grace for the small things and strength where it is needed.



-Melissa, or "MaLeesah" as said by the Africans

On Purpose...

Today was also a great day... I know what you're thinking... "Yeah, it must have been for you to blog 2 days in a row!" Last day of kids... stress case about cleaning... completed grades... several initials on my checkoff list... got some sweet notes... and ended the school day by coming home to work on some stuff for Africa and church this weekend. However, one of my sweet moments today came when I met a parent of a student I have had for part of the semester this year. I have talked to his mom on the phone but not his dad. So he's a talkative kid, overall good at conversation and knows how to treat people... and overall, excellent for me in the class. He had a few things happen and needless to say, he had to take a step back for a while... which is totally okay. After meeting his mom, I met his dad, very upright, extremely polite and very respectable. He reached his hand out to shake mine and as I introduced myself, he looked at me with a smile, and said, "My son speaks very highly of you." ::chills:: How incredible, to be respected and spoken of highly... now that reminds me to live on purpose. I MUST live on purpose. I must remember that I have the chance to influence and change people and he didn't just happen to be one of them, he was one of them that I was meant to influence. May he, as you, walk in potential to see who you really are and then be excited about living in passion and on purpose...
-Melis

Amazing...!

My 4th Period has been absolutely amazing this year and for more than a couple of reasons. I have had a lot of incredible kids, but as a class, they were Wow... They are/were motivated, challenging, caring, selfless, loving and considerate of others. If we had a Give Back Saturday, the majority of the students I had come were from that class. If I was ever in a bad mood or upset or didn't feel good, they were my most encouraging and caring. They really considered all others before themselves, and again, it wasn't just one or two students, it was the entire group! So about today... of course, we had an emotional last day because that is required in middle school. I was so afraid that I was going to cry because I have gotten close to so many of kids in general, but especially in that class. So they are making fun of me about how I'm going to cry and I kinda thought that if they started crying, I wouldn't... and I got lucky. So I give the "You can make a difference speech" as I do on a weekly basis in most of my classes... I don't know why they let me teach Geography and not character education but whatever, I do both. In the midst of me giving my final speech to this class, some of the girls start crying and I'm thinking "Oh no." I gave them each 3 purple ribbons and told them that they needed to wear one to be reminded that they are to make a difference in the world. I told them they needed to give the other 2 to someone that made a difference in their life or someone that they had the chance to impact over the next couple of weeks. I finished my speech and read them something I had written to them as a class and then each of them had something personal that I wrote. I read them all out loud and that is when a lot of them really lost it. Kids I would never think would even consider crying, all of a sudden are teary eyed and just looking at me like, "Would you stop?" I make it through that part and then we're just talking afterwards right before the bell rings... still some wet eyes, but some sweet, sweet moments. I was so excited to be able to pour so much Truth into these precious kids in just a few minutes today, of course after spending a year with them... it was amazing to love and breathe life and be real with them. I got to say to them what I had wanted to say after all that. However, the best part of it all was the end... After the tears and the bell, a lot of them left and then some of the most amazing, grateful, sweet faces walked up to me and began to hand me their purple ribbons and told me that I had been a person who had made a huge difference in their lives. Love my kids... absolutely love them... to make a difference... to watch them make a difference... may they pour that into the next generation and I will continue to pour it into those I see because now I have at least 7 purple ribbons to hand out to people who have made a difference in my life and people who I want to impact and make an impact... sweet relief... God, you have been so good to me and a fabulous way to start June! Love those around you and truly "Be the change you wish to see in the world!"
-Melis