It matters more that I care than I teach.

This morning in our regular staff meeting to begin school, my principal started by reading a RAVE Review. A RAVE Review is an award given to a teacher or staff member who does something outstanding and can be nominated by a student, teacher, administrator, parent, etc. They are pretty cool awards and I had never received one before last year when one of my colleagues who is very kind wrote one up for me. I was incredibly grateful and thought it was of the utmost sincerity. When my principal began to read this one this morning, my brain racked thinking, "Who wrote that?? Which student was that? It had to be a student who gave it! Was it at Global? Could it be from Mack?" I was floored and if I wouldn't have been sitting in a room full of people, I would have just wept. The words were beyond kind. They were written from the truest form-- a tender heart of a previous student, one whom I had for 3 years in my Leadership program at Mack. I absolutely still adore this student as she begins her sophomore year of high school eager to do well in her magnet program and continuing her long lasting legacy of a Student Council career. I sent her a message to tell her thank you and see how she's doing and she reminded me that she "truly" meant everything she had written. Can I just share what she wrote with you? Not to brag. Not to draw attention to myself. Not to act like I'm better than other people and not to make you compare your career or calling to mine. I want to share it for a different reason but just read it first...

"Ms. Gillespie has been the most welcoming, spirited, loving, involved, dedicated person I have ever encountered. Nobody can compare when it comes to her passion for the children she leads and teaches. Her endless love and hope brought me to a place that I never really dreamed of; she makes her life revolve around her students and she touches the hearts of so many. Never could I put together the words to say thank you for all she did. She has forever changed my life because she made me a better person. I am thankful for every second I spent with her. She deserves the best and I wish her the best and all the recognition in the world." 

You have no idea how many times I flat out failed with this girl, with this group, with those kids. How many times I left school in failure tears, not joyful tears. You have no idea how many times I stopped in the middle of a Leadership class to chastise them and make them think and then make myself think as a part of my punishment. You have no idea how many times I had to apologize for saying the things I said and doing the things I do. It is always amazing to me that, often, those are the things I remembered. The times I totally screwed up and why every kid I've ever taught should dislike me more than like me.

Gratitude has a way of reminding us of the things that were done well in the midst of feeling like utter messes. It doesn't remember the failures but it sometimes laugh as if they were a silly joke that wasn't real. No one follows up with those. No one who cares anyways. They remember the positive things, the things that made a difference, the moments that mattered. When I think about this sweet girl, I think about how she came in as a timid 6th grader with her best friend at her side. He was in my Leadership class too and they remained best friends throughout middle school (and still are VERY good friends!). I took them to Disney twice for a Leadership series and they traveled to Washington, DC with my group of kids in 2013. They were in my class all three years of teaching Leadership at Mack. I have a video of them at a fundraiser when they were in 6th grade and they looked so very little. Now, they're mature and independent and very well-versed.

Seeing her dream come true in DC as she stood
at the site of JFK's grave and thought about her
roles models and dreams. Beautiful thoughts.

When we went to Disney, she had their entire trip completely mapped out between both parks and the order of rides based on times and locations, including where they would eat lunch and their group of friends ran along. There were also days where she was incredibly heart broken and cried. She struggled with many different things, which will remain nameless for her heart's sake and my mind's sake. She was optimistic and always hopeful. She wanted more. Her older sister inspired her and her younger sister followed their footsteps and their parents were happy they were all doing well. When I picture all of the things we did together as a group, I see multiple times where both of them (my two kids) would laugh. They would laugh so hard, they would cry. Sometimes in the middle of class. Sometimes after school in my room at 4:30. Sometimes in the middle of a very serious event. Sometimes at a camp where none of us were sure what was going on. Sometimes when someone hid under a table and when another one of the girls acted completely ridiculous. Playing games, making fun of each other, normal every day things. Lots of laughter. Lots and lots and lots of laughter.

I think more than any of that, her letter to me, in a very personal (but public) form made me realize something very important. KIDS CARE MORE THAT I CARE THAN WHAT I TEACH THEM. I can teach them every piece of factual information in the world and be the smartest person on the planet but without any type of love or kindness or compassion for them, I can forget it, there's no point in doing what I do. I realized in teaching my little author of sweet letters that who I am in the classroom matters more than what I teach. The things my kids still remember are the funniest moments, the most embarrassing moments, or their happiest moments and they had nothing to do with teaching Social Studies, or even Leadership. They were just moments that mattered. What I do every day matters. Taking 3 minutes to listen to a personal story matters. Taking an extra interest in my kids' families matters. Going to extra events and wishing them the best on whatever they are working on Matters. I pray that as God continues to call me to teach in a public school system that He would continue to use me to bring hope to the hopeless, peace to the fear-ridden one and laughter to the one who's never enjoyed life before.

As usual, I'm overwhelmed, but so grateful for the great responsibility God has given me. Where is your influence? Who are you when they're around? Do they have even an inkling that you care? Praying you get it too as I continue to learn.

Love, Melis