Depression.

Depression is often so silent that we did not even notice it's return. We did not see the signs of it's arrival. We knew something wasn't quite right but we just weren't sure why. Something unsettling, something causing the waiting to be more difficult, the friendships to be more strained, the listening ear to be closed and the eyes to be distant. 

"I'm tired."

"I don't feel well."

"I'm exhausted." 

And every. single. one. of those things are true. 

We begin to point out all the sad and disappointing things in others to realize how badly they are hurting others and then the flood of emotion hits us at THE MOST inappropriate, unwelcomed, and uninvited time. In a restaurant at lunch. At a birthday party or dinner with a friend. We run as fast as we can home and close the curtains because the beast has reared it's ugly head and we don't want anyone to know. 

So we hide and sometimes people feel compassion or pity or both and they check on us and we are angry with them while also being extremely thankful.

Slide a peek through the curtains dear. Go sit outside and take in some fresh air. Stare at the moving clouds and take a deep breath because we feel our head is spinning. Because we understand the way the clouds feel. Runaways. Cowards. We felt that too but the clouds remind us there's a whole group of us fighting that depression/loneliness/isolation monster. And we don't have to. 

Never alone. Always with me and in me and using my story. Which seems like a beat up car in a junkyard on most days. But it's actually the prized possession, the trophy. The sought after gem that will not be sold because the price is much too high. 

To Jesus. You are a divine rescuer, my great redeemer and the lifter of my head. 

-Melis

"For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling." Psalm 116:8