Desperate but Overwhelmed.

I went into this weekend with lots of hesitation and the fear of what God would and could do.

On my flight back to Las Vegas from Michigan, I’m writing and thinking of the many moments that I had myself this weekend, while teaching and speaking. The only word I can think of to describe a weekend like I just had is “overwhelming.” When I left Africa and I came back to the USA a few years ago, it was the realization that everyone didn’t want to know every detail of my trip and therefore, I had to figure out how to describe the entire 8 weeks in one word and I used that same one: OVERWHELMED. ((So if that’s all you want to know, you can stop reading here J But I promise that the best is yet to come!!))

Isn’t that what happens when you’re in the presence of the Living God? Becoming overwhelmed?

Isn’t that what happens when our worlds get turned upside down, as one of the girls described it—‘sledgehammered’—and turned back over to the One we love most? Becoming overwhelmed?

I needed this weekend maybe more than any girl there. And not ironically at all, I think many of us felt that way.  It wasn’t the appeal of nature and her scenery or the appeal of speaking to a group of 50 college girls, although those things were definite bonuses. It wasn’t the appeal of travel or spending time with some sweet friends and their families, although those things were absolutely wonderful. I needed DESPERATELY for Jesus to speak into my very broken heart. I needed the questions they asked, and the reassurance that I wasn’t alone in this journey. I needed the encouragement and reminder of the significant life change that I too experienced as a college student. I want more Jesus in me. I craved Jesus then and I want to crave Him again.

In lunch lines, at breakfast tables, moving through small groups, and speaking and listening in large group sessions, I was constantly faced with the reality of my own wanderings and my own redemptions. I shared of my deep depression a few years back, anxiety attacks, and the forgiveness I walked through with a family I deeply admire. I shared of my fear of the unknown and my walking out on belonging to the church and barely showing up and the restoration God brought to me by placing me in co-leading a group of senior girls who LOVED Jesus well. I shared story after story of the way God has redeemed me by placing me with some of the craziest kids in Las Vegas both at Mack and now at Global.

One thing I know for sure: God continues to redeem my story and I have not arrived.

One thing I am sure of: I need to figure out what dreams I have and get moving. Starting now.

One thing I want: more of Jesus, less of me. More Him speaking and me listening. More Him reviving and me receiving. More grace and more response.

I knew there was something about 2014 that would blow my mind completely and I can’t even begin to think that this is all there is.

I am thrilled to be a part of what God is doing. He is worth it and I'm excitedly overwhelmed.

-Melis