Worth.

In "The Attributes of God," Tozer writes, "Not "Look at me. I am wonderful; I am happy, happy, happy." No--the Lamb, the Lamb is worthy."

We live in a world that is obsessed with how happy we are as individuals. The world would tell me if I'm not happy, stop doing what I'm doing, pursue something different, find someone else, etc. Maybe our urgency for happiness has ruined us because it turns out we don't know how to be happy at all. We are miserable in our own skin. We believe we're ugly, worthless, helpless, victimized, and so on. But are we really those things?

The most recent Dove ad proves otherwise. It shows that people see better in us than we see in ourselves and I have to be honest and say that I agree with it in its entirety. People see things in me and call things out in me that I would have NEVER in a million years taken a second look at. NEVER. I sat across the table at Starbucks from Vanessa today having a conversation about this very topic. I had a horrible day. I've literally been in tears at least five times. I'm overly disappointed, my feelings are hurt A LOT and I don't know what to do in this awkward situation I am facing. There was a situation where I was under the impression that one thing was going to happen and now it's not going to and I'm very confused. I feel broken and I wonder why this "thing" that was going to happen is not going to anymore. Is it something I did wrong or something I said? Did I just misunderstand? Was I too naive? I've ran through the conversations that I had about this situation and I literally feel like I'm living in a dream, like this is not real.

I told Vanessa that my struggle so much is that I'm just not good enough. Was I actually not good to be in a different place or doing a different thing? She talked about a girl in her after school program today and how the girl felt like she was annoying because she talked too much and her brother told her she was annoying. So she believes it. What is it in my life that causes me to go back, lose my worth and value, and feel not good enough? Why is that my last resort? Vanessa said that the interesting thing is that she wouldn't look at the situation and say that it has anything to do with whether I'm good enough. She sees it differently.

We never see ourselves the same way others see us, whether that be good or bad. I have often sold myself short while so many of my sweet friends wonder what in the world I'm doing. They've been so encouraging and have reminded me of my true worth. I am valued and loved by the God who runs the universe, as Tozer reminds us. God knows that everything is not going to make me happy and I'm not always going to feel like following Him. Yet, He gently wipes my tears, reminds me how much He loves me, and places incredible people in my life to do the same.

I'm not sure this is a lesson that I'll ever completely learn. I'm sure there will be more tears where the ones from today came from. I'm sure that I'll have days where I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing and I'm sure at some seasons, it will be more than others. Like now and that's okay. I get to shed some tears, long for the beach, beg God to show me what He's doing and keep going. I do trust Him. I do believe that He's doing what's best for me.

I hope that you see the same thing in your life. He's doing what's best for us. He knows what He's doing and we can trust Him.
-Melis