I would like to be the first to admit that I am crazy obsessed with the movie, “Eat.Pray.Love.” The other day I was watching it (go figure), and a friend asked what I was doing. I told him and he made a comment that led me to believe he didn’t really care for it. He didn’t and that’s fine. I’m not so obsessed that I’m offended when people don’t like the same things I do. He asked me why I liked it and I told him that it’s because I can see so much of myself in her. Can you? Maybe I’m too empathetic. Actually, I am. I can watch almost any movie and read almost any book and find so much of myself in a few of the characters in it. I’ve realized over the last couple of years that not everyone does that and again, that’s fine. We do not all live in the same bubble where we see things the same… thank God, right? I can see myself as Liz (and maybe this is directly related to my obsession with “Pride & Prejudice” and the main character, Lizzie-just putting that out there). Aren’t we all on a search for something? Don’t we all want something more? We all want to understand the “art of doing nothing” because as Americans we are not good at this and we can be okay with recognizing that. Sorry, off subject… back to the point of this blog. I’m doing things a little backwards (clearly) so after watching the movie several times and staring at the sequel to the book in Target, I decided that I should read the book and make sure that the movie is correct (since Hollywood asks my opinions on these things-bahaha) so that I can read the sequel.
Needless to say, I bought the book today and started reading. The movie is not all right (shocking, I know) and that is always a little disappointing for me, almost like I thought they would be exactly the same. The book is detailed and specific and gives me visuals and yet, I can still appreciate that I can hear Julia Roberts in my head reading the book to me (if that weirds you out, don’t read the book… Elizabeth Gilbert talks to herself A LOT, just one of the many reasons why I am quickly becoming a fan). The movie is in a little bit of a different order because of the way the book is written (which is really interesting) and I like her preface to the book. She makes some bold statements about the discoveries in her life and I appreciate that she is that honest. Not many people are willing to be honest anymore because no one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings and I am of the belief that people are literally dying for us to be honest and use our voice to speak so yes, I like her honesty and the authenticity in which she writes the book. The book is divided into three sections, obviously based on the three places that she traveled to: Italy, India, and Indonesia. Mind you… I have only read through half of the Italy section and it has given me so much to think about that I needed to write to get it out because living by yourself doesn’t exactly allow for much reflection with others (if you get my drift).
In the movie and the book, she visits the “Augusteum” and tells the story of the Augusteum. It was built originally to house the remains of Augustus and his family from the Roman Empire but we know that didn’t last forever, so the remains were stolen… the city of Rome built up around it and it was used for a few different things after that (a Jewish hideaway, a public bathroom, a bullring, a concert hall, etc.). Elizabeth Gilbert makes this statement, “I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated.” (p. 75 just so that I’m not stealing what she wrote, I’m merely quoting her) What a statement! Hit me between the eyes somebody! I look at my life so often and my search for satisfaction and contentment and pleasure and find that life is just chaotic sometimes. I (as a Believer) find myself sometimes looking and asking God how in the world He could allow chaos to take place and I’m sure that He often looks at my life and says, “Hey Melissa! It’s the world in which you live that is chaotic! In Me, you find peace, satisfaction, contentment and fulfillment beyond belief!” The question is, what do I choose? As I’m overanalyzing, overthinking, and being dramatic (the usual), I realize that I must realize that the world is chaotic, it’s not always flattering and it doesn’t always feel good. However, I love the Maker of chaos, but the Maker of healing; the Author of contentment and peace, the Calmer of every storm and the Mender of every heartbreak. May your search end there. May you find a love like no other. May you love the God that created, blesses, takes away, and gives. He is willing, even in the chaos.
I’m willing to live there! Melis
“Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.” –Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat.Pray.Love.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
What I Want
(I will preface this blog by apologizing because I am so brutally honest that I cannot help but inserting my own personal life here, I mean isn't that what a blog is for? And if you're a part of my life, you're taking a chance, just saying :) )
I was talking to my mom earlier today about this very subject. It has become a laughing matter for me that people think that I'm more intelligent, wiser, smarter, or even "brilliant"... that I should write a book, make a movie, or be an actress (okay, that was a little dramatic). I am not really any different than you. I grew up in a bedroom that I shared with my sister, my whole family shared a bathroom, and I played in my backyard in the dirt. My dad worked construction and my mom worked in some type of accounting for most of my life. We weren't rich. I didn't have more clothes or shoes or books than any other kid that I went to school with. I went to the same classes, I had the same teachers, there was nothing in my life that really "set me up" for what people now think is brilliant. I could sit with you at Panera right now and we could compare life stories and honestly, yours are probably more outrageous than mine... you were smarter than I was, you made better grades, had more friends and wore nicer clothes. Maybe that's where we became different though, a lot of those things never really mattered to me at all. I do have to be honest and say that I'm now overly sensitive to kids who are made fun of because I was in middle school, I just didn't know any different and I apparently was unaware of things that all of these other girls knew.
But maybe... just maybe... that's what set me apart. I was innocent, naive even (still am--thank God). I didn't know any different. I didn't WANT to know any different. I didn't want to feel stupid and I didn't want to experience all these things that girls experienced in middle school or high school. I liked being innocent. I also liked being in control. Therefore, I liked knowing what I wanted. It was in the moments that what I wanted was questioned that I felt stupid or unintelligent and being naive became a problem. I was given an incredible gift of empathy, which sometimes fleshes itself out as sarcasm and sometimes compassion (I know that doesn't even seem possible). I can see what you're going through and realize what it must feel like, I can put myself in your shoes. I know what I would want you to say to me and do for me and where I would want you to be, I can do those things, I can feel those things, I can hear those things. Maybe it's some sort of crazy (fabulous) gift that God decided to give me. So maybe I'm considered smart or wiser or something along those lines because I know what I want.
Here's a hint on living your life... stop settling. What do you want? What fills in your blanks? What makes you excited? Where are you passionate? Why are you not living there? My life is better knowing that I know what God wants for me... to glorify Him... He gave me passions to love kids, love Africa, and love people... by being honest, by being real, by being authentic. It doesn't mean I have to be completely vulnerable with every single person in my life but it does mean that I can be me. What do you want? You want to know what I want?
...to love God with wreckless abandon, to pursue Jesus passionately and to love Him with all of me, to be satisfied in what He gives me, to understand the situations that my students are in and meet them where they are, to open my arms and heart and life to the prodigal child, to stop being the prodigal child, to love my family and share with them what is going on in my life, to have friends who are always friends-- who I can pick up and call at anytime and they do the same, to feel like I matter, to make a difference, to change my world, to change someone else's world... or actually a lot of others worlds, to run an orphanage, to be a foster parent, to love the man that God gives me, to be pursued by the man God gives me, to be honest enough to say that I'm not okay, to see Kevin, Steven, Jocelyne, Maythe, Valerie, David, Keisha, and so many more of my kids graduate high school, to take a group of students to Africa, to work for IJM, to be comfortable in my own skin...
I could go on and on all day. At least you have an idea of where I'm coming from, now think... for you... what is it that you want? What do you see or feel that you know you don't want? And more importantly, it's not what we want or don't want... it's what we do about it. What is your next step? I say.. go for it, jump, and land in the place where you are in love with Jesus as He whispers His desires for you into who you are.
I'm living there... Melis
I was talking to my mom earlier today about this very subject. It has become a laughing matter for me that people think that I'm more intelligent, wiser, smarter, or even "brilliant"... that I should write a book, make a movie, or be an actress (okay, that was a little dramatic). I am not really any different than you. I grew up in a bedroom that I shared with my sister, my whole family shared a bathroom, and I played in my backyard in the dirt. My dad worked construction and my mom worked in some type of accounting for most of my life. We weren't rich. I didn't have more clothes or shoes or books than any other kid that I went to school with. I went to the same classes, I had the same teachers, there was nothing in my life that really "set me up" for what people now think is brilliant. I could sit with you at Panera right now and we could compare life stories and honestly, yours are probably more outrageous than mine... you were smarter than I was, you made better grades, had more friends and wore nicer clothes. Maybe that's where we became different though, a lot of those things never really mattered to me at all. I do have to be honest and say that I'm now overly sensitive to kids who are made fun of because I was in middle school, I just didn't know any different and I apparently was unaware of things that all of these other girls knew.
But maybe... just maybe... that's what set me apart. I was innocent, naive even (still am--thank God). I didn't know any different. I didn't WANT to know any different. I didn't want to feel stupid and I didn't want to experience all these things that girls experienced in middle school or high school. I liked being innocent. I also liked being in control. Therefore, I liked knowing what I wanted. It was in the moments that what I wanted was questioned that I felt stupid or unintelligent and being naive became a problem. I was given an incredible gift of empathy, which sometimes fleshes itself out as sarcasm and sometimes compassion (I know that doesn't even seem possible). I can see what you're going through and realize what it must feel like, I can put myself in your shoes. I know what I would want you to say to me and do for me and where I would want you to be, I can do those things, I can feel those things, I can hear those things. Maybe it's some sort of crazy (fabulous) gift that God decided to give me. So maybe I'm considered smart or wiser or something along those lines because I know what I want.
Here's a hint on living your life... stop settling. What do you want? What fills in your blanks? What makes you excited? Where are you passionate? Why are you not living there? My life is better knowing that I know what God wants for me... to glorify Him... He gave me passions to love kids, love Africa, and love people... by being honest, by being real, by being authentic. It doesn't mean I have to be completely vulnerable with every single person in my life but it does mean that I can be me. What do you want? You want to know what I want?
...to love God with wreckless abandon, to pursue Jesus passionately and to love Him with all of me, to be satisfied in what He gives me, to understand the situations that my students are in and meet them where they are, to open my arms and heart and life to the prodigal child, to stop being the prodigal child, to love my family and share with them what is going on in my life, to have friends who are always friends-- who I can pick up and call at anytime and they do the same, to feel like I matter, to make a difference, to change my world, to change someone else's world... or actually a lot of others worlds, to run an orphanage, to be a foster parent, to love the man that God gives me, to be pursued by the man God gives me, to be honest enough to say that I'm not okay, to see Kevin, Steven, Jocelyne, Maythe, Valerie, David, Keisha, and so many more of my kids graduate high school, to take a group of students to Africa, to work for IJM, to be comfortable in my own skin...
I could go on and on all day. At least you have an idea of where I'm coming from, now think... for you... what is it that you want? What do you see or feel that you know you don't want? And more importantly, it's not what we want or don't want... it's what we do about it. What is your next step? I say.. go for it, jump, and land in the place where you are in love with Jesus as He whispers His desires for you into who you are.
I'm living there... Melis
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Disheartening World
3 years ago… I wrote the following poem.
1.12.08
I’m falling, hurting, aching.
You’re flying, soaring, breaking
Down barriers in my heart.
You are tearing me apart
And it hurts.
Building ruins and restoring
Devastation—that’s what
Your love is about.
Tearing down to rebuild better,
Breaking places to make
Me stronger.
Breaking my heart and
Piecing together the aches
And the pains of yesterday.
How have I allowed myself
To stay this way?
In all my stubbornness,
Pain and pride—I reach
Only toward the outside.
Not toward you—where I
Find relief.
A refuge, a home, comfort, peace.
Love me Jesus, love me deep.
Love me deeper, love me please.
It’s crazy that my life runs in cycles. I’m sure yours does the same if you were being honest. A few minutes ago, I heard a 13ish year old girl tell her BFF who was standing beside her, “Life is just like that sometimes.” I’m sure she’ll walk out of Panera believing that completely and being okay with it, right? I doubt it… it’s actually one of those things that Keisha and I and so many others and myself talk about… it’s easier said than done. I have found that in the middle of immense blessing comes immense pain and I have also found the opposite. I have found that sometimes it feels like my life must be the picture of Hell on earth, only to find that Heaven is a little bit sweeter because it has been a little bit harder before that point. I find that the peace of God is sweeter when I have felt like a storm has been completely wrecking my life. Do you? I’m sure that you, just like me, just like the 13ish year old girl… we find that life is “just that way sometimes…” and yet we grumble and complain and absolutely know it will get better. It’s just harder getting to that point.
This week has been crazy. Monday, my school campus was saturated with Jesus. Twenty college students from a university in Michigan who are all believers walked into classrooms, worked with students, talked with teachers, and were Jesus. What an incredible beginning. Tuesday, around 20 students whom I love dearly chose some very poor decisions and therefore, faced some really hard consequences, totally deserving, yes and some even received the grace that I prayed for specifically—behavior school and not complete expulsion. What kind of disheartening world do I live in? Students who I have spent time with, loved on, invested in… threw away everything they had going for them to make a mistake that they thought would only last an hour, not an entire semester. I go back to the poem I wrote above, feeling the same way that when God so often devastates the people I love around me, I am devastated too. It’s been a hard week and it’s been an interesting weekend. To top off the week, the rest of my students who I love and trust as well… one took something very costly from my room. What a great way to end the week, right? In the midst of all of this, God is really showing me my own heart and that just sucks sometimes. My heart that is selfish and thinks I know what’s best for every kid in my classroom, a heart that chooses sometimes what is so evil and wicked because my mind chooses to be in a bad mood…. What am I doing? It’s almost like my deceptive heart is challenging God. Totally uncalled for I know and totally where I’m at.
And so I ask myself the question, “What is my place in this disheartening world?” Well, God decided that I should find out that answer this morning at about 4 AM. And he didn’t let me go to sleep until He knew I understood it. My place is what is described in Proverbs 31:8-9 (here I am thinking it’s Isaiah), “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; defend the rights of all those who have nothing. Speak up and judge fairly, and defend the rights of the poor and needy.” (This is beside the fact that I was dreaming literally names of countries in the Middle East and I woke up with a huge urgency to pray for them.) My place with my students, even when I am hurting and do not understand, is to speak up for them. They are broken and needy in so many ways, and although they have done things repeatedly that have hurt me, I have done so much more to break the heart of the Jesus that I absolutely love. So yes, this world is disheartening, but for some reason knowing that I have a place that God has completely called me to in this world… makes it a little bit easier. May you find His peace and understanding and incredible love to be more than enough for you in a world that is completely broken. He is it.
-Melis
1.12.08
I’m falling, hurting, aching.
You’re flying, soaring, breaking
Down barriers in my heart.
You are tearing me apart
And it hurts.
Building ruins and restoring
Devastation—that’s what
Your love is about.
Tearing down to rebuild better,
Breaking places to make
Me stronger.
Breaking my heart and
Piecing together the aches
And the pains of yesterday.
How have I allowed myself
To stay this way?
In all my stubbornness,
Pain and pride—I reach
Only toward the outside.
Not toward you—where I
Find relief.
A refuge, a home, comfort, peace.
Love me Jesus, love me deep.
Love me deeper, love me please.
It’s crazy that my life runs in cycles. I’m sure yours does the same if you were being honest. A few minutes ago, I heard a 13ish year old girl tell her BFF who was standing beside her, “Life is just like that sometimes.” I’m sure she’ll walk out of Panera believing that completely and being okay with it, right? I doubt it… it’s actually one of those things that Keisha and I and so many others and myself talk about… it’s easier said than done. I have found that in the middle of immense blessing comes immense pain and I have also found the opposite. I have found that sometimes it feels like my life must be the picture of Hell on earth, only to find that Heaven is a little bit sweeter because it has been a little bit harder before that point. I find that the peace of God is sweeter when I have felt like a storm has been completely wrecking my life. Do you? I’m sure that you, just like me, just like the 13ish year old girl… we find that life is “just that way sometimes…” and yet we grumble and complain and absolutely know it will get better. It’s just harder getting to that point.
This week has been crazy. Monday, my school campus was saturated with Jesus. Twenty college students from a university in Michigan who are all believers walked into classrooms, worked with students, talked with teachers, and were Jesus. What an incredible beginning. Tuesday, around 20 students whom I love dearly chose some very poor decisions and therefore, faced some really hard consequences, totally deserving, yes and some even received the grace that I prayed for specifically—behavior school and not complete expulsion. What kind of disheartening world do I live in? Students who I have spent time with, loved on, invested in… threw away everything they had going for them to make a mistake that they thought would only last an hour, not an entire semester. I go back to the poem I wrote above, feeling the same way that when God so often devastates the people I love around me, I am devastated too. It’s been a hard week and it’s been an interesting weekend. To top off the week, the rest of my students who I love and trust as well… one took something very costly from my room. What a great way to end the week, right? In the midst of all of this, God is really showing me my own heart and that just sucks sometimes. My heart that is selfish and thinks I know what’s best for every kid in my classroom, a heart that chooses sometimes what is so evil and wicked because my mind chooses to be in a bad mood…. What am I doing? It’s almost like my deceptive heart is challenging God. Totally uncalled for I know and totally where I’m at.
And so I ask myself the question, “What is my place in this disheartening world?” Well, God decided that I should find out that answer this morning at about 4 AM. And he didn’t let me go to sleep until He knew I understood it. My place is what is described in Proverbs 31:8-9 (here I am thinking it’s Isaiah), “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; defend the rights of all those who have nothing. Speak up and judge fairly, and defend the rights of the poor and needy.” (This is beside the fact that I was dreaming literally names of countries in the Middle East and I woke up with a huge urgency to pray for them.) My place with my students, even when I am hurting and do not understand, is to speak up for them. They are broken and needy in so many ways, and although they have done things repeatedly that have hurt me, I have done so much more to break the heart of the Jesus that I absolutely love. So yes, this world is disheartening, but for some reason knowing that I have a place that God has completely called me to in this world… makes it a little bit easier. May you find His peace and understanding and incredible love to be more than enough for you in a world that is completely broken. He is it.
-Melis
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Top 10 of 2010
I thought I would share the top things that I have learned this year, moments I have had, and other things of interest (at least to me) as we take off from this year (that we never thought would happen, right?) so here goes.... classic list form, of course. :)
1. Realizing that what breaks my heart must break the very core of who God is and I have been sent to do something about it... in obedience to Him.
2. Obedience to God must be at the center of all that I do, without it I am completely lost, sunk, up the stream without a paddle, etc. I must also be obedient in the small things because this is where God uses me for the big things....aka my friend, Tony, in Reno and the friendship we have been able to have because of teaching, where we see students thrive and the desire that we both have for students to be able to dream again (as well as us).
3. God desires to use me exactly where He places me. I tend to question those places, He tends to challenge me in those places.
4. My students last year (I loved and adored!) and over this school year, I have seen and been a part of the following things in their life: Valerie's quince, Jocelyne's baby shower, them joining me for feeding the homeless again this year, seeing God completely change David's life, and getting to have some of their brothers and sisters in my class this school year (and their ex-boyfriends and girlfriends which becomes quite hilarious). Oh yeah, and the "in" with a family that I love dearly and now have the 3rd sibiling... holy cow, God has given me so much favor.
5. Sometimes I just need to stop and embrace the moment that I am in, rather than rushing ahead for all of the things that I can barely forsee happening.
6. Loneliness absolutely sucks in a million, trillion different ways... Yet God has used my greatest moments of loneliness to restore relationships and truly heal me of a broken heart. He has also been restoring my trust of the church with the faithfulness of those whom I have known before as well as so many people that He has placed in my path since then.
7. Reading through the first few books of the Old Testament and seeing how much God LOVES the details of my life and how much He desires me to glorify Him in everyone of them.
8. I have gotten to a place where there are so many things, as Jake would say, "that I am sick and tired of" and I learning where my passions truly are. Thanking God as well for placing people in my life who have seen my passions and encouraged me and called me out in the midst of it all.
9. Some things that I thought would happen just haven't and you know what? That's okay because as you can see above that I have been used, moved and changed in 2010 and I expect even more in the new year.
10. I wish I could show you pictures of the faces that I have seen changed this year, they are countless and numerous all at the same time. They would include my students, people in Africa, my family, my friends and most importantly, me. I have been changed by the things this year just as much as I have changed the people around me. Change truly is a full circle thing... and I know that I have another dose coming in 2011.
I'm excited for all that it holds and I'm keeping my expectations as well as letting go of some. May you be moved, changed, and turned around in the coming year as I know I will be. What a faithful God we serve. May you be called to action as I have been...
-Melis
1. Realizing that what breaks my heart must break the very core of who God is and I have been sent to do something about it... in obedience to Him.
2. Obedience to God must be at the center of all that I do, without it I am completely lost, sunk, up the stream without a paddle, etc. I must also be obedient in the small things because this is where God uses me for the big things....aka my friend, Tony, in Reno and the friendship we have been able to have because of teaching, where we see students thrive and the desire that we both have for students to be able to dream again (as well as us).
3. God desires to use me exactly where He places me. I tend to question those places, He tends to challenge me in those places.
4. My students last year (I loved and adored!) and over this school year, I have seen and been a part of the following things in their life: Valerie's quince, Jocelyne's baby shower, them joining me for feeding the homeless again this year, seeing God completely change David's life, and getting to have some of their brothers and sisters in my class this school year (and their ex-boyfriends and girlfriends which becomes quite hilarious). Oh yeah, and the "in" with a family that I love dearly and now have the 3rd sibiling... holy cow, God has given me so much favor.
5. Sometimes I just need to stop and embrace the moment that I am in, rather than rushing ahead for all of the things that I can barely forsee happening.
6. Loneliness absolutely sucks in a million, trillion different ways... Yet God has used my greatest moments of loneliness to restore relationships and truly heal me of a broken heart. He has also been restoring my trust of the church with the faithfulness of those whom I have known before as well as so many people that He has placed in my path since then.
7. Reading through the first few books of the Old Testament and seeing how much God LOVES the details of my life and how much He desires me to glorify Him in everyone of them.
8. I have gotten to a place where there are so many things, as Jake would say, "that I am sick and tired of" and I learning where my passions truly are. Thanking God as well for placing people in my life who have seen my passions and encouraged me and called me out in the midst of it all.
9. Some things that I thought would happen just haven't and you know what? That's okay because as you can see above that I have been used, moved and changed in 2010 and I expect even more in the new year.
10. I wish I could show you pictures of the faces that I have seen changed this year, they are countless and numerous all at the same time. They would include my students, people in Africa, my family, my friends and most importantly, me. I have been changed by the things this year just as much as I have changed the people around me. Change truly is a full circle thing... and I know that I have another dose coming in 2011.
I'm excited for all that it holds and I'm keeping my expectations as well as letting go of some. May you be moved, changed, and turned around in the coming year as I know I will be. What a faithful God we serve. May you be called to action as I have been...
-Melis
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Faith and Deeds (and other life challenges)
You're probably so sick of reading the same things over and over again... I apologize for that in some ways, but in most ways I am not apologetic because I believe these things to be true and they are things that I am learning. I am also not sympathetic to your cause either, mostly because you yourself have chosen to come here and read this... no one's forcing you to do so. :)
Anywho, family time at Christmas always brings about interesting topics (to me at least) and I just like to rant and rave about some of it and some of it, I think nothing about. I will not bore you with the details of the comments made by some of my family members, they were never meant to be offensive or controversial (or at least to my knowledge, they weren't). However, there is something about knowing something and hearing something different and realizing that you are just at a different place. My parents were so lucky that I rode with them tonight because they got to hear me talk about half the way home. :) I am so tired of people complaining about things that do not change and they themselves not doing anything about it. REALLY!?!?! As if things were peachy keen before we got here? They weren't unfortunately and that is actually okay because we know a God who is in complete control and will handle all of it! He doesn't need us, He wants us... (just a sidenote) So the topic was about a presidential issue and how shocked they were to hear it and I just think to myself (and say aloud to my parents later), "What if we actually worried about people who need to be worried about?" What if you took a moment and changed the world of someone you are around, rather than worrying about how the president should spend his day? Now... on the other hand, yes the president will one day stand before God and have to answer for the things that he was given responsibility for. Honestly though, you (or myself) will not have to stand before God and answer questions about what the president should or should not have done. I will have to answer for the 1,000 or so students that have walked into my classroom over the past 4 years. You will have to answer for those you work with, that are in your family, and others around you (including your church!). Not that you will have to answer for them but more what you did with what you were given. What are you doing with the life that you have been given?? I mean, really what are you doing? Rather than saying how disgusted you are by the litter in your area, take a group of people and clean it up. Does it break your heart that people in your neighborhood are hungry? Feed them! It is time for us to stop complaining and start backing up what we think should be done with what is done. What will complaining ever do for anyone? Absolutely nothing. (This will be a very unfortunate reality for a lot of us, right?)
So what does faith and deeds have to do with this? You have faith? Pray for more... and then ask God to convict you of things you should do with your faith! Do not ask God to make you busy, rather more aware of the people and things around you that needs to be changed. He knows we do not need another event.. however things that we are passionate about do not become events, instead they become places for our lives to be completely and radically changed by Him! We don't need more people to claim they have faith or more people to just do things... we actually need people to have faith and because of that faith, change the world around them!
I was given one of the greatest compliments a month or so ago when I was given a letter from a previous student, Ramon, who said, "Thank you for being the change you wish to see in the world." This is not bragging, more asking... are you actually being the change you wish to see in the world... or are you so concerned what others are and are not doing that you have forgotten what change you wanted to see? May this be a challenge to you and a challenge to myself... as well as conviction that I must live my life with actions and words.
"Spread the love of God through your life but only use words when necessary." -Mother Teresa
-Melis
Anywho, family time at Christmas always brings about interesting topics (to me at least) and I just like to rant and rave about some of it and some of it, I think nothing about. I will not bore you with the details of the comments made by some of my family members, they were never meant to be offensive or controversial (or at least to my knowledge, they weren't). However, there is something about knowing something and hearing something different and realizing that you are just at a different place. My parents were so lucky that I rode with them tonight because they got to hear me talk about half the way home. :) I am so tired of people complaining about things that do not change and they themselves not doing anything about it. REALLY!?!?! As if things were peachy keen before we got here? They weren't unfortunately and that is actually okay because we know a God who is in complete control and will handle all of it! He doesn't need us, He wants us... (just a sidenote) So the topic was about a presidential issue and how shocked they were to hear it and I just think to myself (and say aloud to my parents later), "What if we actually worried about people who need to be worried about?" What if you took a moment and changed the world of someone you are around, rather than worrying about how the president should spend his day? Now... on the other hand, yes the president will one day stand before God and have to answer for the things that he was given responsibility for. Honestly though, you (or myself) will not have to stand before God and answer questions about what the president should or should not have done. I will have to answer for the 1,000 or so students that have walked into my classroom over the past 4 years. You will have to answer for those you work with, that are in your family, and others around you (including your church!). Not that you will have to answer for them but more what you did with what you were given. What are you doing with the life that you have been given?? I mean, really what are you doing? Rather than saying how disgusted you are by the litter in your area, take a group of people and clean it up. Does it break your heart that people in your neighborhood are hungry? Feed them! It is time for us to stop complaining and start backing up what we think should be done with what is done. What will complaining ever do for anyone? Absolutely nothing. (This will be a very unfortunate reality for a lot of us, right?)
So what does faith and deeds have to do with this? You have faith? Pray for more... and then ask God to convict you of things you should do with your faith! Do not ask God to make you busy, rather more aware of the people and things around you that needs to be changed. He knows we do not need another event.. however things that we are passionate about do not become events, instead they become places for our lives to be completely and radically changed by Him! We don't need more people to claim they have faith or more people to just do things... we actually need people to have faith and because of that faith, change the world around them!
I was given one of the greatest compliments a month or so ago when I was given a letter from a previous student, Ramon, who said, "Thank you for being the change you wish to see in the world." This is not bragging, more asking... are you actually being the change you wish to see in the world... or are you so concerned what others are and are not doing that you have forgotten what change you wanted to see? May this be a challenge to you and a challenge to myself... as well as conviction that I must live my life with actions and words.
"Spread the love of God through your life but only use words when necessary." -Mother Teresa
-Melis
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Notes That Make A Difference
I am so challenged right now actually... I am attempting to write a letter back to every student who gave me a teacher appreciation letter last week. Why you ask? Because these letters MAKE students (literally make or break)... I have seen change of face in some students over the past week because of a note... let me share this with you.
Last year, I found that one of the greatest things that I have ever done as a teacher is write a personal letter to one of my kids. I'm not sure what made me begin doing this but I begin seeing huge change in students, especially those who needed self-confidence and a boost every once in a while when they were having a tough time. So I started these yellow cards that just said, "Thank you... You made my day." They had a sunshine on them. When a student did something nice for me or someone else and it made a difference, I just wrote them a quick note to say thank you. Students started displaying these as if they had been given a golden medal of honor and as I would walk through class... they all stared to see if it was going to be given to them or not. The ones who received them felt as if they had been "the chosen" and the ones who didn't followed it up with something nice so that they could get a card next time. It had an incredible effect.
So I have been really bad at doing that this year and, in fact, did not write any during the first 9 weeks of school. I decided that I better get back in the game, and boy, am I glad I did! Last week, I gave a few notes out to students who had done exceptional things in class and had gone out of their way to do something nice and helpful for me in class (it was a rough week last week). One was given to a student who asks every single day in between every single class and everytime he sees me, "How are you doing?" "Are you feeling okay?" You get the point. And then I gave a few to students who stayed after school after Student Council to help out and just be nice... oh how I appreciate kids with time who are bored! Right?
So I give the notes to the kids who stay after school with me. Not a huge deal. I give it to one of them boys who had helped me in class. Then, I give it to D (who had helped me in class) and he helped me again after he received the note. After school, we had a parent conference and when I walked into the conference, there were 2 pieces of paper on the table in front of his mom... one about a reading group and the other? My note to D from class. I was the last core teacher to talk to his mom. I had D share about what I had told him before the note... what a leader he was, what a positive leader he could be, and how he is not meant to be a follower. With tears in her eyes, his mom looked at me and said, "I can't believe you said that [in the note], I have always thought D was a follower and I am so glad that someone saw something else." I was blown away. Who knew a note could make that much of a difference? Unfortunately, the ending to that story is not so good... he got in quite a bit of trouble (as a leader) the day after that and I have not seen him since.
The last note went to S, one of the most polite, sweetest 8th grade boys I have ever met. That's pretty much what the note said. He was the only student in my 5th period class to receive a note that day and it really made him feel like a million bucks. He just looked at me like he had won the lottery as he flattened out the note on his desk. S then said, "I don't know where I'm going to put it!" To which I replied, "Your binder?" And then he reminded me that he doesn't have a binder with a plastic cover on the front and he didn't want it to be ruined. He told me thank you over and over and over and even reminded me the next day how thankful he was to get a note from me.
I realized, even more, the importance of this on Friday when I received a folder of letters from my students and Student Council kids thanking me for doing something to make a change. Not bragging, just sharing... these are some of the things that my students told me (some of these just made me laugh because kids tell the truth!):
Last year, I found that one of the greatest things that I have ever done as a teacher is write a personal letter to one of my kids. I'm not sure what made me begin doing this but I begin seeing huge change in students, especially those who needed self-confidence and a boost every once in a while when they were having a tough time. So I started these yellow cards that just said, "Thank you... You made my day." They had a sunshine on them. When a student did something nice for me or someone else and it made a difference, I just wrote them a quick note to say thank you. Students started displaying these as if they had been given a golden medal of honor and as I would walk through class... they all stared to see if it was going to be given to them or not. The ones who received them felt as if they had been "the chosen" and the ones who didn't followed it up with something nice so that they could get a card next time. It had an incredible effect.
So I have been really bad at doing that this year and, in fact, did not write any during the first 9 weeks of school. I decided that I better get back in the game, and boy, am I glad I did! Last week, I gave a few notes out to students who had done exceptional things in class and had gone out of their way to do something nice and helpful for me in class (it was a rough week last week). One was given to a student who asks every single day in between every single class and everytime he sees me, "How are you doing?" "Are you feeling okay?" You get the point. And then I gave a few to students who stayed after school after Student Council to help out and just be nice... oh how I appreciate kids with time who are bored! Right?
So I give the notes to the kids who stay after school with me. Not a huge deal. I give it to one of them boys who had helped me in class. Then, I give it to D (who had helped me in class) and he helped me again after he received the note. After school, we had a parent conference and when I walked into the conference, there were 2 pieces of paper on the table in front of his mom... one about a reading group and the other? My note to D from class. I was the last core teacher to talk to his mom. I had D share about what I had told him before the note... what a leader he was, what a positive leader he could be, and how he is not meant to be a follower. With tears in her eyes, his mom looked at me and said, "I can't believe you said that [in the note], I have always thought D was a follower and I am so glad that someone saw something else." I was blown away. Who knew a note could make that much of a difference? Unfortunately, the ending to that story is not so good... he got in quite a bit of trouble (as a leader) the day after that and I have not seen him since.
The last note went to S, one of the most polite, sweetest 8th grade boys I have ever met. That's pretty much what the note said. He was the only student in my 5th period class to receive a note that day and it really made him feel like a million bucks. He just looked at me like he had won the lottery as he flattened out the note on his desk. S then said, "I don't know where I'm going to put it!" To which I replied, "Your binder?" And then he reminded me that he doesn't have a binder with a plastic cover on the front and he didn't want it to be ruined. He told me thank you over and over and over and even reminded me the next day how thankful he was to get a note from me.
I realized, even more, the importance of this on Friday when I received a folder of letters from my students and Student Council kids thanking me for doing something to make a change. Not bragging, just sharing... these are some of the things that my students told me (some of these just made me laugh because kids tell the truth!):
- "You can be nice but if people get on your bad side, they're going to wish they hadn't."
- "You are the light of my day. Thank you, a million times."
- "I enjoy being in your class because you always make us laugh and have a good time."
- "I also appreciate how you were real with me and the class." (I am straight-forward and I'm not even lying...)
- "H is for the happiness you bring."
- "When I'm in 3rd period, I'm just looking at the clock, waiting until the bell rings to go to your class."
- "You always do nice things for us. Other teachers do the same thing every day and it gets old."
- "You have inspired me to care for others with all your activities (like the purple ribbons)."
- "I respect you because you're strict and won't deal with me and my friend's crap." (That seriously made me laugh out loud!)
- (This was the one that made me laugh the most-- this girl doesn't lie.) "I think you are so funny." (Okay, that wasn't what I was talking about.) "It's also funny that you put up with us, because I think you shouldn't... What I'm trying to say is you're a very good teacher.... oh and sorry the whole class stresses you out. :/ P.S. I'm going to try harder in class. :D And I love your sarcasm." (If you're not laughing, then you take yourself too seriously!)
There are lots and these are just a few... to prove to you that these letters to me made a difference and the ones I've written have too! So the challenge... write a letter to someone who deserves it, someone who needs it, someone you keep thinking you should write to and haven't and let the words in the note be words of life to change and make a difference!
May you walk in the knowledge that what you do makes a difference and may you do more than walk in it, may you make a difference because you can!
-Melissa
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Great Struggle
I think C.S. Lewis would have liked this title or he would have changed it to something extremely and wonderfully brilliant…. Like “Life.” I mean, isn’t that part of it? The Great Struggle that I am currently feeling and seeing and touching and hearing, and not necessarily loving, isn’t this part of life? Isn’t it all around us? I would definitely argue so and I would also say that most of us don’t like it. Let’s be honest, if you do say you like it, I’m not sure I believe you’re an honest person and if that’s shallow of me, then so be it. I like to think that I am a person who has it together, who seems great on the outside no matter what is going on inside of me and I am currently finding it harder and harder to pretend. There is too much inside of me to pretend like everything is “fine.” When asked today how I was, I was completely honest in saying, “I’m okay.” I am okay… I’m not great… everything’s not fine and I know at the same time that it could be worse. Please understand something with me here. I am not where I thought I would be and I am constantly fighting this battle as to whether that is good or bad. I have found it to be both…. And actually, mostly good. If I would have picked out where I wanted life to take me, I think I would have been ended up quite heartbroken. This is primarily because I would have never moved, never gotten out of my comfort zone, and I would have never seen life for what it really is…. It would have taken me a longer time to get to where I currently am and so I’m saying… this is good.
In all of this, I have been the emotionally out of control girl… yep, hard to believe, coming from the girl who doesn’t really cry and mostly smiles. It has been hard for me to admit that I struggle. I am proud and see myself as someone who overall knows the direction I’m going and I am just feeling stuck recently. I haven’t slept and I am continuing to believe that it is because God is speaking to me. I just haven’t really wanted to listen. I guess I have some people to thank in this process… like whoever it was a few weeks ago that told me that people wake up in the middle of the night because God is speaking, my college roommate who I was talking to yesterday that plain out asked, “How’s your time with God?”, and the precious girl I mentor (who recently should mentor me I think) who said, “I could see in your face that you are struggling.” I need people to be honest with me and to be real with me and understand me and still believe in me. Sometimes I just forget my purpose (as I have talked about in other blogs) and I lose my direction and I don’t listen or pay attention to my Guide (Jesus). I wake up and pray that I can go back to sleep, not hear what He wants to tell me and because this was clearly pointed out to me within the past 24 hours, when I woke up at 1:00 last night, I said (in probably not such a polite way) to God, “What are you teaching me?” The only word that was clear was obedience… the only word that is clear is obedience. I’m really good at telling others what to do, not always so good at following the direction myself when it’s something I didn’t come up with or something that I want to do. I woke up with the word “Obedience” still all around me and then decided that I hated everything I had to wear today, I boiled over my the last of my chai tea, and I was stressed out all of a sudden. Welcome to the Great Struggle.
As I’m sulking and complaining to myself today, I come across this situation (for lack of a better word). J (one of my unhappy children) comes into 1st period and because he is more stubborn than I am, I have to at least aggravate him a little. So I look at him with the biggest smile I can muster up and say, “Good morning sunshine.” He laughs his not so nice laugh and I laugh at myself for getting such a kick out of something so ridiculous. He carries on, acts like a crazy person in class and eventually gets in trouble and has to change seats. He doesn’t complain (out loud at least) and then we go about the day as normal. Later in the day, after I have been just completely ticked off by a couple of kids, I’m standing in the hall and I see J. He looks at me with this huge, guilty grin and says, “Good morning sunshine!” What an irritation really and a laugh at the same time. He looked like he had just won the lottery (or just satisfied himself by torturing one of his other teachers) and I think to myself… I really set myself up for that one! In the midst of my great struggle, my frustration, my irritation, my annoyance, my whatever you want to call it… God chooses the strangest people in my life to point out exactly what I don’t want to see in myself. I’m fighting with this as I write, as I am still unhappy about it and happy at the same time. So what do we do with this Great Struggle? What do I do with it? Where do I go from here?
Another thing that happened to me today was an e-mail… a God send e-mail that made me cry in the middle of my prep. (Not like it’s taken much lately to make me cry but still.) In this e-mail, this teacher friend of mine says, “Teach your kids to dream. Not little dreams, big dreams. I mean, if you are going to dream, make it the biggest one you can, right?” Now I realize this was more about the kids but it hit me right in the face. Part of my struggle has come from a lack of dreaming, a lack of believing, a lack of seeing things as God sees them and as I was thinking about this and some other things that were said in the e-mail on my drive home from school… it was as if God said, “Why did you let those things go? Why did you decide I wouldn’t give you what I gave you to dream of in the first place? Why wouldn’t you be good enough to receive a gift like a dream?” Maybe those are things you should think about too… maybe you are in the Great Struggle too… the Great Struggle that we call “life.” (Unfortunately for you is if you think you’re out of it and you’re still breathing?… Well, good luck on that one.)
May you learn to dream in this struggle, as you admit that you struggle and hear the voice of God speaking obedience and learning to love and give and make a difference. I’m there… it hurts and it comforts all at the same time. I see and feel your pain and am praying that God teaches you who He is all over again… even in the sweet life and time He has given us.
-Melissa
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