Overwhelmed on a Thursday?

Last week, after literally almost having an anxiety attack, I cried for an hour straight and went to bed. I was a DISASTER on Friday. Thank you Jesus that I didn't have school because I was such a mess. All the ladies that saw me felt lots of pity for me (which I didn't receive well, that also made me cry). I was preparing to speak last Saturday and I was exhausted. After I finished speaking on Saturday, there was this huge relief. This huge, HUGE relief. While it went well and I was pleased with the outcome, there was this deep sigh of relief that I'm sure hit every person I talked to for the rest of that day. I was so overwhelmed, I don't even know how to say how grateful I was to walk off the stage and sit down. This girl's (aka me) heart and mind had taken a beating and I wasn't a fan. 

Today, I was overwhelmed in a different way. From the time I woke up at 5am this morning until tonight, even writing this, there's a sense of anticipation that what God is doing is SO MUCH BIGGER than me. It's so much bigger than my crying girls who's boyfriends broke up with them. It is so much more than my sweet boy who told me how much he missed his mom. What God is doing in me overwhelms me so. That His good always overrides the evil in me and the negative and the bad and the guilt and shame in me. It lets me step back and laugh at the boys who argue over being Student of the Quarter. It also lets me step back and thank God for the many moments He has reminded me of His faithfulness even over the last 24 hours.

It's so much bigger than the mess of my mind, and the brokenness of my frail heart. It is so much more than wondering what will happen next. Because it is what He is doing in me now. And when He does such wonderful things, I shouldn't keep being so hard and ungrateful and difficult to work with. My will has to bend (and sometimes break) so that I can keep following what He wants for me. Sometimes A lot of the time, it takes people around me who love me beyond what I deserve to walk with me through the bending and breaking process so I change and mold and move.

Did you feel overwhelmed today?? I'm praying that it is the power of Jesus alone that overwhelms your soul and mind and strength and heart so that you find yourself in the middle of a story bigger than you and you become grateful, so incredibly grateful. I'm praying the same for me.

Love is so overwhelming too, Melis