The Roaring Lion of Insecurity

I was driving home yesterday and it was, "You didn't do that well. You really messed that up. You're very selfish." 

Last night, going to sleep, it was, "You're not worth it. Who would think so? What makes you worth it? You're a mess!" 

These words come at my hungry, angry, and tired moments. They lurk like a lion waiting for the kill. For just the right time. For the right second to insert drama. I can't even see them coming and they still come. Charging, somewhat gracefully, over the rest of the normal, clear voices I have believed until that point. 

Have you ever felt that? You're totally fine, you're feeling good and all of a sudden, and the lion shows its mane and begins taunting you in a circle. You look at it and realize that there's no possible way you can defeat this wild animal. Because it is exactly that- wild, untamed. It circles when my mind is not in tact and I'm willing to go to a new place. I just didn't realize the new place was going to be that. The lion stares directly into my eyes without blinking because it does not believe the truth I keep telling myself. 

"I am enough. I am worth it. I am covered by grace. Jesus is in control. My life is about Him." I repeat these truths to myself in the secrets of my heart until devastated by the damage the lion has done, I begin saying them out loud and begging God to just please. Overcome my unbelief. One more time. All the things I don't believe about myself. Make me believe them. Make me brave enough to believe them. 

Jesus steps in and the lion is FORCED to leave but the lion never leaves without a fight. The fight that led Jesus straight to the cross. And Jesus tells me He was willing to go there so I can believe Him.

My eyes well with tears as I remember the cross. The cross of grace and mercy. A blood that was more than enough to cover all of my sins, well wishes and mistakes. All my good works, selfish intentions and unworthy phrases. He covered it all. How sweet it is to love God- who is willing to fight and even die on my behalf.

"How marvelous. How wonderful. And my song shall ever be. How marvelous how wonderful is my Savior's love for me." 

My heart is silenced because I am deeply loved by Jesus. I believe again. Because of Him. The precious blood Jesus shed for me covers my insecurities and feeds my identity that makes me want to love him more. 

You're not alone in this. Jesus advocates for me about a million times a day. To stop the raging lion of insecurity and replace it with a sincere security and Truth that cannot be taken from me. 

Praying for security in Jesus alone- Melis