Maybe it's because sometimes I let him.
Sometimes I'm afraid of the truth. Sometimes I'm afraid of what awaits on the other side of my submission to God's good for my life. Sometimes I run into the cave to be protected. He waits there, all the while Jesus is with me, actually protecting me. Literally with me, but I'm focused on the vision of the lurking lion of insecurity and I can't shake him. I can't get around him, under him, over him.
Sometimes I'm afraid of the truth. Sometimes I'm afraid of what awaits on the other side of my submission to God's good for my life. Sometimes I run into the cave to be protected. He waits there, all the while Jesus is with me, actually protecting me. Literally with me, but I'm focused on the vision of the lurking lion of insecurity and I can't shake him. I can't get around him, under him, over him.
Because. I want to do it alone. All the while, Jesus rests there. Waiting. I am an often negligent daughter. In my selfishness, I become a negligent human being and forget about everyone else and worry about myself. Giving the lion as much power as He wants.
He tells me all the reasons I shouldn't send an e-mail, make a phone call, send a text message, say certain words, tell someone I care, etc... he has a grocery list of lies that he loves to tell. I have to stop listening to the list. I HAVE TO. You do too.
Back at the beginning of April, I had the INCREDIBLE privilege of sharing my story at the RefresHER Women's event. In my talk, I read a letter I wrote while I was in Africa in the summer of 2009. I was desperately covered in fear. What was going to happen when I went back to the U.S.? Was I still going to lose weight and be seemingly unhealthy? Was I a poor teacher? Did I have character? Was my character so flawed that I wouldn't be able to lead well? What if I couldn't make friends? I am the QUEEN of the most amazing "What if?" questions that have absolutely no bearing on real life. None of the scenarios I make up in my head ever come true. ((I should pause there and tell you how thankful I am for this. What an utter tsunami disaster my entire life would be if I stayed there. And even that feels as if it is an understatement.)) Anyways, this letter was to fear. Boy, was I SO angry when the missionary told me that this was an assignment. In the long run, this letter has guided me and saved me but I was not happy about writing it then.
When I went back to watch the video of me reading this letter myself (which is really the first time I've gone back and watched myself like this), I cried because I so desperately needed the words I read. I needed the tears I cried and the way I felt and the heartache that I was overwhelmed with. I needed someone to know and I needed to know I wasn't alone. I needed God's Word to saturate my broken soul. I needed to identify with myself. I needed to know that what God had said about me was true. And it was, and this letter proved that. The video of that part is below. I encourage you to press play and close your eyes. Hear the words, instead of just reading them. Let those words be for your fear of the unknown to and let those words be a reminder to you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, despite what the grocery list of the enemy says.
I am praying for you as you hear and watch and do what Jesus calls you to. May He find your broken heart and put it back together. May He bind your wounded mind and replace it with a fullness of joy. May He wipe your tears as you close your eyes on your pillow case and may He remind you that there is no fear in walking with and in Him. I promise you that He is faithful despite what the enemy says. He does not let go.
He has done all of those things for me more times than I can count and there are tears as I even write this. My goodness, He is increasingly faithful.
He loves you, as do I. -Melis
He tells me all the reasons I shouldn't send an e-mail, make a phone call, send a text message, say certain words, tell someone I care, etc... he has a grocery list of lies that he loves to tell. I have to stop listening to the list. I HAVE TO. You do too.
Back at the beginning of April, I had the INCREDIBLE privilege of sharing my story at the RefresHER Women's event. In my talk, I read a letter I wrote while I was in Africa in the summer of 2009. I was desperately covered in fear. What was going to happen when I went back to the U.S.? Was I still going to lose weight and be seemingly unhealthy? Was I a poor teacher? Did I have character? Was my character so flawed that I wouldn't be able to lead well? What if I couldn't make friends? I am the QUEEN of the most amazing "What if?" questions that have absolutely no bearing on real life. None of the scenarios I make up in my head ever come true. ((I should pause there and tell you how thankful I am for this. What an utter tsunami disaster my entire life would be if I stayed there. And even that feels as if it is an understatement.)) Anyways, this letter was to fear. Boy, was I SO angry when the missionary told me that this was an assignment. In the long run, this letter has guided me and saved me but I was not happy about writing it then.
When I went back to watch the video of me reading this letter myself (which is really the first time I've gone back and watched myself like this), I cried because I so desperately needed the words I read. I needed the tears I cried and the way I felt and the heartache that I was overwhelmed with. I needed someone to know and I needed to know I wasn't alone. I needed God's Word to saturate my broken soul. I needed to identify with myself. I needed to know that what God had said about me was true. And it was, and this letter proved that. The video of that part is below. I encourage you to press play and close your eyes. Hear the words, instead of just reading them. Let those words be for your fear of the unknown to and let those words be a reminder to you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, despite what the grocery list of the enemy says.
I am praying for you as you hear and watch and do what Jesus calls you to. May He find your broken heart and put it back together. May He bind your wounded mind and replace it with a fullness of joy. May He wipe your tears as you close your eyes on your pillow case and may He remind you that there is no fear in walking with and in Him. I promise you that He is faithful despite what the enemy says. He does not let go.
He has done all of those things for me more times than I can count and there are tears as I even write this. My goodness, He is increasingly faithful.
He loves you, as do I. -Melis
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