I felt like my life is receiving a sort of facelift so maybe my blog needed one too :) In all seriousness, I feel like the new look and everything has come at just the right time. God is literally doing a brand new thing in my life and I am a nervous wreck and completely thrilled at the same time. So I feel like my blog actually fits me now... maybe the bird on my last template was a sample of me running (or flying-- same difference) from something, rather than the freedom I had hoped it would encourage. I could say that this weekend has been somewhat crazy for me and not making any sense but then I might just add that to the last year of my life. I feel like life has kinda turned upside down in a lot of ways. The last group of kids I had at school was so heartbreaking for me. I turned 26 which means that I am past a quarter of a century and I embarked on my second 6-7 week Africa trip... so praying about that while I'm here. What I have also realized over the last 6 months is that maybe I'm not as self aware as I had hoped. I'm sure I've talked about this before here before in one way or another. I've had even more realizations over the last week in reading this book called Every Thought Captive. I think the book was probably written for someone a little younger than me but either way, it totally applies to anyone at almost any stage.
At the end of every chapter, there are questions and so I have been journaling my thoughts on some of those questions. Part of taking captive thoughts is getting rid of the lies of Satan and dwelling on the Truth of Jesus so that's what I've been doing. The other day I wrote down this statement and I realized that it was actually profound for me in my recent thought processes. I wrote: "For me to find myself in Christ means to look to him first and long for Him most." Whoa for me there... in the midst of some of my confusion, God restores my ability to see Him more than anyone and anything else. I've spent some time over the last few months trying to figure out who I am and what my purpose is... and just not fully doing that in Jesus, which is exactly where I need to find it most. I see and understand more now than maybe ever before that my identity can never be wrapped up in me but Him first. Me being in Africa makes no difference, Him being in me and my longing and pursuit of Him in Africa makes all the difference. The same applies to my family, relationships, work, kids and everything. I can want to see change and do everything I can to get there but it will make no difference if Jesus is not in me and He doesn't make a change. I have got to realize that. You have got to realize that you alone do not make a difference. Your pursuit of Jesus, and more importantly His pursuit of you grants you an authority that you would not have otherwise.
May you seek to find all your identity in Him alone. May He make the difference in you.
Love you... Melis
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Giving and Living Generously.
Living in Africa is always interesting and you know what else is interesting? Teaching 2 girls who grew up primarily in Zambia and placing them in the city with a big back yard and moreso a big imagination. I'm sure that I am completely crazy, but felt that my family may think that I'm even crazier because after reading a few chapters of a book, Little Britches, which is about a farming ranch in the early west, the girls decided they should tie one another up with a rope. Yep, that's what happening here. I have had some very funny moments with them and I'm learning a lot about myself, as well as them which is good.
Today, I was personally challenged and didn't even mention it to them but I will share it with you. If you read my last blog post, you know that Coen and Suria are so incredibly generous and giving. After having the other American girl stay here, they told story upon story of times they had opened up their homes to people and also about people who would look for their house because they knew that they would find refuge nowhere else. This morning, the girls and I were in the middle of a break from school when one of them had ran outside. She ran back in and told me that there was a man who was asking for food at the gate. Her mom was in a meeting and her dad was on the phone but it became a very urgent issue. She and one of the other sisters ran outside to ask Suria what they should do. By this time, the man was literally digging through their garbage in the front that had not been picked up yet. I watched as Chara and Toto (Rachel) ran out to ask Suria what should be done. It became more urgent as the girls received an answer and ran back to the house and into the kitchen. Chara said, "Mum said give him as much as we can... a lot." They grabbed fruit, bread, canned meat and milk and even a couple of other things and placed them in bags to take out to them.
You may be thinking, what's the big deal? That is a small amount of food and you would be right. It's not very much... to think of how much I sometimes eat in America sickens me at the moment because I am never that hungry, I just eat to eat and that is actually an embarrassing thought for me now. And you would also be right in saying that it's not a big deal that they gave the man food... people do that kind of stuff all the time all over the planet. What really stuck out to me though was the attitude in which it was done... it was urgent, required, and needed. It was also normal. The kids here have been taught that it is what you do as a part of this household. I'm blessed to be able to be here.
So I challenge you to not just think about what you do but more of the attitude in which you do it. That means way more than what you did. It's like the saying that I tell my 8th graders all the time, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." I would say to you if you can't do something with the right heart attitude and motivation, then just don't do it. Harsh maybe yes, but truth is better and good :)
May your attitude and heart reflect that of Christ Jesus and may that change your actions into nothing less than glorifying your Father in Heaven.
I'm praying that I'm living there... Melis
Today, I was personally challenged and didn't even mention it to them but I will share it with you. If you read my last blog post, you know that Coen and Suria are so incredibly generous and giving. After having the other American girl stay here, they told story upon story of times they had opened up their homes to people and also about people who would look for their house because they knew that they would find refuge nowhere else. This morning, the girls and I were in the middle of a break from school when one of them had ran outside. She ran back in and told me that there was a man who was asking for food at the gate. Her mom was in a meeting and her dad was on the phone but it became a very urgent issue. She and one of the other sisters ran outside to ask Suria what they should do. By this time, the man was literally digging through their garbage in the front that had not been picked up yet. I watched as Chara and Toto (Rachel) ran out to ask Suria what should be done. It became more urgent as the girls received an answer and ran back to the house and into the kitchen. Chara said, "Mum said give him as much as we can... a lot." They grabbed fruit, bread, canned meat and milk and even a couple of other things and placed them in bags to take out to them.
You may be thinking, what's the big deal? That is a small amount of food and you would be right. It's not very much... to think of how much I sometimes eat in America sickens me at the moment because I am never that hungry, I just eat to eat and that is actually an embarrassing thought for me now. And you would also be right in saying that it's not a big deal that they gave the man food... people do that kind of stuff all the time all over the planet. What really stuck out to me though was the attitude in which it was done... it was urgent, required, and needed. It was also normal. The kids here have been taught that it is what you do as a part of this household. I'm blessed to be able to be here.
So I challenge you to not just think about what you do but more of the attitude in which you do it. That means way more than what you did. It's like the saying that I tell my 8th graders all the time, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." I would say to you if you can't do something with the right heart attitude and motivation, then just don't do it. Harsh maybe yes, but truth is better and good :)
May your attitude and heart reflect that of Christ Jesus and may that change your actions into nothing less than glorifying your Father in Heaven.
I'm praying that I'm living there... Melis
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Beginnings of an African Adventure
Hope all is well wherever this may find you! It is safe to say that I made it to the continent of Africa in one piece, very exhausted yes, but well. There are so many stories already that I could tell about God's sweet, loving faithfulness to me but I will tell you just a few. It is a crazy thing to be honest enough to say that I have had some really rough patches and moments in life and God sincerely brings me through each and everyone with enough courage to help someone on the other side.
While flying from Vegas to D.C., I found myself begging God to show me evidence even then that He wanted me in Africa. I already had my yes on the table and I was completely willing but still somewhat fearful that I could somehow miss something else that He actually wanted for me. However, He always sees fit to take care of me in every small detail. I prayed and prayed that there would just be mission teams on the plane on the way to Ethiopia from D.C. I didn't even ask for a conversation, I just asked for there to be proof that God is alive and at work all over the world. When I arrived in D.C., I didn't have a boarding pass to get to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and so I went to the desk to ask and as I walked away, I saw an entire group of women wearing shirts with the continent of Africa (anyone who has ever been on a church trip knows that at some point, there will always be matching outfits or t-shirts and so this was a clear sign ;) ). I walked over and just asked where they were from and what they were doing-- missions, yep, thank you Jesus for your evidence. I almost started crying when I saw them and realized how good God is to me in every single thing I ask. After I got myself settled there, I was charging my phone when another lady, Vicki, who was part of another team going to Uganda came over. She was a sweet mom, with a 16 year old daughter also going on the trip. We talked about different places we had traveled, differences between places and how God really is at work all over the world. I met her daughter, Lizzie, after that for just a moment and then they sat with their team. Later on, Lizzie came back over and we talked about her going to college after she finishes her last year of high school and what missions could look like for her. I was thrilled to share my heart for Africa and people to love Jesus with Lizzie and was so compelled by her passion to see change in the world.
Anyways, I know I am sharing so much detail but feel that I must especially because I am able to easily communicate now.... I board the plane to Ethiopia and we leave DC about 45 minutes to an hour late. There was very little time between when I landed in Addis and when I left for Johannesburg but I felt sure I would make the flight. The closer that we got to Ethiopia, the more I realized that I was probably going to miss my flight and I was already thinking of a million worst case scenarios about what could happen because of it. Little did I know that by the time I had left the plane, a worker from Ethiopian Airlines was waiting for me because they had already booked me onto Johannesburg (going through Nairobi, Kenya mind you--the homeland because this is my name and all-- haha). However, there was another girl, Leah, who was going to miss her flight to Jo'burg which would also set her back from getting to Botswana to see her brother and sister-in-law. I am standing there witnessing this sweet American girl be told that she can stay in Addis overnight and they will cover her hotel expenses and everything and tears from her eyes... I flashed back to 2 years ago that this same thing happened to me in the UAE and I was stuck there for 24 hours waiting for a flight out (another story for another time if you do not already know this). God spoke so clearly and said tell her to go to Jo'burg with you and she can stay there for the night and fly out of Jo'burg tomorrow to be with her brother. I said those words out loud and it was a clear calm. This was a much better solution than going into a city unprepared alone. I called Suria to confirm that she did not mind and she, of course, was fine with it. They picked us up from the airport that night and Coen was able to take Leah to the airport on Friday for her to go on to Gaborone. In that time, we were all able to share just through the overflow of our lives what God has been doing and what has caused us to walk away, as well as walk toward Jesus. It was interesting to spend time with her in the airport, on the plane, and back at Coen and Suria's house for her to just sit back and relax and us to just chat. I think it was beneficial for all of us. Who knew that I would have to take a 35 hour trip to get to Africa for that?? Yet, so worth it... and some good moments at the beginning of my trip.
I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible but I do want to share just another moment I had with Jesus on the way over. A lot of you reading this know that I have an incredible passion for genocide and the causes of it, as well as the effects (I continue to wonder how this will play out for me) and so flying over the Sudan is like a hidden treasure for me. We had approached Europe and the Mediterranean at night and began toward the continent of Africa as the sun was rising. I don't know if you have ever seen the deserts of Egypt and Sudan as the sun is rising but it is truly incredible.... so much so that I'm sure that my mouth was wide open the entire time as I stared across the vastness of it all. As I watched the colors change, I was reminded of a clip of Beth Moore that I have recently been listening to. She describes the sun setting over her subdivision on the way home from a conference and how much love she had for Jesus in those moments. In her message, she shares that she just begs of God, "Why do you love me so much? Why?" In her moments of realization, she understood that God is and was love, that He is the creator of love but that more than anything, He is the epitome and description of all that love could every imply. As she watched the sunset over her subdivision, she felt that God was just teaching her to just love Him too... He already loved her, she needed to love Him too. In the moments I watched the sun rise over the desert of Africa, there was so much love that God poured into me and all I felt my response could be was, "I love you too." What a faithful Jesus I serve.
I am praying that your heart may be overwhelmed with God's love for you in every small and slight detail, and in every big picture. May you see Him, hear His voice, and follow Him every step of the way. Thank you so much for your prayers for me. I am looking forward to sharing Africa with you soon. Love you all.
-Melis
While flying from Vegas to D.C., I found myself begging God to show me evidence even then that He wanted me in Africa. I already had my yes on the table and I was completely willing but still somewhat fearful that I could somehow miss something else that He actually wanted for me. However, He always sees fit to take care of me in every small detail. I prayed and prayed that there would just be mission teams on the plane on the way to Ethiopia from D.C. I didn't even ask for a conversation, I just asked for there to be proof that God is alive and at work all over the world. When I arrived in D.C., I didn't have a boarding pass to get to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and so I went to the desk to ask and as I walked away, I saw an entire group of women wearing shirts with the continent of Africa (anyone who has ever been on a church trip knows that at some point, there will always be matching outfits or t-shirts and so this was a clear sign ;) ). I walked over and just asked where they were from and what they were doing-- missions, yep, thank you Jesus for your evidence. I almost started crying when I saw them and realized how good God is to me in every single thing I ask. After I got myself settled there, I was charging my phone when another lady, Vicki, who was part of another team going to Uganda came over. She was a sweet mom, with a 16 year old daughter also going on the trip. We talked about different places we had traveled, differences between places and how God really is at work all over the world. I met her daughter, Lizzie, after that for just a moment and then they sat with their team. Later on, Lizzie came back over and we talked about her going to college after she finishes her last year of high school and what missions could look like for her. I was thrilled to share my heart for Africa and people to love Jesus with Lizzie and was so compelled by her passion to see change in the world.
Anyways, I know I am sharing so much detail but feel that I must especially because I am able to easily communicate now.... I board the plane to Ethiopia and we leave DC about 45 minutes to an hour late. There was very little time between when I landed in Addis and when I left for Johannesburg but I felt sure I would make the flight. The closer that we got to Ethiopia, the more I realized that I was probably going to miss my flight and I was already thinking of a million worst case scenarios about what could happen because of it. Little did I know that by the time I had left the plane, a worker from Ethiopian Airlines was waiting for me because they had already booked me onto Johannesburg (going through Nairobi, Kenya mind you--the homeland because this is my name and all-- haha). However, there was another girl, Leah, who was going to miss her flight to Jo'burg which would also set her back from getting to Botswana to see her brother and sister-in-law. I am standing there witnessing this sweet American girl be told that she can stay in Addis overnight and they will cover her hotel expenses and everything and tears from her eyes... I flashed back to 2 years ago that this same thing happened to me in the UAE and I was stuck there for 24 hours waiting for a flight out (another story for another time if you do not already know this). God spoke so clearly and said tell her to go to Jo'burg with you and she can stay there for the night and fly out of Jo'burg tomorrow to be with her brother. I said those words out loud and it was a clear calm. This was a much better solution than going into a city unprepared alone. I called Suria to confirm that she did not mind and she, of course, was fine with it. They picked us up from the airport that night and Coen was able to take Leah to the airport on Friday for her to go on to Gaborone. In that time, we were all able to share just through the overflow of our lives what God has been doing and what has caused us to walk away, as well as walk toward Jesus. It was interesting to spend time with her in the airport, on the plane, and back at Coen and Suria's house for her to just sit back and relax and us to just chat. I think it was beneficial for all of us. Who knew that I would have to take a 35 hour trip to get to Africa for that?? Yet, so worth it... and some good moments at the beginning of my trip.
I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible but I do want to share just another moment I had with Jesus on the way over. A lot of you reading this know that I have an incredible passion for genocide and the causes of it, as well as the effects (I continue to wonder how this will play out for me) and so flying over the Sudan is like a hidden treasure for me. We had approached Europe and the Mediterranean at night and began toward the continent of Africa as the sun was rising. I don't know if you have ever seen the deserts of Egypt and Sudan as the sun is rising but it is truly incredible.... so much so that I'm sure that my mouth was wide open the entire time as I stared across the vastness of it all. As I watched the colors change, I was reminded of a clip of Beth Moore that I have recently been listening to. She describes the sun setting over her subdivision on the way home from a conference and how much love she had for Jesus in those moments. In her message, she shares that she just begs of God, "Why do you love me so much? Why?" In her moments of realization, she understood that God is and was love, that He is the creator of love but that more than anything, He is the epitome and description of all that love could every imply. As she watched the sunset over her subdivision, she felt that God was just teaching her to just love Him too... He already loved her, she needed to love Him too. In the moments I watched the sun rise over the desert of Africa, there was so much love that God poured into me and all I felt my response could be was, "I love you too." What a faithful Jesus I serve.
I am praying that your heart may be overwhelmed with God's love for you in every small and slight detail, and in every big picture. May you see Him, hear His voice, and follow Him every step of the way. Thank you so much for your prayers for me. I am looking forward to sharing Africa with you soon. Love you all.
-Melis
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
"Eat. Pray. Love." Addiction
I was just standing in my bathroom thinking to myself (and actually not aloud which will surprise you if you know me at all) about Liz. Before you call me crazy because I think about characters (who happen to be real this time around) from the book I’m reading in my spare time, consider what I’m saying here. I was pondering (because that sounds like it has more depth than just thinking which could be a good change for me) a comment that Elizabeth Gilbert makes about David in her book. David is the guy that she falls unabashedly into the arms of right after she declares that she wants/needs a divorce from her husband. There is nothing about this story that I can truly identify with. I have not gone through a divorce. For Heaven’s sake, I have not even been married…. And that would lead me to saying that I also have not fallen crazy in love with someone in the process of getting divorced because neither a marriage nor a divorce has taken place in my life. In her writing and talk of David, she boldly makes this statement, “The fact is, I had become addicted to David… and now that his attention was wavering, I was suffering the easily foreseeable consequences. Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story.” (p. 20) Addicted to a guy? Is that possible? How shallow do you have to be to be addicted to a guy? Do you have to be shallow at all? Is it actually something that happens to everyone at some point? More importantly, because this blog is about me (and I am currently feeling a little shallow and possibly a little arrogant)… have I been addicted to a guy? (and because I am quite dramatic, it would be more like “HAVE I (me, myself, I) EVER, EVER, ever in my entire life possibly EVER been addicted to a guy?!!??)
What if I just ended the blog there? I laugh as I type that because I would actually tell a person who would make a choice similar that I may end up punching them. (On that note, I have to say that Michelle from last season of the ABC show “The Bachelor,” featuring Brad Womack as the bachelor, actually was hilarious for me because she commonly made statements like this.) I think the answer is I am addictive. I have more than likely been addicted to a guy in my life, more than likely more than one. I actually have quite an addictive personality. I will insert a list here of things that I am currently addicted to:
Love of people, things, Jesus
Pei Wei Honey Seared Chicken and Crab Wontons
Panera Caesar salads
Chai Tea (not homemade though, I cannot figure out this homemade crap)
Books (mostly memoirs)
Movies about social justice
The Bachelor/Bachelorette
Romantic comedies
Baked White Cheddar Cheetos
Dr. Pepper
Twitter
Staring at people and making up stories about their lives especially if I don’t know anything about them
Talking to myself
Frozen Yogurt: preferably cheesecake flavor with Reese’s topping
That’s just to name a few. If you were honest (because clearly that’s one of the things I do best), you would probably be able to list as many, if not more, things that you are addicted to. I don’t think an addiction is always something that you just can’t live without. We think of an addiction in relation to an alcoholic or a drug-addict. That’s not always the case. Our addictions are almost like secret love affairs that break the very heart of God when our addiction is not Him and Him alone. My addictions are mostly shallow. They will never change the world or my world and therefore, I should not spend a lot of time feeding these addictions, yet I do on a daily basis. Liz spent so much time with David that she had become infatuated and addicted, and ultimately (whether you believe it or not) fell in love with him. Now is it wrong to fall in love with someone? Oh, I think definitely not and I’m hoping that I get the opportunity to take that risk at some point in my life. Until then, I must focus my sole attention and heartbeat on Jesus alone. The words of “How He Loves Us” come to mind when it says, “He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree.” The God of the universe has sent His only Son to be a sacrifice to prove His love for us. He asked that we become addicted, consumed, and more than infatuated with Him. He desires our very being and life, more than we could ever offer or possibly give. He asks for it all, and to truly give up everything for something, I think that could be considered an addiction.
May you become completely addicted and fall completely head over heels in love with God, who loves you more than you could ever fathom or imagine and more than we could ever dream.
Letting go of my shallowness for His glory-Melis
P.S.—I think I’m becoming addicted to blogging lately too ;)
What if I just ended the blog there? I laugh as I type that because I would actually tell a person who would make a choice similar that I may end up punching them. (On that note, I have to say that Michelle from last season of the ABC show “The Bachelor,” featuring Brad Womack as the bachelor, actually was hilarious for me because she commonly made statements like this.) I think the answer is I am addictive. I have more than likely been addicted to a guy in my life, more than likely more than one. I actually have quite an addictive personality. I will insert a list here of things that I am currently addicted to:
Love of people, things, Jesus
Pei Wei Honey Seared Chicken and Crab Wontons
Panera Caesar salads
Chai Tea (not homemade though, I cannot figure out this homemade crap)
Books (mostly memoirs)
Movies about social justice
The Bachelor/Bachelorette
Romantic comedies
Baked White Cheddar Cheetos
Dr. Pepper
Staring at people and making up stories about their lives especially if I don’t know anything about them
Talking to myself
Frozen Yogurt: preferably cheesecake flavor with Reese’s topping
That’s just to name a few. If you were honest (because clearly that’s one of the things I do best), you would probably be able to list as many, if not more, things that you are addicted to. I don’t think an addiction is always something that you just can’t live without. We think of an addiction in relation to an alcoholic or a drug-addict. That’s not always the case. Our addictions are almost like secret love affairs that break the very heart of God when our addiction is not Him and Him alone. My addictions are mostly shallow. They will never change the world or my world and therefore, I should not spend a lot of time feeding these addictions, yet I do on a daily basis. Liz spent so much time with David that she had become infatuated and addicted, and ultimately (whether you believe it or not) fell in love with him. Now is it wrong to fall in love with someone? Oh, I think definitely not and I’m hoping that I get the opportunity to take that risk at some point in my life. Until then, I must focus my sole attention and heartbeat on Jesus alone. The words of “How He Loves Us” come to mind when it says, “He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree.” The God of the universe has sent His only Son to be a sacrifice to prove His love for us. He asked that we become addicted, consumed, and more than infatuated with Him. He desires our very being and life, more than we could ever offer or possibly give. He asks for it all, and to truly give up everything for something, I think that could be considered an addiction.
May you become completely addicted and fall completely head over heels in love with God, who loves you more than you could ever fathom or imagine and more than we could ever dream.
Letting go of my shallowness for His glory-Melis
P.S.—I think I’m becoming addicted to blogging lately too ;)
"Eat. Pray. Love." Chaos & Empathy
I would like to be the first to admit that I am crazy obsessed with the movie, “Eat.Pray.Love.” The other day I was watching it (go figure), and a friend asked what I was doing. I told him and he made a comment that led me to believe he didn’t really care for it. He didn’t and that’s fine. I’m not so obsessed that I’m offended when people don’t like the same things I do. He asked me why I liked it and I told him that it’s because I can see so much of myself in her. Can you? Maybe I’m too empathetic. Actually, I am. I can watch almost any movie and read almost any book and find so much of myself in a few of the characters in it. I’ve realized over the last couple of years that not everyone does that and again, that’s fine. We do not all live in the same bubble where we see things the same… thank God, right? I can see myself as Liz (and maybe this is directly related to my obsession with “Pride & Prejudice” and the main character, Lizzie-just putting that out there). Aren’t we all on a search for something? Don’t we all want something more? We all want to understand the “art of doing nothing” because as Americans we are not good at this and we can be okay with recognizing that. Sorry, off subject… back to the point of this blog. I’m doing things a little backwards (clearly) so after watching the movie several times and staring at the sequel to the book in Target, I decided that I should read the book and make sure that the movie is correct (since Hollywood asks my opinions on these things-bahaha) so that I can read the sequel.
Needless to say, I bought the book today and started reading. The movie is not all right (shocking, I know) and that is always a little disappointing for me, almost like I thought they would be exactly the same. The book is detailed and specific and gives me visuals and yet, I can still appreciate that I can hear Julia Roberts in my head reading the book to me (if that weirds you out, don’t read the book… Elizabeth Gilbert talks to herself A LOT, just one of the many reasons why I am quickly becoming a fan). The movie is in a little bit of a different order because of the way the book is written (which is really interesting) and I like her preface to the book. She makes some bold statements about the discoveries in her life and I appreciate that she is that honest. Not many people are willing to be honest anymore because no one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings and I am of the belief that people are literally dying for us to be honest and use our voice to speak so yes, I like her honesty and the authenticity in which she writes the book. The book is divided into three sections, obviously based on the three places that she traveled to: Italy, India, and Indonesia. Mind you… I have only read through half of the Italy section and it has given me so much to think about that I needed to write to get it out because living by yourself doesn’t exactly allow for much reflection with others (if you get my drift).
In the movie and the book, she visits the “Augusteum” and tells the story of the Augusteum. It was built originally to house the remains of Augustus and his family from the Roman Empire but we know that didn’t last forever, so the remains were stolen… the city of Rome built up around it and it was used for a few different things after that (a Jewish hideaway, a public bathroom, a bullring, a concert hall, etc.). Elizabeth Gilbert makes this statement, “I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated.” (p. 75 just so that I’m not stealing what she wrote, I’m merely quoting her) What a statement! Hit me between the eyes somebody! I look at my life so often and my search for satisfaction and contentment and pleasure and find that life is just chaotic sometimes. I (as a Believer) find myself sometimes looking and asking God how in the world He could allow chaos to take place and I’m sure that He often looks at my life and says, “Hey Melissa! It’s the world in which you live that is chaotic! In Me, you find peace, satisfaction, contentment and fulfillment beyond belief!” The question is, what do I choose? As I’m overanalyzing, overthinking, and being dramatic (the usual), I realize that I must realize that the world is chaotic, it’s not always flattering and it doesn’t always feel good. However, I love the Maker of chaos, but the Maker of healing; the Author of contentment and peace, the Calmer of every storm and the Mender of every heartbreak. May your search end there. May you find a love like no other. May you love the God that created, blesses, takes away, and gives. He is willing, even in the chaos.
I’m willing to live there! Melis
“Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.” –Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat.Pray.Love.
Needless to say, I bought the book today and started reading. The movie is not all right (shocking, I know) and that is always a little disappointing for me, almost like I thought they would be exactly the same. The book is detailed and specific and gives me visuals and yet, I can still appreciate that I can hear Julia Roberts in my head reading the book to me (if that weirds you out, don’t read the book… Elizabeth Gilbert talks to herself A LOT, just one of the many reasons why I am quickly becoming a fan). The movie is in a little bit of a different order because of the way the book is written (which is really interesting) and I like her preface to the book. She makes some bold statements about the discoveries in her life and I appreciate that she is that honest. Not many people are willing to be honest anymore because no one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings and I am of the belief that people are literally dying for us to be honest and use our voice to speak so yes, I like her honesty and the authenticity in which she writes the book. The book is divided into three sections, obviously based on the three places that she traveled to: Italy, India, and Indonesia. Mind you… I have only read through half of the Italy section and it has given me so much to think about that I needed to write to get it out because living by yourself doesn’t exactly allow for much reflection with others (if you get my drift).
In the movie and the book, she visits the “Augusteum” and tells the story of the Augusteum. It was built originally to house the remains of Augustus and his family from the Roman Empire but we know that didn’t last forever, so the remains were stolen… the city of Rome built up around it and it was used for a few different things after that (a Jewish hideaway, a public bathroom, a bullring, a concert hall, etc.). Elizabeth Gilbert makes this statement, “I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated.” (p. 75 just so that I’m not stealing what she wrote, I’m merely quoting her) What a statement! Hit me between the eyes somebody! I look at my life so often and my search for satisfaction and contentment and pleasure and find that life is just chaotic sometimes. I (as a Believer) find myself sometimes looking and asking God how in the world He could allow chaos to take place and I’m sure that He often looks at my life and says, “Hey Melissa! It’s the world in which you live that is chaotic! In Me, you find peace, satisfaction, contentment and fulfillment beyond belief!” The question is, what do I choose? As I’m overanalyzing, overthinking, and being dramatic (the usual), I realize that I must realize that the world is chaotic, it’s not always flattering and it doesn’t always feel good. However, I love the Maker of chaos, but the Maker of healing; the Author of contentment and peace, the Calmer of every storm and the Mender of every heartbreak. May your search end there. May you find a love like no other. May you love the God that created, blesses, takes away, and gives. He is willing, even in the chaos.
I’m willing to live there! Melis
“Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.” –Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat.Pray.Love.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
What I Want
(I will preface this blog by apologizing because I am so brutally honest that I cannot help but inserting my own personal life here, I mean isn't that what a blog is for? And if you're a part of my life, you're taking a chance, just saying :) )
I was talking to my mom earlier today about this very subject. It has become a laughing matter for me that people think that I'm more intelligent, wiser, smarter, or even "brilliant"... that I should write a book, make a movie, or be an actress (okay, that was a little dramatic). I am not really any different than you. I grew up in a bedroom that I shared with my sister, my whole family shared a bathroom, and I played in my backyard in the dirt. My dad worked construction and my mom worked in some type of accounting for most of my life. We weren't rich. I didn't have more clothes or shoes or books than any other kid that I went to school with. I went to the same classes, I had the same teachers, there was nothing in my life that really "set me up" for what people now think is brilliant. I could sit with you at Panera right now and we could compare life stories and honestly, yours are probably more outrageous than mine... you were smarter than I was, you made better grades, had more friends and wore nicer clothes. Maybe that's where we became different though, a lot of those things never really mattered to me at all. I do have to be honest and say that I'm now overly sensitive to kids who are made fun of because I was in middle school, I just didn't know any different and I apparently was unaware of things that all of these other girls knew.
But maybe... just maybe... that's what set me apart. I was innocent, naive even (still am--thank God). I didn't know any different. I didn't WANT to know any different. I didn't want to feel stupid and I didn't want to experience all these things that girls experienced in middle school or high school. I liked being innocent. I also liked being in control. Therefore, I liked knowing what I wanted. It was in the moments that what I wanted was questioned that I felt stupid or unintelligent and being naive became a problem. I was given an incredible gift of empathy, which sometimes fleshes itself out as sarcasm and sometimes compassion (I know that doesn't even seem possible). I can see what you're going through and realize what it must feel like, I can put myself in your shoes. I know what I would want you to say to me and do for me and where I would want you to be, I can do those things, I can feel those things, I can hear those things. Maybe it's some sort of crazy (fabulous) gift that God decided to give me. So maybe I'm considered smart or wiser or something along those lines because I know what I want.
Here's a hint on living your life... stop settling. What do you want? What fills in your blanks? What makes you excited? Where are you passionate? Why are you not living there? My life is better knowing that I know what God wants for me... to glorify Him... He gave me passions to love kids, love Africa, and love people... by being honest, by being real, by being authentic. It doesn't mean I have to be completely vulnerable with every single person in my life but it does mean that I can be me. What do you want? You want to know what I want?
...to love God with wreckless abandon, to pursue Jesus passionately and to love Him with all of me, to be satisfied in what He gives me, to understand the situations that my students are in and meet them where they are, to open my arms and heart and life to the prodigal child, to stop being the prodigal child, to love my family and share with them what is going on in my life, to have friends who are always friends-- who I can pick up and call at anytime and they do the same, to feel like I matter, to make a difference, to change my world, to change someone else's world... or actually a lot of others worlds, to run an orphanage, to be a foster parent, to love the man that God gives me, to be pursued by the man God gives me, to be honest enough to say that I'm not okay, to see Kevin, Steven, Jocelyne, Maythe, Valerie, David, Keisha, and so many more of my kids graduate high school, to take a group of students to Africa, to work for IJM, to be comfortable in my own skin...
I could go on and on all day. At least you have an idea of where I'm coming from, now think... for you... what is it that you want? What do you see or feel that you know you don't want? And more importantly, it's not what we want or don't want... it's what we do about it. What is your next step? I say.. go for it, jump, and land in the place where you are in love with Jesus as He whispers His desires for you into who you are.
I'm living there... Melis
I was talking to my mom earlier today about this very subject. It has become a laughing matter for me that people think that I'm more intelligent, wiser, smarter, or even "brilliant"... that I should write a book, make a movie, or be an actress (okay, that was a little dramatic). I am not really any different than you. I grew up in a bedroom that I shared with my sister, my whole family shared a bathroom, and I played in my backyard in the dirt. My dad worked construction and my mom worked in some type of accounting for most of my life. We weren't rich. I didn't have more clothes or shoes or books than any other kid that I went to school with. I went to the same classes, I had the same teachers, there was nothing in my life that really "set me up" for what people now think is brilliant. I could sit with you at Panera right now and we could compare life stories and honestly, yours are probably more outrageous than mine... you were smarter than I was, you made better grades, had more friends and wore nicer clothes. Maybe that's where we became different though, a lot of those things never really mattered to me at all. I do have to be honest and say that I'm now overly sensitive to kids who are made fun of because I was in middle school, I just didn't know any different and I apparently was unaware of things that all of these other girls knew.
But maybe... just maybe... that's what set me apart. I was innocent, naive even (still am--thank God). I didn't know any different. I didn't WANT to know any different. I didn't want to feel stupid and I didn't want to experience all these things that girls experienced in middle school or high school. I liked being innocent. I also liked being in control. Therefore, I liked knowing what I wanted. It was in the moments that what I wanted was questioned that I felt stupid or unintelligent and being naive became a problem. I was given an incredible gift of empathy, which sometimes fleshes itself out as sarcasm and sometimes compassion (I know that doesn't even seem possible). I can see what you're going through and realize what it must feel like, I can put myself in your shoes. I know what I would want you to say to me and do for me and where I would want you to be, I can do those things, I can feel those things, I can hear those things. Maybe it's some sort of crazy (fabulous) gift that God decided to give me. So maybe I'm considered smart or wiser or something along those lines because I know what I want.
Here's a hint on living your life... stop settling. What do you want? What fills in your blanks? What makes you excited? Where are you passionate? Why are you not living there? My life is better knowing that I know what God wants for me... to glorify Him... He gave me passions to love kids, love Africa, and love people... by being honest, by being real, by being authentic. It doesn't mean I have to be completely vulnerable with every single person in my life but it does mean that I can be me. What do you want? You want to know what I want?
...to love God with wreckless abandon, to pursue Jesus passionately and to love Him with all of me, to be satisfied in what He gives me, to understand the situations that my students are in and meet them where they are, to open my arms and heart and life to the prodigal child, to stop being the prodigal child, to love my family and share with them what is going on in my life, to have friends who are always friends-- who I can pick up and call at anytime and they do the same, to feel like I matter, to make a difference, to change my world, to change someone else's world... or actually a lot of others worlds, to run an orphanage, to be a foster parent, to love the man that God gives me, to be pursued by the man God gives me, to be honest enough to say that I'm not okay, to see Kevin, Steven, Jocelyne, Maythe, Valerie, David, Keisha, and so many more of my kids graduate high school, to take a group of students to Africa, to work for IJM, to be comfortable in my own skin...
I could go on and on all day. At least you have an idea of where I'm coming from, now think... for you... what is it that you want? What do you see or feel that you know you don't want? And more importantly, it's not what we want or don't want... it's what we do about it. What is your next step? I say.. go for it, jump, and land in the place where you are in love with Jesus as He whispers His desires for you into who you are.
I'm living there... Melis
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Disheartening World
3 years ago… I wrote the following poem.
1.12.08
I’m falling, hurting, aching.
You’re flying, soaring, breaking
Down barriers in my heart.
You are tearing me apart
And it hurts.
Building ruins and restoring
Devastation—that’s what
Your love is about.
Tearing down to rebuild better,
Breaking places to make
Me stronger.
Breaking my heart and
Piecing together the aches
And the pains of yesterday.
How have I allowed myself
To stay this way?
In all my stubbornness,
Pain and pride—I reach
Only toward the outside.
Not toward you—where I
Find relief.
A refuge, a home, comfort, peace.
Love me Jesus, love me deep.
Love me deeper, love me please.
It’s crazy that my life runs in cycles. I’m sure yours does the same if you were being honest. A few minutes ago, I heard a 13ish year old girl tell her BFF who was standing beside her, “Life is just like that sometimes.” I’m sure she’ll walk out of Panera believing that completely and being okay with it, right? I doubt it… it’s actually one of those things that Keisha and I and so many others and myself talk about… it’s easier said than done. I have found that in the middle of immense blessing comes immense pain and I have also found the opposite. I have found that sometimes it feels like my life must be the picture of Hell on earth, only to find that Heaven is a little bit sweeter because it has been a little bit harder before that point. I find that the peace of God is sweeter when I have felt like a storm has been completely wrecking my life. Do you? I’m sure that you, just like me, just like the 13ish year old girl… we find that life is “just that way sometimes…” and yet we grumble and complain and absolutely know it will get better. It’s just harder getting to that point.
This week has been crazy. Monday, my school campus was saturated with Jesus. Twenty college students from a university in Michigan who are all believers walked into classrooms, worked with students, talked with teachers, and were Jesus. What an incredible beginning. Tuesday, around 20 students whom I love dearly chose some very poor decisions and therefore, faced some really hard consequences, totally deserving, yes and some even received the grace that I prayed for specifically—behavior school and not complete expulsion. What kind of disheartening world do I live in? Students who I have spent time with, loved on, invested in… threw away everything they had going for them to make a mistake that they thought would only last an hour, not an entire semester. I go back to the poem I wrote above, feeling the same way that when God so often devastates the people I love around me, I am devastated too. It’s been a hard week and it’s been an interesting weekend. To top off the week, the rest of my students who I love and trust as well… one took something very costly from my room. What a great way to end the week, right? In the midst of all of this, God is really showing me my own heart and that just sucks sometimes. My heart that is selfish and thinks I know what’s best for every kid in my classroom, a heart that chooses sometimes what is so evil and wicked because my mind chooses to be in a bad mood…. What am I doing? It’s almost like my deceptive heart is challenging God. Totally uncalled for I know and totally where I’m at.
And so I ask myself the question, “What is my place in this disheartening world?” Well, God decided that I should find out that answer this morning at about 4 AM. And he didn’t let me go to sleep until He knew I understood it. My place is what is described in Proverbs 31:8-9 (here I am thinking it’s Isaiah), “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; defend the rights of all those who have nothing. Speak up and judge fairly, and defend the rights of the poor and needy.” (This is beside the fact that I was dreaming literally names of countries in the Middle East and I woke up with a huge urgency to pray for them.) My place with my students, even when I am hurting and do not understand, is to speak up for them. They are broken and needy in so many ways, and although they have done things repeatedly that have hurt me, I have done so much more to break the heart of the Jesus that I absolutely love. So yes, this world is disheartening, but for some reason knowing that I have a place that God has completely called me to in this world… makes it a little bit easier. May you find His peace and understanding and incredible love to be more than enough for you in a world that is completely broken. He is it.
-Melis
1.12.08
I’m falling, hurting, aching.
You’re flying, soaring, breaking
Down barriers in my heart.
You are tearing me apart
And it hurts.
Building ruins and restoring
Devastation—that’s what
Your love is about.
Tearing down to rebuild better,
Breaking places to make
Me stronger.
Breaking my heart and
Piecing together the aches
And the pains of yesterday.
How have I allowed myself
To stay this way?
In all my stubbornness,
Pain and pride—I reach
Only toward the outside.
Not toward you—where I
Find relief.
A refuge, a home, comfort, peace.
Love me Jesus, love me deep.
Love me deeper, love me please.
It’s crazy that my life runs in cycles. I’m sure yours does the same if you were being honest. A few minutes ago, I heard a 13ish year old girl tell her BFF who was standing beside her, “Life is just like that sometimes.” I’m sure she’ll walk out of Panera believing that completely and being okay with it, right? I doubt it… it’s actually one of those things that Keisha and I and so many others and myself talk about… it’s easier said than done. I have found that in the middle of immense blessing comes immense pain and I have also found the opposite. I have found that sometimes it feels like my life must be the picture of Hell on earth, only to find that Heaven is a little bit sweeter because it has been a little bit harder before that point. I find that the peace of God is sweeter when I have felt like a storm has been completely wrecking my life. Do you? I’m sure that you, just like me, just like the 13ish year old girl… we find that life is “just that way sometimes…” and yet we grumble and complain and absolutely know it will get better. It’s just harder getting to that point.
This week has been crazy. Monday, my school campus was saturated with Jesus. Twenty college students from a university in Michigan who are all believers walked into classrooms, worked with students, talked with teachers, and were Jesus. What an incredible beginning. Tuesday, around 20 students whom I love dearly chose some very poor decisions and therefore, faced some really hard consequences, totally deserving, yes and some even received the grace that I prayed for specifically—behavior school and not complete expulsion. What kind of disheartening world do I live in? Students who I have spent time with, loved on, invested in… threw away everything they had going for them to make a mistake that they thought would only last an hour, not an entire semester. I go back to the poem I wrote above, feeling the same way that when God so often devastates the people I love around me, I am devastated too. It’s been a hard week and it’s been an interesting weekend. To top off the week, the rest of my students who I love and trust as well… one took something very costly from my room. What a great way to end the week, right? In the midst of all of this, God is really showing me my own heart and that just sucks sometimes. My heart that is selfish and thinks I know what’s best for every kid in my classroom, a heart that chooses sometimes what is so evil and wicked because my mind chooses to be in a bad mood…. What am I doing? It’s almost like my deceptive heart is challenging God. Totally uncalled for I know and totally where I’m at.
And so I ask myself the question, “What is my place in this disheartening world?” Well, God decided that I should find out that answer this morning at about 4 AM. And he didn’t let me go to sleep until He knew I understood it. My place is what is described in Proverbs 31:8-9 (here I am thinking it’s Isaiah), “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; defend the rights of all those who have nothing. Speak up and judge fairly, and defend the rights of the poor and needy.” (This is beside the fact that I was dreaming literally names of countries in the Middle East and I woke up with a huge urgency to pray for them.) My place with my students, even when I am hurting and do not understand, is to speak up for them. They are broken and needy in so many ways, and although they have done things repeatedly that have hurt me, I have done so much more to break the heart of the Jesus that I absolutely love. So yes, this world is disheartening, but for some reason knowing that I have a place that God has completely called me to in this world… makes it a little bit easier. May you find His peace and understanding and incredible love to be more than enough for you in a world that is completely broken. He is it.
-Melis
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