I've sat with my kids for the last couple of days in Leadership in one-on-ones. Those times are normally moments when they open up about what's going on. Guarantees?
-One that needs a kleenex for them.
-One that needs a kleenex for me.
-One that laughs at himself.
-One that I laugh a lot with.
-One that takes it very seriously.
-One that's super anxious.
-One that hasn't talked to adults in weeks.
-One that has not talked to anyone or trusted anyone ever.
Pause.
These conversations are so good for me. Every single one is a grace gift. A sweet, peace filled grace gift. It cannot be taken. Those moments can't be. Last year and the year before, I realized how much I was beginning to look in my own face and life except they were these other humans sitting before me talking and it was me who was listening.
Play.
Yesterday, I commented to one that she wasn't listening very well ( I was more polite I hope than reading this sentence). Today she told me she wasn't good at listening (and she knows it) and then we talked about overanalyzing and over thinking and staying inside of our own heads. Sometimes when we get in that mode, we forget how much people care and love us and take care of us. How much people want us to stay in their lives. I wanted to look at her and say, "There's hope! I am you! You are me!"
Depression comes and goes here in Melissa world. Sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. Always changing. During my second year of teaching, where it was unknowingly invading my life, I had this group of terribly wonderful kids who talked to me about Lil Wayne and shared their poems and lives with me. I slept a lot that year and lost a lot of weight that year but I think that their ridiculous ways made me stay there. It made me stay me. It allowed me to come back to the light and see what was actually going on. I could step outside and look in the mirror and see myself again at the end. They were continually helping me to stay. The next year was a repeat and then, they stayed. Many of those kids that made a great impact (from both years) have somehow stayed in touch with me. I LOVE that. I love getting to stay in people's lives.
Two years ago, when I took a new job, I was terrified. But there were these terribly wonderful kids again who won me over ALL the time. They were so ridiculous that somehow I had a decent self-esteem while teaching for one of the first times while they were simultaneously torturing and annoying me daily. I had some of the best conversations of my life that year. I learned the most about other people that year. I learned a lot about other people too- a lot of my kids and their pasts and it encouraged me to sit down at my desk and have them pull up a chair. I learned a lot about what makes a teacher at heart and what makes a teacher by position. I wanted the heart. I wanted the heart to stay. And those kids somehow invaded my heart and took over. And they stayed there.
One of them came to visit. One of them messaged me. One of them messaged last week to check on another one. My heart brings them to mind SO OFTEN. I stayed and they stayed in my heart.
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. So I'm asking you who want to leave to please stay.
You matter. I'll get the kleenex. Love you. -Melissa/Miss G
If you or someone you know needs help, please don't wait! There's a phone and online portion here... http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
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