I got the sweet privilege of going out to Boulder City this morning for church. I love the small town atmosphere, so quaint and personable. And honestly, because it's not the small town I'm from, it just feels different. I had originally gone out to meet a friend for lunch and to talk about our venture from a book we've both been reading, Seven by Jen Hatmaker. The idea and concept of Seven is to give up consumerism, to stop buying into the lie of the American dream of "stuff." I love the idea of this but don't necessarily love thinking about carrying it out. In the service, the first words of the first song were "We have all we need in You." I looked at Pam and said "Oh great." It literally could not have been more perfect. It's true. I have too much stuff and I don't need it. My apartment is a disaster as I write this but it's a disaster because God's wrecking the consumerism part of me. I decided to take up the venture of recycling. It's inconvenience in this city is just something beyond me and I find myself just giving it up. I have a bag of clothes and DVD's begging to at least be taken to my garage for Heaven's sake and another bag in the process of being cleaned up and tied up and taken out. Let me be clear: I HAVE TOO MUCH. So I'm processing what it looks like to clean it up and out.
With that being said, I do the same thing in my journey with Jesus. I have filled my Christian life up with so much stuff. Neal talked about it this morning... our need for works over just straight up loving Jesus. Why do I feel I need to perform to earn Jesus? Why do I need to have stuff to please people? These are the questions I'm battling people and they're a bit over my head at the moment.
It's in these moments that if I step back and let God speak to me, He breathes deep life in and I get to exhale every one of my anxieties and suppressed emotions. I just get to be me. And He just loves me. He loves me past my stuff and past my works. He doesn't need or want either of those things. He simply wants me. If I could breathe that more often than the American dream, I would be in a better place.
He is still restoring me. I keep thinking that maybe one day I'll have to change the title of my blog, but I'm not so sure because I keep finding that He restores my brokenness with His love and faithfulness to me. Another song from this morning...
"Lord, we stand amazed in your presence.
Astounded by Your mercy and love.
Our hands are lifted high in surrender.
Your grace for me is always enough.
There is no one higher than our God."
Thank you Jesus... you fill in the places of my unfulfilled dreams and desires with your mercy and love and you're recovering my addiction to stuff with your grace. I am grateful. -Melis
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