A continual undoing.

The last post I made was about this little girl in Mpulungu who's sweet life shattered my heart and then put it back together again. My stars... There is more if you can even believe it. Last Friday night, I sat through a short debrief with the team at the lake and those of us on short-term outreach. I shared the story of Little M and how watching her had broken my heart but also given me confidence in what God was doing. Lorrin (the teacher who had here and there helped Little M) asked if she could tell me something. Of course she could! Without me even knowing, one of the other teachers was helping that sweet little one and she started talking about how she was scared of the muzungu (aka me) who had continued coming close to her and touching her and helping her. She said I had helped her with her math and that she wasn't scared anymore of me because I let her count on my fingers when she was adding... And that meant that I loved her. My fingers holding up to count to 13 showed a little girl so fearful that she was loved. 

My deepest love and undoing almost always comes at my point of fear. When I've looked at God and said, "I've had enough of the injustice and the hurt and the aches and I'm tired and scared of what you would ask me to do next." He just holds out his fingers to let me count his faithfulness time and again to show me how much he loves me. My deepest fears are his places of peace and rest. I am increasingly thankful as I see this time and again. 

He loves me. He is my healer. My portion. My provider. My peace giver. Enough. Always enough. 

Please pray as I prepare this weekend to speak 4 times. Once at a small church in a small village outside of Kabwe, and three times in workshops to women who serve Jesus in Zambia, Africa, and the world. 

My Hands are tense and worried but He... He whom holds out his hands for me to count His fauthfulness. He doesn't run out of fingers and He doesn't ever run short on love. 

-Melis

The little ones in the picture are from the village that I will speak in on Sunday. They're so adorable I can hardly stand it.