Six years ago, I interviewed at Mack Middle School on a very hot, sunny day in Las Vegas. I actually got lost on the way to my interview, felt way overdressed, and brought my expansive teacher education notebook that Lee University PROMISED every person that interviewed me would want to look at. I think I was secretly mocked about this binder, as I should have been. What I learned in my basic 2 years of educational education was not ever going to be enough to actually help me survive my first year of teaching. In hindsight, I seemed a mess, although Mary, a US History teacher I worked with, always reminded me that if I wasn't crying every day on the way home, that I was golden. Thanks Mary :) There were some tears but not that many. I was too overwhelmed by gaining street cred, learning what a tagger was, and trying to spot gang signs to really do that much else. If those kids learned anything that year, it is considered a miracle and it was nice of Joe, my principal, to let me come back the following year. Steven was one of my students/projects that year and so was Kevin. Later on, I had both student's siblings and really enjoyed working with their families over that period of time. I'm sure that you've heard me talk about both or either of those boys before. Their stories literally changed my perception of teaching and made me realize why God had actually called me to Mack.
Over the last several months, many changes have occurred for me both personally and professionally. It has been overwhelmingly overwhelming and I have been pushed and pulled in so many directions. I have not wanted to wake up in the morning to go to school. I have not wanted to pursue my addiction of being a workaholic. I have dreaded talking to some of my kids in the hall. It just hasn't been true Ms. Gillespie fashion and I've really struggled with the insecurities that all of these situations has brought on. I've been heartbroken, devastated, and just plain out nervous the majority of the time. I was laughing in the hall a month ago at something another teacher said and one student informed he'd never heard me laugh before (I don't know that I believe him actually, even still). I was acting crazy at the 8th grade dance a few weeks ago and one student told me he'd never seen me be that fun or happy before. That's who I've been for the last 9 months and especially, the last 2. Not me at all. It's sad that's their perception of who I am because it's not and I don't want another class to ever think that of me. I have felt more than once over the last few months that I should begin to pack my things but I just said no to those urges and left my room a hot mess. And when, it was literally the last second, Jesus, who knows me best, gave me a new job.
A couple of weeks ago, I was given an incredible opportunity to begin teaching at a small high school in Las Vegas for next school year. It was a God-send opportunity and I said yes. I am over the top excited to start over and scared to death at the same time. I will be working for a previous administrator in a school for newcomers to the country. I will be teaching US History and Government and will be on a major learning curve for the next school year! (I only taught both of these in my student teaching, umm 6 years ago for no longer than 8 weeks!) I'm excited about working for a principal who lets me dream again and try new things without me walking away feeling like a crazy person. I'm excited about small classroom sizes and getting to know new kids, working with a new staff, and trying something different. I will get to do a few of the same things (my favorites) that I've done previously but will get to start over in many other areas.
At the beginning of May, I asked God to give me a new job. I was desperately serious. I had a few people who told me that God wanted me to look, a couple of people who gave me weird looks, and thankfully, some who believed that God would open the door He wanted to and He did that. I trust Him. More than ever, I trust Him. I am sad to leave my first teaching home and a place that will always hold big pieces of my heart but really excited for what God has for me. I am praying for new beginnings for so many sweet friends of mine and that God will continue to use me in a powerful way, just as He has at Mack for six sweet years. Thank you for those of you who have prayed and loved on me during this time, as well as those who God has used to provide an encouraging word... they have meant the world to me and I could not be more grateful. I still believe the classroom is one of the biggest mission fields on the planet and I'm ready for a new place to love.
Filled with gratitude that He always overcomes my unbelief- Melis
